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Camilla Receiving Counselling After Joe Biden Fart

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Camilla Receiving Counselling After Joe Biden Fart

The COP26 Climate Change conference was not only marred by a lot of hot air coming from hypocritical delegates and politicians, but a lot of methane gas was also emitted during the conference, and consort to Prince Charles, Camilla was bang right in the middle of the smelly fiasco.

Traumatised by the experience of Joe Biden farting at length and with such a high decibel output in her presence, Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall, is now receiving counselling from a top Harley Street psychiatrist. The event was indeed so traumatic that it even invades Camilla’s dreams as she wakes up multiple times at night sweating after recurring nightmares plague her fragile sensibilities.

Professor Alphonse de Merde of Harley Street, has tactfully revealed some of what occurred on the fateful day that Camilla encountered Joe Biden as he farted into his adult nappy during the COP26 conference in Glasgow.

“Camilla, has kindly given me permission to reveal the traumatic injury to her constitution during the gaseous release from Joe Biden’s anus, during the COP26 conference. The Duchess had just come from the powder room, where her maid in waiting had adjusted a few hair-related things. Joe Biden suddenly appeared around the corner but did not know where he was, or why he was there. He was asking everyone he bumped into if the COP26 conference was Disneyland, and why there was no sign of Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck.

“This is when the fateful stinky altercation took place with the Duchess of Cornwall. Biden pointed at Camilla and aggressively accused her of hogging all the rides and that’s why he could not get on the Big Thunder Mountain rollercoaster. Camilla, and her aides immediately realised something was awry, and prepared to leave the area, however Biden was adamant that he was correct in his assumption. Hurriedly, he attempted to pick Camilla up off the floor, but as he bent down to do so, he let off a huge gaseous fart so loud that it was even picked up by microphones in the hall where the delegates were assembled.

“In fact, Joe Biden’s fart was so powerful and smelly, it ripped his trousers from the rear exposing his adult nappy. The man had clearly shit himself, and some of the smelly brown stuff seeped onto the floor expelled from the adult diaper at quite a high velocity. Steamy wet slivers of the effluent even landed on a delegate from Guatemala’s sandwich just as he was about to bite on it. The Duchess, seeing this, tried to do the honourable thing and alert the gentleman but was too late. He bit down on the sandwich gulping the lot down without any reaction at all. This was possibly a testament to the Scottish catering, that the man did not realise he had just ingested an olive sized piece of shit with his sandwich.

“If that was not enough for the royal sensibilities to be unjustly aggrieved, the smell uttered from Joe Biden’s ghastly posterior was incalculably atrocious, the aroma of death and decay, possibly a Haitian morgue where refrigeration is an anomaly, mixed in with strains of fermented arse cheese from a tramp as well as the faint whiff of rotting haggis. One wonders what the hell Joe Biden was ingesting on his visit to Scotland?

“Suffice to say, the poor Duchess was ungraciously affected by this distasteful foul escapade, and started to wretch uncontrollably. Thankfully, one of her maids appeared from the sidelines and held the Duchess up as she gasped for air only to ingest more foulness into her olfactory system. Prince Charles had already fled the scene leaving the Duchess to deal with the Biden problem, so it was up to the maids to hurriedly escort Camilla from the harrowing scene in a semi-conscious state, gasping for pockets of oxygen amongst the sulphurous heavy methane excrement rich gas permeating through every nook and cranny.

“Eventually news filtered through that Biden and his deadly emissions had been contained as the babbling old man was locked in a toilet cubicle with his long-suffering aides trying to repair his soiled ripped trousers.

“Today is the sixth day of treatment for the Duchess, and I can only reassure the palace that she is thankfully on the mend. The psychological damage however may take a while longer to heal, but she says her nasal palate has thankfully returned back to normal.”

Royal courtiers were today thanking their lucky stars that the 95-year-old Regent had not attended the COP26, as an encounter with Biden may have almost certainly hastened her demise.

Praise must be given to Camilla for her fortitude and solemnity in dealing with the flagitious Joe Biden and his seeping arsehole. Of course, in true American style, there was not a single sniffle of an apology from the Biden circus, as the smelly contingent left the COP26 conference.

 

Harry and Meghan to Conduct Another “Fake Royal Tour” in December

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Harry and Meghan to Conduct Another “Fake Royal Tour” in December

Using the Duke and Duchess of Sussex labels, even though they are not working royals anymore, Harry and Meghan plan to complete faux royal tours of American prisons and Democrat run cities.

The fake royal tour of New York City, in October, was a success for the couple of grifters, who were led around the city’s sights by glassy eyed American officials, who would not know real royalty if it smacked them in the face. Despite not being royal, Harry and Meghan used the Duke and Duchess of Sussex title at every opportunity.

Spokesperson for the couple, Scobie Doh, naturally gushed over the announcement of new fake royal tours in December.

“They will be going to Alcatraz, and Folsom state prison for the first leg of the tour, and maybe Sing Sing. Then they will go to some Democrat run cities where crime, drugs and homelessness have blighted the former great cities because they are now run by enabling, wasteful, socialist morons with no guts to actually fix those cities up. It will be fantastic to see these dumb starry eyed officials fawning over Harry and Meghan, treating them like royalty when in fact they are not royal, and have distanced themselves from the British royal family as much as possible. Ooh, I cannot wait to see them at work on their fake royal tour.”

If you ever want to see a city ruined by Democrats, Philadelphia has to be your first stop, then maybe the wasteland of Detroit, or the murder capital of Chicago, all run by completely clueless socialist profligate idiots who have absolutely no idea about anything, let alone running a city.

One sickened American commentator suggested the fake royals stay in Alcatraz.

“These two sicken me to the point of barfing, I mean they’re coming over here acting all royal when I heard they hate the Brit royal family, and the Doprah interview damn well confirmed that. Quit telling us Americans how to live our lives Harry, and the money grabbing z-list grifter actress Megain narcissist, she don’t like being exposed, does she? They’re going to visit Alcatraz huh? Well, hell they should stay there and shut the hell up, give us all a rest from all their fake ass woke shit!”

News That’s Beyond Satire – Edition V

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News That’s Beyond Satire – Edition V

‘Insulate Britain’ Block INSULATION Truck

Yes, you couldn’t make this shit up even if you tried. Serial eco super gluers, Insulate Britain blocked the way for a truck carrying insulation for homes. Insulate Britain want every home in Britain insulated, but how’s that going to happen when the very trucks carrying the insulation are blocked on the roads by their own insane eco zealot super glue sniffing fanatics?

Over 400 Private Jets and Gas Guzzling Biden Motorcade Behemoth Clog Up Climate Change Conference

Imagine the amount of carbon emissions pumped out into the atmosphere as all these hypocritical bastards land at Glasgow airport to supposedly save the planet. To see the likes of Bezos, who is one of the most polluting individuals in the world, commenting on the fragile earth’s atmosphere brought up some bile. Then we had sleepy Joe being motorcaded everywhere in his 8 MPG monster truck, and a motorcade of over 40 gas guzzling vehicles including a helicopter following above. It’s a good thing sleepy Joe did not know where he was or why he was there, because if anyone mentioned the damage his motorcade was doing to the atmosphere, he would have a certain shock to his comatose state.

QANON Supporters Wait on Grassy Knoll For Resurrection of John F. Kennedy, Jnr.

If you want proof that a vast proportion of the United States population are off the scale mentalists, you only have to look at QANON followers. These fuckers are so deranged that they stood around waiting for the dead JFK Jnr. to turn up, just because QANON said he would. Well they waited, and waited and no one turned up. QANON is obviously the CIA having fun with idiots. You can imagine some CIA guy in Virginia giggling his ass off sending these ridiculous QANON messages to morons on the internet.

Why You Always Forget to Take Medicines on Time and How to Avoid It

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Why You Always Forget to Take Medicines on Time and How to Avoid It

There are instances when you forget to take medicines, and your recovery process gets delayed. Your doctor already told you when and how often to take these medicines, but you forget anyway. Here are some tips to help you overcome this issue.

You don’t maximise tools at your disposal

You have your phone with you. It offers tons of ways to remember that you must take a pill. From an alarm clock to a reminder app, anything is possible. There’s no excuse for still forgetting what you should do. Take advantage of whatever is available if you want to recover from your illness soon.

You’re too busy

When you have too much on your plate, you might forget about taking medicines on time. It doesn’t matter how busy you are. You should follow the prescriptions. Take your medicines with you wherever you go. Whether you’re in the middle of a meeting or on the road, you can still take the pills as prescribed.

You have too many pills to take

Sometimes, your pills can be overwhelming. However, you have no choice since you face more than one medical condition, and you should take more than one at a time. Consult with your doctor about this issue. Be transparent with your doctor, and you will know what the next step should be. There might be an alternative, so you won’t have to take several medicines at the same time. You might also have to let go of some on the list since they counter the effects of the other pills. For instance, you can buy penicillin online prescribed by your physician, and stop taking other pills as advised.

You keep all the medicines in the cabinet at home

If you have a medicine cabinet, it’s a good thing. You can store your pills and organise them easily. However, you should also bring one with you wherever you go. You won’t always be home. It might be necessary to take some medicines when you’re on the go. You can’t drive back just to take one from the cabinet.

You’re getting older

If you’re ageing and can’t use technology to remind you, ask for help from someone else. Tell your relative to call you when it’s time to take medicines and remind you. Another idea is to write the information on various areas of your house. You will think about what you have to take once you see these reminders. The fridge, bedside table, shelves, and kitchen table are among the options.

You can’t allow yourself to forget to take medicines on time again. If you want to get better soon, you must do what’s right. If you still don’t feel better after a while, go back to your doctor. You might need another check-up to determine what’s wrong. There could be another reason behind your medical condition and recurring symptoms. Trust the medical experts to do the right thing. Cooperate with them, and you will recover soon.

Enemies of Britain: Biden and Macron Best of Buddies

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Enemies of Britain: Biden and Macron Best of Buddies

Auntie Widdecombe of the Brexit Party was completely right to give French president Emmanuel Macron a good earful today, calling out the miserable wretch for his avid hatred of the British. We should get the paratroopers to drop her off behind enemy lines and to clandestinely sneak into Macron’s palace to beat the twat over the head with one of her handbags. How’s about that, whilst force-feeding the hateful little Napoleon with some battered cod and chips, seeing as he likes to steal our fish so much.

As for the IRA Macron loving weasel Biden, he clearly states that there is no special relationship with Britain whilst he is still around. That’s not exactly news, especially as we had the same state of affairs with that bristling Kenyan commie bastard some years back. Britain will have to thus wait for another fucking U.S. election until Biden is ousted, or hopefully he will drop dead before then. Sleeping through every International meeting, Biden usually does not know where he is or what he has been told to say by the Obama team, who run the show behind the scenes. America under the blundering fool is a mess, with skyrocketing gas prices, trillions more Green New Deal debt, overrun borders, hyperinflation, mass job losses, ISIS and Al-Qaeda regrouping in Afghanistan, and the lowest ratings drop ever witnessed in U.S. history. “Fuck Joe Biden”, or as some automaton NBC reporter claimed “Let’s Go Brandon!”

Britain, it seems, is alone in its endeavour to gain some sort of sovereignty since its imprisonment in the EU, and is coming up against some seriously nasty backstabbing fuckers who pretended to be our allies before Brexit. Everything was all dandy whilst cash cow Britain was paying out billions of UK taxpayers money into the EU debt black hole, but since we had the balls to actually attempt to leave the EU, we are enemy numero uno.

To watch Boris cluelessly smiling around Macron at the COPOUT26 Glasgow eco talk and G20 in Italy, was a truly disturbing sight. Whatever happened to the champion of Brexit, now a simpering dishevelled wimp appeasing Macron at every turn, whilst the Frenchman gloats and spits directly in Boris’ face. Bring on Auntie Widdecombe any time, she would stomp the rascal Macron so far into the ground it would take weeks to dig the conard out.

Send the battleships in.

How Much Name Could a Rename Name if a Rename Renamed Names?

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How Much Name Could a Rename Name if a Rename Renamed Names?

Color me an extremist, but I say that when it comes to renaming our beloved and long-established institutions, we ought to stop feline-footing around and get down to copper-coated tacks.

For instance: the inhabitants of our nation’s capital are now fans of the Washington Football Team. One can’t deny that the new name is certainly pleasing to the ears. It abounds with playful creativity. But, alas, there is still plenty of room for improvement.

The word team, for starters, is associated with comradery and collective achievement—a slap in the face to our more introverted fellow citizens. Just as they so often remind us: they have anxiety. One must consider their delicate sensitivities. A better substitute—The Washington Football Thing. That’s better already.

Next—Football? That’s a sharp stub to all of our fellows who find themselves to be a bit deficient below the ankle. Every person who has ever been afflicted with an ingrown toenail will be forcefully reminded of their unjust suffering. So, I propose: The Washington Non-Anatomically Descript Ball Thing.

Of course, this new name may offend the testicularly-impaired and the people-who-menstruate. Why should they have to hear that hideous syllable rattling around in the sports bars? Ball. Yikes, it’s downright patriarchal the way it makes your mouth pop open like that. Ball. So, how about: The Washington Non-Anatomically Descript Object Thing. Now we’re cooking with a perilously limited fossil-fuel most-often extracted by fracking.

Next, I suppose we should reconsider how the moniker begins. Really? Something as hideously insensitive as Washington? The name in itself is a one-two punch to the hygiene-averse. Non-bathers are just as human as any of us—in fact, when one considers their increased levels of dead-skin-cells, maybe even more so. It’s time to stop the filth-shaming. So, a valid proposal: The Present-Tense Form of an Unspecified Verb-ton Non-Anatomically Descript Object Thing.

Hold everything. Ton? That simply won’t do. What about all of our perfectly healthy friends and neighbors whose body weight is often described, in a demeaning way, as a large fraction of the aforementioned unit of measurement. In this case, I believe that the proper remedy would not be another expertly formulated euphemism (if I do say so myself). Instead, let’s simply add a body-positive suffix! So, the new name will be: The Present-Tense Form of an Unspecified Verb Ton-of-Fun Non-Anatomically Descript Object Thing. Absolutely nothing left to change there. It’s perfect!

Or is it? There are literally hundreds of coal-mining sports fans out in the Appalachian foothills who (in spite of their white privilege) are completely illiterate. Perhaps the alternate alternate-name should be something to the effect of: 38.9072° N, 77.0369° W [insert a string of football emojis here]. That takes care of that.

Or does it? I don’t suppose there is a committee of the world’s foremost thinkers working diligently in some laboratory to somehow translate the wide emoji lexicon into Braille. Or is there?

Well, that ought to suffice. For the moment, anyway.

What’s next on the renaming agenda? Every public school in San Francisco? Yeesh. I better go brew a pot of charred and pulverized fruit seeds originally expropriated from growers in the Horn of Africa.

http://clydealways.com/

Black People Feel Protective Over Meghan Markle

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Black People Feel Protective Over Meghan Markle

Even though Meghan Markle is not black, she uses poor black people for her own agenda of appearing to be a global ambassador for everything black if it suits her monetary agenda. Black people do not realise they are being used by her for monetary purposes. This form of virtue signalling is of course not new in any capacity, and is utilised by multiple celebrities to upgrade their fake public image and open monetary opportunities with charities and other companies that use other people’s poverty for financial gain. Some celebrities even go as far as to go and adopt a token African boy/girl from the African continent to bring back to Hollywood-land to show off to their celebrity friends and prove their fake benevolence to them.

Suits her

markle bio caucasianSeeing as Meghan Markle has a black mother, it is to this nature that when she wants to use the ‘black’ card or the ever useful ‘racism card’ she uses it to her advantage at every opportunity. One only has to reference her turbulent short-lived misadventure with the British royal family and the fireworks created by her power play to rise above blood royals.

Most of her life, Markle was never around African Americans, and her privileged upbringing at private schools funded by her father, as well as her career in Hollywood, was mostly around white people. She in fact labelled herself as Caucasian in multiple online acting profiles during her short acting career.

Whatever the situation, or to whatever her benefit, Markle is a master in manipulation, siding with whoever is of use to her at any point of her money making projects.

For this person she is black if it benefits her, for that person, she is white if it benefits her. With pale skin, she is still accepted and adored by black people who desperately need someone to champion for their cause, and to white liberal people she is viewed as a champion in some capacity, possibly as someone to sate their white guilt, or as an exotic. Whichever way, Markle uses her biracial status as a useful tool to get ahead in a world which is fractured racially, none more so than American society.

The West is at the moment witnessing a Woke ‘awakening’ amongst the bleeding heart liberal whites who decry their own history and culture, and this is where Meghan Markle fits in perfectly. She is a chameleon, a master of disguise, and if her ‘fans’ realised what they were really dealing with or how they had been terribly exploited, they would baulk in disgust. Luckily for Markle, her average fan has the IQ of a piece of lettuce, so she will never be in peril of ever being found out.

For others, who see this person as she really is, to see her exploiting poor black kids in Harlem, or in a township in Johannesburg for her own greedy agenda is truly a despicable sight. Markle is viewed as a black royal, even though she does not have an ounce of royal blood in her, but that is always ignored when defending her endless mishaps and fake benevolence.

One way or another, black people are being taken for a ride, and many refuse to ever acknowledge the terrible truth about this calculating person, who they adore unconditionally and accept as their own.

Why Ecoism is the New Religion

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Why Ecoism is the New Religion

It is good to be eco-conscious and to respect our environment, however within the last few decades we have witnessed the rise of groups that are rabid eco zealots who will even resort to terrorism and wild disruptive actions to make their point. These are the eco zealots, and their brand of eco consciousness involves breeding terror and fear, whilst invariably hijacking the eco movement for something more sinister. Eco zealots indoctrinate and utilise the exact techniques that religions use to brainwash their followers, creating a strong bond between followers and their controllers/eco priests.

To study the phenomenon of the rise of eco zealots, we must also understand where all the Marxists went. The Marxists supplanted their ideology and amalgamated it into the eco movements we are witnessing today. Overt Marxism was pushed underground because much of the public view of the Marxist ideology is negative, thus it was rebranded and infiltrated the original innocent eco movement. One only has to analyse much of the Green party’s manifesto to see the Marxist policy embedded within the camouflage of eco consciousness.

FEAR

Communism itself can be construed as a religion, simply because of the devout worship and adherence to the supreme leader, worshipped as a living God above all else. The communist state is the religious body that upholds every point of living for the followers who follow selflessly and without question.

We are getting to a point right now that to anyway deny or question the eco religion is to invite certain cancellation and to be ostracised from society. Much like how anyone suggesting an alternative medical treatment to Covid has been treated by all news outlets sponsored by Pfizer.

On a broader scale, most sensible humans agree that we have a problem on planet earth regarding pollution and the depletion of finite resources, however there is no need to join some nefarious creepy group shoving their opinion forcibly down the throats of everyone. We must invest more resources into science to solve the problems of pollution and invariably address the problem of overpopulation, which is the root of the planet’s woes.

Third world and developing nations must be incentivised to adopt mass sterilisation and abortion programs to reduce their populations by over 80%. Overpopulation only creates misery, poverty, war and ultimately the end of the entire human species. Through education and monetary incentives, the global population can be reduced by 80-90% within two or three decades. This action, would be the most humane and non-destructive method, as opposed to releasing pathogens or through war. Once achieved however, population control would have to be regulated on a global level keeping human reproduction at an acceptable level and not rising in an unfettered manner.

The eco zealots of today do not dare address such sensitive and important questions such as population control because they are blinded by their neo-Marxist religion. These are people fighting a cause presented to them by controllers with other disruptive agendas like destabilising capitalism and current governance. Many who join these groups need a cause to fight, they jump from one group to the next trendy eco offshoot.

If humanity does not address the problem of overpopulation at some point in the future, then humanity as a species will be lost forever.

Do You Want to be Imprisoned in Zuckerberg’s Meta Gulag?

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Do You Want to be Imprisoned in Zuckerberg’s Meta Gulag?

Zuckerberg looks more like Data from Star Trek every time he appears on screen, his perfectly trimmed bowl plastic haircut, his robotic Kermit voice spewing scripted jargon and childish amorphous computer code from his thin grey lips. The little fucker’s certainly been busy since his last project, and he is now building the blocks for his own Zuckerverse, or Metaverse; an all encompassing mind prison for the masses to have their every thought not only recorded but logged forever and if the need be their behaviour altered by shady Meta operatives behind the scenes. No doubt the CIA and other intelligence agencies who have profited greatly in data collection from the beginning of Facebook, will be eager for their next installation of data on all global users of Zuckerberg’s evil creation. There is no way Zuck and Facebook could have grown to such a behemoth level without the aid of the CIA, NSA, Mossad, Pentagon and DARPA.

The time has come, much like the totalitarian tiptoe, we have the invasive technological tiptoe which doesn’t just want to know everything about you, it wants to get into your fucking brain, it wants you to agree to their new terms and conditions to completely control and own your entire consciousness, to own every part of your soul, and of course to beam those targeted ads right into your central cortex, zapping offers that you will capitulate to without hesitation.

Imagine the mines of data Facebook and the like already have on you, then multiply that by a trillion. This data will be an additional gold mine for Zuckerturd and Meta, which will be sold off to the highest bidder for even more vast profits at your expense.

We are already witnessing an echo chamber effect created by the Big Tech companies but it will get worse with monstrosities like Meta, a place where Thoughtcrime will be accentuated under the Chinese Communist model of behaviour modification and citizen points. Zuckerberg and his Chinese wife loves to speak Mandarin and converse with high ranking People’s Republic of China politburo members in Beijing often. Zuck’s dream will be full integration with China, a communist globalised Metaverse re-education camp where humans are viewed as cattle, automatons brainwashed to recite from Mao’s little red book or receive the wrath of the brutal communist torturers waiting with their cattle prods in tow.

Already, we have witnessed various law enforcement agencies utilising Facebook to have people arrested for Thoughtcrime, and in the Meta gulag, it will get worse. You will not be able to do anything without first plugging your brain into Zuckerberg’s mind prison, the old safety of anonymity will be gone. Everything you say, do, think, will be used against you at any time of choosing from the Meta gulag guards, and there will be no place to run once the camp dogs sniff your scent.

This is the Metaverse future you will be given. Embrace the hive mind echo chamber where you will all speak and think the same things, in the same style as everyone and if you don’t, well, it’s to the rock breaking quarry for you to work until you either die or you are deemed useless and shot in the head to have your organs harvested, as the Chinese communist brutes do to the Uighur and Tibetans today.

Police Successfully Halt Traffic to Aid Eco Protesters

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Police Successfully Halt Traffic to Aid Eco Protesters

Today was another successful day for Insulate Britain, a bunch of idiots who think that anything that happens in the UK will help the planet when you have the likes of China and India pumping massive amounts of pollutants into the atmosphere and environment per annum. The police successfully halted drivers on the roads today as they tried to get to their jobs or whatever else they wanted to do.

One Insulate Britain protester, Reggie, 79, had superglued his extended scrotum to the tarmac, and was defiant about his right to protest.

“Ooph! Officer, please be careful with your scraping. My sac is already stretched to the limit.”

Whilst the traffic was stationary, and the road blocked for over six hours, a young copper brought over cups of tea for the assembled protesters all superglued to the road.

One of the protesters demanded hot chocolate, and refused the obligatory cup of tea, as another explained emphatically that they only drink Earl Grey.

“We have been hard at work today securing the area, and keeping the protesters blocking the carriage way. We have already arrested three van drivers who lost their temper, and an irate pregnant woman who was trying to get to hospital when her waters broke. The Metropolitan Police, closely allied with Mayor Sadiq Khan will not tolerate motorists anymore in any circumstances,” Constable, Bill Scratchings told the Sky News reporter at the scene.

Protesting can be rather boring, so the police will also be providing tablets for protesters who have glued their assorted body parts to the road.

Ethel Harringbone, 82, from Surrey, had superglued her left tit to a lamppost and her right tit to the road. She was adamant that what she was doing was the right thing to do.

“If it weren’t for the wonderful police help, we would not be able to stop traffic across London for days at a time. Everyone in Britain needs to stop emitting carbon emissions because it will not make one iota of difference when China and India are polluting the world at unprecedented levels. Developing and Third World nations are all increasing their factory production levels at exponential levels whilst poisoning the earth with trillions of tonnes of chemicals and carbon emissions, as well as huge deforestation efforts. That’s neither here nor there, little tiny fucking Britain needs to dump fossil fuels because it will make no difference to the atmosphere when other nations way bigger than us are pumping inordinate amounts of shit into the air and earth! Oh shit, I think I am going to sneeze! (R-r-r-r-r-i-P!) Eaaaaaaaargh!”

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