17.7 C
London
Friday, April 10, 2026
secret satire society
Home Blog Page 292

Another Tedious Megain Markle Lecture to the Unwashed Masses

Uri Nate
-
0
Another Tedious Megain Markle Lecture to the Unwashed Masses

Every day is a special day in Meghan Markle land, where she, appointed by absolutely no one, has taken it upon herself to lecture the masses on how to do things the ‘right’ way.

Living in a grotesquely vulgar Californian McMansion that creates a vast carbon footprint on the earth, and a private jet lifestyle spewing huge amounts of carbon gases into the atmosphere is of course of no concern to this vile goblin creature.

“Oh you must reduce your carbon footprint,” the creature from the black lagoon bleats to others whilst revelling in a life of excess and insane extravagance that many could only dream about.

If this ghastly parasitic harridan actually cared about the ecological well-being of the planet, would she and Harry not be living in some Canadian forest off-grid teepee or yurt?

We are now getting daily lectures and being ‘ordered’ to vote for Biden, as opposed to Trump, that’s all well and good, however last we heard, we live in a fucking democracy and it is up to the mind of the voter to make their own minds up. To be ordered by some jumped up self-appointed ambassador to the world on who to vote for, what to think, and how to express yourself online is enough to bring a jet of projectile vomit up, and vote for Trump!

Meghan Markle, the self-appointed ruler of the globe is now the voice everyone hears daily, lecturing about some eco/feminist/anti-capitalist/Marxist issue that is frankly getting old very fucking quickly.

Why don’t you just live your hypocrisy filled champagne socialist deluxe carbon-spewing life in the Californian sun paid for by the British taxpayer and leave us all alone?

To hear that same-old moaning condescending voice ordering people how to think and do things makes people hate Meghan even more intensely than they already do.  One only has to read the comments section of any news item where the ‘voice of the people’ has shat, and you will see the utter hatred for this narcissistic piece of detritus.

As for Harry, yes you keep telling us you have ‘mental’ problems. How about getting some private clinical help instead of constantly telling everyone about your mental illness. Try thinking for yourself as well sometimes and do not follow that old mangy ball wacker you were tricked into marrying without question or thought. Everyone knows you have mental problems, but damn it boy, have some fucking decorum.

Does the sun shine out of Meghan Markle’s bony ass? Does Harry have to wear a pair of sunglasses when he lifts her skirt?

No! The world does not revolve around you, Meghan Markle, and the more we hear your tedious droning fake voice, and see your fake plastic smile, the more hatred you create in this world. Maybe that’s what you want to do, create conflict and negative feeling, because if you just stayed in your fucking grotesque mansion and SHUT THE FUCK UP, there would be less hate in this world. People are sick of being lectured by you and your little boy — Harry.

There Will Come a Time Soon When Governments Will Not Be Able to Help You

Uri Nate
-
0
There Will Come a Time Soon When Governments Will Not Be Able to Help You

Hyperinflation due to unfettered money printing; alternating waves of virus hospitalisations, businesses laying off workers by the hundred thousand, mass food shortages due to supply lines deteriorating, utility companies shutting shop, welfare systems crashing, etc. The government will not be there for you eventually.

The only reason the stock markets are rising currently is due to massive quantitative easing programs and the off-street internet Big Tech behemoths increasing their share prices by huge amounts.

The stock markets are not factoring the carnage happening on the street as businesses are jumping off the cliff left right and centre.

One day, however, someone or something may pull the trigger when reality kicks in, and the market will eventually relate to what is really going on instead of fantasy.

The US has a known debt of $28 Trillion and the UK of £2 Trillion as the virus will be here ‘forever’, warns Sage expert.

Sir Mark Walport, a former chief scientific adviser, told BBC Radio 4’s Today programme that “This is a virus that is going to be with us forever in some form or another..”

What will the millions of people depending on food banks and the welfare system do when the drip of vital money suddenly stops? In addition, if the crowded hospitals all shut down, there would naturally be turmoil. It is best not to imagine, as these people take to the streets in their thousands, all affected by the cuts, and all starving.

Food will be the new gold, you cannot eat a bar of gold bullion however pure it is. The same goes for money, a digitally made-up number that some banker or institution simply typed in to their console to create it. Cash money is simply printed paper when there is no system to evaluate its worth. When the banking corporations go silent, and the phones are off the hook, nothing apart from food, sanitary water, shelter and weapons matter.

The cities will descend quickly into war zones of looting and murder, and only those who have the biggest most dangerous weapons with lots of ammo will be king in these killing fields.

Those who escape somehow to rural areas will be okay if they hide, and have enough food, however the marauding gangs may still venture into the sticks, and if they find you, depending on their numbers and weapons, you may not survive as well.

The COVID-19 virus is here to stay. One can remember a world once when there was no virus to haunt us all, but the entire earth is now covered by this virus, and where there are humans, it feeds with gusto, never relinquishing its grip on its target, wave after wave, adapting, waiting, striking.

While the West Fiddles – China Plans

This evil virus that emanated from China, has certainly made its mark, and decimated whole economies, as well as populations, but it will get worse, as more Chinese gifts of death are released into the human population. Any sane government would have gone to war with China by now, but the West is too scared, and scarred by this viral deluge. It would take immense coordination and will, as well as military spending to punish and eradicate the Chinese enemy who are watching and literally laughing at the ‘idiotic liberal West’. The West is seen as weak by the communists, and their virus will continue to plunder European, Australian and American nations bit by bit. China is playing the long game as it always does, taken from the battle plans of Sun Tzu, the communist whittle down their enemy little by little, until one day, they simply walk in without a single shot being fired.

To fight and conquer in all our battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy’s resistance without fighting.

Children Will Die From Covid-19 When Schools Open – Doctor Cites Conclusive Research

Uri Nate
-
0
Children Will Die From Covid-19 When Schools Open – Doctor Cites Conclusive Research

It will not be safe to open schools for children or staff in September, Dr. James Hildreth has explained citing new research from the University of Florida.

One of the most important questions about the virus that causes COVID-19 has been whether the virus is truly airborne and can be transmitted if it’s not part of large droplets. Observations that the virus can be transmitted in normal conversations by someone who’s not showing symptoms certainly supports this idea.

And also, some investigators have sampled air from rooms where COVID-19 positive individuals have been, and they found nucleic acids from SARS-CoV2, the COVID-19 virus. But the PCR test is so sensitive that finding nucleic acids from the virus isn’t the same as finding the virus. So, it has not been definitively proven that SARS-CoV2 virus is airborne until now.

They collected air samples from a hospital room that had COVID-19 patients who were not coughing or sneezing and were in isolation rooms. This room has a fairly sophisticated air ventilating system. The total air in the room was changed six times per hour, or every ten minutes. It was filtered down to 0.3 microns, about three times the size of a virus particle. The air was also passed through a UV irradiation device to sterilize it. So, after all that, they took the air from the room, they subjected it to two things: they look for virus nucleic acids, they also ask whether they can culture virus from the air by putting it onto cells that are susceptible to the virus. The answers to both of those questions were yes.

What’s really remarkable is whether the air was collected from six-feet away or 27-feet away, they were able to find the virus in those air samples. So, despite this sophisticated air ventilating system that included UV irradiation to sterilize it, these investigators were still able to pull the virus out of the air. And keep in mind that these individuals were not coughing or sneezing, they were simply in a hospital room that’s an isolation room. SOURCE

This publication has already cited numerous studies showing that it is not safe to open schools, and the governmental fiasco over A-level results is an example of the type of decision making that is going on that may impact the lives of children in schools. It is clear that the Education Secretary, Gavin Williamson does not know what is going on.

To bring children into schools as the infection rate is increasing at an exponential rate can only be described as madness. The numerous studies worldwide have shown that children have much higher levels of genetic material for the COVID-19 virus in the nose compared to older children and adults, and are just as susceptible to complications.

If a nation cares for the next generation of youth, they would not put them in the front lines as some kind of cannon fodder in an experiment that they do not know how it will end.

What the government is thus doing is forcing parents to send their children to schools which will be breeding grounds for Covid-19, because it is airborne, the R0 rate will immediately climb higher and higher.

The government has a moral duty to keep schools closed and if it does not, then it will reap the deathly prize of genocide upon its sclerotic departments.

Fun Times in Wuhan Water Park This Summer

Uri Nate
-
0
Fun Times in Wuhan Water Park This Summer

Roger Mayfield, 58, a British businessman from Surrey, visiting China, decided to venture to Wuhan Water Park with a colleague for a swim.

“We arrived at Wuhan’s famous water park early, and there were already 40,000 swimmers in the yellow waters. It was certainly not full capacity, and if we stayed till 4pm the numbers would rise to over 120,000 Chinese people in the vast pool.

“One thing that strikes you immediately is the smell of urine that permeates the air, many Chinese people do not have functioning bathrooms, or have to use municipal public lavatories, therefore a nice warm public pool suffices. There are young toddlers in soiled nappies splashing around with their proud parents, no doubt their faecal matter leaking into the water as well.

“An elderly gentleman even brought his own soap, and lathers himself enthusiastically, he hocks up a large green phlegm ball and spits it in the water before pinching his nostrils and snorting out a large quantity of stringy snot into the bubbling concoction.

“Watching the melee of assorted swimmers and their rubber tubes, as well as the disgusting behaviour of the Chinese swimmers, we get second thoughts about the escapade.

“There is absolutely no social distancing going on here, and the water, even though chlorinated, is a disgusting soup of bodily fluids, dirt, and shit.

“At one point, one of the kids tells his mummy he did a poo. She looks around frantically in his swimsuit, but he points a few yards away. The turd is floating towards a couple who are throwing each other about, play fighting. The mother then realises where the turd is sailing and tries to shout out a warning. Unfortunately, it comes too late, and the girlfriend lands directly in the floating turd’s path opening her mouth in the water. When she finally gets out of the water and closes her mouth, she realises something has swum into it — a large bristling gooey turd. I had to look away at that point, especially as I felt vomit filling my mouth.

“But it was party time now at the pool, a communist party organiser appeared with lots of beach balls which he threw into the pool area. He encouraged everyone to sing patriotic communist songs to keep the spirits up.

“Whilst everyone was singing, no one noticed the body of an old woman lying face down in the water. It was obvious to us that she had definitely shuffled off the mortal coil, and swallowed a mouthful or five of that awful soup killing the old nag instantly.

“That’s when we left.”

Legislation of Poppers

Uri Nate
-
0
Legislation of Poppers

Poppers is a common slang used for various types of opiates called alkyl nitrites. Alkyl nitrites are compounds that were discovered in the middle of the 19th century, more precisely in 1844.

Although amyl nitrites were initially used for a specific medical purpose, they gained real popularity thanks to the gay community that used them because it relaxes the anal muscles. Poppers have an extremely easy way to use, it is used by inhalation, and all you have to do is unscrew the bottle. Today, poppers are used by all people of all ages, because poppers serve as a powerful tool for boosting the sex drive and can also be used for parties and music.

These days, there has been a real debate in the UK about lifting all bans on where to buy poppers and resolving its unclear status once and for all. Home secretary Priti Patel spoke about that a few days ago.

Sniffing or drinking poppers can be deadly and dangerous, especially for people who have heart problems, glaucoma, or anaemia. Home secretary in her letter to Prof. Bowden-Jones asks experts to express their opinions on the impact of the coronavirus pandemic and lockdown with wider drugs abuse. She is much more worried about why the number of young whites under the age of 30 is starting to use cocaine enormously.

Possession is currently not illegal, but supply is sometimes characterized as an offence. The biggest controversy dates back to 2016 on whether poppers fall into the category of psychoactive substances or not because unlike other opiates, poppers do not have a direct effect on the human central nervous system. In 2018 this view was thrown since “indirect” psychoactive effect could be covered by the legislation.

A similar situation as in our country can be found in France. In 2007 they were completely banned except for medical purposes. However, this law was later repealed because there was no evidence that the abuse of poppers is the same as the reasonable use.

Unlike the UK, some governments have clearly decided which group the poppers will be assigned to.

The United States completely legalized this stimulant, and you can purchase it online or in porn shops. On the other hand, it is illegal to sell them in Australia. As of 2018, the government has proposed that poppers be considered as dangerous as cocaine and heroin. The LGBT community of Australia has declared this as a step of backwards for gay rights. As for Canada, the sale of alkyl nitrite has been banned since 2013. Their sale could even lead to a prison sentence.

What makes poppers generally considered bad in the states that have banned it is that politicians and law enforcement see the relationship between poppers and sex parties. The spread of AIDS also had a great impact on this view. However, although this is not a necessary case, such understanding has greatly influenced the non-negative view of poppers.

Although poppers are allowed in many states, there is an increasing debate in states that do not yet have a clear status about them to be fully legalized. Numerous studies used by various government as arguments in their advocacy prove that optimal use of this stimulant has no harmful effects and that it is a much more worrying fact that young people are increasingly using other drugs that are much more harmful than poppers.

Soviet Commissar Kamala Harris’ Marxist Vision For America

Uri Nate
-
0
Soviet Commissar Kamala Harris’ Marxist Vision For America

Trained extensively in Marxist ideology, Kamala Harris will make a great eventual President to lead America through the New Green Deal.

“Open the borders so that brown becomes the new white. Our goal is to change the voting demographic forever in America. Once we achieve our goal, then the Republican party will never have enough votes to win — ever again!” Harris yelled during a speech in California yesterday.

Harris’ role is also to rein in the dawdling and frail Joe Biden who is sadly well into the throes of heavy dementia.

“Biden’s job was to stop Bernie, because we could not have anyone who was an overt socialist winning the campaign, and Biden did that with the South Carolina black vote. He has pretty much outdone his usefulness now though, because we know he is on his last legs. Once the Democrats win the election, we will persuade him to stand aside for Kamala, or he might save us the job and die. From there, it’s plain sailing and Kamala Harris will complete her role as the first black woman to be President of the United States,” a Democrat campaign official revealed with a look of abject glee in his eyes.

It’s all set then, and due to the massive censorship of anyone other than a Democrat, the media controllers will have everything sewed up soon enough. Trump could even be banned from Twitter and Facebook permanently and there is little he is doing to stop the bias.

“Too late in the road for anything to be done about Big Tech. They effectively have Trump by the gonads,” another observer commented.

So, what will America look like under a Kamala Harris presidency?

American Gulag

Political strategist, Milton Fuqqer, revealed what he predicts will happen when Kamala Harris becomes president.

“First things first. She will open all the borders, and encourage as many poor South Americans and anyone else to enter the US. Then she will increase taxes for the rich, redistributing wealth to the poorest in American society. She will shut down offshore accounts used by the rich to avoid tax, and if they try to leave the country, she will first freeze their assets and repatriate the funds to the socialist welfare fund.

“There will be increased censorship and cancel culture. Many more people will be erased from the internet and only progressive, socialist, communist ideological ideas will be allowed. American patriotism and nationalism will be banned, punishable by jail. All comedy will first have to be passed by a Board of Political Correctness, and if found guilty, comedians will be jailed indefinitely. Any citizen caught in the possession of an American flag will be arrested and re-educated in a Marxist Education Center (American Gulag) for an indefinite time.

“Kamala Harris will also ban ownership of guns by any citizen and defund police forces across all the states. Police forces will be replaced by trained social workers and psychologists.

“Military spending will be reduced by over 90% so that the new American health service can be free for every citizen, and much of America’s defence forces will be disbanded.

“All university places for every student will be subsidised completely by the state, and all states will be forced to increase taxes to pay for the free education system which will be based on Marxist principles. Soros funded terror groups like BLM, ANTIFA will also be allowed to reign, and contribute to all governmental policies as well as operations.

“Companies across America will have their male employees, especially in the board rooms purged of men, and African American women will fill their posts irrespective of their ability to do the job. Harris will also nationalise many American companies by force, and take over the Federal Reserve utilising it as a Soviet Peoples Bank. All financial institutions will be absorbed into a single banking entity where all financial decisions will be made by state officials. Those previously employed in the banking and financial sector will be banned or arrested.

“All statues of white men from history including those of presidents will be taken down and melted. These will be replaced with statues of prominent African Americans from the civil rights movement. Schools will also be forbidden from teaching children about American history instead they will be indoctrinated in new books written about Marxist ideology and communist victories in history. Schools will also forcibly ‘encourage’ all students to adopt homosexuality and transgenderism, and to reject traditional families. Children who tell their teachers about a parent who has said something bad about the Soviet American State will be given commendations, and the offending parents arrested.

“Harris will also make it her mission to set up courts to try as many Republicans as she can, and has promised to have Donald Trump jailed for crimes the Democrats will introduce to juries and judges appointed by themselves.

“Chinese Maoist communist ideals and policies will be introduced in full to America, and a Citizen Rating system will punish anyone who dares to divert from worship of the Soviet American State.

“Essentially speaking, America and its whole society will change forever, simply by the collectivisation and redistribution of wealth from those who worked hard to be rich, to those who did not bother.”

Donald is a Lying Mangy Cheating Sexist Nationalistic President Who Will Do Anything to Get What He Wants

Uri Nate
-
0
Donald is a Lying Mangy Cheating Sexist Nationalistic President Who Will Do Anything to Get What He Wants

Sure, Donald Trump may be a lying, cheating misogynistic xenophobic power mad freak who will do absolutely anything to get what he wants, but THAT is what people want in a president.

Most Americans do not want some clean puritan soy drinking do-gooding ‘woke’ pussy to dictate their Marxist moralistic bullshit to them all day long. They want someone who works for America and the economy, they want someone who will scratch bite and pull the hair out of anything that attacks the nation, and to beat America’s enemies into submission.

Being all the things that are against the commie bastards who want to turn America into Somalia, China or Venezuela is a fucking good thing.

Americans want a president that will grab the world by the pussy, shake that damn thing, then poke it like a jackhammer on steroids.

Draining the swamp is no easy task either, it’s full of nasties waiting to bite your goddamn leg off. The commies are so entrenched that it may even take a few generations to root them all out.

America thus needs a strong aggressive patriotic biter of a president who doesn’t bow down to Chinese leaders so low that their hair touches the dirt, NO! The country wants to be brought back to greatness, it wants the American dream back, it wants prosperity and an economy flying high above everything else.

This is why Donald Trump means what he fucking says, and he may even write it on Twitter, he won’t settle for mediocre like the others, he wants the best for America despite the commie goons doing everything they can to destabilise his operation.

The economy, the economy, the economy, Wall Street, the Chicago Board of Trade, the damn S&P 500 that is what makes presidents, and the commies tried to fuck with that but it bounced back and it’s still up despite there being the Chinese Virus! The commies did not win!

The riots financed by some commie shister from Hungary did not work either. The allegations, the impeachments did not work. They threw everything at this man but he sailed through it like Captain Fucking Cook, and they could not topple his statue either!

No one wants a mediocre senile babbling dunderhead and a whacked out trained Marxist feminist race-card-toting nutjob as their dream ticket. You would have to be insane to think that those two deranged turd jobs could be good for America!

There is still a lot of unfinished business for Donald Trump; walls to be made, swamps to be cleaned, and China to be shown who is really the boss. China, you’re fired! Get out of the way because America is back and this time business will be different.

The Teflon Don, will win the November election and the silent majority will ensure they wake the hell up just before the voting booths open. The silent majority is the true voice of America, they are not the loud minority who try to dictate to everyone their ridiculous Marxist points of view. No, it is the silent majority of decent, Americans who just want to live their lives in a well run country who matter.

 

Rubber Dinghy Sellers in Calais Making a Fortune

Uri Nate
-
0
Rubber Dinghy Sellers in Calais Making a Fortune

“If you want to make money in this depression you sell dinghy!” one rubber dinghy shop owner revealed from his makeshift Calais shop.

All along the beachfront now are thousands of temporary shops opening, selling only one thing, rubber dinghies.

The French authorities of course encourage entrepreneurship, especially when ‘entrepreneur’ is a French word.

“Tous ces rubber dinghy shops selling rubber dinghies des milliers de illegal migrants crossing la Manche is a boost pour l’économie Française, plus we get rid of these vagrants et dump them sur les Rosbeefs. C’est un ‘gagner gagner’ situation pour nous,” a Calais official revealed whilst counting a very large wad of money.

Reporters from British media sources were even given a grand tour of one of the shops selling rubber dinghies to illegal migrants.

“This rubber dinghy is economy model, 15 euros but it cannot hold no more than 10 illegal migrants so when 45 go in it, it sink. We also sell platinum model dinghy, only traffickers can afford at a 1,000 euro. That one can hold over 60 illegal migrants, and if you are a trafficker charging 6,000 euro to each migrant, it’s party time with profit margin. It also comes with super motor — very fast! We got paddles, we got motors, we got life jackets anything you want to cross over to Britain.”

Business is certainly booming in Calais, and looking at the queues around the block chock full of migrants and human traffickers, the dinghy bonanza is not going to end any time soon.

President Macron even visited the rubber dinghy businesses in Calais last week to show his appreciation of what they are doing for the local and greater economy of France.

Next stop — Dover, England, and a lovely welcome from the Brits.

British Travel Curbs on France Causing Holidaymakers to Sail Channel in Dinghies

Uri Nate
-
0
British Travel Curbs on France Causing Holidaymakers to Sail Channel in Dinghies

Desperate British holidaymakers hurrying back to Britain after France was put on the quarantine list, and anyone coming back after Sunday will have to do a two-week quarantine are now resorting to buying rubber dinghies and joining illegal migrants crossing the English Channel.

Travellers rushing to get back to the UK today face paying hundreds of pounds as air fares are now more than six times higher than normal for flights from Paris to London – the cheapest tickets being sold for £852 per person.

Eurostar is completely booked and all the ferries are booked up as well. Eurostar ticket prices rocketed to over £500 when the announcement was made, and the ferries increased their prices to over £400.

John Smith, 42, from Manchester and his family of six who are now stuck in Calais, purchased a rubber dinghy for 35 euros.

“I’m not paying bloody £400 per person to go on the ferry or Eurostar, as for the planes, that’s 800 odd quid per person. Marjory saw a load of illegal migrants in a flotilla of dinghies leaving Calais for Dover and asked one of them how long it takes. It’s only about an hour if we all paddle quickly. We also had to buy everyone a life jacket. Marjory’s preparing some sarnies for the trip, and we have some French cheese and wine, so that should keep spirits high.”

It is however not advisable for desperate holidaymakers to make the treacherous journey across the Channel in an inflatable dinghy.

Meghan Markle Pees in Extensive Gardens Instead of Using 16 Bathrooms

Uri Nate
-
0
Meghan Markle Pees in Extensive Gardens Instead of Using 16 Bathrooms

Prince Harry, according to his advisers, is at his wits end about his wife Meghan Markle, who has a penchant for urinating in the lavish gardens of their new mansion in Santa Barbara.

According to the new book, Harry first thought she was the girl for him when on African safari, Meghan pissed outside in the bush.

“We were having dinner brought to us by the black servants on our taxpayer paid African safari. To our astonishment, Meghan calmly got up mid meal, excused herself, pulled her trousers and knickers down in front of everyone and proceeded to piss on the ground next to the tent leaving a large trail of steaming hot urine. That’s when I knew I was in love, and this girl was a keeper,” Harry was quoted in the book ‘Fine Whine and Freedom‘.

It seems because Harry was so enamoured by Meghan’s pissantics, she cannot use any of the 16 bathrooms any more, instead trying to impress the former prince at every turn by peeing in the garden.

The Mexican gardener employed by Meghan and Harry, however is not so impressed.

“It’s acid, and very spicy pH value ruining the grass and plants. How am I supposed to do my fucking job? Crazy gringos going around chinga pis all over the place! They paying me plata so I gotta deal with it!”

The $18.6 million dollar mansion comes with a $6.5 million yearly running cost, not including a yearly security cost of $12.4 million. The carbon footprint for the mansion and its running per annum is vast and is the equivalent of a small town’s carbon footprint, polluting the atmosphere and earth with more irreparable damage. Factor in the weekly private jet trips to exotic locations, and we can see why the earth is so close to destruction with global warming.

But, at least Meghan is saving on flushing because she pisses in the garden, so that’s her contribution to reducing the carbon footprint, in other words, as useful as a fart in a hurricane.

1...291292293...814Page 292 of 814
squib footer 270

Breaking News

Copyright © Daily Squib 2026.

The Daily Squib is a curious satirical parody newspaper offering breaking news, political satire, comedy, investigative journalism, opinion and celebrity news.

KAjwhriuw024hvjbed2SORH