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Illegal Economic Migrant: “Now I am Christian I can Stay in Your Country”

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As the sex attacker Abdul Shokoor Ezedi, who left mother and child disfigured with a vicious acid attack, is on the roam evading the police, it has now been revealed he was twice denied residence, but succeeded after conversion to Christianity. Now over 40 economic migrant asylum seekers who crossed into the country illegally are doing the same and claiming they have converted to Christianity.

“It is easy to fool the stupid Christian priests who are desperate to reclaim their dying clergy. I just went up to the reverend and said I wanted to be Christian. He immediately took me to the church, and I was baptised as a Christian. Now they cannot deport me. Abdul, Zaid, Muhammad and Jamal my friends are all now converting as well. In reality, we hate Christians and know nothing about the religion apart from they eat pigs,” an asylum seeker who recently converted to Christianity revealed.

Now as many as 40 asylum seekers on the Bibby Stockholm barge are said to be converting to Christianity, sparking fears that migrants are claiming to have changed their religion in order to be granted asylum.

“By claiming to be Christian, they cannot send me back to Afghanistan, where I will be persecuted. This is the best and easiest way to obtain a life of benefits and luxurious lifestyle in your country. Thank you, English idiots in your church, in the name of Allah and the Prophet Muhammad, praise be upon him, we have tricked you. I pray towards Mecca every day and spit on your filthy cross,” another jubilant asylum seeker revealed, laughing hysterically.

Why 2013 Was Great Year For the Spread of Syphilis and Super Gonorrhoea

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In the year 2000, according to CDC records and a recent study, syphilis was on the way out and nearly eradicated, then along came the dating apps like Tinder and gay app Grindr in 2012. Sexually transmitted diseases like syphilis, gonorrhoea and HIV were suddenly back in vogue and began to rise again thanks to the dating apps capitalising on the ease of casual hook-ups and 2013 was a bumper year for a massive increase in STI spreading far and wide.

Today in 2022, syphilis is at the same level as it was in the 1950s thanks to the success of casual dating apps.

With an added drop in condom use especially with promiscuous gay men, HIV and AIDS are also increasing at an exponential level, but modern drugs halt certain death amongst this group of society.

Syphilis if not treated can cause multiple health problems and can lead to death.

All of this data points towards a fundamentally sick, masochistic society that even creates apps to increase its own level of sickness. The only positive is that nature finds a way to reduce the population level in a natural controlled manner and utilises human stupidity and greed to its advantage.

Overpopulation is a very serious problem, and thankfully, dating apps created by greedy exploitative developers are a wonderful cure to the Malthusian Nightmare scenario plaguing the globe currently.

Apple Vision Pro: How much Technology is Enough?

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It is a common sight in America now to see people wearing Apple Vision Pro goggles driving their cars in auto mode down the freeway at 80 MPH. These people are essentially driving blind whilst they play around wearing their Apple Vision Pro glasses.

The Apple goggles offer two innovations in one: a virtual-reality (VR) headset with a higher resolution than most others on the market, and an array of augmented-reality (AR) cameras that allow a wearer to see ordinary computer applications floating in space, and to interact with them via hand gestures.

To Apple’s credit, they do warn their users not to use the goggles while driving any road vehicles:”Never use Apple Vision Pro while operating a moving vehicle, bicycle, heavy machinery, or in any other situations requiring attention to safety. Using the device in low light conditions may increase the risk of collision with objects in your environment.”

“I saw one guy sitting in the back seat of his car while it was going down the i-405 at 120 MPH. He was obviously immersed heavily in some VR program as the Tesla veered around traffic at high speed. What the oblivious guy did not realise is that there were a line of cop cars chasing him for miles,” one witness revealed.

Grammy Awards: All Male Judges Vote For Taylor Swift For Fourth Time

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Taylor Swift has made history as the first person to win Album of the Year four times at the Grammy Awards.

The pop starlet secured the top gong of the night with her tenth studio album, having previously won for one in 2009, again six years later, and most recently in 2020.

The all-male Grammy Award judges were all visited by Taylor Swift one after another in their rooms at the awards just prior to the award ceremony.

As she collected the award from Celine Dion, she said: “Oh god, my lipstick is all messed up. Phew, I’m used to blowing many men at once, but this session was the most important of my life.”

Taylor Swift praised all the judges by name and was thankful for the opportunity to expertly fellate them for the prestigious awards. There was some chaos at the beginning of the ceremony as it was discovered that the music biz darling had forgotten her knee pads, but thankfully one of her aides lent her a pair of their own.

She added: “Thank you for the fourth award. (she coughed hard) Excuse me folks I still have a pube in the back of my throat, oh dear this is so embarrassing!”

Earlier in the night, Swift announced her new album “Another guy, another song idea” will arrive on April 1.

British Army Regiments to be Reduced to One Soldier

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British army regiments used to number approximately 600 soldiers, but because of the recruitment crisis and underfunding, each regiment will only have one soldier, the Ministry of Defence has announced.

Charge of the Really Light Brigade

“If we went to war tomorrow, we could maybe find one or two tanks and have three old reconditioned jets from the 1980s in the air. Because of the lack of recruitment and personnel leaving the army as well as severe lack of governmental funding, each regiment will be reduced to a single soldier. This could cause a bit of a problem on the battlefield, but alas, we have no other choice in the matter,” Major General Humphrey Sandwich told The Sunday Times.

There was no mention of Britain’s Navy, which is down to one ship, HMS Turgid, which breaks down every few days and is currently out of service due to the propellers falling off whilst on manoeuvres in the Atlantic Ocean last week.

Sunak Government Responds

PM Rishi Sunak has vowed to add more funding to the military, and the Chancellor of the Exchequer Jeremy Hunt this week promised to give the army £6.54 funding to help the shortfall.

“I am confident that an additional £6.54 to the £4.31 added earlier in the year will help bolster Britain’s defences, especially as the augurs for global conflict are increasing daily. Britain has no means of manufacturing anything any more, but that’s okay, we can always make projectiles out of pebbles and little stones. In the event that the Russians or Chinese invade, I have put in place provisions for the manufacturing of white surrender flags made from used bedsheets,” the Chancellor announced on Sunday.

Harry and Meghan: When Bullies Speak Up About Bullying

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Harry and Meghan, who are known bullies who bullied the poor frail Queen Elizabeth II in her last months of life, making her remaining time on earth a misery, are now lecturing the masses on cyberbullying and the effect it can have on mental health. There have been no thoughts to the incessant attacks on the Queen who was blackmailed and bullied by the couple for money, and the rest of the royal family members who had to endure threats and tell-all fabrications from the couple in books and television shows.

Speaking at the made-up conference, the hypocritical Harry and Meghan spoke about the dangers of bullying.

“The way that we bullied the late Queen, even stealing her beloved childhood nickname, certainly made her life a misery. We also bullied her and made ridiculous demands before and after we exited the royal family. The Queen was frail and old so we took advantage of that, plus she still had a soft spot for Harry, which we capitalised on. Listen, we needed the money, so we had to do it otherwise how could we live in a Montecito McMansion with 16 bathrooms and take private jet flights everywhere?” the evil termagant, Meghan Markle quipped.

It all did pay off for the hypocritical couple of grifters, as they secured a huge fortune which will ensure a life of luxury and excess in the Montecito neighbourhood.

Speeding the former Queen to her death was of course of no concern to the grifters who also have a dossier of bullying reports on palace staff which was shelved by the Queen, who thought her actions would halt the bullying but was wrong.

Even on her deathbed, Queen Elizabeth was besieged by Meghan Markle, who insisted she be invited to gloat over the Queen’s dying moments. Thankfully, this was halted by Charles, and the nasty Sussex bullies were denied access.

Electric Vehicle Users Are Discovering a Technology That Surpasses Their Dreams

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Electrical vehicle users across the globe are dumping their EVs for a technology that surpasses their wildest dreams. This phenomena may revolutionise the entire car industry forever. You may ask yourself what it could possibly be that trumps the almighty electric vehicle?

Well, imagine being able to refuel your road vehicle in a few minutes instead of 4–6 hours; imagine a vehicle that can be purchased at quarter the price of an EV, imagine a road vehicle that has a range of almost 6 times the distance of an EV in all weather conditions, imagine a vehicle that does not have to use environmentally damaging non-renewable rare earth elements to power it, imagine a vehicle that also weighs way less than an EV and has many mechanics on hand at all times to fix any problems that may arise way cheaper than any EV maintenance.

Yes, this revolutionary ‘thing’ is called the internal combustion engine, which is set to completely change the way we will travel. In fact, vehicle’s that utilise the internal combustion engine are now so much in demand that many people are simply dumping their electric cars in scrapyards where they are crushed and recycled, to be made into petrol powered vehicles.

If you are the sad owner of an electric vehicle, you made your mistake but it’s not too late for you. There is redemption at the end of the tunnel, and it’s a loud chugging internal combustion engine that if in v8 form purrs like a pussycat that just had a load of cream squirted inside it.

Put your pedal to the fucking metal and let that Mustang, or Aston Martin propel you through the streets with real power.

For now, the EV is dead, especially in the West, and that’s because the fucking Chinese can make electric cars by the trillion for about the cost of a can of Coke. Something no one in democratic countries can ever achieve because we don’t make cars utilising communist slave labour or have thousands of coal powered power stations in the manufacturing process pumping out millions of tonnes of pollution into the atmosphere daily.

Genshin Impact: Exploring Mechanics and Features of miHoYo’s Success

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Studio miHoYo, which few people knew about before the release of Genshin Impact, has undoubtedly come to success. This was reflected in the recognition of gamers, awards received, and, of course, company profits. Now no one doubts that the Chinese are good at making not only electronics and other consumer goods but also quite decent video games.

The game has become so popular that at the same time there has been a sharp increase in players, which is provided by professional gamers. This service became popular because players realized that its use significantly saves players time and effort when passing and levelling up. At the same time, it has many benefits.

Get the best

pexels-yan-krukau-9072381 Prayers can be purchased in the in-game store for promotional gems, one of the types of Genshin Impact currency. A small number of promotional gems can be obtained for completing daily tasks, story quests, participating in events, and exploring the game world – activating portals and opening chests. Every 20 days, a banner is posted with a new hero, who can be guaranteed to be obtained for 80 summons and who is unavailable the rest of the time, until the banner is repeated. Purchasing promotional gems for a donation in the in-game store will cost just under $400. However, even an iconic legendary hero will not be fully revealed if you do not give him a signature – a native weapon made with the character in the same style and the most suitable parameters. The weapon banner hangs parallel to the hero banner. The mechanics of guaranteed receipt are the same. You probably already guessed that to get the weapon you want, you also need to spend money.

Team

In single-player mode, the player controls a team of up to four characters, which he can instantly switch between. Each of the characters owns a certain element, and opponents receive the greatest damage when these elements interact. In co-op mode, in which you can take on challenges or explore the game world, there can be up to four characters on the map at the same time, each of which is controlled by a different player.

Guaranteed call

The player receives a couple of characters (Amber, Lisa, and Kaya) when completing the story campaign, and calls on the rest. Summoning new heroes in Genshin Impact is called Prayer and this is a real gacha, in the bad sense of the word. However, the developers met the players halfway and made it easier to obtain heroes: every 10 prayers guaranteed a four-star (epic) hero or weapon. Every 80 prayers (but can be more often) guarantee a five-star (legendary) hero or weapon.

Farm limitation

The ability to farm rewards from world bosses and in challenges is limited by the amount of Ancient Resin, of which a player can have no more than 160 units in reserve. Rewards for completing the test will cost 20 resin and for the boss – 40 resin. Some extra resin can sometimes be obtained in-game – purchased from a merchant or obtained through the Season Pass. During the day, the amount of Ancient Resin is gradually restored. And, surprise, the same rewards can be obtained by spending promotional gems.

Hero Equipment

In addition to weapons, a character can wear five artifacts, which ultimately determine his characteristics. The set, at first glance, is simple, but creating suitable artifacts with the necessary parameters is more difficult than it seems. As for the weapons presented, the set is quite unusual, like Genshin Impact itself – one-handed or two-handed swords, bows, catalysts (a magic ball or tome for magicians and healers), and spears. Yes, there are a lot of spearmen in the game, and the list of heroes is regularly updated with new ones. It is noteworthy that at the start of the project, only one heroine using a spear was presented in the game – Xiang Ling.

Connection with other projects

Collaborations are a common occurrence in video games, with characters from one franchise joining another. This also happened with Genshin Impact – all players had the opportunity to get the archer Aloy, the heroine of Horizon Zero Dawn. At the moment it is impossible to obtain it. But the developers gave the signature bow only to PS4 players who bought Horizon Zero Dawn. If you don’t have Elloy, don’t be upset: the heroine is frankly weak even with her signature, and at most, she can only serve as an additional damage dealer. Ke Qing, Fischl, and Raiden, the heroines of Genshin Impact, were added by the developers to their previous game – Honkai Impact 3rd.

Hope we were able to surprise you with some facts that you didn’t know about Genshin Impact. This is a game that has captured the hearts of millions of people and continues to grow its fan base. If you have never played this game, then we advise you to try it.

French Farmers and Insane EU Regulations Not a Good Mix

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The EU has regulations for everything, and committees within committees where unelected mini-Hitlers and mini-Stalins create even more fucking regulations that are enforced crudely and with brute force. To the credit of the French farmers, they have had enough with the EU and appeasing French officials, and are protesting the heavy punitive EU regulations foisted upon them by conducting a siege of Paris.

“Soon the Parisian pigs will be eating rats to survive. We will continue making barricades and block the roots into the capital city,” an angry French farmer shouted.

Merde de cochon

As always, the French really know how to protest and make real changes to injustice. The Gilets Jaunes were a great example of this revolutionary energy.

Why can’t the British have the same fervour for revolt? Compared to France, the British are about as revolutionary as a tea shop party with scones.

The pliant and timid British eat up each indignity foisted upon them and simply shrug their shoulders before making another cup of tea. The French dump tonnes of pig manure onto government offices and rage like demons at the injustice they receive.

french farmers blockade paris

Une œuvre d’art

Watching the beautiful moment when liquid pig shit is sprayed into the local préfecture’s building is a joy to behold, a wonderful gesture of ultimate irreverence. The magnificent French are true artists when it comes to this sort of anarchic action, it is a form of art in itself, a movement of merde in the general direction of useless authorities and irrelevant officials making people’s lives a misery.

 

UAE Takeover: Daily Telegraph Journos Could Be Beheaded

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The Daily Telegraph (Torygraph) is soon to be taken over by a company funded by Sheikh Mansour bin Zayed Al Nahyan of the UAE (United Arab Emirates). So, what will happen to the Journalists at the Daily Telegraph and Spectator once the Sheikh takes over?

“If they do not write what we tell them to write (gestures hand across neck),” one of the UAE officials revealed.

In fact, the UAE consortium is planning to bring in prominent Saudi executioner Ali bin Urhed who will have orders to sit in the Telegraph newsroom at all times.

“If I get the order it’s chop chop time. Each journalist has a waste bin at their desk, and they will be asked to kneel over the bin. That’s when I swiftly chop off their heads, and it goes into the bin. Bonk, job done. Cushty!”

Fearing for their heads, one journalist has even turned up to the office wearing a metal neck brace.

“He won’t be able to behead me that easily. Listen, I am a Telegraph journalist and I should be free to write what I want without getting my bloody head chopped off!” The journalist was later seen turning up at the office in a wheelchair with no feet.

It’s just not beheading though, Fridays will be prayer day where the entire news team will be expected to attend the local mosque, and prayer rugs will be provided for everyday prayers to Mecca.

“If you steal someone’s pen or stapler or borrow it without their permission, you are a thief, and Sharia law dictates that you should have your hands chopped off,” the Sheikh’s spokesman added.

Thankfully the Daily Squib offices are safe from such foreign interference, we are staunchly British to the bitter end and no amount of money will sway us from such mistakes.

 

 

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