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Luxury Migrant Tourist Barge to Entice More Illegal Migrants to UK

DORSET - England - The government has unveiled a luxury migrant tourist barge to house illegal migrants in opulence and self-indulgence.

With daily guided tours of the beautiful Dorset coast, cricket tournaments, TV games rooms, and the freedom to roam the quaint villages and towns dotted along the coast, the government’s multimillion luxurious Dutch barge will house 500 illegal migrants who cross the Channel in rubber dinghies. Of course, this is only a small number compared to the thousands crossing the Channel daily into Britain. The rest are put up in 4 or 5-star hotels and then fast tracked to be given the full benefits packages in Britain’s already overcrowded cities and towns.

Come to Britain – Illegally

The luxurious barge is simply a Tory election fiasco which will most certainly ensure heavy losses for the ailing party in the next General Election.

Many Britons can barely afford to eat, let alone fix their leaking roofs, yet the illegal migrants receive absolute luxury, free meals paid for by the UK taxpayer, free taxis whenever they want and loads of entertainment. As for Britain’s homeless population left on the cold, dank streets to rot, if they could just have a day or so of such kindness and luxury on a barge like that would do them a world of good. Britain’s brave veterans who served their country are not treated to such luxury.

Luxury Barge Amenities and Activities

  • Free taxis are available by phoning a special number.
  • Free food, accommodation and transport, each migrant is given £9.58 a week pocket money.
  • Food is available 24 hours a day, and the cross-Channel ferry-style canteen serves breakfast and a three-course lunch and dinner. Breakfast choices include eggs, pancakes, bread and yoghurts, lunch options include potato soup, garlic chicken, Irish stew, and roast turkey with rice, and some of the dinners are paella, fried fish and oriental chicken. There are bottles of Ribena and Heinz tomato ketchup.
  • Free buses every hour from 7am to 11pm will ferry men to the nearby seaside resort of Weymouth, with its beach, fishing boat fleet and marina.
  • Free internet facilities with free vocational courses on multiple subjects.
  • Free gym and games room with current PS5 and Xbox with latest games.
  • Medical room with a nurse, and a GP on call.
  • Rooms cleaned every day by maids. HD TVs with satellite channels in every room.
  • Outdoor recreational areas, each about 80ft by 30ft, with ‘basketball, netball and volleyball’ matches.
  • Cultural activities are on offer from the local council, including ‘guided hikes, cycling, cricket and the chance to use allotments’ along with ‘community events’.

It pays to illegally migrate

The Daily Mail was given an exclusive government tour of the luxury barge, where the illegal migrants will be waited on hand and foot by servants and maids.


Holiday brochure

“This is like a holiday brochure for me and my crew. When I saw this, it made my mind up, I will be leaving France for sure tomorrow. I cannot wait to receive free food, luxury housing, gym, and free taxi rides to your towns, so I can fuck your English girls in the ass — with or without permission. I heard loose English girls like it in the bung hole. Furthermore, I have a very hard wood right now just thinking about what I am going to do to your pale white English girls,” Abdullah Jamal Sanjak, a cut-throat, rapist and professional pickpocket from Baghdad, Iraq told the BBC.

Instead of deterring illegal migrants, the luxurious Dorset barge is an invitation, and millions more migrants are getting ready to cross the Channel illegally.

Boom for traffickers

Traffickers in France have seen a huge upsurge in orders to cross the Channel and their profits are increasing at an almost exponential rate.

“When they [illegal migrants] saw the Daily Mail tour of the deluxe barge, my phone kept ringing off the hook. We are now having to source dinghies from as far as Denmark and Italy because boats are all sold out here. Today I made over 185,000 euros just in orders. I will celebrate tonight with the chief of Gendarmerie in Calais with a dozen French whores and a grand slap-up meal banquet,” Ghaith Hamsa, a French Algerian member of a prominent human trafficking unit, told Euronews.

Here’s to another sure-fire Tory election winner.

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  1. Thank you for informatin. I wil come to UK now. I from Ghana. I go to Frence to get boat to UK.

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