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The Daily Squib Anthology Book Now For Sale

Commissar A. Ness
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The Daily Squib Anthology Book Now For Sale

As the editor of the Squib I can proudly announce that The Daily Squib Anthology From 2007 to 2022 is finally for sale.

Since founding the Daily Squib on April 1st 2007, many changes have taken place on the internet and indeed the globe. This is why this carefully curated anthology encapsulates those changes in a satirical manner. Fifteen years of different presidents, prime ministers, wars, peace and a myriad of little societal nuances that made up that period of history.

Looking for that curious unique gift for dad’s Christmas stocking, or something to read while taking the dump of the century in your toilet, the Daily Squib Anthology is the perfect celebration of our times, good and bad?

Come, join the circus, look at the clowns and listen to the troubadours as they usher in a new era for humanity, horrific yet beautiful at the same time, a glowing paradoxical dystopian paradise entrenched in reality show hell and fake celebrity appearances. All manner of fantastic beasts projectile vomiting over everything daringly encapsulating this curious rare book compiled with the indomitable spirit of Juvenalis in mind, but furnished within a modern 21st century outlook.

A bold erupting satisfying fart into the darkest and illuminating facets of humanity’s wonders, The Daily Squib Anthology is now available to buy direct from the publisher or from Amazon, or from any good bookshop.

Get your copy now, the first 150 are signed by the author.

The book will only be released in paperback.

daily squib book signed

Good News Comrades, We Are Giving All Our Fish to the EU

Commissar A. Ness
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0
Good News Comrades, We Are Giving All Our Fish to the EU

Comrades, we have some more good news from Comrade Starmer. In a stunning deal, he has agreed to give all of the People’s Republic of Soviet Britain’s fish to the soviet EU. Fish rations have therefore been reduced to zero for the unforeseeable future, and will now be replaced by two rotten turnips, one carrot and a quarter of a cauliflower for each family. Yes, you read that correctly, we have extended ourselves to include this magnificent food package for all citizens.

The above offer excludes all high party members, union bosses, NHS bosses, train drivers, civil servants of the Big State and council bosses, who of course dine on the finest champagne, salmon, caviar, fillet mignon, and other gourmet food.

Comrades, the deluded people who ran the country into the ground before the Labour revolution came into power had agreed to a thing called Brexit, which caused immeasurable damage by separating us from our overlords the soviet EU.

Under the esteemed command of Comrade Starmer and his dutiful team of apparatchiks, we are reversing this awful Brexit thing and returning our communist nation to its soviet mother, the soviet EU.

Together as a truly collectivist and soviet bloc of countries, we can continue our role as being the cash cow of the EU, because their unelected leaders need more money for their vast salaries and EU pensions.

INGSOC NOTICE 094032-00494923987-7128492746873-034223-F21-A65

IANTO GLATSIEN, 14, OF 15 LLIIYTGYHHYIIIOWRETGGGFIGUUYHHG ROAD, MID GLAMORGAN, SECTOR 76, WALES, HAS BEEN AWARDED HALF A SARDINE AND A ROTTING FISH HEAD FOR REPORTING HIS MOTHER, UNCLE, GREAT GRANDFATHER, STEPFATHER, HIS REAL FATHER AND LOCAL FISHERMAN FOR ATTEMPTING TO FISH IN THE SEA. THEY WERE TAKEN AWAY IN THE EARLY HOURS OF SUNDAY MORNING AND ARE SCHEDULED FOR LIQUIDATION ON MONDAY TO BE PROCESSED INTO COMMISSAR MILIBAND’S NET ZERO JUICE. AVAILABLE IN ALL SHOPS FOR ONLY 10P A PINT. REMEMBER COMRADES, LOOK, LISTEN, REPORT!

Peaceful Misogynist Trans Activists Violently Deface Feminist Statue

Commissar A. Ness
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0
Peaceful Misogynist Trans Activists Violently Deface Feminist Statue

The edges and boundaries of satire are being challenged with the latest outrage by “peaceful” trans activists who defaced the statue of famous feminist Millicent Fawcett, who was sadly not in Charlie’s Angels.

To supplement their trans activism after the Supreme Court ruled that biological women actually exist and don’t have penises, the trans activists lifted their dresses and urinated with their penises all over the area, presumably to solidify their territorial rights to womanhood.

Out of all of this nightmarish scenario, the trans activists have now activated Mumsnet, who are something to be really scared of and could result in some significant naughty step action.

“If you activate Mumsnet against you, you’re fucked,” a neutral commentator revealed about the entire sorry episode.

These trans idiots better get a cup, because they’re going to get a serious bollocking this time.

Dame Millicent Garrett Fawcett GBE (née Garrett; 11 June 1847 – 5 August 1929) was an English political activist and writer. She campaigned for women’s suffrage by legal change and in 1897–1919 led Britain’s largest women’s rights association, the National Union of Women’s Suffrage Societies (NUWSS), explaining, “I cannot say I became a suffragist. I always was one, from the time I was old enough to think at all about the principles of Representative Government.”

Commissar Reeves: “Closer Union With Our Communist Comrades in China”

Commissar A. Ness
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Commissar Reeves: “Closer Union With Our Communist Comrades in China”

The People’s Republic of Soviet Britain’s, chief People’s Collectivist Taxation Officer, Commissar Reeves, has outlined why it is important for Soviet Britain to merge closely with our Soviet comrades in China.

SOLIDARITY WITH OUR COMMUNIST CHINESE COMRADES

“We have seen this disgusting and vile Donald Trump display by the imperialistic capitalist jackals of the United States trying to alienate and damage our Chinese communist comrades with his tariffs. Soviet Britain is not aligned with Trump, who is inanely trying to stop the CCP and PLA increasing their military power to liberate the globe from what’s left of democracy.

“When I made my trip to China to meet my handlers, they were very nice to me. China will be our liberators, they will come and bring peace by crushing the USA and others who stand in their way.

“We therefore find only solidarity with our CCP comrades, because when they do attack, Britain will simply hand everything that is left of our country after years of Labour rule, which will probably not be much.

“There is no threat to the Soviet UK. I can freely drive a Chinese electric vehicle, knowing that it is spying on me and sending data straight to Beijing. This is perfectly fine, because we’re spying on every action in the UK as well, so one way or another, I know I am in safe hands and this is for the security of myself and others that I am watched all the time.

“When the Chinese attack, America will be defeated, and we will cheer this on, thanking our Chinese comrades for their bravery in defeating the imperialistic parasite, the United States of America.”

FUCK TRUMP

Later on in the day, Commissar Reeves was asked about a possible trade deal with the USA and Soviet Britain.

“Fuck the American hyenas, coyotes and their trade deal. We do not deal with fascist, Nazi scum like Donald Trump and his eyelinered sidekick J.D. Vance. Fuck them! We are with China! Not the American peasant rats.”

INGSOC NOTICE 0007776493-653292993987-096665450065776873-0002-F65

PETER MONKFRIT, 7, OF 32 MAO MAO ROAD, DUNCHURCH, SECTOR 13, ENGLAND, HAS BEEN AWARDED A CARTON OF NET ZERO JUICE FOR REPORTING HIS ENTIRE CLASS WHEN THEY MADE “CHING CHONG” SOUNDS DURING A SCHOOL PRESENTATION OF THE PEOPLE’S LIBERATION ARMY. THE ENTIRE CLASS IS SCHEDULED FOR LIQUIDATION ON SUNDAY, AND THANKS TO COMMISSAR MILIBAND’S NET ZERO JUICE INITIATIVE, THEY WILL BE PROCESSED AFTER LIQUIDATION. REMEMBER COMRADES, LOOK, LISTEN, REPORT!

 

We Have Stopped One Person Coming into the UK

Commissar A. Ness
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We Have Stopped One Person Coming into the UK

Comrades! We have stopped one person from entering the UK. This person is a nasty anti-illegal immigration intellectual from France.

The People’s Republic of Soviet Britain will not tolerate anti-immigration “intellectuals” from other countries like France into our country, but everyone else, including terrorists, drug dealers, dangerous criminals, rapists, Islamists, and the entire Third World are welcomed.

The French anti-migration philosopher has been banned from entering Soviet Britain.

Renaud Camus, the French novelist, has been barred from travelling to the United Kingdom to speak on immigration later this month.

Remember, having an opinion or free speech is not allowed in the PRSB.

INGSOC NOTICE 0009238293-1002992993987-0926720065776873-0912-Z

REGINALD BUNGLEFENSTER, 23, OF 10 POL POTTY ROAD, EAST CROYDON, SECTOR 21, ENGLAND, HAS BEEN AWARDED TWO PACKETS OF USED CONDOMS, ONE ROLL OF USED TOILET PAPER AND 3 MINUTES NET ZERO CREDIT ON HIS SMART METER FOR REPORTING HIS ENTIRE VILLAGE WHEN THEY COMPLAINED AFTER THE SOVIET BIG STATE BUSSED IN THOUSANDS OF FAKE ASYLUM SEEKERS IN TO THE VILLAGE. THE ENTIRE VILLAGE CONSISTING OF 324 PEOPLE, 128 DOGS, AND 493 CATS WILL BE LIQUIDATED ON SATURDAY. REMEMBER COMRADES, LOOK, LISTEN, REPORT!

Daily Squib Amongst Top UK Satire Sites on Feedspot

Commissar A. Ness
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Daily Squib Amongst Top UK Satire Sites on Feedspot

Eh, we don’t generally like to butter our own muffin, or stroke our own (let’s not go there – Ed), ahem, but the lovely geezers at Feedspot sent us a notification that we’re amongst the top UK satire sites on the internet, voted for by their millions of viewers. All we can say is wow. Cool.

Check out the Feedspot link for confirmation that we’re not lying gits.

Cheers to our readers and the Feedspot team.

A Fifth of Global Farmland Contaminated by Toxic Metals, Study Reveals

Commissar A. Ness
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A Fifth of Global Farmland Contaminated by Toxic Metals, Study Reveals

Nearly a fifth of the world’s agricultural land is contaminated by toxic metals, posing a serious threat to food security, public health, and ecosystems, according to a new global study published today in the journal Science. Researchers have mapped soil pollution at an unprecedented scale, finding that more than 17% of cropland is affected by dangerous levels of metals such as arsenic, lead, and cadmium.

The study, which used data from nearly 800,000 soil samples from around the world, identified a previously unrecognised high-risk zone stretching across Southern Europe, the Middle East, and South Asia. The contamination is linked to both natural geological processes and centuries of industrial activity, including mining and smelting.

overpopulation 1 religion
Global governments must reduce populations drastically for more sustainable living and environment with less pollution

With up to 1.4 billion people living in polluted regions, experts warn that toxic metals in soil can enter the food chain, harming biodiversity and exacerbating poverty. “Soil pollution is not just an environmental issue—it directly affects human health and global food security,” said Rothamsted’s Professor Steve McGrath, who was part of the multi-institute research team led by Tsinghua University in Beijing, China.

The findings come at a time of growing concern over soil degradation, particularly as demand for critical metals increases due to the transition to Net Zero green energy technologies like electric vehicle batteries and solar panels. The researchers call for urgent international action, including targeted funding for pollution monitoring and soil restoration, particularly in data-poor regions such as Africa and Russia.

The study also highlights the limitations of existing data, with many remote areas lacking sufficient soil sampling. While the researchers used machine learning to fill in gaps, they stress that more detailed, site-specific studies are needed to develop effective solutions.

With toxic metal pollution set to rise, the researchers urge policymakers to take immediate action. “Protecting our soils is as important as protecting our air and water. Without clean soil, we cannot produce safe food,” added McGrath.

The study adds to growing global concern over the hidden dangers of soil pollution, reinforcing calls for stricter environmental regulations and sustainable land management practices.

https://www.rothamsted.ac.uk

Freedom of Speech: GAB Social Media Goes Offline in UK

Commissar A. Ness
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1
Freedom of Speech: GAB Social Media Goes Offline in UK

GAB, a predominantly Christian conservative American social media site, has pulled its support for UK viewers and subscribers because of an anti-freedom of speech directive from the communist Labour Party controlled OFCOM. Apparently, the Stasi wanted specific information about the users of GAB, contact details and names so they could be arrested at the whim of the British communists who are now in charge.

The Daily Squib may not believe in human concepts like organised religion, but we would defend to the death the right to speak freely about Christianity or any religion.

The way things are going in the Soviet UK regarding freedom of speech, we ourselves do not know how long we will last under these totalitarian communist conditions.

gab shut down uk

Keir Starmer: “If women can have a penis, I can grow one too!”

Commissar A. Ness
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Keir Starmer: “If women can have a penis, I can grow one too!”

British PM Keir Starmer, who famously said that women can have a penis, is now determined to try to grow one himself.

“This is the future we are living in. I have asked my NHS doctor whether I too can grow a penis, and maybe some balls as well.”

Keir Starmer and his deluded supporters have thus been caught off-side, and are trying to make amends after the Supreme Court ruled they were wrong on all counts regarding transgender women.

On Wednesday, the UK Supreme Court ruled that the legal definition of a woman should be based on biological sex.

The judges ruled that when the term “woman” is used in the Equality Act, it means a biological woman, and “sex” means biological sex.

It also makes it clear that if a space or service is designated as women-only, a person who was born male but identifies as a woman does not have a right to use that space or service.

The Supreme Court justices argued this was the only consistent, coherent interpretation.

Consequently, some Labour supporters suggest Starmer grows a penis right in the middle of his forehead.

“Keir is a bit of a major dickhead any way, so it’ll suit him fine,” another Labour supporter added.

From now on, all Labour MPs and supporters plan to grow a whopping great penis in the middle of their foreheads. If women can have a penis, so can Starmer and his putrid supporters.

Doh, Court Case Comes to Conclusion That Biological Women are Women

Commissar A. Ness
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Doh, Court Case Comes to Conclusion That Biological Women are Women

Who would have thought it, biological women are actually women, and thinking you are a woman or trying to dress like one, or mutilating your body to attempt to be one does not make you a biological woman. It should not take a multimillion pound taxpayer funded Supreme Court case to come to the conclusion that biological women are women.

Women have two X chromosomes and men have X and Y chromosomes. Women have hips for child bearing, and a totally different bone structure to men. Women have wombs that bear children, and fallopian tubes and all that stuff. Women have smooth hairless skin, and female genitals, as well as breasts and all sorts of nice parts that were naturally created and not artificially forced or added on.

Seriously, if you want to be a trans, go do it, but please don’t for one second think that you are anything else apart from trans.

Hijack someone else’s sex

Don’t impinge on other people’s humanity and biological sex, which were given to people at birth.

Good luck in your mutilations, by all means chop off all the parts that you want, but these cosmetic alterations do not make you something that you are not. You will always have the chromosomes, and bone structure that you were born with.

J. K. Rowling said Wednesday’s judgment would protect the rights of women and girls across the UK.

The Tory leader, Kemi Badenoch, said the ruling meant that the era of Keir Starmer telling us women can have a penis had come to an end. What an utter shister, and wanker Keir Starmer is.

It followed a years-long legal battle between campaign group For Women Scotland and the Scottish Government over the definition of a woman.

Lord Hodge told the court: “The unanimous decision of this court is that the definition of the terms woman and sex in the Equality Act 2010 refer to a biological woman and biological sex.”

In its 88-page ruling, the court added that the “concept of sex is binary” under the Equality Act 2010, but at the end of the day, it should not have had to come to this ridiculous fiasco to admit something that is so obvious to so many. Biological women are women, and anyone who disputes that fact is delusional.

You cannot change 100,000s of years of human evolution, just because you are an arrogant imbecilic woke fuckwit.

Comrades, We Are In the Process of Joining With the Soviet EU

Commissar A. Ness
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Comrades, We Are In the Process of Joining With the Soviet EU

The capitalist swine of America, under the bourgeois scum Donald J. Trump want to make a trade deal with the UK, but comrades, they are not politically aligned with the People’s Republic of Soviet Britain, whereas the bloc of the European Soviet Union are aligned with our socialist, communist framework and interoperability of soviet regulations.

British soviet negotiators are close to signing up to Brussels’ food and veterinary standards that will ensure that our communist nation is fully aligned and under the rule of our soviet masters — the EU. This action will shut out American products, which Donald Trump wants to sell to Britain. Soviet Britain does not want products from the stinking capitalist scum country, the USA.

By moving under the yoke of the Soviet EU, Britain will cut out any so-called trade deal with America, who want access to our agriculture and food market.

Even though we are being urged to deal with the American capitalist pigs, which could bring great riches to Soviet Britain, I emphatically reject these imperialist, bourgeois capitalist jackals from dealing with us under any capacity.

I am instead proud for Soviet Britain to be selling away our ability to set our rules for no real benefit, making it more difficult to do Free trade agreements with countries like America.

Yes, comrades, it is good to be back under the yoke of the Soviet EU, and to adhere to their regulations, and their strict diktats.

As a celebration of our reunion with the EU, and the defeat of those fascist Brexiteer vandals, I thus propose that every citizen will receive a rotten cabbage, one roll of used toilet paper, and an extra 0.5 grams of sugar rations this month. You cannot say that I, Comrade Starmer, do not spoil the beloved citizens of the People’s Republic of Soviet Britain.

INGSOC NOTICE 7609456-00000008987-432875900065776873-12G

ERNIE CRINKLEBOTTOM, 49, OF 204 BLACKLIVESMATTER ROAD, EAST GRIMSTEAD, SECTOR 41, ENGLAND, WILL BE PUBLICLY HANGED IN SOVIET RED SQUARE ON WEDNESDAY AT 4 PM FOR COMMITTING THE CRIMES OF FREE SPEECH, FRATERNISING WITH AMERICANS AND SUPPORTING DEMOCRACY. ALL CITIZENS ARE URGED TO JOIN THE CROWDS TO JEER AND THROW STONES AT THE CONDEMNED CRIMINAL OF THE BIG STATE. REMEMBER COMRADES, LOOK, LISTEN, REPORT!

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