R leaves work every day at five o’clock sharp. She loosens the straps that hold her to her
seat at Widget Wonders, takes a breath and hisses out the day through slightly parted lips.
She says goodbye to Q, who sits at the station next to her as they quietly solder their futures to the whims of the widget empire.
R never went to widget school and never dreamed she’d be a Sprockets Associate. She fell into it like a pothole – when she wasn’t expecting it.
R had been out of work for about a month and decided to go to a job fair at a local
banquet hall. She gathered pamphlets and free pencils from every booth at the festival.
The air smelled of career building hoopla and the college kids were breathing it in like opium smoke. R was a bit jaded, having finished college herself over ten years ago.
One booth stood out. A huge banner in front read “Workers Wanted at Widget Wonders,” with blue and orange streamers and balloons decorating the perimeter.
The Widget Wonders propaganda booklet was quite impressive, with a pop-up 3-D widget inside. Surprise! “See what your future can hold! Apply today and you’ll be ‘Forever Clever,’” the smiling cartoon fox on the front of the booklet promised.
Inside the booklet were photos of a widget shop. One showed a young man looking pensive, soldering iron in hand, like he was doing something that required so much precision, skill, and God-given talent. He was proud of himself, R imagined, and
rightfully so.
The propaganda was pungent, and jaded though she was, R was on sensory overload.
She imagined herself hunched over a widget in progress, full of self-esteem and cash to spare. She filled out an application, dropped off a resume and went home to wait.A week later, after R had pretty much given up on the idea, she got an email with a link
inviting her to take the Brunchard Dragon Inventory, a series of eighty-seven questions about nothing that would ultimately determine her fate.
She set aside an hour and read the deceptively simple instructions:
“Welcome to the Brunchard Dragon Inventory. You will be asked eighty-seven questions
with no right or wrong answer. Answer honestly. If you’re not sure, simply give your best
answer. The timer will begin when you click Start Test.”
The first section consisted of a series of statements that were followed by four choices:
True, Mostly True, Mostly False or False. For example – It’s OK to steal a sandwich if you’re starving.
It’s OK to have sexual relations with your friend’s spouse if they say that they don’t care. It’s never OK to steal a sandwich…and so on for forty-five questions.
The remainder consisted of two choices and a tough decision. Would you rather step in a mud puddle or eat lunch with someone you don’t like? Or, choose the statement that is true: I like snacks/I never tell a white lie. I don’t like people who annoy me/I don’t like social injustice.
Two weeks later, R got a phone call from a spam number and almost didn’t answer.
“Hello, my name is Sandy McPherson from Widget Wonders. Are you still interested in
working for us? If so, I’d like to schedule a Zoom interview so you can meet Mr. Rodgers.”
On the day of the interview, R put on a blue cardigan and adjusted her laptop camera.
“Hello, R, I’m Mr. Rodgers,” said a fifty-ish-year-old man in a blue cardigan. “I’m the
director of the Sprockets Division at Widget Wonders.”
Mr. Rodgers went on to explain the job in great detail while R thought about what life
would be like if she worked there. She would have money, purpose, and new friends – wonders, indeed.
“How is your manual dexterity?”
“No one’s ever complained,” R shrugged.
“Do you enjoy arts and crafts?”
“Sure I do.”
“What kinds of crafts do you like?”
R panicked and said, “Knitting. I made this sweater.” She had bought it at TJ Maxx.
“Fantastic! Do you have any questions for me?”
It was too early to ask about compensation. When in doubt, ask about the company
culture.
“R, I’m glad you asked. Well, for starters, every fourth Friday we have a company-wide
pizza party. In the summertime we have a picnic at Sanford’s Park. You can bring your family and have all the beer, soda, hot dogs, and hamburgers you want. And our Christmas party, well,”
Mr. Rodgers looked like he was about to expose the secret recipe for Kentucky Fried Chicken.
“Let’s just say it’s ritzier than a prince’s wedding. We have a lot of fun here, but our work
requires a tremendous amount of dedication. I hope you understand that. Does that answer your question?” Mr. Rodgers beamed.
“Yes, thank you.”
“I like you, R, and I think you’d be a good fit for the Sprockets Division. When could
you start?”
“Uh, two weeks?” R replied tentatively. She had been out of work for a month, but didn’t
want to seem too eager. Besides, what about pay and benefits?
“The pay will start off at $12.50 an hour with a fifty cent raise after six months.”
Ouch. R thought she must be having one of her weird dreams.
“Our health insurance is very affordable. And you get twelve days paid time off in addition to most major holidays. Does that sound like something you’d be interested in?”
Well, no, R thought, not for $12.50 an hour. She would have to find a new place to live,
or take on a roommate. She didn’t have much choice, though. Of all the places R dropped off her resume, Widget Wonders was her only opportunity so far. She could surely work there for a little while.
Nearly one year later, R straightens up her station. She thinks of all that is wrong and
some that is not, grabs her Hello Kitty tote bag and heads for the parking lot. Things could always be worse.
The thousands of young male asylum seekers that arrive on Britain’s shores from France are coming here as economic migrants. What better way to serve the UK than to be immediately conscripted and moved to a barracks for months of intense British Army training, ready to be deployed around the globe at a moment’s notice?
Currently, the majority of sex crimes that occur in the UK are committed by foreign criminals, along with hundreds of thousands of violent crimes. Millions of foreign migrants who come and overstay in the UK cost taxpayers billions in benefit and housing payments, and clog up resources like the NHS, schools, as well as transport systems.
