MANCHESTER - England - The continued terrorist activity in Britain and the rest of the civilised world will never end unless there is a full ground war and onslaught on the regimes and factions that support terrorists like ISIS.
LONDON - England - With ridiculous promises and hilarious utopian projections coming from Jeremy Corbyn and his clueless MPs, it is almost cringe worthy to see the socialist lemmings all clapping in unison to a bunch of mumbo jumbo Labour manifesto dreams that can never take place in any reality.
MAJOR NEWS BREAKING
TOLD YOU SO
LOS ANGELES - CA - A new L'Oreo advert featuring BeyoncÃ© has caused outrage after it appeared to show the sexy African-American superstar looking white. The black singer looked far paler than normal in her latest ad campaign for beauty firm.
LONDON - England - Michael Gove and Boris Johnson have warned that the real risk in the referendum is voting to stay in the EU and have challenged the Prime Minister to debate a member of the Vote Leave team so the public can decide the facts for themselves.
WINDSOR - England - The British Royal family, who in the past were keen to be viewed as patrons of Britain's military forces, are now taking up carpentry instead.
WASHINGTON DC - USA - Long term oil futures have been rising steadily because of the Obama administration's plans to invade Iran.
LONDON - England - Black cabs are now an endangered species, as their profiteering monopoly is diminished by Uber.
BUENOS AIRES - Argentina - Cristina Fernández de Kirchner, Argentina's president, is so addicted to plastic surgery and botox treatments that the Falkland Islands are in danger of being made into an Argentinian plastic surgery centre.
NEWS ON THE HOUR
WASHINGTON DC - USA - The sixteenth president of the United States of America, Abraham Lincoln has been discovered to have had a black father according to historians and scientists working for the Institute of Historical Science which is linked to Harvard university.
WASHINGTON DC - USA - Scientists at the Institute of Historical Research have finally released their findings after five years of dedicated research.