17.7 C
London
Monday, January 19, 2026
secret satire society
Home Blog Page 370

Thank You For this Very Special Christmas Card From Our Chinese Fans

0

Amongst the assorted Christmas cards and hate mail we receive yearly, we were particularly enamoured by the wonderful thoughts we received from our fans in China.

The Xiong High School students sent us a card saying how gracious they were to the daily posts of the Daily Squib.

“We love Daily Squib Very much long time!” Lei Ying Lo, 18, wrote on the card.

Another student, Wu Ju Likmi, 19, wrote: “Dai(r)y Squib our teacher say shit but me read!”

The school situated in the outskirts of Beijing has a total of 35,000 students and we had the pleasure of correspondence from class 3450-b.61

We wish to thank all our fans worldwide, and within the UK a wonderful Xmas, and a Happy New Year.

We welcome receiving Christmas cards from all over the world from our fans, so please do write to: DS Christmas Cards, P.O. Box 2907, London, SW1A 1AA, United Kingdom

Future of Online Casinos in the UK

0

The industry of online gambling is highly popular in the world and, specifically, in the UK. From April 2017 to March 2018, it has made a revenue of ₤4.9 billion. British citizens are lucky enough to be eligible to gamble on licensed online platforms almost without restrictions. Providers have to follow KYC/AML policies and customers have to meet the age requirements, but that’s the necessary limitations.

Despite the loyal attitude, the main national authority (the United Kingdom Gambling Commission) focuses on toughening the control over the industry. With the emergence of new technologies like blockchain, a new approach to gambling is being actively discussed.

A lot of bloggers, like Katie Wager, analyse the future of online casinos, considering possible legislative changes and technical innovations. Let’s discover the situation, trying to see the future prospects of online betting in the UK.

Some background

The very first online casino was developed and launched by Microgaming in 1994. A software provider CryptoLogic designed the security system and safe money transfers for this platform.

The UK citizens were able to use all online casinos before 2005, when the UKGC was established and the first Gambling Act was signed. In 2014, the new version of this law was presented, forcing every operator, including offshore ones, to get British licenses in order to operate in the UK.

The current state of affairs

Online casinos are allowed in the United Kingdom if they have been licensed by the local Gambling Commission. British customers can hardly enjoy other operators, as payment systems block money transfers to unlicensed platforms. Still, there are enough official websites to choose from.

The Gambling Act of 2005 and its amendment of 2014 are the main legal documents which regulate both offline and online gambling. The UKGC monitors the activity of British and foreign casinos, ban or penalize violators, and propose new laws. The community is anxious as the Commission began to tighten restrictions.

Recent and upcoming changes

Let’s see what changes can be brought by the UKGC’s decisions and what difference can technical progress make.

Legal field

The beginning of 2018 was troubling. The Commission stated that it would fight unregulated gambling, as well as introduce new requirements for licensed casinos. The announced changes were related to bonuses and terms and conditions, higher transparency of casino rules, and more information about expenses. According to BBC, the UKGC also consulted with the Remote Gambling Association (RGA) on two approaches:

  • Enhancing self-exclusion systems. GAMSTOP is the official national platform which is going to include all online casinos to allow gamblers to control their experience. Additionally, the British may use GambleAware, which is an independent charity organization focused on popularizing responsible gambling.
  • Regulating advertisements. In the cooperation with the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA), the Commission bans ads which create a fake urgency and trivialize games. Also, the government wants to impose extra fines on casino operators that don’t meet the ASA’s requirements.

New rules discussed by the UKGC and the RGA may totally ban ads during live sports events and their translations, excluding horse races. Restrictions will affect online sportsbooks mostly, but casinos should be aware as well. According to the information from iGaming Business, betting companies still have to approve the decision.

Moreover, online casinos are under the fire. The Guardian states that in the late November 2018, the UK Gambling Commission penalized four gambling companies because of the failings in anti-money laundering and poor protection from problem gambling. There were huge fines imposed on three companies (Daub Alderney, Casumo, Videoslots), while the fourth one (CZ Holdings) was forced to leave the UK market. At least six more operators are under investigation. Experts say that casinos have to be attentive, as the UKGS is way stricter now than it was a few years ago. It’s not enough to obtain a license but it’s also crucial to meet KYC/AML policies and help gamblers that show addictive behaviour.

Tech and innovations

Considering these changes, the online gambling industry may move towards decentralization. It’s an extremely competitive sector where casino operators have to provide the best quality and safety to keep their customers loyal.

Decentralized systems can fulfill all the demands of modern users who want to be sure about security and transparency of their experience. Blockchain is the most promising innovation that is being implemented by casinos. Blockchain-powered platforms are totally independent of governments and payment systems.

Cryptocurrencies are another great feature of blockchain. In refined Bitcoin casinos, gamblers can avoid long expensive transfers with the involvement of third parties. Encryption used for performing crypto transactions is also an important measure of protection.

The fate of online casinos in the UK

It should be clear that authorities in the UK are going to make online gambling more regulated. Thousands of customers may be upset with this fact: higher fines, banned ads, and runaway operators damage the gambling ecosystem. Thus, new-age systems should enliven the market with innovations like blockchain and crypto. Moreover, as Forbes notes, they can even expand to the land-based gambling facilities, bringing the industry to a new level.

Tech Startup Designs Digital Glasses For Rich People to Edit Out the Poor

0

There’s nothing worse for rich people who have to sometimes pass through areas of a city or countryside only to be confronted with unsightly poor people going about their business or rioting in the streets.

Seeing an opening in the high end luxury market, a tech company from Paris, France has come up with digital eyewear that simply edits out undesirables and the Untermensch as well as ugly poverty ridden surroundings.

“Why see slums when you can look across Lake Geneva?” is the catchy tagline for the digital glasses.

“The user specifies what sort of people that the digital AI system will edit out, and through face and gait recognition as well as what type of clothes the person you are looking at is wearing, the system will simply erase them from your view so as not to add offence to your sensibilities. Whether it is the crack addled street scum, welfare recipients, ethnics, tramps, migrants, gypsies or working class people, you will never have to look upon them ever again,” Pierre Martineaux, startup CEO, for eFFACER revealed on Wednesday.

The glasses are so sophisticated that they even have sensitive smell sensors embedded on the frame, and can can detect a poor person from over 100 yards.

“Poor people have a certain smell, and it’s certainly not Givenchy or Pierre Cardin. This is the first line of defence. Then the image of the person is run across an extensive database, and erased before the wearer notices. Our sophisticated database engine also recognises whether the image is a rich person dressing down, for example ‘shabby chic’ a la pop starlets and actors. These people are not erased from view, because they may be simply champagne socialist celebrities and such,” Martineaux added.

The company is so confident of their product that they recently tested the glasses at a Gilets Jaunes violent protest.

“I approached the Champs Elysees and I could hear some faint activity, rocks, shouting and sirens through my headphones but nothing bothersome. The glasses however edited out every single person from the riot as they were successfully identified as poor people. All I could see was the boulevard on a warm Parisian summer’s day. It was truly amazing, because I had my headphones on as well and was listening to some delightful adagios from Mozart, so the experience was not unsettling at all,” project engineer, Eric Dugasse revealed. Unfortunately, he was later hit on the head with a pavement stone during the exercise and now has permanent brain damage.

Despite small setbacks, the company still plans to go ahead with the first phase of production.

The glasses will not come cheap either, as they will only be accessible to the market they are aimed at — the super rich. They will retail at a yearly subscription price of 1.4 million euros.

The reasoning behind the subscription model is that the tech is constantly updated, which works to the advantage of the wearer as well as funding further research into the product.

“Why upset your day by seeing offensive things like poor people and migrants? We are also designing a new machine learning system that not only edits out poor people and other undesirables, but replaces them with AI depictions of rich people as designated by the wearer. This is not only revolutionary, but will ensure that the rich are not tortured daily by the crass vulgar displays of poverty that are so prevalent in this day and age.”

Endorsements for the product have already come in from high, French President Emmanuel Macron has ordered a pair, as has EU President, Jean Claude Juncker. All members of the European Commission will be given complementary pairs funded by EU taxpayers of course.

 

House of Commons to Ban the Word ‘Woman’

0

In light of Jeremy Corbyn mouthing the words ‘stupid w*man’ after a particularly vicious lashing from PM Theresa May at PMQs, the House of Commons is to ban the word ‘w*man’.

Speaker of the House of Commons, John Bercow, has already tabled the motion at an emergency parliamentary session shortly after Opposition leader Jeremy Corbyn was called in to apologise.

The word ‘stupid’ will however not be banned, because it is an adequate description of many who attend the House, and the words they speak could be easily described as ‘stupid’.

“It is impossible in this day and age to have such a thing as a ‘stupid w*man’. All wom*n have IQs well above Albert Einstein and he was a measly man not worthy of stupidity. I hereby declare that no w*man can be described as stupid. They are all very intelligent creatures above the level of men. We can still say ‘stupid man’, that is perfectly acceptable because men are now classed as third rate citizens. Furthermore, with regards to Theresa May, I would like to reiterate the point that she is not a ‘stupid w*man’ but a ‘stupid cunt of the highest order'”, one member of the parliamentary committee in charge of stupidity in the House said before being heckled.

NetEnt Casinos – Live Versions Expanded New Territory

0

In November 2018, one of the world’s leading software providers NetEnt (Net Entertainment) has launched the full live casino package in Denmark. Now, customers can enjoy all the presented games with real dealers thanks to the brand of Mr Green and its gambling platforms.

This is the first entry to the Danish market for the company which provides live games to a lot of customers in several countries. It has solid positions in Europe in general – Net Entertainment casinos rating for UK citizens made by AllHighRollerCasinos.com shows that the brand is especially valued among high rollers.

Why NetEnt Live is worth mentioning? How it can boost the gambling experience? What are the most noteworthy innovations and achievements of the provider? Read on to get answers.

NetEnt Live features
Basically, live casino stands for games with real croupiers broadcasted in real time from a studio. NetEnt’s live games are streamed from specially equipped studios in Malta. Affiliate casino operators use their own websites to integrate these streams and allow gamblers to enjoy this experience.

On live platforms, the company provides:

  • Roulette
  • Blackjack
  • Common Draw Blackjack

Additionally, the provider has designed the global environment called Exclusive Virtual Casino or EVC. Thanks to it, users can switch between tables without closing the interface. Casino operators can order this system; Mr Green is the first big brand to do this.

Apart from games, there is a brand-new automatic system for operators called NetEnt Live Rewards. It allows creating personalized promotional offers, rewarding players with cash or bonuses, and catering products for gamblers.

Live Casino is available for both desktop and mobile players on 25 languages. It also supports 25 currencies worldwide. With Chroma Key technique that allows modifying background, casinos can promote their own brands with logos.

Live games for new markets

In 2017-2018, NetEnt has launched its games in several countries. Most of the projects are limited to betting systems and, sometimes, slots. Only a few partners have enough resources to host live casino, as it remains highly innovative and demanding. Moreover, NetEnt constantly develops new live features to attract more attention to the product.

Geographical expansion

As we’ve mentioned, entering the Denmark market is the latest milestone of the NetEnt live department. After the launch of the EVC system, Mr Green and Unibet ordered it and presented their own virtual platforms. The former operator provided NetEnt’s live games, including Roulette and two types of Blackjack, to Danish citizens. Mr Green’s Live Beyond Live final system now features a set of tables, seamless streaming quality, professional croupiers, and personalized support for Denmark.

Both representatives of NetEnt and Mr Green claimed that such cooperation should benefit brands, expanding their audiences. Henrik Fagerlund from NetEnt says that ‘Mr Green is a perfect partner with a strong presence in Denmark’. Antoine Bonello responds that NetEnt Live can enhance Mr Green’s proposition in Denmark. It’s too early to evaluate results but they may be impressive.

In August 2018, NetEnt also has expanded its influence in the UK after making an agreement with William Hill which should provide live games to local customers. This partnership between one of the biggest live casino operators and the company with an innovative approach to live games promises to be fruitful.

More than a year ago NetEnt signed a deal with Mozzart to launch both traditional online games and Live Casino in Serbia. The local operator now hosts dozens of entertainments, including Live Roulette and Live Blackjack. NetEnt’s officials stated that they are happy to ‘strengthen positions on regulated markets’ and pleased that Serbian players can enjoy the most popular titles.

Apart from focusing on the expansion of NetEnt Live, the provider partnered with a number of casino operators in the following counties: Canada, Lithuania, Norway, Czech Republic, and others. It’s clear the NetEnt is improving its products and spreads its influence.

Technical innovations

From the beginning of 2018, the provider introduced three new updates to Live Casino. The first one – Live Beyond Live – was developed in cooperation with already mentioned Mr Green and presented during ICE Totally Gaming. Gamblers can enjoy the multi-table system, extra view angles with additional cameras, and smooth interface.

Earlier, NetEnt launched other noteworthy innovations:

  • Sports Betting Widget: it allows gambling in live casino games and betting on sports events simultaneously
  • Live Sports Roulette: during this tournament dedicated to the World Cup, players were able to check live results with dealers’ comments

NetEnt’s hegemony

Considering the active expansion of NetEnt, we can say that the company tries to take a lead among casino software providers. Its main competitors, Microgaming and Playtech, enter new markets a bit slower. With impressive features of NetEnt Live, this brand can attract more customers and casino operators. The partnership with Mr Green shows that NetEnt is on its way to hegemony.

Orderly Clean Brexit is Perfectly Manageable

0

The only way Theresa May can ever vindicate her previous inaction and misguided action, is through an orderly Clean Brexit or as it is labelled by the perpetually afraid — a No Deal Brexit.

The government should therefore give businesses more clarity on the processes of a managed Clean Brexit to allay their fears.

The rest of the world has been trading perfectly well under WTO rules, as does Britain right now.

The Project Fearmongers are a bunch of hysterical Remoaners who are only afraid that they will be cut off from their mother’s teat momentarily, i.e. mother Brussels, who gives them their monthly stipends and backhanders.

This is why the government must step up their preparations with extra budgets available for all business in Britain, and tax reductions, as well as tax breaks taken from the £39 Billion which would otherwise have been thrown away into the EU black hole.

Theresa May must present a positive view of a Clean Brexit, and all this Millennium Bug scaremongering must be stopped.

Anna Soubry who has threatened to resign would be another welcome effect of a Clean Brexit. The contemptuous witch should have been fired and thrown from the party in disgrace a long time ago anyway.

The Clean Brexit should become central policy immediately, and it should be embraced as a wonderful opportunity to escape the EU cleanly.

If Theresa May does not adhere to this Clean Brexit then she should be removed and a real implementation of the Brexit must be conducted by a Brexiteer.

This is the only opportunity for Britain to exit the EU with some dignity and Theresa May to vindicate herself.

Desperate Theresa May Doing the Brussels Rounds Again

0

To see a desperate Theresa May in Brussels today was a sad sight to behold. What has happened to this once great, proud nation to see the Prime Minister grovelling on her knees to Brussels bureaucrats?

No dignity left

“I felt some vomit coming up when I saw Theresa May with this desperate forlorn look on her face. She was completely alone whilst the EU bosses all looked at her with pity and derision. Her begging face was out. I just wanted to go over to her and kick her in the shins really hard. It was a disgusting, repulsive view of someone so profoundly weak that it brought on nausea. Thatcher would never have done this. She would have told the lot of them to ‘eff off!’,” a stunned British onlooker revealed.

Is the PM stupid? Anyone with any logic would have known that her Brexit in Name Only would never be accepted by parliament because it goes against every concept that was voted for on June 23, 2016 at the EU Referendum.

The blame has to also lie with the idiots in charge of the Conservative party who put a Remainer in charge of Brexit. She did not have her heart in it, she exuded a negative vibe about the whole process, then tried to pass through a blatant capitulation to the EU through the backdoor.

“I have no sympathy for that thing they call Theresa May. It is an automaton, a programmed robot that just keeps knocking its head against a brick wall. Someone, or something needs to take the fucking batteries out of that thing because it’s making an almighty mockery of Britain,” another shocked observer revealed.

The sight of Mrs May dragging the country through the dirt in such a pitiful manner is so sickening, one almost expects her to go to the EU Commission car park and start bukkake dogging sessions with the Brussels bureaucrats all queueing up to get serviced.

For god’s sake woman…just resign, at least keep some dignity.

Espionage Experts: Google China Search Engine Data Will Go Straight to CIA/NSA

0

Clandestine operations in China are imperative for the acquisition of data about the Chinese population and communist hierarchy, and this is one of the reasons why Google has been enlisted by Western intelligence agencies to do the dirty work of indirectly siphoning off huge amounts of data from the closed off firewall of China.

“You can’t get a better opportunity than this to glean crucial information about the communist Chinese than the Google search engine. The data will go directly to our intelligence agencies and will be utilised for future military operations. We do have some understanding about how the Chinese operate, however we need a more direct line, and thanks to Google, they stepped up,” one former member of the intelligence community revealed.

The secretive Chinese have effectively cut off their communist nation from the rest of the world with regards to the internet, and this is why there has to be a cleaner more agreeable method of information acquisition.

Human rights activists have recently voiced their concerns about Google venturing into the Chinese market due to the brutal nature of the communist regime in dealing with those who are not accepted by the communist party ideology, however this is no concern to Google or intelligence agencies. They just see the people who are arrested and brutally tortured by the Chinese authorities as collateral damage in a bigger game.

The data acquired will be of huge interest especially when it comes to the financial markets, global economics, and internal communist operations, as well as general information about the Chinese population as a whole.

China has been conducting blatant acts of stealing classified information from the West for some time, so this time, Google will be doing the honours for the West.

What is certain, is that the information which will be received from China with Operation Dragonfly will serve the West well. Another certainty, which has now been confirmed as a definite is that Google is a defacto arm of the United States military intelligence cloaked in a civilian disguise, that is now flapping in the wind, uncovered for all to see.

Every Vote For Theresa May is a Vote For Her Chequers BRINO Deal

0

Jean Claude Juncker was emphatic that the current BRINO deal will never be renegotiated by Brussels. Theresa May faffing around sniffing bottoms in Brussels will not achieve anything, and everyone knows it.

End of story.

Therefore, every Conservative MP who votes to keep on Theresa May in the no confidence vote is effectively voting for a BRINO (Brexit In Name Only) deal which is the only thing May is committed to producing.

There are some claims that May is saying she will step down before a general election, but only after she puts through her BRINO deal. This is not acceptable to Leave voters, and is a blatant betrayal.

Those MPs who thus vote to support May are not fit for purpose and have effectively betrayed every Leave voter who voted on June 23, 2016. Sir Bernard Jenkins, is definitely voting to oust May, and he has been one of the only logical people speaking about this no confidence vote.

In these circumstances, it should be known that many will feel extremely angry by Theresa May staying on just so she can push through her Brexit capitulation through parliament.

The only way therefore to get rid of Theresa May, as the Conservatives are not fit to do so, is through a general election.

If anyone has any ideas about how to force a general election please leave a comment below. We suspect it may have something to do with the DUP. They just need to withdraw their support for May’s government et voila..

Gift That Keeps Giving: Labour Hoping the Tories Keep May

0

On the eve of the no confidence vote on Theresa May’s non-leadership of the Tory party, and her complete muck up of the Brexit, there are some who are hoping that she stays in and plods along for another election — cue the Labour party.

Jeremy Corbyn’s party are keeping their fingers crossed that the idiots who support May carry on doing so, because she is the passport to a Labour win at the next General election.

“We know for sure that real Brexiteers will never vote Tory again if they keep Theresa May, and they will never support her BRINO deal. That’s votes lost for the Tories right there, 17.4 million odd. Labour will win the election because the Tories have effectively abandoned their grassroots voters,” a Labour election campaigner revealed today.

After May’s roasting at the hands of Corbyn today at PMQ’s there is no doubt who has the upper hand in parliament and it’s not Theresa May, who cannot even command any sort of relevant leadership.

The Tories will be stupid to keep May, but Labour is counting on the stupidity and greed of the Conservatives, no doubt many have been bribed with promises of kushy seats in the House of Lords for May’s support.

It does not matter a jot whether May stays on and promises to go after Brexit, but before an election. The evil deed will have been done, the Brexit betrayal will have been committed, and for real Brexiteers this is enough. They will never vote Tory ever again.

Every day, every hour, every second that May is kept on, Labour grows stronger, because they know now that THEY will have the votes at the next election and not the Tories led by an old boot, not fit for the knackers yard.