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Oxfam Charity Orgies Will Help Fund Higher Salaries

NASSAU - Bahamas - Oxfam are to capitulate on the recent publicity by holding fundraising orgies to increase salary pots for key staff.

Working for a charity has never been so lucrative, what with astronomical salaries given to parasites who ponce around behind their desks pretending to help suffering people in need.

Oxfam have been caught indulging in orgies in sunny Carribean climes, according to the news, and to capitulate on this, the charity have decided to capitalise on the frenzied mass media coverage and free publicity.

Oxfam Orgies to Fund Another Salary Increase

Oxfam marketing manager, Celia Ortens, salary £465,000/annum, who works for the company only three days a week, reveals the plan:

“Orgies are good for headlines. We need to up our salaries, so we will be holding Fundraising Orgies in the Bahamas every two weeks ongoing. To attend the orgy, each participant has to pay $60,000.”

According to the Oxfam accountant, Bernie Fenster, all it will take is a participation of “200 orgy fuckers every two weeks so that Oxfam HQ staff can have another pay rise”.

With most charities only giving away 1% of their take to charity work, and the rest to massive lucrative salaries, plane flights, unlimited expense accounts, parties, taxis and alcohol, most sane people do not give money to charities, however, the world is not filled with sane people it seems and charities bring in millions every day.

The Romans

Speaking from one of her mansions, Ms Ortens revealed that the orgies will include anything that has ever been thought of or conceived in history.

“The Romans liked their orgies, and we will certainly include as much from that era as today’s Tinderized Bachinalian sex riddled internet generation. As for things like AIDS and other STIs, well, like Tinder, we do not discriminate. If you want to go for it, why be a downer? Our orgies have a condition where everything is allowed — as long as you pay the price at the door, because you will certainly be paying the price when you walk out the door.”

The Oxfam Orgies will start in Nassau, Bahamas in April, then much like a hurricane move through the Caribbean islands. Charity worker, David Miliband, whose salary is £530,000 per annum was consulted on the Oxfam Orgies, and agreed it is a great idea, and he might even attend a few.

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