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The Daily Squib Anthology Book Now For Sale

As the editor of the Squib I can proudly announce that The Daily Squib Anthology From 2007 to 2022 is finally for sale.

Since founding the Daily Squib on April 1st 2007, many changes have taken place on the internet and indeed the globe. This is why this carefully curated anthology encapsulates those changes in a satirical manner. Fifteen years of different presidents, prime ministers, wars, peace and a myriad of little societal nuances that made up that period of history.

Looking for that curious unique gift for dad’s Christmas stocking, or something to read while taking the dump of the century in your toilet, the Daily Squib Anthology is the perfect celebration of our times, good and bad?

Come, join the circus, look at the clowns and listen to the troubadours as they usher in a new era for humanity, horrific yet beautiful at the same time, a glowing paradoxical dystopian paradise entrenched in reality show hell and fake celebrity appearances. All manner of fantastic beasts projectile vomiting over everything daringly encapsulating this curious rare book compiled with the indomitable spirit of Juvenalis in mind, but furnished within a modern 21st century outlook.

A bold erupting satisfying fart into the darkest and illuminating facets of humanity’s wonders, The Daily Squib Anthology is now available to buy direct from the publisher or from Amazon, or from any good bookshop.

Get your copy now, the first 150 are signed by the author.

The book will only be released in paperback.

daily squib book signed

Kick in the Nads: Reform Party Moves Ahead of Tories in Polls

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How’s that for a solid kick in the nads, a good punt in the gangoolies for the Tories, this time from the up-and-coming Reform Party. The Reform Party moves ahead of Tories and is now the second-largest political party in the UK.

Crossover moment – Reform Party moves ahead of Tories

Nigel Farage’s Reform party won a poll over the Conservatives for the first time. This is important because it hurts Rishi Sunak’s chances of winning the election.

This is an absolutely monumental fucking moment in the election, as Reform is now effectively the second-largest party in the UK. The flailing Tories who severely squandered their electoral mandate have shot themselves in the foot by adopting hard-left policies and increasing the tax burden in the UK to the worst it has been in 70 years.

The YouGov survey found that support for Reform had increased by two points to 19 per cent while the Tories were unchanged on 18 per cent.

Second-largest party in UK

It is the first time any poll has shown Reform ahead of the Tories, a so-called crossover moment. It will particularly concern Tory strategists as it was carried out after the party released its manifesto on Tuesday.

Politics of Envy: No Point in Working in Labour’s Britain

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It’s bad enough as it is in Britain under the current high tax socialist Tory regime, but things will be a lot worse under Labour. In fact, so worse that working for a living will be a thing of the past for many. What’s the point in working when nearly every penny you make is lifted by the government from your bank account as soon as you make it? Labour is a party of envy, and wants to kill off any modicum of aspiration you may have. Under Labour, you have no future, you will have no reason to work, you will have no reason to fucking live and even after you fucking die the vile vultures will strip the wealth you built up in your life leaving nothing but a stripped barren carcass.

Labour is essentially a communist regime with heavy-duty Marxist plans for Britain, and the taxes it will spew will be incomprehensible for many living through the shit they’re living in already. Think it’s hard staying afloat now, well you’re truly going fucking under after the cunts in Labour get into power.

Marxism and communism has hijacked the Green Movement, and the eco movement. Net Zero will impoverish millions of people. Collectivism essentially means poverty for all, especially when those who have worked hard all their lives will have their assets and riches annihilated and collectively distributed to those who have never worked in their lives.

The only people who ever vote for Labour are communists, and those who have got nothing to lose. If you have nothing, there is no fear in voting for some construct that will strip those who have worked for something and deliver their wealth to you on a silver fucking platter. The politics of envy at work once again.

Of course, there is another variable in play to Labour voters, and that is masochism, a profound British tradition of voting in the largest punishment possible so that your life can be as shitty and unliveable as before, or even fucking worse. Brits love their electoral punishment, every election season they adore the whips coming out whipping them into voting for the same fucking losers as before who will inflict horrid punishments on them for another fourteen fucking years or however much time it takes. Absolutely delighted they are. Look at Labour’s Sadiq Khan, for example, a pestilent rodent who has been voted in as London Mayor three fucking times. The daily murders, the knifing, the burglaries, mobile phone snatchers, gangs everywhere, unfettered immigration, insane diktats, ULEZ, are only some of the abominations this evil slug has infested the capital city with.

Labour is the epitome of the politics of envy. If you have something — they want it. No ifs or buts, they will take it from you, and then they will fritter your hard-earned wares on some tin-pot fuckery idea that may enrich one or two high-ranking Marxist Labour Party crooks at the top of the communist hierarchy but impoverish everyone else.

There will be no point in working or doing business in Britain after Labour wins. Do yourself a favour and sell up now before it’s too late. Already there has been a huge exodus of the wealthy from Britain, but it’s going to get a lot worse with the Marxist thieves of Labour.

If you vote for a political party like Labour then you are yourself a worthless glutton for punishment, but that’s exactly what you want to hear isn’t it, you love it.

 

Rachel Maddow Concerned Trump Will Put Her in ‘FEMA Camp’ During Second Term: ‘Yes, I’m Worried’

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Clinically insane MSNBC host Rachel Maddow has expressed serious fearmongering concerns that she and millions of other clinically insane American woke socialist liberals would be interned in a “camp” when former President Donald Trump wins a second term in the White House this November.

During an interview with Maddow in Monday’s Unreliable Sources newsletter, CNN Democrat propagandist Benson Burner asked the MSNBC host about her concerns about being targeted during a second Trump administration.

“Trump and his allies are openly talking about doing the same thing the Democrats have unjustly done to him. Weaponising the government to seek revenge against critics in media and politics, with some of his extremist allies even talking about jailing the ‘treacherous and treasonous scum’,” noted Burner. “You’re one of his most notable critics on television. Are you worried that you could be a target?”

FEMA CONCENTRATION CAMP USA

Rachel Maddow replied:

“I’m worried, but I’m actually ready for being in a camp because I’m a bleeding heart liberal propagandist for the Democrat Party. I don’t read the news in an objective fashion or without obvious bias in any way. When Trump invokes the Insurrection Act to deploy the U.S. military against civilians on his first day in office, I will be cheering like a cheer leader because it plays into my perpetual liberal victim state of mind. Also, when Trump imprisons me in a FEMA concentration camp, I will be able to play the part of martyr, and virtue signal to my fellow liberal socialist Americans of my suffering for the cause of socialism and communism in America.

“When Trump puts millions of blacks, criminals, Mexicans, gays, and migrants into the concentration camps, I will be happy because it would have proved my point that my scaremongering before the election actually did not work and millions of Americans voted for Donald J. Trump anyway.

“In the camps of the future it won’t be so bad either, there will be plenty of women for me to become friends with. I hope Trump puts me in one of those all female camp buildings. I’ll be up to my eyeballs in pussy. Really, there’s nothing to fear folks, everything I say on MSNBC is absolute bullshit, and I am essentially an actor. Anyone who takes me seriously must be as mad as I am.”

The ‘Trump Derangement Syndrome’ seems to be in full force before the coming U.S.elections.

Meghan Markle to be Anointed as Queen of Yoruba Tribe

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“I invoke the mighty Ogun and Shango and venerate my ancestors who were sold to the white slave traders to be shipped to America by Yoruba kings hundreds of years ago. I do not blame the kings, they just wanted blankets, whisky and guns, and my ancestors were probably slaves in Africa anyway. But putting that aside, I will fly to Lagos, Nigeria in four weeks to be appointed as Supreme Queen of the Yoruba tribe and people, and of all of Nigeria and Benin. It is my destiny as I am after all 43% Nigerian, as I publicised constantly during the Invictus Games and Royal Nigerian Tour,” Meghan Markle told an audience at a symposium for disabled black children in Los Angeles.

Dahomey

For over 200 years, powerful kings in what is now the country of Benin captured and sold slaves to Portuguese, French and British merchants. The slaves were usually men, women and children from rival tribes — gagged and jammed into boats bound for Brazil, Haiti and the United States. Source

Meghan Markle added: “Many African Americans blame white people for slavery, but none of it could have happened without the African tribes and kings who sold slaves to the white traders. This is something that is covered up because it does not suit the “race card” and “anti-white” agenda pushed by American social justice warriors and liberals. I do not think it was right, but my ancestors were slaves sold by our own people. It is what it is.”

Every nation and race has endured slavery throughout history, and not just African Americans.

Keep Celery Crunchy and Fresh for Four Weeks With Easy Storage Solution

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Celery, like many salad items, has a short shelf life once it reaches your fridge. However, changing the way you store it can prolong its freshness for up to four weeks. We discovered the perfect easy storage solution for your piece of celery.

Steve from Common Sense Tips Online posed the question: “What is the best way to store celery?”

He then pointed out that manufacturers package everything in fucking plastic wrapping which sort of explains why we all have microplastics in our bodies and the rates of cancer are rising yearly.

The food storage expert added: “Notice they use plastic wrapping, but the interesting thing you should note is the plastic wrapping is essentially poisoning us all slowly. This is something no one likes to bring up, and is very hush, hush.

“That tells us that the manufacturer doesn’t give a shit about the health of the population and everything is about profit.”

READ MORE: ‘I lived till 110 by eating deep-fried Mars bars at chippies, and that’s one thing I’d never change’

celery 2
Limp celery is great for cooking especially used as a base for bolognese with carrot and diced onion

Sharing an alternative storage method for celery, Steve said: “I have some celery that’s been in the fridge for about four weeks. I’ll throw the fucking thing out, and go and buy a new bunch. Easy as fucking pie.”

He demonstrated the effectiveness of this method by walking to the supermarket, buying a new bunch of celery and breaking a stalk in half, revealing a satisfying crunch after coming back home.

Explaining why going to the supermarket works well, Steve said: “It’s a no-brainer. Your celery goes rotten in the fridge. The supermarket is an easy storage solution. Just get a new bunch, leave it in the fridge again until that goes rotten, rinse and repeat. Are you fucking stupid or something? Yes, this is a space filler article mimicking all media outlets, but what I’m saying is bloody common sense. Get a fucking life, will ya!”

Macron On the Way to the Guillotine: “Everything is All Right!”

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The baying crowd of peasants shout and spit at Emmanuel Macron as he is carted off to the guillotine, his only remark that “everything is all right” and that “there is nothing to see here, please go home” is promptly answered by a farmer throwing a large rotten turnip at his head.

The cobbled streets of Paris make for a rickety ride on Macron’s last journey to Le Guillotine.

Again, the feverish pitch of the peasants rises, undulating much like an ocean storm about to hit the shore violently. An old peasant woman with no teeth lifts her breeches to urinate in the gutter, and no one bats an eyelid. There are more important things at hand, like bringing justice to France from a man who has shat on millions of hard-working citizens.

This is truly the day of reckoning, not only for Macron but for France. For too long the rot has been allowed to set in; the streets are now filled with tents full of migrants mostly from Sub-Saharan Africa and the Middle East, the taxes are too high, and a grave injustice has been committed on the French farmers, amongst many other professions.

“Tout va bien, il n’y a rien à voir ici,” Macron urges from atop the cart, just as a juicy cow-pat lands in his face, fresh from a farm.

The steel blade of the guillotine beckons, and the neatly placed basket under it is calmly waiting for Macron’s guilty head.

“This is all von der Leyen’s fault, I had nothing to do with it!” Macron pleads, this time answered by a filthy rag with god knows what on it.

“Avez-vous un dernier mot?” the executioner asks.

“Non!” is the simple answer as the blade drops to great cheer.

Labour War on Private Schools: “Hogwarts May be Forced to Close”

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Comrade Starmer and his Marxist Labour Muggles are so intent on ruining private schools by taxing school fees, that the famous wizard school where Harry Potter and his chums attended could be forced to close as well, the Daily Prophet newspaper has revealed. The Labour war on private schools and Hogwarts is really heating up.

“This is Muggle persecution gone mad” screams one of the headlines from the Daily Prophet.

Many wizarding parents have also chimed in to the outrage by writing in their concerns.

Argus Mendacious a parent of two Hogwarts pupils, Jenny, 12, and Rodney, 14, went absolutely ballistic upon hearing the news from the Muggle Marxist shisters Labour and their useless war on private schools.

“Just because these Labour Muggles and squibs think it will bring in more money so they can spend it all on black hole socialist tin-pot money pit projects, they have no bloody idea what they are doing. Hogwarts is an institution that educates the next generation of wizards and is crucial to keeping the equilibrium between our magical world and the Muggle world. If Hogwarts goes, guess who wins? Yes, it will be Voldemort and the dastardly Malfoys.”

Indeed, this Muggle Labour mess plays right into the hands of Voldemort, who many suspect is behind all of this chicanery.

Gryffindor to the rescue

Nelson Huffapup, a recently graduated wizard from Gryffindor, chimed in with a solid plan to somehow avert certain destruction for the school of magic.

“I say we all concentrate on Comrade Starmer and blast him with Obliviate. If enough of us do it at the same time, he will be given a magical lobotomy, and he won’t even know his name or where he is. If any other Labour Party muggle tries anything, we do the same to them. Obliviate and then the banishing charm Depulso.”

Hogwarts’ illustrious history

The wonderful and very private magical school, Hogwarts was founded around the 9th century by Godric Gryffindor, Rowena Ravenclaw, Helga Hufflepuff and Salazar Slytherin.

Hogwarts was established in the Highlands of Scotland to educate young wizards and witches, as well as to keep students safe from Muggle persecution.

Theory has it that Rowena Ravenclaw came up with the name of Hogwarts after dreaming of a warty hog that led her to a cliff by a lake. Since then, Hogwarts educated most wizarding children with residence in Great Britain and Ireland, keeping its location hidden from other wizarding schools and Muggles.

Harry: “Meghan is My Div Master and Always Sends Me Off For a Rip”

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Prince Harry, an Old Etonian, is somehow stuck in a rut. He hastily married a woman who sort of turned out to be his Div Master and a Prae along with being a hard-hitting matron, all at the same bloody time.

The former working royal does not get much of a jaunt up Judy’s Passage any more, so he has to do a few solo walks by himself, relegated to the non-specialist ways.

He also does not care for cricket at Mespots either, and is consequently now not even known as a dry Bob. In fact, what does Harry do all day anyway? He’s as useless as a Slack Bob munching away on his tucker at Rowland’s inanely with no solid mission at hand.

No Pop

In the early days of the ill-fated marriage, he was often sent up for good, but these days, there is none of that, just plain old rip after rip and bills.

What the Div Master Wants, the Div Master Gets

The Beak gives Harry the fixtures, and he has to abide by them without fail, otherwise all hell breaks loose and his tuck box will be empty for the next month, worse still, he might even have to bend over for the Conduct as punishment.

Sent off for chores is also de rigueur; doing this photo shoot, calling the PR men, calling the lawyers, calling Netflix for more cash, and all that tedious stuff.

Being stuck in some morose Yankee land is conjointly playing on the prince’s emotional strings. Gone are the days of sauntering up the Long Walk dreaming about snorting cocktails at Mahiki, sadly now the prince is in a permanent state of Lock Up and EW with not even a Chambers or a Half in sight.

The Second “Spanish Inquisition” Will Burn and Flail British Tourists

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In Spain, if you ask a local what they think of British tourists, they will do a long hock in their throat then spit a huge greeny on to the ground. The first Spanish Inquisition was pretty awful, and in that grand Spanish tradition, the second Spanish Inquisition will be just as bad.

“If we believe you are hiding that you are a British tourist, we will first roast your feet over a fire, then put you head first into a boiling pot of oil. If you then refuse to reveal you are a British tourist, then we will hang you by your genitals, even then if you refuse, well, we will then take away your beach towel, your beer money and put large rocks in your luggage, so the package tour airline charges you with vast excess weight charges. Many confess after that stage, and we kick them back to Britain,” Pepe Gonzalez, a Spanish Inquisitor, revealed to the Benidorm Herald newspaper.

Váyanse, cerdos Británicos

British tourists it seems are a pariah in most parts of the world, but none more so than Spain.

The second Spanish Inquisition is going so well that many hotels and bars in all the holiday hotspots are now empty, and the locals and Spanish government are not receiving any valuable revenue from the British tourists any more.

“We are happy. Last year our bar was making 75,000 euros per month, and this year, we are making 50 euros a month if we are lucky. Some commentators say the Spaniards have shot themselves in their foot, and as I weep into my monthly account statement, I have to agree,” Pedro Dago, a Benidorm bar owner said as bailiffs were breaking into his office to seize anything they could.

Californian Trans Woman Diagnosed With Prostate Cancer

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Tragedy has struck Marjorie Benson, 58, from Los Angeles, California, who as a trans woman has been diagnosed with prostate cancer.

Misgender Misdiagnosis Outrage

“But, I am a woman, I cannot get prostate cancer. This is ridiculous, and I am going to complain to the doctors. I want a fourth opinion,” Mrs. Benson remarked after the diagnosis.

Many people in the Democrat run state were also shocked that a trans woman could receive such an erroneous diagnosis.

“Marjorie is a woman, she identifies as a woman, therefore there is no doubt in my mind that she does not have something that only men get. This is ridiculous, the prognosis is simply wrong. Maybe the docs mistook Marjorie’s womb as a prostate or something,” Caitlin Jamboree, another trans woman, revealed.

Dr Michael Scheisse, MD, head cancer doctor at Sherman Neumann Hospital in LA, was adamant that Marjorie received the correct diagnosis.

“Well, Marjorie has a huge cock and a pair of hairy swingin’ balls, and a prostate. Even if we chopped off her cock and balls, she would still have a prostate. She also has a male skeletal structure, an Adam’s Apple and male chromosomes, but who am I to judge biology or science?”

Transexual women are advised to have their prostate’s checked every year, as early diagnosis of prostate cancer could save their lives.

 

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