17.7 C
London
Thursday, July 9, 2026
secret satire society
Home Blog Page 215

FACT CHECK : Joe Biden Collusion With Son in Illegal CCP China Deal Audio

0

Conclusive audio evidence reported by the NY Post revealing that Joe Biden worked to coverup a business deal his son, Hunter had with a Chinese company ties to the CCP will not be covered by America’s media because it is the truth.

Listen to the audio here

NOTHING TO SEE HERE, FOLKS!

“Here at CNN we do not cover stories that may reveal the truth, especially regarding Democrats like Joe Biden. We have no integrity and are completely biased,” one executive said when confronted with the evidence on Joe Biden.

MSNBC, which is another arm of the socialist Democrat Party also naturally ignored the evidence and in their statement emphatically denied the audio recording of a phone call with Joe Biden ever took place.

“Here at MSNBC we only do stories that are pro-Democrat and are completely biased to anything other than socialist Democrat Party propaganda. It would be wrong for us to even acknowledge such a conversation ever happened, despite the overwhelming evidence revealing otherwise.”

Twitter and Facebook which are far-left biased social network arms of the Democrat Party immediately suppressed all news of the Joe Biden audio.

Other biased American and global news agencies refused to acknowledge the audio recording as well.

Integrity in journalism by suppressing the truth.

New Paramount CEO is Daily Squib Business Hero

0

We rarely praise any CEO of a corporation but when we read the story of Bob Bakish, we could only heap praise on his attitude.

Bakish says the back catalogue for the film studio’s new subscription streaming service Paramount+ will not be censored to please woke politically correct sensibilities.

“By definition, you have some things that were made in a different time and reflect different sensibilities,” Bakish said.

“I don’t believe in censoring art that was made historically, that’s probably a mistake. It’s all on-demand – you don’t have to watch anything you don’t want to.”

Check out the common sense on this guy. If only all the other corporations who seem to be in league with Chinese Communist Party censorship policies would be like Bob Bakish. The Paramount CEO is definitely our business hero of the day. Thank you, sir, for a breath of freedom-loving fresh air amongst a landscape of heavy-handed woke soviet censorship.

EXPERTS: Putin Has Micropenis Syndrome

0

You ever wonder why 4′ 2″ Russian president Putin is so angry and aggressive all the time? According to medical experts, it is because he has micropenis syndrome. This finding somehow may relate to the extremely aggressive nature of Putin, as well as his actions in violating Ukraine’s sovereign space.

“The Russian medical crews who have examined Putin in the past when he was working with the KGB were of course sworn to secrecy, however it is common knowledge within the ranks that Putin’s penis measures 1.2 cm in length even when erect. Psychologically, this impediment is presumed to affect his general nature as it is practically impossible to make love to a woman or carry out any other functions normally.

Psychologist, Dr Ivan Mudak, a leading academic at the University of Petrozavodsk is certain that Putin can overcome his disability.

“Here at the university we have fashioned a large rubber penis which he can overlay his micropenis. At least this way, when he walks around in one of his palaces he can look down and feel proud. In his mind, he will then not be so constantly angry, creating useless wars everywhere. It would be a positive thing for Putin and maybe the globe will not be on the brink of a totally destructive third world war anymore.”

Since writing his article in the local university journal, Dr Mudak has mysteriously disappeared and no one in the faculty or campus has seen him for two weeks.

Ghislaine Maxwell Will Recruit Harem of Female Prisoners

0

Having been jailed for twenty years for her role in the Jeffrey Epstein sex trafficking scandal, Ghislaine Maxwell has vowed to continue her trade in prison.

Disneyland of pu$$y

Danbury Federal Correctional Institution in Connecticut where Maxwell will be moved will be a Disneyland of young women to exploit and enjoy for the former Epstein protégé.

“I just can’t help recruiting sex slaves for my own needs. There are many vulnerable women in prison, and as always I will capitalise on their vulnerability by offering them an initial shoulder to cry on. Once they are ensnared in my trap, the rest is history. They will do my chores, get me things I need, and of course service my needy pussy,” Maxwell excitedly revealed after sentencing was completed.

With good behaviour and of course greasing the guards a little, Maxwell should be out of jail in about 8-11 years time.

There are no carpets in female prisons but plenty of carpet munching.

 

Harry and Meghan Back to Oprah For Another Tell-All Show

The Sussexes are planning a new tell-all show with Oprah helped along by their activist actress friend Janina Gavankar. Gavankar who is half-Indian is guiding the couple, specifically Meghan on what to say and how to act during the performance.

Seen being driven by Harry, Oprah’s house is only a three-minute walk from the couple’s Montecito mansion, but in the interests of climate change it was deemed improper to walk but instead use a convoy of gas guzzling SUVs to make the short journey.

Naturally, for extra effect the couple called every photographer from LA to Alaska to cover the short trip in order to fuel more fear in Britain’s royal palaces.

harry meghan oprah

Harry and Meghan are devout climate change activists who travel regularly in private jets that emit large amounts of carbon emissions into the atmosphere. Their most recent trip was on a Bombardier Global 6000 at a cost of $200,000 from the UK to the US.

Ding Ding Round Two

Industry insiders reveal that the latest meeting with Oprah is a plan to seal the charges of ‘racism’ against the royal family and reveal details about the alleged appalling treatment the couple received during their UK visit.

Meghan Markle who cut off her own father for talking to the press, has no qualms about manipulating the media and press herself for her own ends.

“The plan is very simple. It’s basically round two with auntie Oprah. Forget about Netflix, for the couple, live television is where it’s at, and the couple have put Netflix on hold forever. For the Duke and Duchess Netflix was just a way to get some quick cash off the chump executives promising them the world whilst delivering only crumbs. Obviously the naive Netflix execs were duped and fell for the ruse hook line and sinker. Now Oprah is the one they really want to deliver the juice to, and the others they will throw a few bits of junk just to shut them up,” a KRC PR Media exec from LA revealed.

There are numerous PR teams and media companies working with the Sussexes to not only elevate their standing but to denigrate and ruin the British  royal family.

“On Meghan’s orders Harry is doing his best to finalise the public shaming of the royal house of Windsor. The two were not going to Oprah’s house for an organic self-sustainable cup of fucking coffee. They were going to pitch the dirt, to plan their next move so that they will once again steal the limelight from Windsor and cause as much damage as they possibly can.”

CBS executives have been clamouring for an update for some time now, and this latest trip to Britain by the former working royals has picked up enough dirt to evaluate a precise plan of action.

The alleged bullying case against Meghan when she was in Britain was recently curtailed by the royal family on the orders of the Queen herself, as a sign of good will however it was not enough for Meghan and Harry who seek a full apology for their interpretation of how they were treated by the royals.

When the couple were booed on their return to Britain and sidelined, further animosity was created polarising the factions further.

The couple also stand to make an even larger financial splash when the second interview with Oprah is aired in December.

“This will make Netflix look like complete idiots,” another commentator revealed on Twitter.

Wimbledon: Serena Williams Shock Loss to Harmony Tan

0

Serena Williams lost in three sets to Harmony Tan on her return to grand-slam tennis on a memorable day for British players at Wimbledon.

Tan who is ranked at world No 115 is only 4’3″ and was no match for Williams’ superior strength but still prevailed.

Williams’ dramatic deciding-set tie-break defeat to French world number 115 Harmony Tan concluded the Centre Court action, which started with Iga Swiatek winning her 36th consecutive match – breaking the 21st century record set by Venus Williams in 2000 – and was followed by Rafael Nadal winning in four sets.

In her press conferences after the defeat, Williams insisted that she has no idea exactly how long she intends to continue competing in tennis championships.

The second-day events in SW19 were certainly spectacular, with some real surprises.

Ukrainian Army Braces Itself For the Russian Blob

0

In desperation, Russian tyrant Vladimir Putin is digging up retired military personnel and top brass, including “The Blob” otherwise known as General Pavel.

An amiable chap who ingests over 10 meals a day and 14 bottles of vodka, Pavel is to be sent to the front lines in Ukraine where many generals have already perished.

One Russian military attaché was adamant that Pavel would make a difference in the campaign to destroy Ukraine.

“General Pavel, we call “The Blob” he only has to stick his fat arse out of an APC and fart destroying entire blocks of cities in one go. He is our secret weapon we have been hiding for so long, and now is the time to bring him out. Ukraine is finished. His asshole is equivalent to five Tsar Bombas!”

Unfortunately, there are going to be setbacks for the Russians by deploying this gargantuan vodka churning fat fuck into the battlefields of Ukraine.

“We cannot fit General Pavel into any military vehicles. He is too large to be carried in any aircraft, or land craft. He will thus be stationed in a secret underground bunker with plenty of food supplies somewhere near the border.”

General Pavel is renowned for once eating an entire flock of goats in one sitting whilst doing his tour in Afghanistan during the 1980s. He is also so fat that he needs a team of Russian conscripts to wipe his arse after every shit. To be put on toilet duty for General Pavel is known as a great honour for Russian soldiers.

The Ukrainian soldiers on the other hand are welcoming the arrival of General Pavel to the war zone.

“If he goes for a walk, we can pinpoint his location from space. He is such a big target that we cannot possibly miss.”

Good luck General Pavel — you will need it.

When the Religious Nutters Get Hold of the Asylum

0

It’s bad enough when the far-left censoring Marxist woke mob are in charge brainwashing the weak feeble minded sheeple, but conversely the far-right religious nutcases who actually interpret their bible word for word are just as bad as the far-leftists.

It’s the extremities that cause problems, and this could also apply to eco-zealots who superglue their buttocks to busy motorways.

Extremists of all political and religious ideologies are the same in many ways, and are equally as dangerous as each other simply because they fracture societies.

The National Socialists of Germany in the 1930s and 40s were a rare example of their political ideology uniting a nation as one before propelling it into war, then certain destruction. The American extremist movements on the left and right may seize power at different times but there is no unity as a nation, instead they cause more fractures with further polarisation.

Yes, this is simplified and does not address all variables such as the fight between the National Socialist Nazis and the Bolshevik Communists during the 20s and 30s, but the general gist of it is that extremes are not good in any situation.

This is why it is almost inevitable that America will endure another civil war at some point in the near future. However, because of the level of polarisation of the nation even a civil war will not be sufficient to alleviate the discontent. Maybe seceding certain portions of the nation would be a solution to the entire problem.

One area for the religious zealots and Republicans, and another for the Marxist, progressive former liberals. There could even be segregated zones for African Americans and another for Hispanics etc,.

American Supreme Court to Ban Sodomy and Buggery Next

0

Next on the agenda for the US Supreme Court is to ban the act of sodomy and buggery.

Sodomy (/ˈsɒdəmi/) or buggery (British English) is generally anal or oral sex between people, or sexual activity between a person and a non-human animal (bestiality), but it may also mean any non-procreative sexual activity.

If the Supreme Court succeeds in banning sodomy, then half of the American population could be criminalised for their daily actions.

One gay man in San Francisco was outraged at the mere mention of banning something he enjoys doing with multiple men every day.

“First they ban abortions on womb-carriers, and now they are messing with my right to have huge members slamming my prolapsed anus daily. What we do is not unnatural, as they say.  The male ass was designed for gay sex, and not what they say designed for poop to come out of it!” Dirk Shurtlyfter, 43, revealed to local news stations.

Gay marriage as well as buggery could thus be deemed as a crime in most American states, and this would mean all of Barack Obama’s work during his term would be undone. Obama worked very hard during his tenure to promote and indoctrinate American society in homosexuality, but it seems the Supreme Court judges are planning to repeal his ambitious work.

This means LGBTQP rights in America could be revoked and cause many homosexuals to be arrested if caught committing sodomy. This decision could infringe on many freedoms for Americans, as the state should not get involved if people want to commit these acts in the privacy of their own homes.

The world has to prepare for more unrest in America as many gay people will fight for their rights as the Supreme Court rules against sodomy and gay marriage.

Japan recently ruled against gay marriage and with a declining population there may be good reason for that, as well as keeping with traditional values.

 

American Womb-Carriers Upset Over Roe v Wade Abortion Ruling

The new leftist woke term for women is ‘womb-carriers’ and many are upset about a court ruling banning abortion in multiple US states. Some call it the revenge of Donald Trump, but at the end of the day, this ruling shows how polarised American society is at the moment.

womb carriers

Beyond satire

If the radical woke Marxist communists now call women ‘womb-carriers’ what do they call men? Possibly ‘cock and balls swaggerers’ or maybe ‘scrotum-swingers’ which sounds very ominous indeed. If George Orwell were alive today, he would not believe this shit even if he saw it with his own fucking eyeballs.

Black Lives Matter should be rejoicing because the abortion ban will mean more black kids will be born instead of aborted. One would think they would applaud this court ruling, seeing as 70% of abortions in America are committed by African Americans.

The disgusting riot police were tear-gassing womb-carriers in the streets of multiple Democrat cities last night. This is all a terrible mistake, surely. The state interfering with women is surely a sign of state sanctioned overreach?

Dearest womb-carriers of America, if you don’t want kids there is an extremely simple set of solutions: 1) Stop fucking 2) Get the man to wear a rubber 3) Get sterilized. Simples!

KAjwhriuw024hvjbed2SORH