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   March 10th, 2010  
Gordon Brown:
LONDON - England - Speaking from his bunker deep within the bowels of Number10 Downing Street, the unelected prime minister spoke of how he has personally overseen the...
 
 
David Cameron Not Good at Making Coffee Either
David Cameron Not Good at Making Coffee Either

LONDON - England - Conservative party leader and electoral candidate, David Cameron can't even make a cup of coffee, party members have disclosed.

Victoria Beckham's Bunion Sued by Californian Woman
Victoria Beckham's Bunion Sued by Californian Woman

LOS ANGELES - USA - Posh Spice seems to be in a spot of bother after being sued for $15 million because of an altercation between her bunions and a woman in a...

Bob Geldof to Organise Another Fund Raising Concert for...
Bob Geldof to Organise Another Fund Raising Concert for...

LONDON - England - Sir Bob Geldof is busy organising another major charity rock concert to stoke up his ego and help rebels in poor African countries buy more...



French Government Wants Women to Stop Smoking During Oral Sex French Government Wants Women to Stop Smoking During Oral Sex

PARIS - France - The French government has commissioned an advertising campaign to highlight the dangers of smoking whilst performing fellatio.

Secret Files Reveal Michael Jackson was Catholic Priest Secret Files Reveal Michael Jackson was Catholic Priest

SANTA BARBARA - USA - New files released to the public on Friday reveal that the pop star, Michael Jackson led a double life as an ordained Catholic priest and...

Killer Whale Kept as Pet Kills Owner Killer Whale Kept as Pet Kills Owner

FLORIDA- USA - The Killer Whale apparently jumped out of the water and grabbed the owner mauling them to death, reports say.

NHS Doctors to be Present During Full Body Airport Scans NHS Doctors to be Present During Full Body Airport Scans

LONDON - England - Full body scanners at airports to double as medical scans, an NHS spokesman said on Thursday.


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New Guidelines on How to...
New Guidelines on How to...

LONDON - England - The government is to produce some helpful leaflets for staff at Number10 giving tips on how to cope with bullying from Gordon...




UKIP Leader in Danger of...
UKIP Leader in Danger of...

BRUSSELS - Belgium - Britain's UK Independence Party MEP, Nigel Farage was...




More People Blown Up in...
More People Blown Up in...

HELMAND - Afghanistan - Reports are coming in that more people were blown up by...




Gordon Brown to Use Knife...
Gordon Brown to Use Knife...

LONDON - England - Bullying Labour election campaigners are said to be...




Mandelson: "Gordon...
Mandelson:

LONDON - England - Gordon Brown does not bully staff, Lord Mandelson has said...




 
 


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Labour: Voters Controlled by Hypnotism Will Stop Tory Win Labour: Voters Controlled by Hypnotism Will Stop Tory Win

LONDON - England - Labour plans to stop the Tories winning the general election by hypnotising the electorate and by applying Barack Obama's reliance on lies...

Gordon Brown: Gordon Brown: "Oh No! What Have I Done?"

LONDON - England - Gordon Brown, the unelected PM who has brought the country to its economic knees, is said to be thinking about retiring to his bunker...

Liam Gallagher to have Woman's Breast Surgically Sewn onto Head Liam Gallagher to have Woman's Breast Surgically Sewn onto Head

LONDON - England - Oasis frontman and Neanderthal extraordinaire, Liam Gallagher is set to have a woman's mammary gland surgically sewn onto his head, the...

Israeli Hitmen Told to Get Better Disguises Israeli Hitmen Told to Get Better Disguises

TEL AVIV - Israel - American intelligence services have ordered the Israeli Mossad agency to at least try to disguise their hitmen better, Washington's...




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£56 Million Lottery Winner Buys Greece
£56 Million Lottery Winner Buys Greece

ATHENS - Greece - After winning the huge Euromillions...

Sarah Palin Taking Intensive Geography...
Sarah Palin Taking Intensive Geography...

WASILLA - USA - The prospective Republican 2012 election...

BNP Members Avoiding Sunbeds
BNP Members Avoiding Sunbeds

LONDON - England - British National Party members avoid...


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Daily Squib Offers Solution to...

LONDON - England - As the decline of the family...

Bankers Furious After Bonuses...

PORT-AU-PRINCE - Haiti - Twelve Goldman Sachs...

Funky Obama Photos Could Not Boost...

BOSTON - USA - Despite Barack Obama touting...

British Airways Staff to be Handcuffed...

LONDON - England - In a bid to stop BA cabin crew...


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Tony Blair to be Paid to Talk About His...

TEXAS - USA - In a bid to get the former British...


First 3D Porn Movie Starring Roseanne...

ALABAMA - USA - Sophisticated polarised 3D...


Oil Futures to Surge as Obama's General...

WASHINGTON DC - USA - Long term oil futures have...


President Obama Sure Makes a Good Cup...

WASHINGTON DC - USA - President Barack Obama...


New Retirement Age to be Increased to...

LONDON - England - Workers would only be forced...










Snow Blizzards Hit Copenhagen Global Warming Summit Snow Blizzards Hit Copenhagen Global Warming Summit

COPENHAGEN - Denmark - The freezing weather and snow has brought the spectre of dangerous temperature rises to the Global Warming summit.

Urgent Order from Comrade Brown to Support Latest X Factor Act Urgent Order from Comrade Brown to Support Latest X Factor Act

GRIMLEY - England - Unelected leader of the British Soviet people, Comrade Brown today urged proles to buy more albums promoting another one of Commissar...

Freed Lockerbie Bomber on Luxury Caribbean Cruise Freed Lockerbie Bomber on Luxury Caribbean Cruise

BARBADOS - West Indies - Convicted Lockerbie bomber, Abdulbaset Ali al-Megrahi, who was freed from prison early after Gordon Brown's government made some...

Man Tweets During Heart Attack Man Tweets During Heart Attack

NEW YORK - USA - Ed Herlihy, a 58 year old Twitter addict and car salesman from Queens, was today recovering in a hospital after having a massive heart attack...


Al Gore to Make New Film: 'A Convenient Untruth' Al Gore to Make New Film: 'A Convenient Untruth'

COPENHAGEN - Denmark - Hot air peddler and liar extraordinaire, Al Gore, is set to make even more money than his first film, it was announced today.

Berlusconi to Star in New Rocky Movie Berlusconi to Star in New Rocky Movie

MILAN - Italy - Prime Minister, Silvio Berlusconi, is to star in a new Hollywood production of Rocky it was revealed after speaking to executive producer...

Tiger Woods to Take Break After 18 Hole Victory Tiger Woods to Take Break After 18 Hole Victory

FLORIDA - USA - Champion golfer, Tiger Woods, is to take a brief break from 'golfing' after another 18 hole victory that has gripped the world of sport.

Every Chinese Person to be Issued with Gas Guzzler Every Chinese Person to be Issued with Gas Guzzler

BEIJING - China - The communist regime in the People's Republic is speeding ahead with plans to supply every Chinese person with an SUV or similar vehicle.

  DAILY SQUIB NEWS

  Fair and Balanced News Updates
Geriatric Vampire Movie US Box Office Takings Record Geriatric Vampire Movie US Box Office Takings Record

LOS ANGELES - USA - Forget about the thousandth High School teen vampire flick. How about a movie that is enthralling vampire lovers all over the world?

Taliban Use Hamsters as Bombs Taliban Use Hamsters as Bombs

HELMAND - Afghanistan - Cruel Taliban fighters are using hamsters as deadly bombs to attack Brit troops.

Credit Crunch II Coming to a Cinema Near You Credit Crunch II Coming to a Cinema Near You

DUBAI - United Arab Emirates - It is set to be this year's major blockbuster and will hit our screens after Christmas -- Credit Crunch II, bigger and deeper...

Octomom to Create Tent City for Her Children Octomom to Create Tent City for Her Children

LOS ANGELES - USA - Octomom has told of her wishes to have even more kids and to start a refugee camp tent city in her back garden populated exclusively with...




Revealed: Why the Incas Built Runways for Alien Ships Revealed: Why the Incas Built Runways for Alien Ships

NAZKA - Peru - Archaeologists working on parts of a newly uncovered site have found astounding evidence regarding the building of ancient runways within the...

War Criminal On Lucrative Lecture Circuit War Criminal On Lucrative Lecture Circuit

LONDON - England - A British war criminal, who caused the deaths of millions of people in the Middle East, has been raking in huge amounts of money on the...

Celebrities Stop Farting to Curb Global Warming Celebrities Stop Farting to Curb Global Warming

GENEVA - Switzerland - The United Nations has welcomed bids from the world's top celebrities to stop passing wind thus ending the deadly march of 'climate...

Amy Winehouse to have Muzzle Surgically Fitted Amy Winehouse to have Muzzle Surgically Fitted

LONDON - England - Amy Winehouse has set up house – in the veterinary hospital where vets are monitoring her health and installing a muzzle onto her face.







Unelected Comrade Brown Thanks 'British' People for Sleepwalking into EU Marxist State Unelected Comrade Brown Thanks 'British' People for Sleepwalking into EU Marxist State

SECTOR 08 - Sector 34 - Unelected supreme commander in chief, Comrade Gordon Brown, today thanked the British proletariat for sitting back and watching all of...

British Troops Training Afghans to Shoot British Troops More Accurately British Troops Training Afghans to Shoot British Troops More Accurately

HELMAND - Afghanistan - In a bid to speed up the process of imminent defeat in a hostile country where everyone is out to get them, Western military troops are...

Random Horrific Daily Mail Headline Every 30 Seconds in UK Random Horrific Daily Mail Headline Every 30 Seconds in UK

LONDON - England - The Daily Mail pumps out more horrific stories per day than any other fear-mongering media outlet, says an independent press body.

American Files Lawsuit Against Self American Files Lawsuit Against Self

BOSTON - USA - An American man who had his feelings hurt after wrestling with his own conscience is set to sue himself say his lawyers.



Pete l'oaf - b3ta.com







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