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Panic in France as Citizens Sent ‘Survival Manual’ in Case of Russian Invasion

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Panic in France as Citizens Sent ‘Survival Manual’ in Case of Russian Invasion

The French government is preparing to send a new survival manual to households across the country, offering guidance on how to respond to imminent invasion by Russia. The 20-page booklet outlines steps to take in case of armed invasion by Putin’s hordes of Orcs.

The document, which reportedly includes 3 measures, will provide instructions on how to surrender immediately, even if you are a soldier, and how to stockpile French cheese and wine, because “the Russians are useless at making fromages et vins”.

The French government has insisted the manual is not a direct response to the war in Ukraine, despite President Emmanuel Macron’s previous warnings about the growing “Russian threat” and the possibility of the United States reducing its military presence in Europe.

“President Macron has already received full assurance from President Putin that the Russians would not use nukes on France or Paris when they walk in to the country, but they can use as many nukes as they want for the Rosbifs,” French official, Jean Marie Capitulation, told Le Monde newspaper on Wednesday.

surrender eat cheese bawl surrender and eat cheese survival manual

 

Among the recommendations, the manual suggests that people prepare an emergency survival kit of fromage, garlic and wine as well as a very large white flag.

“When Hitler and the Germans walked into France, our Vichy government surrendered and Adolf thankfully spared Paris. The boulevards and Haussmann buildings, and the palaces were all saved. We will naturally do the same thing when Putin walks into France. Mon Dieu, imagine doing anything else? This is why the Americans call us cheese eating surrender monkeys.”

The brave Foreign Legion can only do so much.

Man Conducts Homemade Gender Reassignment Surgery

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Man Conducts Homemade Gender Reassignment Surgery

Don’t try this at home folks, in fact, we’ve got our legs crossed just at the thought of such a horrid thing happening. An American man has conducted a form of homemade gender reassignment surgery on himself.

WARNING – The following video may make you crawl on the floor crying out the word “no” for a prolonged period of time, clutching your meat and two veg.

Welcome to the transgender community.

Pull the trigger here

Gaia-X and Partners to Showcase Cross-Border Data Collaboration at Hannover Messe 2025

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Gaia-X and Partners to Showcase Cross-Border Data Collaboration at Hannover Messe 2025

This initiative highlights how Japanese and European companies work together to establish trusted data exchange frameworks that enhance interoperability and drive digital transformation.

As part of the International Open Forum on Data Society, T-Systems, NTT DATA, and Fujitsu are collaborating with various stakeholders to develop a platform that connects European and Japanese Trust Anchors. Utilising Gaia-X Digital Clearing Houses, these companies are prototyping solutions that facilitate seamless and secure data exchange across borders.

Gaia-X and industry leaders drive disruptive innovations in secure data ecosystems, global supply chain collaboration, and sustainability-driven manufacturing. By leveraging trusted digital identity solutions, cross-border data exchange, and real-time machine connectivity, they are transforming industries, enhancing interoperability, and enabling more efficient, secure, and sustainable operations worldwide.

Gaia-X Event Highlights at Hannover Messe 2025

Accelerate Your Access to Data Ecosystems with Managed Wallets

Unlock faster, more secure access to Gaia-X data ecosystems with T-Systems’ managed wallet service, “Trust & Participate.” Simplify credential verification, seamlessly connect with service providers like Pontus-X, and drive business growth with trusted digital identity solutions. Ensure compliance with European standards while enhancing interoperability and trust across your ecosystem.

Enabling Global Data Exchange: Connecting Continents for Seamless Supply Chains

Digital transformation must align with global supply chains, requiring parallel data chains to mirror multi-tier networks and federation of trust. The Global Trust Anchor initiative, an international collaboration based on International Open Forum on Data Society, is piloting a peer-to-peer dataspace transaction using different trust anchors—one based on the EU’s eIDAS framework and one from Japan. The pilot runs on T-Systems’ Build & Operate dataspace-as-a-service, NTT Communications’ Gaia-X framework and Fujitsu Research’s IDYX-TI technology as a notary service, demonstrating cross-jurisdictional data exchange.

The Future of Tires: Unlocking Sustainability through Data Collaboration

Tire waste is a growing challenge—but what if data could help extend tire lifespan and cut costs? GDSO is pioneering sustainability applications that rely on secure, cross-company data sharing. Discover how a shared dataspace infrastructure—where data providers retain control—delivers enhanced data for powering new applications. Learn how this innovation drives sustainability, reduces waste, and unlocks new business opportunities in mobility.

Dataspace Landscape in Germany

The dataspace landscape in Germany is diverse and rapidly evolving. Since digital sovereignty and the development of data spaces gained significant momentum in 2021 with the founding of the Gaia-X Association, the ecosystem has expanded considerably. Now, four years later, we see a vast array of initiatives, organizations, and projects.

At our booth, we will provide an in-depth presentation on the current dataspace landscape, offering key insights into the most relevant initiatives and their classifications within the broader ecosystem.

First Manufacturing-X Demonstrator: Connecting Machines Globally for Trusted & Sustainable Supply Chains

This demonstrator connects machines across continents using Data Spaces compatible with Gaia-X for secure and trustful data sharing. By tracking Product Carbon Footprint (PCF) values in a Digital Product Passport (DPP), it enables transparency, reduces waste, improves recycling, and ensures regulatory compliance. See how real-time machine data exchange drives efficiency and sustainability—setting a new standard for global, data-driven manufacturing.

COOPERANTS: The Gaia-X Data Ecosystem for Aerospace

COOPERANTS is the collaborative alliance in the aeronautics, space and defence sector that solves pressing data exchange challenges by creating a common, fully Gaia-X compliant data eco-system.

For this purpose, COOPERANTS has created a 100% open source and federated landscape, where each participant stay in full sovereignty of their own data. Newcomers are welcome at any time with very limited effort to get on board! As a result, the aerospace industry will increase the efficiency of data sharing, reduce waste efforts, project costs as well as risks of failure, and lower the barriers to prove innovative digital data services within our federated marketplace.

Dataspace4Health – Empowering Healthcare through Secure Data Sharing

Dataspace4Health, a project led by NTT DATA is revolutionising healthcare by building a secure and interoperable data ecosystem for medical research and patient care. This initiative focuses on enabling seamless and trusted data exchange between healthcare providers, research institutions, and patients, all while ensuring data sovereignty and compliance with stringent privacy regulations. Discover how Dataspace4Health is leveraging Gaia-X principles to facilitate collaborative research, accelerate innovation in personalised medicine, and improve patient outcomes through secure, cross-organizational data sharing. Learn how this platform promotes ethical data usage and empowers patients to control their health data, driving a new era of data-driven healthcare solutions.

Join Gaia-X and its partners in Hall 8, Booth D10, to explore real-world use cases, network with industry leaders, and witness the future of trusted global data collaboration in action.

Classified Files Released: “Drugged Up Prince Harry Shot JFK From a Flying UFO”

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Classified Files Released: “Drugged Up Prince Harry Shot JFK From a Flying UFO”

The White House has released heavily redacted classified files that reveal the amazing news that Prince Harry, high on psychedelic mushrooms, was flying over Dealey Plaza, Texas in a flying saucer at 12:30 p.m. Central Standard Time on November 22, 1963. He was in Texas on a galactic safari/hunting trip when he shot JFK.

The startling revelations have stunned many people across the world.

The White House released the formerly classified documents to great fanfare from the waiting media and public, after months of false promises.

“Goddamn, I knew there was something fishy about that Prince Harry guy. It was him all this time! He shot JFK then flew up to his mothership in the Draco constellation,” an American commented on Wednesday.

Just When You Thought Woke Was Gone …

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Just When You Thought Woke Was Gone …

One would have thought that the new era of Trump would hail some kind of renaissance in anti-woke reality where some form of normalcy was realised, but unfortunately, this is not the case. What happens to socialists, communists and the woke when they are pushed against a wall is even more scary — they double down.

This is the case in New Jersey hospitals, where new parents are now routinely given a questionnaire directly after the birth of their child. Kudos to Holly Schepisi, a Republican member of the New Jersey Senate, who will do something about this.

It reads:

“Which of the following best describes your baby? Lesbian or gay; straight or heterosexual; bisexual; self-describes (please specify); questioning/unsure.”

Newly born babies barely have a brain formed, and it is insanity to think that a newborn can “self-describe” its sexuality or is in a period of “questioning/unsure”.

woke babies new jersey

To this end, we must conclude what we have always concluded, that woke people are fucking deranged lunatics, they are so completely wacko and demented maybe they actually do need to all be exterminated with the highest form of prejudice. Only joking, just stick ’em all in large padded rooms for eternity, that should suffice.

What would Tony Soprano do in this situation? Send in Furio of course.

It’s only a matter of time though before this level of grotesque woke insanity comes to the NHS, which is already heavily infected with this dire shit.

Britney Spears Needs Some New Furniture Pronto

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Britney Spears Needs Some New Furniture Pronto

Whenever Britney Spears posts another video of her doing deranged, psychotic dances that are seriously demented, the real concern is with her furniture, it’s just so outdated.

In fact, her entire place looks like some kind of Holiday Inn suite from 1982.

Sure, Britney is a raving schizoid probably on god knows what drugs, but at least go to Ikea or something. Get a KNUTSTORP or a DAGSTORP or something that does not look so cheap and tired for fuck’s sake.

This poor woman looks like she is literally imprisoned in a motel lobby somewhere out in the Midwest from 1981.

If Britney reads this, which she will never do, please get some new furniture, so we can watch your psychotic gyrations knowing full well that you have taken the time to do something about the dire furniture situation in the background.

Better still, why not download an app that can remove the background completely, and maybe remove yourself from the videos too, wow, that would be a great bonus. Just post a blank video or something, anything is better than this utter, utter, useless shite.

Oops, Hunter Biden Just Lost His 18-Man Secret Service Detail

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Oops, Hunter Biden Just Lost His 18-Man Secret Service Detail

Hunter Biden, who is supposed to be broke, is having an extended holiday at a luxury five-star resort in South Africa at the moment after telling a judge that he was broke.

The cost to furnish him with 18 Secret Service agents at all times exceeds $34 million per annum. Trump just revoked all of that.

revoke ss hunter

 

Looks like Hunter is going to have to get his crack by himself from now on, as he won’t be able to send his detail out to get it for him.

These are truly sad days for the Democrats.

 

If You Can’t Speak or Read English in Arkansas You’re in Big Trouble

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If You Can’t Speak or Read English in Arkansas You’re in Big Trouble

The state of Arkansas is getting serious with drivers who can’t speak, read or write in English.

English Checkpoints

A truck driver at a weighing station witnessed dozens of arrests of people who were first tested on their English reading skills and their speech.

“I was actually witnessing people in handcuffs that had been pulled in. I was like, what’s going on? He goes, we’ve come across now that if you cannot read or write in English, that it’s a $5,000 fine.

“And if you have a company in Arkansas that employs people that can’t read or write in English, it’s a $10,000 fine paid on the spot.

“If you cannot pay it, you’re automatically arrested and lose your licence”

All trucks in Arkansas are now stopped and everyone is handed a piece of paper. They must then read out what is written on the piece of paper out loud. They must also write down on another piece of paper what they are told to write.

If they cannot do any of those tasks, they are promptly arrested when they cannot pay the exorbitant fine presented to them. The context of this new development is actually part of US law. It is hoped that Tom Homan, White House Executive Associate Director of Enforcement and Removal Operations (ERO) rolls this out to all states, although it is highly unlikely to happen in Democrat controlled states where undocumented illegal aliens are given driving licences.

According to federal law, commercial driving licence (CDL) holders must be able to speak and understand English.

49 CFR § 391.11(b)(2) states that a CDL driver must be able to:
Speak and read English and understand highway traffic signs and signals in English.

https://www.ecfr.gov/current/title-49/subtitle-B/chapter-III/subchapter-B/part-391/subpart-B/section-391.11

If they rolled this system out in the UK, the roads would be empty. What a wonderful dream that would be …

Give France Back the Statue of Liberty Demands French EU Politician

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Give France Back the Statue of Liberty Demands French EU Politician

French MEP Raphaël Glucksmann is requesting The United States returns the Statue of Liberty back to France immediately. The European Union representative for France claims that The US doesn’t uphold the values it did when it was gifted the statue. We have here, mesdames et messieurs, another Beyond Satire moment.

“The US no longer represents the values for which France gave the statue to the US,” said Raphaël Glucksmann, a French member of the European Parliament, on Monday.

The Statue of Liberty is supposed to be a symbol of freedom, given in 1886 by France to the United States in celebration of American Independence from France’s greatest enemy — the British.

Between 1778 and 1782 the French provided supplies, arms and ammunition, uniforms, and, most importantly, troops and naval support to the struggling American militia. The French navy transported reinforcements, fought off a British fleet, and protected Washington’s forces in Virginia. If it were not for the French, America would still be British.

Nearby Ellis Island was the first stop for millions of immigrants to the U.S. in the late 19th and early 20th centuries.

The national monument commemorates this period of massive immigration to the United States.

Give me your tired, your poor,

Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me,

I lift my lamp beside the golden door!

 

Inside the statue, a plaque added in 1903 is engraved with words from an 1883 poem by Emma Lazarus

 

The French seem to be rather forgetful about who liberated them from the Nazis in WW2. To be hectored about “freedom” from the EU is particularly ironic, especially as the soviet bloc is ruled by the EU Commission, an unelected body of officials under an undemocratic system that is suspiciously similar to the former USSR.

Market Fear Over Yet? More Squeaky Bum Time or Time to Buy the Dip?

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Market Fear Over Yet? More Squeaky Bum Time or Time to Buy the Dip?

Recently, there’s been a lot of talk about whether the U.S. economy is heading into a recession. Some experts are saying that the growth we’ve seen over the past two years was mostly fuelled by frivolous Biden government spending (which essentially means more debt), and now things might be slowing down as Trump tries to rearrange the financial furniture to make the economy more based on business rather than socialist debt. Is this time to panic and run, or is this time to stay calm, fill yer boots and buy the dip?

Since 1998 there have been 11 corrections (price declines >10%) in the S&P 500, with an average price decline of 14.3%.

The U.S. economy has grown a lot in the past five years, but that artificially created growth fuelled by trillions of dollars pumped into government jobs and woke socialist initiatives has basically had the rug pulled out from under it (not mentioning any names = DOGE). The last four years of Bidenomics “growth” were nothing more than a debt-fuelled mirage. The Trump admin and Fed are now more focused on reducing profligate government waste and spending, as well as lowering inflation. This could lead to lower interest rates, a weaker U.S. dollar, and a shift in investments toward bonds, international stocks, and gold.

Many had predicted a market correction back in December, and it happened quickly— minus 10% in just 20 days, the fifth-fastest correction in the last 75 years. However, this is not the start of a long-term bear market. Instead, it is a normal correction and time to buy the dip.

Some signals to look for, ChoCh: When BofA FMS cash levels rise above 5% (triggers “buy signal”) and/or rise by 60bps in 1–2 months; if March Global FMS (released Tuesday, March 18th) shows cash levels up from 3.5% to more than 4.1% would end the “sell signal” that was triggered in December for stocks, and indicate bulk of correction done (Since the BofA Global FMS Cash Rule “sell signal” triggered on Dec 17th, and since then the Mag7 -20%, Nasdaq -14%, S&P 500 -9%, ACWI -5%, EFA +6%).

Buy the dip

The S&P 500 could be a good buy around 5,300 if these signals align. However, there could still be some short-term pain in the market, especially if certain sectors, like broker-dealers, show signs of weakness. The XBD Broker-Dealer Index (which tracks financial firms) is a key indicator to watch. If it breaks below 750, it could signal deeper trouble for the market.

On the bright side, financial conditions are easing. Lower bond yields, a weaker U.S. dollar, and falling oil prices are all helping to stabilise the economy. Historically, corrections end when the “laggards” (underperforming sectors) finally crack, and the “leaders” (strong sectors) stabilise. For example, the “bro bubble” basket of stocks (which surged 55% between the U.S. election and inauguration) has already fallen 25%, which could mean the worst is behind us.

Protection while US economy adjusts to reality:

– Bonds: With government spending slowing down, long-term bonds could be a good bet.
– International Stocks: Stocks outside the U.S., especially in Europe and China, look cheaper and could perform well.
– Gold: Gold is a good hedge against a weaker U.S. dollar or a potential trade war. Long Gold on weak US dollar, gold is the best hedge for trade wars and/or collapse in real rate. Peak “US exceptionalism” = peak US dollar; Gold best hedge against collapse in real rates driven by either 2nd wave of inflation or Fed needing to massively cut rates.

Why Not Just Wait for the Bottom?

Some investors are already jumping back into the market, hoping to “buy the dip”. But a safer strategy would be to: diversify into bonds, international stocks, and gold instead of trying to time the market perfectly.

Whatever happens, here’s to a bumpy, dangerous, yet interesting ride.

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