Forget about cash to buy a car, you can now use tubs of Lurpak butter for vehicle purchases.
No need to spread payments
“I bought a new Maserati Ghibli for just 47 tubs of Lurpak. Forget about spreading payments over two years, it’s just a case of spreading the Lurpak,” Harold Wilkinson, 43, an accountant from East Grimshite, Northamptonshire, revealed in The Sun.
Butter get outta the way
In the black market, Lurpak is now such a valuable commodity that numerous gangs are at war vying for exclusive distribution rights for the butter.
The Metropolitan Police have warned of numerous deaths attributed to the Lurpak butter wars currently raging in London Council estates.
Chief Detective Inspector Dennis Scratching, appealed to the public to be vigilant if they come across a tub of Lurpak in the streets.
“Lurpak is now more valuable than meth or cocaine, so dealers and gangs are using the tubs of butter as collateral for drug deals. If you come across a tub of Lurpak in the street please approach with extreme caution and contact the police immediately. You must leave the area immediately, and do not take the tub home to spread on your toast.”
Wimbledon officials were today finalising a deal for tennis blockhead Nick Kyrgios to be displayed at London zoo’s ape house.
“We think the zoo will be the best place for Kyrgios. He will be cared for and given branches to swing from, as well as plenty of bananas,” Penny Cantwell, the zoo’s ape house senior keeper, revealed today.
Kyrgios is said to be from Australia and is a rare specimen who can hit objects very hard.
“He is quite dangerous and can hit balls very hard, including your own, if you’re not fucking careful,” one of the umpires from Wimbledon commented.
Ginny Wintertrout, 14, was excited by the new attraction at London zoo’s ape house.
“I cannot wait to see the new ape the zoo will be displaying. I have heard he is very wild and even spits at people. It’s a good thing there is a big glass window in the way.”
Women who make careers solely on their looks have a shelf life, as revealed by former model and socialite Marie Helvin. Certainly, she was true beauty in her younger days, but age takes a toll — just look at Bridget Bardot.
Where men generally age like a fine wine supposedly, most women deteriorate quite rapidly in the looks department, of course lifestyle is a factor to consider.
One only has to glance at the horrid meat shop called Instagram to see thousands of women capitalising on their youthful looks. These women are whoring out their bodies for sponsorship deals and making big bucks, but eventually time will catch up with them. Men generally cannot command the money-making opportunities that women gain on sites like Instagram or Onlyfans. Certainly, these women offer a valuable aesthetic service for men to jack off to, however age is a factor that always seeps through the fake lens of sites like Instagram eventually.
The grotesque, grizzled form of Ulrika Jonsson in the nude is an image that definitely reeks of desperation. Not sure what happened to Ulrika, but baring her sinewy sagging body parts in some cheap newspaper is not a way to grow old gracefully.
When it comes to women in this article, we are talking about Western women of course, who through their daily endeavours age extremely ungracefully. If one were to look at for example Japanese women, they can be in their 60s and still have flawless bodies, skin and hair as well as the ability to fuck like wild animals on heat. Possibly a result of diet and Japanese genetics as well as lifestyle.
Natural beauty in women is always key to longevity. When women start dabbling with trout lips and basketball tit implants, then it’s game, set and match. Whoever thought that a woman’s lips bloated to the size of fucking birthday balloons smacking around in the air like a fish out of water was in any way beautiful, are blind mutilators. Women who mutilate their looks as age progresses are obviously narcissistic cocottes in denial. It’s nigh on impossible to even get a semi with one of these creatures flapping their fake fat lips around like a fish, whilst bouncing around on their huge fake silicon tits. The natural shape of the breasts should be sacrosanct.
It would be a wonderful experience to see Marie Helvin in your local Tesco supermarket stacking shelves or pushing a few cartons of orange juice around. All women should be loved whatever age they are, and however they look, but in the internet age of plastic Kardashianism they have been reduced to mere aesthetic commodities to be rated, wanked over, and swiped for the next piece of eye candy. They have, through despicable sites like Instagram, dug their own grave simply because of their numbers and the attention span of the average internet surfer reducing daily.
God bless America! Nothing to see here folks, it’s just another day in a country which seems to be close to civil war.
Robert E. Crimo III
News of another mass shooting filters through the news services. Apparently the shooter was identified as a young white male which is of course good news for many media outlets, because if it was a black shooter the news would be buried fast, much like the Waukesha killer. With the perpetrator being white, it feeds into the news media’s narrative, and this is why the shooting incident is getting full coverage right now.
Hypocrisy and bias in the US media is not exactly surprising, it is something that should be taken for granted as the norm.
Anyway, happy fourth of July or Independence Day.
New video shows beginning of 4th of July attack in Illinois; more than 60 shots in 20 seconds pic.twitter.com/6wc6zv7tW3
A great movie character is nothing without a memorable outfit. That’s the reason that most beloved movie characters are associated with their clothing choices. If you zero in on waistcoats, you’ll notice that there are quite a few famed movie characters who are known for them.
Woody (Toy Story)
Woody from Toy Story is a lot like a classic cowboy. He essentially dons a cowboy costume 100 percent of the time. The character’s waistcoat is easy to notice and remember, too. It features a black and white design that’s reminiscent of natural cowhide. He combines this signature look with a number of other vital pieces as well. These pieces include a yellow long-sleeved shirt that has stripes, standard cowboy boots, straightforward denim jeans and a belt that’s made out of leather. The belt is pale brown in colour. Woody’s waistcoat contributes to a style vibe that’s all pure Americana.
Joker (The Dark Knight)
The Joker is a Dark Knight character that makes waves thanks to his vest. The character consistently wears a waistcoat that has a striking green colour to its credit. This waistcoat is striking due to the fact that it works harmoniously alongside so many other elements of the Joker’s look. He pairs the green vest with a noticeable purple trench coat, purple slacks and a blue formal shirt. The last shirt has a hexagonal design. The waistcoat essentially serves as a centrepiece for all of these distinctive clothing items and accessories. It can be hard for people to ignore vests that are so green and so “dynamic” in vibe.
Robin (Batman TV Series)
There are few television characters that hold a candle to Robin from Batman in the outfit department. His vest is completely lined. It zips up the entirety of his back, too. There are many things that make this waistcoat such a signature part of the Batman TV universe. It’s made out of a striking red velour. Since the waistcoat is so undeniably bold in appearance, it can make personality traits such as tenacity and fearlessness come to mind rapidly. Robin’s television outfit choices make it a piece of cake for him to tackle all kinds of essential superhero duties. The components all together feel like a jumpsuit.
Top Cat (Cartoon)
Top Cat isn’t just an adorable cartoon feline that resides on the “mean streets.” He also happens to be a character who is perpetually linked to his waistcoat. His vest is a noticeable and striking purple colour. Since it’s such a distinctive clothing piece, there’s a strong chance that it may contribute to the popularity of Top Cat as a character and concept in general. The vest works well in conjunction with a handful of other things that make Top Cat precisely who he is. These things include his whiskers, his comparatively lengthy tail and, last but definitely not least, his pale muzzle.
Tony Montana (Scarface)
Tony Montana is a legendary Scarface character who is linked to his rather dapper and eye-catching outfit choices. He wears jackets with great regularity. He just as regularly wears shirts that button up. People who are keen on men’s waistcoats that pave the way for suave and polished styles may be a big part of the vast Scarface fanbase. A couple other things that are a massive part of the Tony Montana character legacy are black slacks and a totally white suit. Remember, Tony Montana is a character who doesn’t like keeping all of his buttons intact. He likes to keep things laid-back.
What good is a timeless movie or television character without an unforgettable outfit? Since many folks don’t wear waistcoats that often, they’re often big elements of character outfits that are practically impossible to forget. Waistcoats have distinctive and cool appearances overall.
It only makes sense, if you are rich you want to preserve your assets. Since 2017 thousands of wealthy families have left Britain because of the Treasury’s economic policies. Thousands more are preparing to leave now.
Once the wealthy leave Britain, who will pay the taxes to furnish the immense benefits social care bills and NHS? Socialism requires money from somewhere, and usually that money is siphoned off the rich, but if the rich aren’t putting up with high taxation anymore, then the socialist system eventually crumbles. Socialist systems depend on using other people’s money, but when that dries up — the system is fucked.
Britain’s internal infrastructure is completely geared towards the socialist ideology, even when a so-called Tory government is in power.
Chancellor of the Exchequer, Rishi Sunak
Chancellor Rishi Sunak has frozen income and inheritance tax thresholds for four years, dragging a record number of earners and more estates into higher bands. Losing the wealthiest individuals is damaging for an economy built on socialism and the public finances as top contributors to tax revenue depart.
The top 1pc of earners paid 28pc of income tax and national insurance combined in 2018/19, up from 25pc in 2009/10, according to the Institute for Fiscal Studies. It estimates that the top 0.1pc pay at least 10pc of all income tax while the highest 1pc of earners account for a third.
As spending pressures rise, the Chancellor is raising the tax burden to levels last seen in the late 1940s under Clement Attlee’s Labour government. The Office for Budget Responsibility expects taxes to rise to 36.3pc of GDP by 2025-26.
If Boris had any balls, he would dump Sunak, and bring in someone who understood that growth only occurs with lower taxes.
To be a pariah on Twitter is not exactly a bad thing. The intellectual university lecturer Dr Jordan Peterson is refusing to delete a tweet he made regarding the body mutilation of former actress Ellen Page. In a world of extremes, trans people who decide to invoke radical surgery upon themselves as a form of cosmetic transformation are lauded for their bravery and young children are actively encouraged to change sex even though they do not have the mental faculties to understand the consequences of the surgery involved.
Peterson is a logical character who says a lot of meaningful and truthful aphorisms, however his main point of delineation comes down to religion. It is confusing that someone as logical as Peterson can still firmly believe in the bible, and events like miracles, supernatural beings coming back from the dead or walking on water. Where the fictitious bible stands, logic is incompatible with the myths spouted from numerous writers of that book which some view as the word of god. If god influenced the bible, then he would have knowledge at least of North America or Australia, and it would not be ensconced in Medieval linguistic literature but would be all encompassing. Why would a god write a book anyway? These books are only the realms of humans who with their limited brains wrote on parchment with their own human hands.
Jesus Christ walking on the water of the Sea of Galilee with the disciples in a fishing boat
Can any logical person now take Jordan Peterson seriously if he firmly believes and preaches from the bible? Can you truly be logical and still believe in fairy tales?
Trans people are certainly human, and if one believes in their sacrifice or not, they are still under the human mantle. Therefore, one could posit that trans people have every right to mutilate their bodies for cosmetic reasons as much as any person who does so utilising plastic surgery.
It is sad to see intellectuals like Dr Peterson bogged down by human-made religion and books that describe superhuman beings walking on water or conducting elaborate magical tricks by turning water into wine.
If Dr Peterson, who we respect highly despite his religious flaws, were to somehow emancipate and extricate himself from the bible, he would find true logical equilibrium within the universe.
There is no logic in the bible, it was just a substitution for the death of the Roman Empire and the authority of the Emperors. Authority and gaping holes in power systems have to be filled somehow, and the bible, a mishmash of ancient myths, was compiled by unknown authors and distributed to the illiterate masses as the ‘word of god’.
Dr Jordan Peterson, we sincerely beg you to embrace fact, logic, science and ultimately, the universal truth. Of course, Peterson would still be a fully respected thinker even if he still believes in myths, and does not subscribe to logic when it comes to his religious beliefs. It is a true shame however that such an analytical mind can be tainted by a book created by Medieval monks sitting in their monasteries high up on some mountain whacked out on Peganum harmala, beer and wine.
Some people say that Dr Shola Mos-Shogbamimumu has a few chips on her shoulder and is an aggressive militant anti-British racist, we however thought we could maybe attempt some sort of restorative action to her nasty reputation.
Our reporter was invited to her Brixton 10 bedroom home decorated with African masks where she lives alone.
Daily Squib: Thank you for agreeing to the interview, Dr Shola.
Dr Shola: Hang the British Queen from the lamp posts outside Buckingham Palace. I hate the British scum, you are all racist and deserve to all die. Kill all English people!
DS: Do you think your ugly reputation as a rabid anti-British anti-white angry racist black woman is justified in any way?
DR S: I want reparations for every black person equalling to £5 million for each of us. You owe us! I also want the British monarchy abolished and every non-African to be dragged through the streets in shame and the Queen should be stripped and beaten in the streets…innit! (thumps fist on table and vase falls on floor smashing into little pieces)
DS: If you hate the British people and the monarchy so much…er…why do you still live here? Why not go back to Nigeria?
DR S: It is my job to hate you evil people. I have come here to create discord, chaos and inspire race riots as well as an uprising against the Queen. I hate her! I hate everything about her! I am here to inspire a Marxist revolution against the British system, plus I get benefits innit.
DS: Looking at your CV, indeed it is apparent that you are a trained Marxist specialising in soviet woke ideology. You teach intersectional feminism to female refugees and asylum seekers and gender and diversity inclusion, organising race baiting feminazi marches and social campaigns. That is quite an impressive résumé.
DR S: Fuck the Queen! Fuck Britain and may you all go to hell! I want to destroy you bastards one by one! I hate you all! I want you all dead! (by this time her mouth is frothing)
DS: You got your doctorate at Birkbeck college, a distinguished educational establishment. Who needs Oxford, Cambridge, Yale or Harvard?
DR S: I am a doctor and I am qualified in many things…er…Fuck the Queen! I hate Britain and the British people! I want you all dead! Fuck William and Kate and their fucking racist children! Fuck the British national anthem! I hope Putin nukes Britain soon! You are all racist bastards! You are all going to die! Wuah hah hah hah haaa! (Dr Shola’s eyes roll up in their sockets only showing the bloody veined whites. The froth from her big fat mouth hangs from her chin and swings like an unholy diseased cobweb in a breezy dungeon).
DS: Did you enjoy the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee celebrations? It was a truly wonderful example of royal pageantry.
DR S: English scum white racists! The Queen can go to hell in her gold carriage stolen from Nigeria! I have had enough of you! (throws a book about Marxist Agitation Techniques at my head)
The interview is over, I am literally thrown out of her home as she screams and rants at the top of her blood-curdling voice. She is now throwing pieces of furniture around, and at one point picks up an entire bookshelf full to the brim with books on guerilla Marxist activism and other assorted nasties.
Imagine describing a scene to an AI piece of software, and in a few seconds it renders exactly what you were thinking about. Well, that dream is now a reality, thanks to the amazing programmers behind DALL-E 2.
It uses a 12-billion parameter version of the GPT-3 Transformer model to interpret natural language inputs (such as “four oranges shaped like bananas on top of a pyramid made out of candy floss” or “an isometric view of a zebra wearing a three-piece suit”) and generate corresponding images. It can create images of realistic objects (“a stained-glass window with an image of a purple orangutang eating an ice cream”) as well as objects that do not exist in reality (“a cube with the texture of a hedgehog”). Its name is a portmanteau of WALL-E and Salvador Dalí.
You too can try out this amazing piece of AI engineering from OpenAI, but beware, the waiting list is absolutely huge. The possibilities for DALL-E are infinite, and one can imagine a future where many artists, art directors, visualisers and creative directors will be out of jobs. Executives will simply describe what they want…et voilà.
The quality of the images as well as the speed of rendering, including shadows/reflections, is outstanding. The DALL-E AI also interprets the words of the user, however obscure they may be from its almost infinite neural network.
