The COP26 Climate Change conference was not only marred by a lot of hot air coming from hypocritical delegates and politicians, but a lot of methane gas was also emitted during the conference, and consort to Prince Charles, Camilla was bang right in the middle of the smelly fiasco.
Traumatised by the experience of Joe Biden farting at length and with such a high decibel output in her presence, Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall, is now receiving counselling from a top Harley Street psychiatrist. The event was indeed so traumatic that it even invades Camilla’s dreams as she wakes up multiple times at night sweating after recurring nightmares plague her fragile sensibilities.
Professor Alphonse de Merde of Harley Street, has tactfully revealed some of what occurred on the fateful day that Camilla encountered Joe Biden as he farted into his adult nappy during the COP26 conference in Glasgow.
“Camilla, has kindly given me permission to reveal the traumatic injury to her constitution during the gaseous release from Joe Biden’s anus, during the COP26 conference. The Duchess had just come from the powder room, where her maid in waiting had adjusted a few hair-related things. Joe Biden suddenly appeared around the corner but did not know where he was, or why he was there. He was asking everyone he bumped into if the COP26 conference was Disneyland, and why there was no sign of Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck.
“This is when the fateful stinky altercation took place with the Duchess of Cornwall. Biden pointed at Camilla and aggressively accused her of hogging all the rides and that’s why he could not get on the Big Thunder Mountain rollercoaster. Camilla, and her aides immediately realised something was awry, and prepared to leave the area, however Biden was adamant that he was correct in his assumption. Hurriedly, he attempted to pick Camilla up off the floor, but as he bent down to do so, he let off a huge gaseous fart so loud that it was even picked up by microphones in the hall where the delegates were assembled.
“In fact, Joe Biden’s fart was so powerful and smelly, it ripped his trousers from the rear exposing his adult nappy. The man had clearly shit himself, and some of the smelly brown stuff seeped onto the floor expelled from the adult diaper at quite a high velocity. Steamy wet slivers of the effluent even landed on a delegate from Guatemala’s sandwich just as he was about to bite on it. The Duchess, seeing this, tried to do the honourable thing and alert the gentleman but was too late. He bit down on the sandwich gulping the lot down without any reaction at all. This was possibly a testament to the Scottish catering, that the man did not realise he had just ingested an olive sized piece of shit with his sandwich.
“If that was not enough for the royal sensibilities to be unjustly aggrieved, the smell uttered from Joe Biden’s ghastly posterior was incalculably atrocious, the aroma of death and decay, possibly a Haitian morgue where refrigeration is an anomaly, mixed in with strains of fermented arse cheese from a tramp as well as the faint whiff of rotting haggis. One wonders what the hell Joe Biden was ingesting on his visit to Scotland?
“Suffice to say, the poor Duchess was ungraciously affected by this distasteful foul escapade, and started to wretch uncontrollably. Thankfully, one of her maids appeared from the sidelines and held the Duchess up as she gasped for air only to ingest more foulness into her olfactory system. Prince Charles had already fled the scene leaving the Duchess to deal with the Biden problem, so it was up to the maids to hurriedly escort Camilla from the harrowing scene in a semi-conscious state, gasping for pockets of oxygen amongst the sulphurous heavy methane excrement rich gas permeating through every nook and cranny.
“Eventually news filtered through that Biden and his deadly emissions had been contained as the babbling old man was locked in a toilet cubicle with his long-suffering aides trying to repair his soiled ripped trousers.
“Today is the sixth day of treatment for the Duchess, and I can only reassure the palace that she is thankfully on the mend. The psychological damage however may take a while longer to heal, but she says her nasal palate has thankfully returned back to normal.”
Royal courtiers were today thanking their lucky stars that the 95-year-old Regent had not attended the COP26, as an encounter with Biden may have almost certainly hastened her demise.
Praise must be given to Camilla for her fortitude and solemnity in dealing with the flagitious Joe Biden and his seeping arsehole. Of course, in true American style, there was not a single sniffle of an apology from the Biden circus, as the smelly contingent left the COP26 conference.