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“I Really Enjoyed the Notting Hill Carnival Despite Being Stabbed Eight Times”

Connie Liszt
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“I Really Enjoyed the Notting Hill Carnival Despite Being Stabbed Eight Times”

Local resident of Notting Hill, John Smith, 32, a Labour counsellor, recounted his experience at this year’s Notting Hill Carnival after being stabbed eight times and left for dead.

“As a champagne socialist and bleeding heart liberal slash Marxist, I actually enjoyed being stabbed multiple times. I usually virtue-signal at any opportunity, and this was a good time to champion the thug who plunged the zombie knife deep into my intestines and liver. I was revelling in the meaningful ‘inclusive’ cultural exchange as copious amounts of my blood spurted out of the stab wounds.”

Mr. Smith added that he was totally in tune with the poverty and debasement of the Jamaican born individual who butchered him.

“It’s not their fault, many cannot even read or write. I totally blame the Tory education systems because they do not take these people by the hand and give them things for doing nothing, they expect pupils to actually make an effort. At one point, my liver was hanging out of the stab wound, so I calmly pushed it back in so that no one would trip on it. After the stabbing stopped, I thanked the man for coming to our country and integrating into British culture. He then stabbed me in the groin for good measure. I thanked him for that as well.”

Mr. Smith is lucky to be alive, and will never walk again. His wounds were so severe that he will have to use a catheter to urinate for the rest of his life because his genitals were severed from his body. Despite this set back, Mr. Smith praised his attacker.

“If we were living in a socialist Labour utopia where money somehow grows on trees, and everyone is magically equal and happy, this young man would not be so angry. I really see his point because people tell him he has to work for a living and study for a good education, but because he can’t be bothered to work or study and is into drug dealing and part of a gang of murderous thugs he only knows violence as a way of communication. I have petitioned the council to give him more benefits, so he can buy more drugs and continue just being who he is. It’s not his fault, *cough* it….is….eurgh!”

At that point, unfortunately, Mr. Smith suffered from multiple organ failure and died gurgling about how great socialism and wokism is for society.

This year at the Notting Hill Carnival, only 87 people were stabbed, and only 35 people died, compared to previous years, it was a picnic.

Residents Cheer as Anti-ULEZ Heroes Take Down CCTV Cameras

Connie Liszt
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Residents Cheer as Anti-ULEZ Heroes Take Down CCTV Cameras

Robinson Close residents now in the much-hated ULEZ Zone cheered as another camera for the evil scheme was destroyed. The punitive anti-democratic scheme where every car is tracked and many will be forced to pay £12.50 per day simply to use their cars, is the creation of Labour London Mayor, Sadiq Khan, otherwise known as a slimy slug.

TYRANNY OF CAMERAS

All over London these inhibitive cameras are now being destroyed, and it is all thanks to the heroes in balaclavas roaming the streets.

It is quite easy to destroy or incapacitate these ULEZ cameras, and the people who are doing the good deeds are very secretive about their operations.

Called the ‘Bladerunners’ the crew are taking out over 30 cameras a night, and every day more are joining up.

Sadiq Khan tried to even shut up scientists who revealed that the ULEZ enforcement zone will have little or no effect on ‘air quality’.

The real reason for the cameras which will be announced in a year or so is that they will be used as a ‘pay-per-mile‘ scheme which will make all motorists pay for their journeys by the mile, as well as having their vehicles tracked wherever they go. The so-called ‘air quality’ lie is being pushed forward first, as it will have support from climate activists. The cameras are made in China and can be accessed by Chinese Intelligence officers and hackers.

No one voted for this Nazi spy system that will put a lot of people out of work and business.

Burisma? Joe and Hunter Biden Deny Everything

Connie Liszt
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Burisma? Joe and Hunter Biden Deny Everything

“We don’t know what Burisma is, or where Ukraine is. Hang on, is Ukraine a country? We never took money from that gas company for getting a prosecutor who we never heard of fired. We are not living in mansions paid for by those bribes we never received. When I was a mere senator, I somehow acquired 5-10 massive mansions across the country on my paltry government salary. Joe and Hunter Biden do not or have ever existed, plus we did nothing wrong. I do not exist and have never existed in this time and space,” Joe Biden told reporters from one of his massive mansions.

As for Hunter Biden, he has no recollection of Burisma or Ukraine either.

“I was on crack cocaine, and stuck deep in the cracks of those underage prostitutes trafficked in from Eastern Europe, which I also do not know anything about. I have no recollection of someone called the Big Guy who I gave 20% to in my notes which I never made but were found in my lost laptop. I know nothing of Burisma and have never travelled to Ukraine. Is that a place in New Jersey? I have no knowledge of anything or have ever done anything in my life. The FBI, CIA and all government departments that are now fully under the control of the Democrat Party can back me up. I am not here, I do not exist.”

Suppression of the truth at all costs

Nothing to see here, Joe and Hunter Biden never saw or did anything like that stuff. It will all be covered up by the respective Democrat Party State departments, social media Big Tech and weaponised agencies.

Woke Producer Kathleen Kennedy Transitioning to be a Man

Connie Liszt
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Woke Producer Kathleen Kennedy Transitioning to be a Man

After ruining many film franchises with her woke anti-male bias, Hollywood producer Kathleen Kennedy has allegedly decided that she will be transitioning to be a man.

Speaking on CBS News, the woke producer told viewers that the time had finally come to disclose who she really was.

“I have been producing woke films that denigrate men and show the superiority of women. I want to go one up on this by today disclosing that I am transitioning to be a man, because this will make me better than men and women. We all know women are superior to men in every way, but being a man will truly make me superior to all men, for sure.”

When asked about the transition period, Kennedy revealed that she is shopping around at the moment for a prosthetic todger, and wants one big enough to mirror her position as a superior being.

“I’m following in the footsteps of Michelle Obama. Joan Rivers told me all about it. I’m still shopping around, though.”

The surgery involved to transition from female to male can be a bit irksome, but thankfully is not as invasive as transitioning to be male from female.

Doctor Lewis Teattese, of the Beverly Hills Trans Clinic, revealed that Kathleen Kennedy was indeed in his books and was scheduled for surgery on Tuesday.

 

Experts Disclose What Paris Hilton’s Feet Reveal

Connie Liszt
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Experts Disclose What Paris Hilton’s Feet Reveal

Experts at the Foot Environmental Exponentiation Think-Tank (FEETT) have been studying the phenomenon of Paris Hilton’s feet for the past 20 years.

Professor Inglebight Mannering, leading researcher for the FEETT institute, is not a renowned foot fetishist but a scientist who has truly got to grip with Paris Hilton’s size 15 feet.

“Just look at those bulbous toes, the bone structure is truly astounding. Her big toe alone could injure a small dog, you know, like a Chihuahua or some other toy breed. We are fascinated by such aberrations, especially amongst the female species. Our findings after much analysis and recording data from over 20,000 subjects is that Paris Hilton most certainly has a huge vagina, like a vast cavern. From our records, we found a viable correlation between foot length and girth to vagina size. Our estimation, without physical corroboration, would be that the subject’s vagina is over 25″ in depth and approximately 14″ wide.”

Paris Hilton’s feet certainly do stick out, as the celebrity has been known to squash little dogs when she clomps around Beverly Hills.

One woman walking her Shih Tzu in 2018 revealed that Paris Hilton had just walked out of a shoe shop and, without noticing, squashed her dog with her enormous foot.

“I was about to walk into the shoe shop when I heard a crunching sound and a yelp. I looked down, and an enormous foot had squashed my little Mimi. Paris Hilton looked down and started to wipe the bloody mess off her large stiletto and complained that she had just had those shoes delivered specially hand made from Italy. She threw me a wad of twenties for my dog, and stormed off, wiping her shoe all the way to her Bentley. Naturally, I was outraged, but I forgive her because she is a celebrity,” Angela Multhrope, a Beverly Hills resident, revealed.

There are positives though for Paris Hilton’s condition, for example giving birth will be no problem. She will probably not even notice the baby coming out, especially with such a huge vagina. Other positives are that if she needs to hide a large object fast, she can do so in her large cavernous hole, especially good for jail time and shoplifting.

Biblical Experts Reveal Jericho Parchment of Jesus Riding a Dinosaur

Connie Liszt
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Biblical Experts Reveal Jericho Parchment of Jesus Riding a Dinosaur

Biblical experts digging in the Jericho area in the West Bank have discovered a series of ancient parchments dating back 2,500 years depicting Jesus riding on a dinosaur. They immediately called in Christian dinosaur experts from Alabama, USA to validate their find.

Biblical Experts

“What we have here is a parchment of Jesus riding a Deinonychus, which was a relatively small dinosaur which reached around 3.4 metres (11 feet) in length and 73 kg (170 lb) in weight. They had about 60 teeth and had a powerful bite akin to a crocodile,” Miles O’Reardon, one of the dinosaur experts, revealed.

Most Christians would say that dinosaurs went extinct sometime after the flood. They believe this because God clearly commanded Noah to bring two of every creature of the sky and ground on the ark. Noah brought baby dinosaurs or younger dinosaurs on the ark instead of adults. This way, dinosaurs would have survived the flood along with every other kind of animal. This is how, according to the Bible, large dinosaurs like the T. rex and a brachiosaurus survived.

Behold, Behemoth, which I made as I made you; he eats grass like an ox. Behold, his strength in his loins, and his power in the muscles of his belly. He makes his tail stiff like a cedar; the sinews of his thighs are knit together. His bones are tubes of bronze, his limbs like bars of iron.

Job 40:15-18 ESV

If according to the Bible the earth is only 10,000 years old, it makes sense that dinosaurs existed when humans were created by God, and that Jesus rode dinosaurs around the Jericho area when he was preaching his parables to his followers.

“The parchment written in Aramaic shows very clearly Jesus preaching from a dinosaur. He had also just cured a blind man and brought four dead people back to life and performed many more miracles. This parchment changes everything. Praise be the Lord,” Biblical expert, Matt Shiboinken, from the Alabama Presbyterian Baptist Church of God, told Haaretz news service.

The incredible finding will be taken to America and displayed at the Creation Museum in Kentucky in December.

Helium Accident: Teacher With Giant Rubber Boobs Floats to 16,000 Feet

Connie Liszt
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0
Helium Accident: Teacher With Giant Rubber Boobs Floats to 16,000 Feet

The Canadian trans teacher who attends school classes wearing giant rubber boobs was last seen floating at over 16,000 feet over Nova Scotia, it has been reported.

According to pupils attending a woodwork class, Katja Lameure, a Manufacturing Technology teacher at Burnsville Nippoleon High School in Ontario, was in the school yard and wanted to show pupils how helium gas works.

teacher trans titties“She inserted a tube into each of the gargantuan nipples, then opened up the gas valve. Immediately, the giant rubber boobs started to inflate at great speed. This is when Katja panicked because the valves were stuck. When she lifted off into the sky, her rubber boobs acted like balloons, and she rose up at a speed of approximately 45 mph. She let off a blood-curdling shriek, but was a dot from the ground by now. We all waved her goodbye and wished her god speed on her journey.”

The RCMP rescue helicopter was scrambled at 2:30 from Halifax and was tracking Mr Lameure by radar.

Flight Lieutenant, Johnson McManus, revealed that high winds were blowing the teacher towards Newfoundland, and he had risen to over 25,000 feet.

“Unfortunately, we could not locate the teacher, as he had risen to over 35,000 feet by 16:30 travelling at 52 knots. He was rising because the gas canisters were still attached to his fake boobs. We have asked for Newfoundland military help to track the teacher, who may have also lost consciousness from lack of air.”

According to Professor Michael Calms, of Ontario University, the teacher could climb to over 50km where the stratosphere is located. Either there could be a catastrophic explosion of the giant rubber boobs, or they will gently deflate and eventually in about four or five days bring the teacher back down to earth somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean. As for oxygen, there is very little up there.

The search is ongoing as pupils and staff at Burnsville Nippoleon High School in Ontario all held vigils on Sunday. If you see a wailing man hanging under a pair of giant rubber boobs, please contact the RCMP, and please do not shoot.

In 2022, the trans teacher tried to milk her giant fake breasts in the school’s canteen, resulting in psychological trauma for many of the pupils present.

Climate Change Leftists Care About Poor People and Want Them to Die Faster

Connie Liszt
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Climate Change Leftists Care About Poor People and Want Them to Die Faster

By pushing up the cost of energy, the elite leftists do not suffer, it is the lower tier of poor people who suffer. Banning gas/coal/oil/nuclear power and cars, is disguised as a response to ‘climate change’ but it is in fact a way of killing millions of poor people who will die of poverty. The Marxist elite at organisations like the WEF sincerely care about poor people so much that they are willing to callously murder them in cold blood through their policies.

Sadiq Khan and his ULEZ project in London will not make one iota of change for the quality of air, yet he is willing to see the deaths of hundreds of thousands of Londoners pushed over the edge by his expensive evil Marxist policies. Many Londoners barely clinging on by their fingernails will be pushed over the edge, and their poverty plus the evil London Mayor will have killed them. Obviously, this is a good thing for climate change, according to the leftists in charge. You will thus not find any poor people in climate change activist groups like ‘Just Stop Oil’ or ‘Extinction Rebellion’, these are all people with double-barrelled names conducting their ridiculous protests after travelling from their multi-million pound homes given to them by mummy and daddy.

The Great Reset

“We are basically pricing poor people out of travel, food and heating in the winter. Interest rate rises, price rises, and forced taxation on the roads is a great way of indirectly speeding these people to their deaths. They cannot afford anything, while we sit back and watch them fall like flies. Of course, we have to feign concern and empathy, but that’s easy to do,” a WEF spokesman revealed.

The caring leftists have supposedly supported the plight of the worker and poverty-stricken masses in the past for cheap labour, but at the end of the day, the useless eaters as they are known, have to go, because they are taking up too much space and creating too many carbon emissions resulting in climate change. Technology has increased to such a level now, especially with AI, that the masses are viewed as a burden and blight on the environment.

“Hopefully, with all the engineered price rises and punitive taxes, there will not be any poor people left by 2050. That’s with the multiple pandemics planned and cost of living hikes. This is about the most humane way we could achieve our targets. We have AI technology now so we just don’t need these people anymore,” another WEF spokesman revealed.

Feeding the Beast – China’s Evil Hold Over Global Trade

Connie Liszt
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Feeding the Beast – China’s Evil Hold Over Global Trade

Being the world’s largest polluter is an easy task for the communist Chinese state, but amongst little things like mass genocide that are completely ignored by the West and its trading partners, China is a huge economy that has forged relations with over 200 trading partners with its intricate global trade connections.

The concentration and work camps where the Uyghur people are systematically murdered in mass genocide are inconsequential when it comes to making money for many global traders. The cheap communist labour is the key for conglomerates like Nike and Apple flourishing, what is built for a pittance in China where workers literally die in factories is sold for huge markups in the West.

Colonisation of Africa is also a part of China’s evil hold with the ‘Belt and Road’ initiative. This is where vast bribes are delivered to poor African nations so long as Chinese companies can plunder their natural resources and when the African nations realise they are indebted to China for the poor quality cheap roads and hospitals built, it is too late.

In essence, every single nation in the world is connected via trade to China, and this has allowed the country to build up its military to formidable levels. According to Visualcapitalist.com over the course of 2022, China saw exports totalling $3.57 trillion and imports totalling $2.71 trillion, giving it a massive trade surplus of $857 billion.

The idiots who supposedly run the West do not realise China’s intentions to attack and take over vast swathes of the globe, and are blinded by their gluttony with China’s capabilities to produce cheap shoddy toxic plastic trinkets. One day, when China releases its military on the earth, it will be too late for many nations who were caught asleep at the wheel. China’s evil hold over global trade, much like an octopus grip, is tightening every day until death eventually occurs.

china2_5

Republican Politics Officially Criminalised in America

Connie Liszt
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Republican Politics Officially Criminalised in America

Many socialist Americans will be sighing in relief today after all Republican politics and politicians have been criminalised for conducting political activity. Since the Democrat Party has completely infiltrated and taken over all state departments, institutions and agencies in America as well as weaponised them for their own biased needs, the country has only one effective political party.

Death of Democracy in USA

“If you are a Republican or Libertarian or anything other than a socialist/communist, we will criminalise you and your activities. All form of debate or politics is now a criminal act; and anyone who dares to question the official narrative will be criminalised,” a jubilant Biden via Obama speech revealed on Thursday.

President Trump, who is now a criminal simply for exercising the right to political discourse and questioning the official narrative is now a felon, alongside former mayor of New York City, Rudy Giuliani.

MSNBC host Butch Shorecut cried live on TV after the announcement was made. “I cannot believe this, it’s so beautiful, the Republicans have been criminalised, and we only have one party ruling over everything in America. Thank you, Obama, you have truly done it. We love you so much, thank Michael for his support too.”

CNN also celebrated with news anchors singing communist soviet anthems and waving CCP flags and slogans in the air.

The Soviets have truly taken over America, this is a beautiful day if you are a Marxist communist. There is absolutely no point in having elections anymore, and they will be banned in the near future. With only one party ruling everything and making their own laws, the entire might of the state has now been sovietised, or if Comrade Leonid Brezhnev was still around, he would have proudly said: “The situation in America has been normalised”.

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