Forget about cash to buy a car, you can now use tubs of Lurpak butter for vehicle purchases.
No need to spread payments
“I bought a new Maserati Ghibli for just 47 tubs of Lurpak. Forget about spreading payments over two years, it’s just a case of spreading the Lurpak,” Harold Wilkinson, 43, an accountant from East Grimshite, Northamptonshire, revealed in The Sun.
Butter get outta the way
In the black market, Lurpak is now such a valuable commodity that numerous gangs are at war vying for exclusive distribution rights for the butter.
The Metropolitan Police have warned of numerous deaths attributed to the Lurpak butter wars currently raging in London Council estates.
Chief Detective Inspector Dennis Scratching, appealed to the public to be vigilant if they come across a tub of Lurpak in the streets.
“Lurpak is now more valuable than meth or cocaine, so dealers and gangs are using the tubs of butter as collateral for drug deals. If you come across a tub of Lurpak in the street please approach with extreme caution and contact the police immediately. You must leave the area immediately, and do not take the tub home to spread on your toast.”