BALMORAL - Scotland - With all this ongoing Brexit shenanigans, Harry's mental issues and Philip's health, the Queen has some welcome news.
DALLAS - Texas - The Daily Squib has acquired an unaired portion of the divisive Megyn Kelly, Alex Jones interview.
MAJOR NEWS BREAKING
SOMERSET - England - Glastonbury festival organisers have announced plans to welcome back the disaffected riff raff community.
TOLD YOU SO
GRIMSBY - England - Like lambs to the slaughter, they followed their shepherd without question as he doled out those sweet saccharin lies, false promises and delicious bribes.
LONDON - England - In a remarkable turn of events the inevitable exit of Theresa May, (dubbed Therexit) has been put on hold.
LONDON - England - The Eurocrats in Brussels have smelled blood, and this is why they are so eager for the now mortally wounded PM, Theresa May to start negotiations.
LONDON - England - She couldn't cope, so she called an early General Election and now Brexit will be decided by a bunch of Marxist Remainers.
LONDON - England - If the exit polls are to be believed, the Theresa May gamble of calling an early election has fallen back in her face as a giant Conservative flop, considering the mass of young brainwashed Labour supporters bribed by freebies.
ALL TIME NEWS ON THE HOUR
NEW YORK - USA - In a remarkable admission by former Nixon era Secretary of State, Henry Kissinger, reveals what is happening at the moment in the world and particularly the Middle East.
WASHINGTON DC - USA - The sixteenth president of the United States of America, Abraham Lincoln has been discovered to have had a black father according to historians and scientists working for the Institute of Historical Science which is linked to Harvard university.