The incredible finding that everyone on YouTube either lives in a van or a ‘tiny home’ is a fascinating insight into the lifestyles of internet social media influencers.
The study also revealed that every YouTuber is an avowed narcissist, and if any event is not filmed and then immediately broadcast, then it might as well have never happened.
In other news, Donald Trump is rather partial to the colour orange, and bears shit in the woods.
Tune in next year for an insight into TikTok users.
Oh dear, the EU soviet bloc have not taken the trade tariffs imposed by Donald Trump very well. The EU president, Ursula von der Leyen, is now threatening the USA with countermeasures. We could have a new trade war on our hands here, folks.
Not sure what China or the EU will do about all of this, but a prolonged trade war would be a precursor for a global recession if it gets messy. Usually after trade wars start, real wars begin and conflict could escalate globally if not careful. There is no certainty that the ongoing conflict in Ukraine will halt any time soon despite Trump’s efforts.
Ihre Papiere sind nicht in Ordnung
“Ve vill putten onnen ein 580% tariff für fake orange tan injections from Deutschland! Vot vill Trumpf do vis dat? Himmel! Das ist war, wir will den deklären ein war uponen ze United Staaten von Amerika. In ze EU ve haff vays of maken du comply!”
If these trade war threats from von der Leyen are true, Trump will be out of his orange tan injections he gets from Germany exclusively.
Last year, Trump revealed the secret to his distinct orange skin hue.
“Every day I like to take my orange injections. They’re wonderful. I was in an orange orchard and no one could see me, it’s that good, folks. The wonderful German people sell them to me. I get this tremendous orange skin colour, and it makes me feel good when I look in the mirror every few minutes.”
Looks like it’s a trade war then …
Donald Trump has gone easy on EU trade tariffs by only putting 20% tariff charges on EU exports to the US. Trump specifically accused the EU of imposing an effective tax rate of 39% on US goods, and singled out the bloc’s VAT and automobile tariff rates as well as its non-tariff barriers on US poultry.
“It seems the EU got away easy with Trump only putting 20% charges on EU exports when he should have put at least 50% tariffs on the soviet bloc of countries,” an economic analyst on Capitol Hill revealed on Wednesday.
Good thing for Brexit, the UK only took a 10% hit, seeing as the UK charges US imports 10% as well.
For too long, the US has been giving away freebies to countries who have effectively been leeching off America, and Trump is simply addressing this issue.
Naturally, the stock markets and dollar tanked, but these are just knee-jerk fear responses, and in the long-term, the US stands to profit hugely. Reindustrialising the USA, is the key to self-sufficiency, and not relying on brutal communist regimes like China, who have become rich by selling their shoddy, cheap plastic junk made from communist slave labour. China has also been able to build up their military to threaten the globe with its Maoist communist expansionist moves. The key Trump move is Fuck China, and Fuck the EU.
UPDATED: The weak British farmers have not conducted a much touted farmer’s strike, and it was probably an April Fool’s Day joke, a decidedly pathetic one.
A first national farmers “strike” is NOT under way, with a number of farmers who said they would be refusing to load milling wheat out of stores for the next two weeks, in protest at the raft of Labour government policies that are hitting the industry hard not doing what they promised to do.
It might be April fools day but food shortages are no joke. Empty shelves will be appearing so better pop to your local supermarket and grab a loaf of bread and packet of hot cross buns for Easter before they run out.
But don’t panic buy ……… pic.twitter.com/EQvlM50h4D
— Andrew Ward 🇬🇧🚜 (@wheat_daddy) April 1, 2025
The farmers will get minimal support from the DS in the future due to their pathetic action of no action. If British farmers do not have the guts to help themselves, we won’t bother either.
🚨 The milling wheat strike starts tomorrow
Farmers will refuse to load bread making wheat from their stores from 1 April
“No hot cross buns for easter”
— FarmingUK (@FarmingUK) March 31, 2025
Comrades, commissars, Labour Party hierarchy, Bolsheviks, apparatchiks, Big State civil servants, Big State council bosses, train drivers, Marxist union bosses, NHS managers, Big State BBC propaganda officers, and the rest of the scum proletariat.
Commissar Reeves has revealed that the despised landed gentry kulak farmers are revolting. Reports are coming in that a number of kulak farmers are refusing to load milling wheat out of stores for the next two weeks.
URGENT COMMUNIQUÉ FROM COMMISSAR REEVES
“Comrades, due to my wonderful “growth” policies of heavy-handed and punishing taxation, it seems that some of the population are now revolting. Personally, I always thought the rest of you pathetic underlings were revolting, but that’s neither her nor there.
“Under these circumstances, I am proud to announce that there will be no bread or flour available in the shops. The People’s Republic of Soviet Britain is modelled on Soviet era Russia, so I can safely say that there will be not much change, except instead of queuing for hours to receive a tiny stale mouldy loaf, you will now queue for hours to get nothing.
“You can have your cabbage soup with no stale, mouldy bread for a while during the kulak farmers’ strike, and don’t forget, we will have available some lovely piping hot cabbage hot cross buns.
“I have already despatched our trusty Stasi agents and police along with the bulldozers to the rural areas to discipline the kulaks, and believe you me they will be disciplined. The Big State will seize any last remaining vestiges of capitalist filth left. I am NEVER wrong!”
INGSOC NOTICE 083540-08883-34019378233-A123-91119283838292920-0
GERALD PUMPKNUCKLE, 23, OF 104 JOSEFSTALIN ROAD, CRICKLEWOOD, SECTOR 12, ENGLAND, WAS TODAY AWARDED 0.02 GRAMS OF EXTRA FLOUR RATIONS FOR REPORTING HIS GRANDMOTHER, GRANDFATHER, BROTHER, SISTER, LOCAL BAKER AND PET TORTOISE HUGO FOR TUTTING DISAPPROVINGLY DURING A BROADCAST FROM COMMISSAR REEVES ABOUT THE BIG STATE INCREASE IN ALL BIG STATE TAXES FOR PROLES TO BE ENACTED NEXT WEEK. THE TREACHEROUS TRAITORS TO THE BIG STATE WERE TAKEN AWAY THIS MORNING AT 3AM. THEY WILL BE LIQUIDATED AND RECYCLED FOR SUSTAINABLE COMMISSAR MILIBAND NET ZERO PURPOSES! THE SPECIAL NET ZERO KOOL-AID PRODUCED FROM THE LIQUIDATION WILL BE AVAILABLE IN THE SHOPS SOON. REMEMBER COMRADES, LOOK, LISTEN, REPORT!
Yes, the Daily Squib was formed on April Fools’ Day 2007, and since then on every April 1st the DS staff get a day off.
We’re now in the boozer getting pissed.
See you all tomorrow…or not.
Britain is dead. It is so dead, that it is now a rotting putrid carcass with its legs sticking up and all bulbous and bloated with gases that threaten to explode. People who live in Britain are now ashamed of their own flag, they are ashamed of their own history and if a war started tomorrow, not many people would bother to fight for their country. You were once proud to be British, yet today you are not proud to be British. Even Shakespeare, probably the greatest English playwright, has been cancelled (decolonised).
What’s it like to live in a demoralised nation destroyed by woke ideology imported from the country’s enemies?
Well, it’s just sad that it has come to this level of despair. Seeing so-called leaders like Keir Starmer taking the knee for every woke virtue signal agenda is an affront to everything this country stood for once, and it is up to the Labour Party to hammer those rusty nails firmly into the coffin of Britain, because the Labour Party exemplifies everything that is wrong with this country. Freedom of speech and expression? It’s all gone. People are being arrested for social media posts, holding up signs, protesting, voicing their opinion.
As big nations like America, China and Russia move forward with their imperial ways, the UK can only watch from afar as the others shovel up as much territory and resources as possible. It’s Net Zero, a byword for impoverishing a nation and its people. China is building scores of coal powered stations every year; America is all about “drill, baby, drill” and here they’re concreting over crucial gas reserves. Of course, Putin watches, and gives a wry smile. When the war begins for certain — the hot war — Britain will be defenceless. This is what Labour are doing, they are destroying crucial back up energy reserves, leaving Britain sans defence, a limping shadow of its former self, a hopeless fucking case which can be walked over and defeated in less than a day.
With a destroyed economy thanks to the arrogance of a lunatic rogue chancellor who has no idea how commerce works, or the fact that over-taxation changes the behaviour of the population resulting in lower treasury tax revenue, the augurs do not bode well. It’s like listening to a robot as this horrifying Marxist automaton bleats out the usual blame game for an economic disaster made solely by her disastrous decisions.
Britain is fucked, it truly is now completely lost, and no, Reform or Farage, or whoever cannot save the island — it’s gone. You’re not proud to be British, you’re ashamed of the Union Jack.
Meghan Markle loves money so much, she is now considering selling Sussex branded landmines on her Instagram affiliate marketing shop. The landmines would be dropshipped and delivered to any war zone, DMZ or territory with next day shipping available, giving her a nice tidy commission.
It’s the dollars, any way to make cash money is okay, and Markle is no exception to this rule.
It is not certain which type of Sussex branded landmines Meghan will go for, but it will probably be the type that blows people up.
Mine expert Hugo Boom is an ex-Pentagon arms salesman and suggests the celebrity influencer sells mines like the M18A1 Claymore fragmentation mine in bulk, maybe 100,000 units minimum, which in commission sales could be top-notch.
Bulk orders from places like Myanmar or Hamas would make for some serious cash.
“The M18 is a beautiful piece of ordnance. When detonated, the explosion drives the matrix forward, out of the mine at a velocity of 3,937 ft/s, at the same time breaking it into individual fragments. The steel balls are projected in a 60 degree fan-shaped pattern that is 6.6 ft high and 55 yd wide at a range of 55 yd. The force of the explosion deforms the relatively soft steel balls into a shape similar to a .22 rimfire projectile.
“If she’s going for real sales, I also suggest the Sussex branded M16 APM bounding mine. These fuckers sell like hot cakes. When it is tripped, a small propelling charge launches the body of the mine 3 to 4 feet into the air, where the main charge detonates and sprays fragmentation at roughly waist height. I love these things, they’re absolute genius. Jack-in-the-box shit right there!
“Okay, I heard she’s selling jam as well. I gotta tell you, after these mines go off, it kinda looks like jam, except maybe a few eyeballs, and bones in the mix too!”
Villagers have criticised their vicar for refurbishing the village’s 15th century church to resemble something “very unchristian”. From recent photographs, it is clear the village church has undergone radical changes.
Those living in Pringlefuncle Heath, Grindlesfartledean, labelled the refurbishment an “abomination” and “hideous eyesore” after the scaffolding and plastic sheeting was pulled down this week.
The Rev Peter Monkswaithe said that the refurbishment on the Grade 1-listed St Crusto’s Church “is a necessary progressive change made for the times we are living in right now”, but local residents said the structure is horrific and “totally out of keeping with the beautiful landscape”.
Photographs taken in the village, which was the setting of Barrowsanus in the BBC series All Creatures Small and Tiny, showed the refurbished Anglican church, with minarets in stark contrast to the remaining original brickwork of the rest of the church.
Christine Innabred, 62, a businesswoman who lives in Grindlesfartledean launched a “stop the refurbishment” petition that garnered 31 signatures last year in a village with a population of just 500.
She called the situation a “fucking disgrace”, and added: “From the hills that surround the village it can be seen for miles and looks so out of place, particularly when the rest of the church has been left in its original state.”
Reverend Monkswaithe anticipated that any “negativity” around the decision would fall to him.
He said the refurbishment was irreversible, “it is what it is, Alhamdulillah, things have changed in England and as a nation we must accept Allah into our hearts”.
“In a few months, I’m hoping people will get used to the daily calls to prayer and the hysteria will fade down.”
Reverend Monkswaithe says he hopes villagers will ‘get used’ to the new-look church.
Reginald Pisstrower, 73, said the vicar had “disfigured the church” and “changed the face of the village”.
Rachel Sharter lives two miles from Grindlesfartledean in Furqueton Hurst, but said she can still see the minarets, and hear the muezzin calling to prayer every day, scaring her chickens.
She added: “You could never see the church before, but now there’s no missing it.”
Mr Monkswaithe’s decision received some support on social media.
One supporter wrote: “Mashallah! The Christians have finally seen the truth, there is only one god, and he is Allah!”
Another said: “Soon the entire country will belong to Muslims. Bismillah ir-Rahman ir-Rahim. Allahu Akbar!”
Labour minister, Angela Rayner, is set to visit the village next Friday to attend prayers. Today, she commended the vicar on a “job well done”.
Along with selling dropshipped products on Instagram, the celebrity influencer is also considering joining OnlyFans, a place where the real money is made.
“She’s already selling jam, so why not start selling crusty knickers with a little (jam) in those as well? The simps of OnlyFans would lap those up like they were crumpets in a tea shop. There are women on OnlyFans literally making millions selling their crusty used knickers to losers all over the internet,” a PR adviser at top public relations firm, Elite Los Angeles PR, revealed on Friday.
OnlyFans and Meghan Markle could be a very lucrative moneymaker, more so than selling bland slave-made tat on Instagram.
“She’s a bit old now, but there’s still a good market for the older ladies. I think she should get one of those football boob jobs, and botox lips that look like a burst tyre. Slap on the fake eyelashes and all that crap, then she needs a decent camera, get those jam jars out, and she’s good to go. Private shows alone would be a real money spinner, especially if she has one of those pink plastic buzzer things they stick in, not sure what they’re called.”
OnlyFans money talks, jammy knickers, rock hard c*cks!
Copyright © Daily Squib 2026.
The Daily Squib is a curious satirical parody newspaper offering breaking news, political satire, comedy, investigative journalism, opinion and celebrity news.
