17.7 C
London
Saturday, January 17, 2026
secret satire society
Home Blog Page 403

Oxfam Charity Orgies Will Help Fund Higher Salaries

0

Working for a charity has never been so lucrative, what with astronomical salaries given to parasites who ponce around behind their desks pretending to help suffering people in need.

Oxfam have been caught indulging in orgies in sunny Carribean climes, according to the news, and to capitulate on this, the charity have decided to capitalise on the frenzied mass media coverage and free publicity.

Oxfam Orgies to Fund Another Salary Increase

Oxfam marketing manager, Celia Ortens, salary £465,000/annum, who works for the company only three days a week, reveals the plan:

“Orgies are good for headlines. We need to up our salaries, so we will be holding Fundraising Orgies in the Bahamas every two weeks ongoing. To attend the orgy, each participant has to pay $60,000.”

According to the Oxfam accountant, Bernie Fenster, all it will take is a participation of “200 orgy fuckers every two weeks so that Oxfam HQ staff can have another pay rise”.

With most charities only giving away 1% of their take to charity work, and the rest to massive lucrative salaries, plane flights, unlimited expense accounts, parties, taxis and alcohol, most sane people do not give money to charities, however, the world is not filled with sane people it seems and charities bring in millions every day.

The Romans

Speaking from one of her mansions, Ms Ortens revealed that the orgies will include anything that has ever been thought of or conceived in history.

“The Romans liked their orgies, and we will certainly include as much from that era as today’s Tinderized Bachinalian sex riddled internet generation. As for things like AIDS and other STIs, well, like Tinder, we do not discriminate. If you want to go for it, why be a downer? Our orgies have a condition where everything is allowed — as long as you pay the price at the door, because you will certainly be paying the price when you walk out the door.”

The Oxfam Orgies will start in Nassau, Bahamas in April, then much like a hurricane move through the Caribbean islands. Charity worker, David Miliband, whose salary is £530,000 per annum was consulted on the Oxfam Orgies, and agreed it is a great idea, and he might even attend a few.

GTA V Wallpapers – Make Your Mobile Unique

0

Almost every modern person today has a mobile phone.

The device allows you to communicate with your friends and colleagues at work.

However, being a simple tool for communication, smartphones are excellent appliances where you can demonstrate your individuality. Thus, you can decorate your gadget with a stylish wallpaper and be trendy.

GTA V Wallpapers

Are you a fan of GTA? Are you obsessed with just about everything containing GTA signs on it? Then we have something for you here.

For those who do not know, GTA San Andreas is the legendary game from the Grand Theft Auto series. It is a retro toy with extensive possibilities.

We are sure that there are many those who at least once tried it just for fun and then enjoyed the game, playing it for days on end.

No surprise that some of us would like to have something to remind us of our old passion. So why not to have a gta v wallpaper on your smartphone?

There are many websites where you can find a whole series of wallpapers completely dedicated to the theme of GTA San Andreas.

There are quality pictures for every taste. So no worries – your desktop will look bright, original, and stylish.

All the wallpapers are suitable for any mobile phone and will be its decoration, illuminating the atmosphere of the magnificent GTA.

And it’s not just illustrations of firearms, wheelbarrows, big shot guys, areas and streets, GTA wallpapers are of a much more extensive choice.

Despite the loss of the game’s former popularity, we hope that it will not disappear from our monitors.

Originality of GTA Wallpapers

So vast and popular computer reality like the GTA gathers a lot of fans and those who are interested in everything that happens in the vastness of these computer streets.

Created for your adventure the GTA San Andreas series presents a special atmosphere. Beautiful and romantic views of this city and the surrounding nature – all this you can find on the page of San Andreas wallpapers.

GTA V is one of the most famous games in history and one of the most popular games that have millions of fans.

To celebrate the release of the new version of the game, a series of fantastic background images has been launched.

You can use any of them to decorate your desktop with the characters of your favorite games. Decorate your desktop with images of Michael, Franklin, Trevor, Other basic/ secondary characters of the game.

You will have a lot of options for customizing the image because you can use wallpapers of various sizes.

Install them on PC, iPad, iPhone 4, iPhone 5, BlackBerry, and all Android devices, which means that you can have your favorite images for GTA V always with you.

Download the screensavers for your phone, send them to friends to raise morale and just smile at every glance at the phone screen.

Identifying Stumbling Blocks to Effective Writing and Overcoming Them

0

If you got to grips with writing your university paper and after an hour of work got stuck on the first paragraph, don’t worry, you are not the only who experiences difficulties with written assignments.

Who said that expressing your thoughts on paper is easy? Even people who make a living by writing articles and journalists who write columns for the Wall Street Journal often admit that it is demanding. There are quite a few reasons why.

It might be hard to write on a given topic. First of all, not every theme is to your liking. Sometimes you are assigned to write about something which is boring to death.

Secondly, you have to be more or less competent about what you write. A prior research always helps to write a powerful and effective assignment. But if you are sitting in a class and have to write on demand, you might find yourself at a complete loss.

All you can think of is grinding words and making sentences to make that x-hundred of words. Same about a doctoral thesis in which you have stated your main arguments, have written 50 pages and discovered that there are another 60 to go while you are running short on ideas. Luckily, you can resort to coursework writing service that will help you out.

Another extreme is to write a concise article or a column limited to 500 or 700 words on a topic that you would like to cover in depth.

You have so many excellent ideas and arguments, one more brilliant than another. You see the problem from different angles and would like to dwell on various aspects but you only have those 700 words.

In the end you end up presenting general terms and feel dissatisfied with your writing.

Sometimes you are simply not confident about your skills. This is particularly true for someone who studies abroad and uses a foreign language at a university.

The questions that pop in your head are, “Does my writing sound authentic? Am I using trite phrases? Does it make sense? Does it read well?”

In the end you are struggling to compose a sentence not because of insufficient language skills or poor vocabulary but because you feel insecure and are afraid of a bad reaction to your piece of writing.

You should not worry. No one was born as a writer. Everybody can learn, and everyone can improve their writing skills. It just takes practice.

Do not be intimidated to write in your own manner. Be yourself. Try not to sound like someone else. Read more. When you read a good piece of writing, you start noticing how nicely words can be woven together.

Check out some books that provide insights on how to write effectively. Make writing part of your daily routine. Do not stop even if at times you feel discouraged. Have someone read your essays. Be ready to accept some criticism and pieces of advice. With time you will see how your writing improves.

In case you have a good head for figures or sciences and you hate writing as such, but you still have to submit that essay for your Arts class, you do not have to struggle. Hire a professional team of writers who will complete your assignment and write a high-quality writing, whether it is an essay or a course paper, free of errors and plagiarism. You can set the deadline and get your paper in as little as three hours.

Play to your strengths, do what you are great at and feel good about yourself.

Daily Squib Knew About Soros Paying Gina Miller Backhanders to Thwart Brexit in 2017

0

What the Daily Telegraph is claiming to have uncovered today about Soros funding Gina Miller to thwart Brexit the Daily Squib knew about in 2017 with our satirical interview alluding to her evil practices.

Certainly, there is no secret to George Soros funding the most hated woman in Britain to stop Brexit.

Can George Soros thwart Brexit?

All the Remoaner MPs and other cohorts of money obsessed traitors are given the impetus to act against Brexit, especially when they are handed brown envelopes or suitcases full of money.

The treachery of those in government who accept these payments to Remoan and thwart our democratic right to Brexit is something that is not only despicable but inherently immoral, and some would say illegal.

In these times of treason, even if these money-grabbing cowards get caught in the media spotlight, as has happened with the established Daily Telegraph reporting, they will still get away with murder. The reason being, the underlying establishment who are Remainers are supporting them.

How much wrong has to be committed on the people who voted for Brexit on June 23, 2016 until justice, and a bona fide exit from the EU is conducted?

Leavers have been punished, denigrated and side-stepped for too long.

Now is the time to fight back for democracy and to punish the crooks, scumbags and shit heads who are actively trying destroy our democratic right to leave the EU whilst getting paid huge sums of money by their masters.

Fuck you Soros and fuck you Gina Miller, and all the other crooked Remoaners on the take. You are vile, corrupt criminals.

Daily Squib Attended Epica Awards Spotlight of British Creativity at 2018 London Showcase

0

A busy Epica Awards London Showcase took place on the rooftop of production company GCRS in Great Marlborough Street on January 31.

The event was designed to give London audiences a chance to enjoy the work awarded at Epica’s ceremony in Berlin in November.

At the well-attended event, creatives Giles Hepworth and Bill Hartley of J. Walter Thompson London were congratulated for their award-winning entry “Ashes to Art”, which led to the agency becoming Epica’s UK agency of the year.

Campaign

Campaign’s global editor-in-chief, Claire Beale, who joined the Epica jury for the first time last year, praised the work.

But she also encouraged more British agencies to enter Epica in the future. “I saw so much inspiring work from other countries; I felt sort of humbled really. It was a fantastic opportunity to appreciate the breadth of work from around the world. But I also thought: ‘Come on the Brits, where are you on this?’”

J. Walter Thompson’s campaign involved encouraging artists to turn ashes from a catastrophic fire at the Glasgow School of Art into original artwork. This was then auctioned off to help pay for the school’s restoration.

Bill Hartley remarked that the hardest part of the campaign was convincing the artists themselves to take part. “In the end we resorted to good old-fashioned direct mail, sending them charred pieces of wood in the post.”

Creative Review

Regular Epica juror Eliza Williams, associate editor of Creative Review, remarked that the awards show had seen an increase in brand-purposed or charity work recently. She added: “The best thing for me is not only seeing the work, but getting the journalists’ impression of it…You get a perspective that perhaps you don’t get in any other setting.”

Daily Squib

First time attendee at the Epica soirée, Daily Squib editor, and champion of creativity, Aur Esenbel, was truly impressed by the show of advertising and media talent: “Meeting with Mark Tungate and other denizens of the advertising, publishing world was inspiring.

“It has been a great honour to have been accepted as a juror for the creative Epica awards, and one has to say that the essence of all creative work lies in intricate controlled chaotic exploration.

“Defining that singular moment in the creative process when out of the ether, the creative plucks out an idea, an essence, a cherished spark that is then catapulted further with experimentation and work, to eventually create the final polished output, is not easily described.

“Every day, the Daily Squib works its creative juices whether in literature or illustration, and we are dedicated to the field of Creative Science in constructing our satire and news stories.

“In line with Claire Beale, from Campaign magazine, the Epica Awards definitely needs more British input. Hopefully in 2018, the awards will see a bigger Brit emphasis.”

EU Devil’s Maiden Anna Soubry Like Something From an Omen Movie

0

Anna Soubry protects the EU like the devil’s maiden, Mrs. Baylock protecting the Antichrist Damien in the Omen series of films.

Such is her crazed EU obsessive look and her mad spiky hair that to see her walk down the halls of Westminster, many get out of her way so as not to catch that stare in her demonic EU maddened eyes.

She lives for the EU, and she will certainly die for it too, her glazed over eyes pointing backwards, and the spittle foaming at her mouth.

The devil’s maiden, Anna Soubry, has planted herself somehow into the Conservative party, and within it she wreaks havoc, constantly preaching about how great her satanic masters are in Brussels, and how leaving the curtain of evil in the EU will destroy Britain.

Whenever there’s a parliamentary debate, Anna Soubry suddenly appears out of a hidden door, with a puff of smoke, this demonic feral creature and her furry raspy tongue spits out vitriol against anyone who values Britain’s freedom from the EU. She is against freedom, she is only for the EU and its heaving laws of certain imprisonment.

Anna-Soubry-demonic-eu-maiden

So who is Anna Soubry?

Borne from the puckered popping anus of a jackal in a cemetery somewhere in Lincolnshire, this priestess of the infernal was schooled in the dark arts from an early age, and was once a journalist and TV presenter for Grampian Television North.

She somehow appeared in the Conservative party as a plant from her masters in Brussels and has to this day continued to undermine not only the Tories but the Brexit process at every turn.

This evil, festering boil from the leaking asshole of Hades follows the cult of the EU with such fervour and brainwashed dedication that she has had the EU flags tattooed on her buttocks, as well as a hammer and sickle tattoo on her sagging swaying hag breasts.

Nevertheless, no one knows how she got to Westminster? The only thing they know, as MPs and their staff mill around the hallways and offices, is that if she is heard coming, hide, jump, run, get away with you, do not look into her devil eyes, or you too could succumb to her satanic demonic ways as well and forever be damned to Hell.

Why Burstcoin is the Answer to an Eco Friendly Cryptocurrency

0

Burstcoin is the future of cryptocurrency because it is ecologically green to mine, and is safe to use.

Mining Bitcoin and other graphic card utilising cryptos is killing the planet. The amount of resources used to mine these heavily electricity reliant currencies is causing an ecological disaster.

Look at the Bitcoin farms in China/ Russia/ Iceland/ America where vast amounts of electricity are used to mine these coins; where the amount of heat generated by these number crunching GPU/ASIC graphics modules have to be cooled down.

As network difficulty rises, so do the numbers of machines introduced into the mining chain, causing even more ecological damage.

The solution = Burstcoin.

Burstcoin is mined solely by hard disks which use minimal amounts of electricity and when not mining are dormant.

Burstcoin, instead of being embraced by crypto users has instead been wholly ignored but this is a danger, especially as it is the cryptocurrency that is not only ecologically efficient but run in a way that is SAFE. Yes, safety is a paramount concern in the world of cryptocurrencies, and Burstcoin is the safest most efficient coin around.

In this time of financial turmoil in the world of economics and stockmarkets, Burstcoin is a solid, green, eco-friendly, private, secure cryptocurrency.

Hell, even John McAfee says so, and who are we to disagree with him.

 

Prominent business publisher Forbes has been alerted to the greatness of Burstcoin.

Cryptocurrency users worldwide must see the benefits of Burstcoin.

Don’t think just about the money, but think about our planet too.

Everytime you use the other heavy electricity usage GPU/ASIC mining currencies you are effectively damaging finite resources on this planet.

new-burst-vs-bitcon-kwh-battery

Have some responsibility ecologically. Use Burstcoin, the only GREEN currency on earth to save the earth.

Mining Burstcoins is so easy as well. All you need is hard disk space to spare, and you are almost ready to go.

Who doesn’t like making money?

You can make money with a few terabytes of hard disk space in less than a few hours to set up at minimal cost to you.

Here is a video on how to get started mining Burstcoin

 

Burst also benefits from a lively, friendly community of people on the official forum, https://burstforum.net/.

The official Burst site at https://www.burst-coin.org/ has much information and resources for beginners, and it is still not too late to start mining. Reddit also has an excellent resource rich forum for Burstcoin here.

If you are willing to set up a good mining rig at minimal cost, you can start coining it in immediately, even with network difficulty rising slightly.

We wrote about Burstcoin awhile back and since then the price and market cap has risen quite a bit even though in any crypto, one has to deal with fluctuations.

If you are in it for the long term though, you should not be bothered by market noise.

Think about the long term sustainable green ecological nature of Burst and you will be rewarded in the end — guaranteed.

So, come on, there is no time to lose

The future of cryptocurrency lies in Burstcoin, and in a few years time this coin will be a major, secure, eco-friendly player, and the price will have risen to mark its real value.

Start planning now for your future, your Burstcoin future..

Fear Index (VIX) Jumps 116% Aaaargh!

0

The usually comatose fear index (VIX) has jumped 115.60% and is rising by the hour.

Stockbrokers are running around their offices scurrying like rats from a sinking ship!

Investors are getting the fear..like serious fear.

If Bitcoin can drop like a rock, why not legitimate stocks?

Maybe this is revenge by the hackers and dark netters after their Bitcoin high was spiked by various governments.

It only makes sense, if governments want to hurt Crypto, the hackers and users on the dark net will fight back.

Shit flies when the shit storm hits, and fear rises faster than it takes a margin call to liquidate your positions.

Sure, this could be a correction, hang in there, maybe even buy more, but what if it ain’t, you’ll be locked in as the stocks hit the floor, your once tidy profit now a worthless piece of shit.

Can you seriously watch the whole market drop while holding? No, siree! Better to dump, keep what cash you have.

There’s also the Democrats, obviously they are enjoying this every moment with avid appreciation at the destruction of the Teflon Don, but what if the Dems engineered this fall? Well, they’ll hurt their people as much as others, although the hierarchy will only see that as collateral damage, and a necessary evil.

Who frickin’ knows what will happen now? The fall is contagious as much as fear is, and it spreads like wildfire, it speeds up, accelerates and burns every corner of the global financial markets.

Some say we need to burn sometimes, but c’mon, it’s way better to ride the waves of a bull market than suffer the burn of a bear market. If you can short, that’s good for you, you should have been shorting from 26,000. Bully for you, you’re actually making a packet right now, and it’s going to drop further.

Silicon valley, the place where all the big geeks and companies live will be hit, we’re talking Google, Amazon and Facebook. Their fat smiles will be wiped off their faces as tech stocks smash into the ground leaving their once-upon-a-time billionaire faces nursing some serious smacked ass hole grimaces.

Come to think of it, the carnage is only just beginning and the VIX tells all. Two things rule this world, FEAR and GREED. The carrot or the stick. At this moment in time, that stick is beating down hard, and if you don’t get your money out, there won’t be a pension, there won’t be a nice holiday home, or a retirement fund, it will all be a dream people once had, and it’s all gone, like a sniff of the panties of that girl you had only once, never to be encountered ever again.

Stockmarket Down But Be Positive Inflation Shoots Up

0

The Dow may have dropped 1,500 from a high of 26k, but look on the bright side folks, inflation is rising at an astronomical level.

What that means is everything just keeps getting more expensive. Your credit cards, mortgages and all the other shit created by bankers to siphon off money from your wallets at ridiculously high rates.

Will we see further drops in the stockmarket? Ah, it’ll go sideways here for awhile, consolidation, then up a teeny bit, but mostly down from now on.

Don’t blame Trump, this is cyclical, and cannot be controlled.

We wrote about the bubble popping awhile ago, last year to be precise, and here we are.

The Dow dropping 1,600 points is a drop in the ocean though when the market falls 60% then there will be cause for concern.

How can you tell where the bottom is? That’s a hard one, almost like trying to find the highest high, but the lowest low will be the place where buying interest starts again. At the moment the stockmarket is so overbought that there is no intrinsic link to reality in the economy. Corrections are a natural phase.

There may be acceleration in momentum on the downside, if this occurs, don’t bother phoning the broker, the phone will be off the hook. Just gently put your head between your legs and kiss your stocks goodbye.

Sit back, break out the Schlitz, dip in the popcorn, and fucking relax…but only if you sold everything like yesterday.

Why EU Countries Will Embrace Communism

0

The EU is a Soviet construct utilising collectivist techniques to strip former sovereign nations of their ability to construct their own laws, and dictating fiscal rules that rob former nations of making their own economic decisions.

Ruled by an unelected core of technocrats, the EU Commission, they answer to no one, unlike a democracy where elected officials answer to an electorate.

Ask any European to name one single person who rules over them in the EU Commission, and you will get a blank answer. The sad part about this is that the regular EU citizen is not phased by this, instead they go on living their simple lives without questioning anything.

After the Berlin Wall fell in 1989, the Soviet officials in the Eastern German communist government were integrated into the EU ruling hierarchy.

Today we are seeing the fruits of their endeavours, with an EU so closely integrated that it is nigh on impossible for a nation to remove itself from the dictatorial structure.

The UK may never leave the EU because of the various Marxist economic rules intertwined within its makeup. In the unlikely event that Britain does manage to escape this Eurocommunist construct, one can only pity the nations left behind, who will have the rest of their sovereignty eviscerated and integrated into ‘Ever Closer Union’.

To see the proud Gaelic Irish race, who fought tooth and nail to gain freedom from rule for thousands of years, join the EU without even a whimper, not even a fight is sad beyond belief. These proud fighters have condemned their nation and people to be ruled as slaves by Brussels, where their every move is dictated, where their every law is ordered and where their every economic decision is instated without their say. To fight for thousands of years, then surrender your sovereignty without a single fight is a sign that there are defeated people amongst us, and the Irish are a lost race in the EU.

Socialists, Marxists, and ill-informed actors, always cite Winston Churchill as wanting this communist sovietised EU construct, but they are wrong, Churchill hated communism, and to see a massive communist bloc emerge in Europe would have frightened his political sensibilities. His vision of a European future was to see an Anglo-Franco union, but this never happened. Instead, we now have a Germano-Franco union ruling over the subsidiary countries.

The Soviet style that the EU has adopted is more of a Maoist modern Chinese communistic counterpart incorporating little utopian bits like the free-movement amongst all states Schengen Zone. EU communism can also be coined as the New Communism, or Eurocommunism. Economically speaking, the EU values capitalism, and yet is communist, much like China which embraces free market capitalism opposed to communist economics, yet is still a communist state.

Mikhail Gorbachev once commented after the fall of the Berlin wall: “The most puzzling development in politics during the last decade is the apparent determination of Western European leaders to re-create the Soviet Union in Western Europe.”

Current Russian leader, Vladimir Putin has said: “Above all, we should acknowledge that the collapse of the Soviet Union was a major geopolitical disaster of the century. As for the Russian nation, it became a genuine drama. Tens of millions of our co-citizens and co-patriots found themselves outside Russian territory. Moreover, the epidemic of disintegration infected Russia itself.”

And from this disintegration of Old Soviet Russia came a New Soviet EUnion construct deep in the heart of Europe, called the European Union, and in the future, it will admit what it really is, ‘The Soviet European Union’. As for Russia, the plan probably highest in EU military circles, within the newly formed EU Army will be integration of Russia. From there, Putin and his cronies will have their old Soviet state back, that is if they survive the purges.

Modern communism within the EU is softened down version much like China, where religion is tolerated relatively, and there is heavy use of censorship to limit alternative viewpoints to its socialist ideologies.

In essence, the EU wants to spread as far as it can go. The planners deep in the EU Commission would like the EU  to take over the world economically, much like they have conquered European nations, without a single shot being fired. What the EU is is the Fourth Reich backwards. Where Hitler began militarily to conquer Europe, the EU conquered Europe economically. Once this was completed, this is when it was safe to talk about creating an EU Army so as not create fear amongst its conquered subjects.

The future of Europe is one that will be fraught with conflict thanks to the aspirations of the unelected leaders of the EU who will invariably coax Russia into skirmishes along the borders. It was EU meddling in the Ukraine that finally awoke the sleeping bear, and Putin decided enough was enough. There will be more of these incidents occurring, until the Russian bear is mobilised completely, and the EU leaders will have what they want, a full conventional ground war, and more of a reason for ever closer union.