The People’s Bank of Soviet England has once again downgraded its growth forecasts for the next two years and warned the soviet economy was now in danger of another significant jump in unemployment.
In its first analysis of the economy since the Budget, Commissar Rachel Reeves’s decision to increase employer national insurance contributions and the inflation-busting increases in the minimum wage, plus introducing massive tax increases all compounded by shocking levels of incompetence, sleaze and corruption from the feckless losers in the Labour Big State has caused a nightmare situation otherwise known as a “clusterfuck”.
Commissar Bailey said this “good news” suggested policymakers would cut rates further in the coming months to try to stave off a massive Great Depression-like economic downturn.
Due to the lunatic decisions of Commissar Reeves, unemployment is set to increase at exponential levels.
Employment growth has been “zero” over the past year “due to cost pressures from higher employer national insurance contributions and the national living wage.”
As a result, the Bank cut its growth forecasts for this year to just 0.9pc, down from a prediction of 1.2pc last November, adding that fearful citizens were choosing to save rather than spend.
Saving is a crime in the People’s Republic of Soviet Britain, and anyone found saving money will first have all their ill-gotten capitalist gains confiscated and the perpetrators of the crime liquidated.
PEOPLE’S BULLETIN 04494-34
JENNIFER POTFALLOW, 14, OF MANDELSON ROAD, PORTSMOUTH, HAS BEEN AWARDED THREE FAKE LEATHER SHOE SOLES, ONE ROTTEN TURNIP, ONE BOX OF QUADRUPLE-USED TOILET PAPER, AND AN INCREASE IN CHOCO RATIONS OF 0.000013 GRAMS FOR TWO DAYS. SHE REPORTED HER MOTHER, FATHER, GRANDFATHER, GRANDMOTHER, UNCLES, AUNTS AND HER ENTIRE CLASS FOR TRAVELLING TO THE SEASIDE WITHOUT A PROPER PASS OR THE NECESSARY AUTHORISATION PAPERS. THEY WERE TAKEN IN THE EARLY HOURS OF THURSDAY MORNING AND LIQUIDATED AND PRECESSED INTO NET ZERO JUICE. REMEMBER COMRADES, LOOK, LISTEN AND REPORT!
