No one listens to the vacillant empty words of Keir Starmer, no one respects him, and no one wants to be aligned with the insipid wet woke coward of diabrotic cowards — a man so pathologically afraid of friction that he’d politely bow to a bread knife-wielding grandmother about to cut a carrot cake if it meant fewer headlines. While the world burns and ancient death cults fiddle with nuclear toys, Sir Keir — patron saint of tepid Iscariot slogans and forensic dithering — is out there mumbling about “de-escalation,” as if soothing language could defuse a horrendous Shia shit apocalypse. Because of Starmer’s inaction, Britain’s global standing is nothing more than a bottomless pit of cowardice and pathetic inaction.

The man’s spine is wobbly gelatin. His instincts? Tragic.

Wake up, you fucking stunted robotic piss-swilling bureaucratic automaton! Instead of grabbing history by the throat and siding with the heroic Western allies doing the bloody work to contain Iran’s irradiated nuke ambitions, Starmer’s hoisting the white flag like some peace-peddling yoga surrender monkey instructor at a Macron cheese party orgy. Iran launches missiles. Israel retaliates like a nation possessed. And what does the UK do? Nothing. A dull-eyed, neutered shrug from the Labour benches in the Commons.

Meanwhile, slummock Starmer avoids Trump, avoids missiles, avoids power. He’s a pathetic gimp Prime Minister drifting through world-shaping events with the relevance of a wet napkin, hiding in his putrid safe space, a wilting lettuce of disgraceful treachery and supreme weakness.

The Mullahs should be sweating, but instead they’re laughing — plotting God-knows-what in bunkers paid for with pathetic Western guilt and vast UN grants.

The woke pussified Britain of Starmer, once a snarling imperial beast, has vanished into a mirage of ‘decolonisation’ and wasteful diplomacy along with vast measures of national masochistic self-hatred. The nation of Churchill, Nelson, Wellington, Monty, now a nation of woke cowards too scared to venture out of their mental prison of indecision, fearful of their own pitiful shadows. Instead of applauding Israel — a feral, brilliant little outpost of Western civilisation fighting a seven-front war with the efficiency of a caffeine-jacked Roman legion on steroids — Starmer tiptoes through electoral minefields, worried his socialist metropolitan elite base might accuse him of not caring enough about Gaza hashtags.

And here’s the kicker: Iran hates Britain. Hates. Us. We are, in their charming twisted cosmology, one of the “Little Satans.” They kidnap our citizens, plant spies in our mosques, threaten us with annihilation — and in return, we tip our hats and wish them de-escalation.

What kind of country stands in the way of military strikes that would make its own citizens and globe safer? A cowardly one. A lost one. One that’s trying to cosplay Switzerland while the apocalypse builds steam.

The real horror for the socialist piggery, of course, is that the good guys — yes, the dreaded term — are actually winning. America and Israel, a bizarre and combustible pair of neo-imperial bastards high on adrenochrome and bullets, have jolted the West out of its shameful woke coma. Drones in the sky. Missiles over Tehran. Atomic dreams crumbling like wet sandcastles in a Hendrix Purple Hazed acid-laden beach.

After the Biden humiliation of Afghanistan and the pantomime of Ukraine diplomacy, deterrence is back. The empire fucking strikes back — with satellites, stealth bombers, and kill switches.

Israel — the lunatic genius of the Levant — is fighting a war from a thousand miles away, flattening a regime nine times its size like a country possessed by the ghost of King David. It’s less Desert Storm, more biblical vengeance with military-grade AI.

October 7 was Israel’s Pearl Harbour, and the response has been full Old Testament fury: tactical, brutal, and alarmingly effective. The Jewish people have been persecuted, hunted down, murdered for centuries, and now they’re fighting back against the people who want each and every one of them wiped off the face of the earth. The justified logic is : You want us wiped? We will wipe you first until there is nothing left but a pile of favillous ash blowing in the cold wind of vengeance.

And what’s Europe doing? Sipping wine and clutching legal documents. They moan about international law as if it’ll protect them when Iran funds a proxy with a suitcase nuke in Rotterdam.

The EU’s pathetic leaders — Macron, Starmer, the whole glassy-eyed EU set — have become spectators in a war that determines whether civilisation continues with espresso machines and sarcasm or succumbs to another 700 years of bearded fundamentalism and chemical castration.

Israel is doing the dirty work. They’re the bouncers at the club of modernity, throwing out jihadis while Europe cowers in the cloakroom, muttering about “restraint” and “Islamophobia.”

Even Trump — orange, bloated, hebephrenic Trump — is managing to look like a statesman. And Netanyahu, who should’ve been tossed into the dustbin of history after October 7, has suddenly grown Churchillian steel balls bouncing around an Iron Scrotum. If these two lunatics pull it off — take down Iran’s death machine, liberate the Iranian people by proxy, humiliate the UN, and accidentally spark a wave of peace treaties — then give them the fricking Nobel Peace Prize on a serving dish along with Ali Khameini’s decapitated fucking head and let the rest of us finally admit the West needs madmen, not middle-managers.

Meanwhile, the frothing yellow urine spouting Starmer continues to mime leadership. He’s a non-player, an NPC character in a world ruled by iconoclasts and monsters.

The clock is ticking. The curtain is rising. And Britain, paralysed by its own fear of uprightness, is missing the show. Britain’s global standing is now on the supremely judgemental scales of worthiness. Will it pass the test?

The Middle East is changing — violently, magnificently — and for once, it’s not our doing. But it might just save us.