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R Goes to a Party

Stephen Redgrave
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0
R Goes to a Party

It’s break time at Widget Wonders and R and her friend Q have been soldering tirelessly
all morning. They are grateful to have a few minutes to grab a cup of coffee, check some
messages and maybe even exchange a few words. Non-essential interaction between employees is forbidden during the workday.

“R, honey, W and I are throwing a little get-together this Saturday and we were hoping
you could come,” Q suggests. R rolls her eyes. “You don’t have to bring anything. Just come and have a few drinks. It will be good for you to get out of your rut. You know, ever since you and H…”

“Broke up,” R finishes. “I don’t need to get out, and I’m not in a rut. I’m enjoying my
peace and quiet. Harold had brain damage and a terrible temper. You know, he told me his father smacked him upside the head every day from the time he was four and that’s why he has double vision and a drinking problem.”

Q speaks in unison with R from the word “father.”

“R, you got yourself attached to a natural-born sociopath, and now it’s time to move on.
Open your mind, for God’s sake,” Q says in a high-pitched voice that does nothing for her credibility.

“I’m not coming to your stupid party,” R pouts.

“It won’t be stupid, I promise. G will be there.”

“G? That guy you set me up on that blind date with who stood me up?”

“I told you he had a family emergency. G’s nephew broke his leg while his brother was
out of town, so he had to take little t to the emergency room.”

R sighs.

“If nothing else,” Q pleads, “you can play with W’s dog Barky. You know how much he
loves you.”

Barky is a rescue mutt with a sweet disposition and a smelly slobber. Not even Barky can have it all. A siren sounds and it is time for R and Q to strap back into their electrified seats and get to work.

vintage border 1

At lunchtime, R decides she will go to the party after all.

“That’s great,” Q says as she chomps on her peanut butter and banana sandwich.

“You know I’m only coming because of Barky.”

“The point is that you’re getting out of your wood paneled hole in the wall with the leaky
windows.” Q’s vocal cords are choked with peanut butter.

vintage border 1

Truth be told, on Saturday evening R is looking forward to the soiree with apprehensive
delight. Maybe she really needs to be more open-minded. Maybe she will meet G and they will hit it off. Or maybe Barky will lick her hand with his magic saliva and deliver her from the human condition.

R puts on her favorite tan jumpsuit with the little pastel polka dots, accented with pink
Converse hi-tops and her Hello Kitty tote bag.

R arrives at the party, and Q answers the door.

“R, honey, you look so cute! That’s such a good color for you. Let me get you a drink.”

“OK, I’ll have a black Russian.”

“Oh, sorry, dear. I don’t have any Kahlua. Would you settle for a screwdriver?”

“Sure,” R says, slightly disappointed.

R gets her drink and immediately stakes out a chair in the corner. Barky briefly says hello and slinks under the couch. She watches as people enter the room with hellos and hugs. Q kisses women on the cheek and W slaps men on the back. She feels like she is watching a movie about a party.

Q scampers over to where R is sitting. R has already guzzled two thirds of her drink.

“R, honey, come over here! There’s someone I want you to meet.”

Is it G?

“This is my cousin Renaldo. He just moved up here from Texas. We used to play together
all the time back in the day. Touch football, fishing for frogs, all that tomboy stuff.”

Renaldo is a short Latino fellow with a scant mustache. He smiles, showing a missing
tooth near the front.

“This is R, my friend from work.”

“Hello, Miss R, it’s nice to meet you,” Renaldo growls in a raspy tone.

Ugh.

“It’s nice to meet you, too.” R couldn’t care less.

Q’s boyfriend W comes over to say hi. W is a goofy ginger who looks a bit like Alfred E
Neumann from Mad Magazine. What, W worry? Not a chance.

“Hey R, what up?” W hollers enthusiastically, as if she might be hard of hearing. W has
been drinking since 5 pm, when he and Q were gathering the snacks and setting up extra chairs.

“Why don’t you come over to the dining room and get in on the Monopoly game? We’re just about to start.”

“Oh, no, thanks.” R hates board games. She is competitive in spite of herself, and a very
sore loser.

She looks over at the opposite corner of the room and recognizes someone. Is that Tristan the youth minister from her neighbor Susan’s church? No, it couldn’t be. R had met him at a church recruitment shindig a couple weeks ago where he offered her weed and tricked her into a surprise sermon in the parking lot.

R goes over to the makeshift bar and pours herself another screwdriver, this time with
just a splash of orange juice. Tristan catches her eye and makes his way toward her. She smiles awkwardly, wishing he would keep moving along. She feels trapped and wants to dive under the couch with Barky.

Tristan approaches with a smile. His snakelike head nods a bit in recognition and when
he opens his mouth, she can swear his tongue is slightly forked. He is wearing the same striped t-shirt he had on at the church shindig.

“Hi, R, is it?”

“Yeah, hi,” she answers with the blankest look she could conjure, pretending not to
remember him.

Q runs over. R hopes she is coming to the rescue.

“R, I see you’ve met Tristan,” Q gushes. R figures Q is probably on her fifth or sixth gin
and tonic by now. She is rather sloppy and her voice is higher and even more grating than usual, like a drunken Mickey Mouse.

“Can we go somewhere quiet?” Tristan suggests.

For what, a prayer service?

Q has a knowing twinkle in her eye and leads the two of them down to the basement, next to the washer and dryer.

“We are gathered here today…” Tristan says dramatically, and a joint appears in his hand.

He lights it and passes it to R. She sucks on the joint like a teat and holds her breath, slowly sighing out a stream of smoke. She passes it to Q, who takes a little puff, chokes a bit and giggles, and passes it back to Tristan. After a few hits, R is feeling relaxed. Between the weed and the vodka, her eyes are reduced to slits.

Q laughs hysterically at her own jokes and Tristan’s snaky head bobs back and forth in
approval, a smile stretching below his nostrils. Everything is moving slowly as R sips her drink.

She can hear the music upstairs as if it is being piped in from another planet.

“Let’s play spin the bottle,” Q squeaks.

“Who needs a bottle?” Tristan proclaims, grabbing Q and kissing her gently on the lips.
Q bursts out laughing and proceeds to shove her tongue down Tristan’s throat. She begins unbuttoning his khakis and discovers he isn’t wearing any underwear.

“Come on, R, honey, I need some help over here,” Q squeals.

R wanders over reluctantly and the basement door opens. It is W, and he doesn’t look
pleased.

“Am I interrupting something?” he shouts from halfway down the stairs as he sees Tristan with his pants down, Q on her knees, and R standing around looking guilty. W goes back upstairs.

“Don’t mind him,” Q says nonchalantly.

The door opens again and W bounds down the stairs. At this point, R feels like she is
watching a movie about a different kind of party. Is W going to open fire?

“How could you start without me?” W grins, slapping Tristan on the butt.

“Um, I think I have to go home,” R says slowly.

“Oh, come on, R, the fun’s just starting. Besides, we need two on a team,” insists Alfred
E Neumann as he strips his shirt and unbuckles his belt matter-of-factly, as though he is changing into pajamas.

“R, honey, you really should stay,” Q pleads while cradling Tristan’s privates in her hands
like a small bird.

“No, but thanks,” R says and goes upstairs to let herself out.

“Bye, Miss R,” Renaldo calls after her.

R waves at him and shuts the door behind her. Widget Wonders will never be the same.
Once again, G never showed.

Read more of R’s adventures by Joann Evan:

R Rides the Bus

R Goes to Church

R Gets a Job

R’s Blind Date

R Visits Her Parents

R’s New Apartment

 

How to Increase Testosterone to 1000 | What You Need to Know

Stephen Redgrave
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0
How to Increase Testosterone to 1000 | What You Need to Know

Building healthy testosterone levels in your body is something that all men (and even women) should focus on if they care about their health. T levels are essential for physical, mental and sexual health, contributing to muscle mass, erectile function and a general state of well-being. But these days, men’s health has changed and people aren’t just looking to feel healthy, they’re looking to optimise their health, even considering themselves “biohackers”. If you’re really working on your body, you might wonder how to increase testosterone to 1000. 

1000 ng testosterone or 1000 nanograms per decilitre (ng/dL) is essentially the highest level of testosterone that a regular adult male might have. The range for most men is around 300 to 1000 ng/dL, meaning it’s not common for people to maintain and achieve this level. This guide will offer information on raising your testosterone level, along with understanding the nature of reaching these top-end levels. 

Understanding what maintaining 1000 ng/dl testosterone means

It’s important to understand that achieving this sort of high testosterone in men isn’t the kind of thing that can be taken lightly. You need to be aware of the fact that these levels are not necessarily normal, and maintaining them should be done under strict medical supervision. In fact, it should only really be in response to hypogonadism – medically classified low T. 

How to increase testosterone levels quickly 

If you’ve been through sufficient consultations with doctors and have a real need to boost your T, the fastest, most effective way to reach a 1000ng/dL level is through testosterone replacement therapy (TRT). This is a medical treatment and must be prescribed – it’s not the kind of thing you can enact on a whim. 

Generally, TRT will aim to bring testosterone levels to a mid-to-upper normal range, somewhere between 500-800 ng/dL, however this will vary depending on the clinic and patient response. In some cases, individuals might be dosed and treated to take them to the very top end.

pexels-alexapopovich-9283300TRT takes a variety of different forms, including: 

  • Injections, administered either every 2–4 weeks or every 10–14 weeks, depending on the brand or form of T used
  • Gels or creams, applied daily to steadily absorb into the bloodstream through the skin
  • Pellets, surgically implanted into the body to offer long-term, consistent release levels over the course of months
  • Oral or nasal tablets or sprays, used daily or even multiple times a day, but not very common 

It’s worth noting that even with TRT, 1000 ng/dL might not be a realistic goal. This sort of numerical target at an exacting level can be difficult, with the effects of TRT varying even within one person. 

Risks of increasing testosterone levels rapidly

Increasing testosterone levels significantly isn’t always going to do positive things to your body. Everyone has physiological limits, and some aren’t going to suit levels over 1000 ng/dL consistently, with this amount of testosterone increasing the risk of: 

  • Cardiovascular complications like an increased red blood cell count, potentially leading to blood clots, strokes and heart attacks
  • High blood pressure or lower HDL cholesterol levels
  • Worsened Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia or worsened urinary symptoms
  • Increased possibility of accelerated prostate cancer
  • Liver failure, especially in the case of older oral medications
  • Acne and oily skin
  • Testicular issues like infertility or atrophy
  • Gynecomastia due to conversion of excess testosterone to estrogen

Remember, working to increase your testosterone (outside natural methods) is the kind of thing you should always approach with the utmost medical care. It’s important to not get hung up on the number 1000; just work to build your levels up to a place where you feel happy and healthy. 

Two Astronomers Discover New Spectacular Planet

Stephen Redgrave
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1
Two Astronomers Discover New Spectacular Planet

The wonder of the stars! Two astronomers have made a spectacular astronomical discovery of a new planet, it has been reported.

The couple who work together at the observatory in New York said they were listening to their favourite band’s music at the time of the amazing discovery.

“We both have a fetish for listening to a band most people despise with a vengeance. Yep, we have to admit to the entire world, we listen to Coldplay. Anyway, Kristin suddenly jumped back off the telescope! I then had a look and there it was in all its wonder!” Chief astronomer, Andy Byron, revealed.

Located in the Adultarium constellation, the planet discovery is an astronomer’s dream come true.

His trusty assistant, and telescope cleaner, Kristin Cabot said that she wants to name the planet “Martin” after their favourite pop singer.

“I clean Andy’s telescope daily, you know up and down and around. It does get real dirty, so I have to take the gunk out a lot, but this time we hit the jackpot!”

Nodding his head with a big smile, Andy agreed.

It Doesn’t Pay to Harass Angela Rayner First Thing in the Morning

Stephen Redgrave
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7
It Doesn’t Pay to Harass Angela Rayner First Thing in the Morning

Okay, this is not Angela Rayner, but say if she was living a more ordinary life as an ordinary citizen in the UK, this is probably the reaction she would give to being harassed by some council official. Granted, he was just doing his job, but is a job like that worth the amount of ill will one gets thrown their way?

We’re only on this earth for a very short time, and to get that much negativity thrown at you day in day out is not conducive to good health, mentally or physically.

As for the woman doing the talking, the word “cunt” used with such eloquence is indeed a beautiful thing.

It’s Kicking Off Again: Unfettered Mass Immigration Has Destroyed Britain

Stephen Redgrave
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2
It’s Kicking Off Again: Unfettered Mass Immigration Has Destroyed Britain

Britain is now a designated Third World country; a toilet dumping zone for millions upon millions of economic migrants and fake asylum seekers. The indigenous population of the UK are slowly starting to wake up to their predicament with some action, but it may be too little, too late. Unfettered mass immigration into Britain will eventually lead to civil war.

The mainstream media are not touching this with a barge pole, and the far-leftist pseudo communists in the Labour government are completely ignoring the situation and gaslighting the public.

These people protesting are labelled as “far-right” by the socialist regime in place, because if you care about your community and little girls being raped by illegal migrants, you are now deemed as “far-right”. This is the process of “downgrading” the indigenous native population within the current “two-tier” system in place, which favours illegal immigration.

All of this unrest with unfettered mass immigration is of course a symptom of global overpopulation and apathetic, lazy governance. The only way to alleviate and solve this problem is to reduce the global population by at least 80% minimum.

Overpopulation only creates misery, poverty, terrorism, war, disease, famine, mass pollution and ecological disaster. There are no positives to overpopulation. Governments, whether national or the global body, who ignore this fact are complicit in the destruction of the planet. The fallacy of Net Zero is another example of idiocy on a grand scale. It is impossible to truly instate something like Net Zero with overpopulation. They can introduce something that looks vaguely like it, but it will not function.

If you never address the root of any given problem, then you will never solve that problem.

Labour Votes at 16: “We are counting on old people to die off!”

Stephen Redgrave
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3
Labour Votes at 16: “We are counting on old people to die off!”

If Labour is going to cut down on mass immigration, which was their tactic of importing Labour voters, then it will have to offset the loss of election voters by introducing a vote for children at 16 years of age. The votes at 16 change is a vast revision of Britain’s electoral system.

Sixteen-year-olds in the UK are now permitted to vote but not permitted to buy a lottery ticket, consume alcohol, marry, or go to war.

Rig the System

There is also the hope that old conservatives will be all dying off, Brexiteers, and other undesirables to the socialist system currently in place in the UK.

By introducing the right to vote at 16, Labour will be in government forever. This is the ultimate plan.

The socialist education system in the UK completely brainwashes children from pre-school kindergarten to university, and is a stalwart system that cannot be broken.

The UK from now on will never see another government apart from Labour after they have skewed the electoral system to solely vote for one party.

The goal of socialism is communism.

Vladimir Lenin

There was no consultation with parliament, or anything. The Labour government brought this law in and there is nothing anyone can do about it.

Political parties like Reform are now a huge threat, and by introducing votes at 16, the threat may be staved off, and the old fuddy-duddies should all die off very soon. If the entire system of a nation, its entire infrastructure, its political process is socialist, leaning eventually to communism, then no other political ideology can function over that framework.

For Labour programmers, “old” voters are deemed as dangerous. Some of those people have surpassed the “active measures” and “ideological subversion” techniques employed on the pliable youth, and have viewed, through history, how Labour operates. Programming the young in socialist Marxist and EU ideology in Britain starts from kindergarten onwards, therefore bringing forth a vote for 16-year-olds is a good way of keeping Labour in government for the perpetual future.

The quicker old voters who are not freshly programmed in Labour’s mindset of soviet ideology die off, the better it is for the party to stay in power for the unforeseeable future on a permanent basis.

“Daddy, why does everyone get angry and start arguing after they spray the sky?”

Stephen Redgrave
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28
“Daddy, why does everyone get angry and start arguing after they spray the sky?”

There’s nothing to worry about, little Johnny is just curious as to why these things happen. There is no spraying in the skies, and no such thing is happening.

Many people rarely notice these things. Many people do not ever look up at those lines crisscrossing the sky.

Do not question such things, you will be called a “conspiracy theorist”. Oh, how embarrassing and denigrating that is to be called such a thing.

You must carry on with your life, just go watch another reality show that shows no actual reality, designed specifically to remove you completely from reality.

spraying the skyWhat are the chemicals they spray that slowly dissipate and fall onto the surface of the earth? That’s a question you must never ask, all you need to do is breathe in very deeply, and you will be okay.

There is nothing to see here. Little Johnny, you must continue playing in the garden. You are perfectly safe and there is nothing to worry about.

They are not spraying barium, aluminium, radioactive thorium and caesium, copper, titanium, silicon, lithium, cobalt, lead, ethylene dibromide or god knows what …

This Sweepstakes Gaming Platform Casino Click– Play to Win

Stephen Redgrave
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2
This Sweepstakes Gaming Platform Casino Click– Play to Win

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How Misgendering Your Pet Could Be Ruining Their Life (and Yours)

Stephen Redgrave
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13
How Misgendering Your Pet Could Be Ruining Their Life (and Yours)

Do you really know your cat? Do you truly understand your dog? Or are you (brace yourself) violently misgendering your pet every single day?

You might think Fluffy doesn’t care if you call her “good girl” or “handsome boy,” but research has shown that microsubconscious distress through misgendering in pets can lead to lasting emotional scars. (Research conducted entirely in my own living room with three nervous guinea pigs, a trans goldfish, a jar of Vaseline and a Ouija board.)

If you’ve ever noticed your cat glaring at you after being called “she,” or your hamster refusing to run on its wheel after you casually referred to it as “buddy,” that’s not bad behaviour. That’s fucking microaggression-led trauma against the toxic-masculine evil fascist patriarchy.

The good news? You can fix it. With patience, respect, and a willingness to explore your pet’s true inner identity, you can become an affirming, gender-conscious guardian.

1. Learn to Read the Signs Your Pet Has Been Trying to Tell You For Months

  • Toy preferences: Does your dog prefer a pink squeaky unicorn over a rugged rope? This could indicate either a flamboyant cis-male identity or an unapologetically femme-presenting nonbinary spirit. Take notes.
  • Reaction to clothing: Put your cat in a bow tie. If they immediately rip it off and sulk in the corner, you may have just invalidated their carefully curated gender expression. Apologise. Verbally. In their chosen pronouns.
  • Litterbox behaviour: If your rabbit digs obsessively in one corner after you call them “he,” you have just committed an act of emotional violence. Immediately punish yourself.

Keep a Pet Gender Journal. Write down every reaction, every growl, every disdainful microaggresive tail flick. This is how you will learn to do better.

2. Ask for Consent Before Using Pronouns

Sit your pet down. Look into their eyes. Say, “Fluffy, what are your pronouns today?”

They may not respond verbally (yet, science is working on that), but watch for signs:

  • A slow blink from a cat = they/them.
  • A happy tail wag = he/him.
  • A blank stare into the abyss = questioning, possibly neo-pronouns such as cir/zir/whisk/zee/zum/zoo.

If you get it wrong, apologise profusely and offer treats.

3. Be Prepared for Change

Gender is a journey, even for pets. Your Pomeranian might be she/her in the morning, they/them by dinnertime, and a proud trans-marsupial by the weekend. Respect it. Celebrate it. Post about it on Instagram with hashtags like #PetGenderEuphoria and #TransPetsAreValid.

4. Healing the Trauma You’ve Already Caused

If you have been misgendering your pet for years, it’s time to atone. Some steps you can take:

  • Write a heartfelt apology letter to your pet, preferably on recycled sustainably sourced hemp paper. Read it aloud in a soothing tone.
  • Book them into Animal Reiki sessions to realign their chakra energy centres after years of pronoun-based microaggressions.
  • Make reparations. Buy that £120 organic, non-binary-friendly chew toy you’ve been avoiding.

5. Never Assume — Always Affirm

The old world of oppressive pet labels is over. No more “good boy.” No more “pretty girl.”

Embrace gender-neutral praise:

  • “Good entity!”
  • “Excellent four-legged creature!”
  • “You’re valid, whiskered soul!”

Your pet will thank you, silently, through micro tail vibrations and subtle karmic aura energy shifts.

Your pet’s gender identity isn’t a joke. It’s a sacred truth, and by honouring it, you aren’t just being kind — you are becoming part of the historic anti misgendering your pet movement.

The future will look back on us and say: “They were the first generation brave enough to ask their poodles for their pronouns.”

So go. Hug your pet. Ask them who they truly are. And if they bite you? That’s just them expressing their authentic self. Respect it.

What is Online Blackjack and How Do the Games Work?

Stephen Redgrave
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0
What is Online Blackjack and How Do the Games Work?

Are you interested in learning more about online Blackjack? Since it made the jump to digital platforms, the once land-based casino classic has found additional popularity in its online format, mixing traditional gameplay with modern mechanics and features.

This digital version of the traditional card game is available on licensed online casino platforms, allowing you to play against the dealer in an attempt to beat them to 21. Online

Blackjack often includes features commonly found across providers, such as side bets, multi-hand options, and adjustable table limits—designed to enhance engagement and cater to a wide range of player preferences.

In this article, we break down the fundamentals of online Blackjack, helping you understand the game better so you’re more informed the next time you decide to play.

pexels-shvetsa-6664195Basic rules of online Blackjack

The basic rules of online Blackjack follow the same structure as the land-based version. The main difference is that the dealer is the game software, and outcomes are determined by a random number generator (RNG).

Each game begins with you placing a wager. Once the betting window closes, the game starts, and both you and the dealer are dealt two cards. Your cards are both dealt face-up, while the dealer typically has one card face-up and the other face-down.

The value of your hand is calculated by adding the values of the two cards together. The values are:

  • Number cards are worth their face value
  • Face cards (King, Queen, Jack) are worth 10
  • Aces can be counted as either one or 11, depending on which you decide is more
    advantageous for your hand.

After the initial deal, you have a range of options to potentially strengthen your hand, based on your current total and assessing the dealer’s up card. You can choose to:

  • “Hit”: Draw another card
  • “Stand”: Keep your current hand and end your turn
  • “Double down”: double your bet and take only one more card
  • “Split”: If you have two cards of the same value, you can split them into two separate
    hands, but it requires an additional bet.

If at any point your hand exceeds 21, you “go bust” and lose the round. Once you’ve completed your turn, the dealer makes their decisions, often based on pre-set rules they must follow, such as needing to stand on 17.

Once the dealer’s turn ends, payouts are determined by the outcome of the round. If your hand exceeds 21, or the dealer is closer to 21 than you are, you lose. If your hand is closer to 21, or the dealer goes bust, you win. If it’s a tie, your original bet is returned to you.

In the instance, you receive a natural Blackjack with your initial two cards (a card worth 10 points and an Ace), you automatically win the round.

Types of online Blackjack games

There are several variants of Blackjack available online, each with slightly different rules.

Here are some of the common variations you might find.:

  • Classic Blackjack: This is the standard version in which the dealer must stand on 17, and you can double down on any two cards.
  • European Blackjack: In this version, the dealer only receives one card initially. The second card is dealt after you’ve completed your turn.
  • Atlantic City Blackjack: This variation typically uses eight decks of cards and allows for late surrender, re-splitting, and dealer peeking for Blackjack.
  • Live dealer Blackjack: This online game involves a real-life dealer in a physical studio setting. The game is streamed to your device using a high-quality camera and streaming technology.

Each variant may have subtle rule differences, so make sure you understand the fundamentals before playing.

Playing online Blackjack is a great way to try the structured gameplay of the traditional table game, mixed with the faster pace and modern mechanics of digital casinos.

Always ensure you understand the game rules and terms before placing any bets, and only play online Blackjack on licensed and reputable platforms.

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