17.7 C
Friday, July 12, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldBritish Army Regiments to be Reduced to One Soldier

British Army Regiments to be Reduced to One Soldier

CHELMSFORD - England - The Ministry of Defence announced today that all British army regiments will be reduced to only one soldier.

British army regiments used to number approximately 600 soldiers, but because of the recruitment crisis and underfunding, each regiment will only have one soldier, the Ministry of Defence has announced.

Charge of the Really Light Brigade

“If we went to war tomorrow, we could maybe find one or two tanks and have three old reconditioned jets from the 1980s in the air. Because of the lack of recruitment and personnel leaving the army as well as severe lack of governmental funding, each regiment will be reduced to a single soldier. This could cause a bit of a problem on the battlefield, but alas, we have no other choice in the matter,” Major General Humphrey Sandwich told The Sunday Times.

There was no mention of Britain’s Navy, which is down to one ship, HMS Turgid, which breaks down every few days and is currently out of service due to the propellers falling off whilst on manoeuvres in the Atlantic Ocean last week.

Sunak Government Responds

PM Rishi Sunak has vowed to add more funding to the military, and the Chancellor of the Exchequer Jeremy Hunt this week promised to give the army £6.54 funding to help the shortfall.

“I am confident that an additional £6.54 to the £4.31 added earlier in the year will help bolster Britain’s defences, especially as the augurs for global conflict are increasing daily. Britain has no means of manufacturing anything any more, but that’s okay, we can always make projectiles out of pebbles and little stones. In the event that the Russians or Chinese invade, I have put in place provisions for the manufacturing of white surrender flags made from used bedsheets,” the Chancellor announced on Sunday.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"


  1. Funny and almost true. The state of the army is disgusting and you can see that in the housing of our serving soldiers.

  2. My brother fought and died in Afghanistan. He wrote home once saying their equipment was sh#te then. RIP

Comments are closed.

- Advertisment -





The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!