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Telling Tales of Romance: Alexandre Hervé

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Once upon a time, before the pandemic was even a whisper and when the world was full of possibility, I had a long lunch with Alexandre Hervé, now co-founder and executive creative director of the agency Romance in Paris. I can’t remember what we talked about – only that the conversation was relaxed and amusing. Perhaps I felt at home because the bistro was tucked away behind Place de Clichy, about two minutes from the street where my girlfriend (now my wife) lived back then.

Last week we had another long conversation – and this time I took notes. I’ve noticed that some advertising people seem vaguely embarrassed by what they do, as if they really want to be artists or charity workers. But Alexandre is proud of his work. Even passionate about it, which is appropriate given the name of the agency.

He wanted to work in advertising from the start. He grew up in an era when lavish spots were directed by the likes of Jean-Paul Goude or Ridley Scott. “I used to go to the cinema looking forward to seeing the ads as much as the films,” he recalls.

His career path began at the age of just 20, leading him to Euro RSCG, then Leg, famous for its Eurostar campaigns. DDB Paris was next, in 2003, as creative director. Under his watch it picked up a cargo load of Lions, as well as being named “the most awarded agency in the world” by The Gunn Report in 2012.

“Goodwill and mutual respect”

Romance was founded in 2015, with Christophe Lichtenstein. So why that name? “We came up with a lot of names, but most of them were already owned. I also felt we were no longer in an era where your name had to be aggressive. Romance was on the shortlist – and I liked the idea of creating some love between the audience and the advertiser. I don’t know if it’s the name that’s affected us or vice versa, but we try to do things that are sensitive, positive, without irony or sarcasm. We end each presentation with the words ‘Let’s start a romance’.”

The agency was originally created by DDB to pitch for the Audi business (DDB has a historic relationship with Volkswagen, as I’m sure you know). But these days, although it’s still part of the Omnicom group, it operates independently. “We’re separate agencies. Technically we could even pitch against one another, but there’s a goodwill and mutual respect between us that means we avoid being in competition.”

Romance works for many leading brands – Ricard, the sports store Decathlon and of course Audi – but it’s most admired for the series of films it has created for the supermarket Intermarché. The first was “L’Amour, L’Amour” in 2017. Rarely has an ad for a supermarket been so soaked in…well, romance. But it also reflected a reality, as each film illustrates an engagement by the retailer itself. The concept that inspired the first spot was “Helping the French eat a little better every day.”

“My two sons were teenagers at the time, and if you wanted to get people to eat better, they seemed to be the first group you’d need to convince. How do you do that? By telling them a story that touches them. After that it was just a case of acknowledging that when you’re a teenage boy at the supermarket, you tend to choose the prettiest cashier.”

The film was launched during TV talent show The Voice, when millions of French people had smartphones or tablets to hand. The social networks were soon abuzz with comments about the spot. “Rather than make an ad for social media, which people can easily ignore, we made a film for TV that they could talk about.”

The film was directed by Katia Lewkowicz, who Alex had worked with before on a Volkswagen spot. She was chosen over another contender: British director James Rouse (“Sorry, I Spent It On Myself”, for Harvey Nichols.) And in fact she and the rest of the team have returned for all of the more dramatic spots in the series.

Universal appeal

Alex says: “I wanted to go back to telling stories, which you don’t see as often in advertising these days.” And he wanted the stories to be specifically French ones, avoiding the neutrality caused, unconsciously or not, by wanting to please international awards juries. “You can’t forget your target audience. Mine is the French public. That’s why we chose Katia – she understands French attitudes to food.”

Ironically, the very Français Intermarché spots have a universal appeal. “I think it’s because they deal with emotion. There are many different forms of humour, and many different ways of being funny. But emotion – love, joy, sadness – unites us all. We’re moved by the same thing.”

All the spots have been tender, but the series hit an emotional high with “C’est Magnifique”, a Proustian tale in which a widower evokes the spirit of his late wife via her lost spaghetti sauce recipe.

 

“It was risky, because we were making a film for a mainstream retailer that dealt directly with death, probably for the first time in French advertising. Just like with the first film, we were walking a tightrope. If it had been badly done, it would have flopped. But we’re so demanding about the quality of the script, the cast and the directing that, in both cases, it worked.”

Popular French musician Benjamin Biolay provided the song, and everyone had a good cry. Music can be an expensive element of a commercial – and here it’s integral to the series. Alex points out that “L’Amour, L’Amour” by Mouloudji was not incredibly well known, which made it more accessible. Since then, the saga has become so renowned that musicians are keen to take part: the emerging rock band Terrenoire – fresh from their first album – barely hesitated when they were asked to contribute their song “Jusqu’à mon dernier souffle” (“Until My Last Breath”) to the Christmas spot.

This was not your average Christmas ad, either: it depicted the challenges faced by frontline medical workers during the pandemic. “I would have found it bizarre this year to make a typical Christmas ad with Santa Claus and so on. This is what we’ve all been going through. The medical workers were the heroes of the year – and I felt it was only right to pay homage to them.”

As usual, the film’s theme touched on Intermarché’s own policies. At the start of the pandemic, the retailer strengthened its commitment to supporting local suppliers. It distributed masks free of charge to hospitals and created priority checkouts for frontline staff. It also let shuttered bookstores sell books via its own website. And this Christmas, it gifted 100,000 boxes of chocolates to medical workers as a “thank you”.

 

The Intermarché campaign is so popular that there’s a Facebook group of viewers who reunite to watch each opus together. “Intermarché is now the preferred supermarket of French consumers. The business results have been incredible,” underlines Alex. “But we couldn’t have made these films if Intermarché was only concerned with profits. Behind the messages are genuine values.”

In fact, he says, Intermarché’s communication and social responsibility engagements are intermeshed. “We won’t work with clients who only care about money. When you can work in partnership with a client like Intermarché to shape a business model that actually gives something back to people, then you’re really doing your job as an agency.”

A laudable mission. Maybe even a romantic one.

New China Directive: All Americans to Get Anal Swabs

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It’s not only U.S. Diplomats in China who are forced to get anal swabs, but now the CCP (Chinese Communist Party) is ordering Joe Biden to adopt the same Chinese system of Covid testing in America.

“I got a call from my boss Xi Jinping, today, and he said all Americans need anal swab tests done, you know, in their asses. I immediately called Dr. Fauci and told him to get swabbing. Zapata zamalala ding dong, errrrrausma, lepetoma, trauma!” Biden then started to mumble incoherent words, shaking erratically, his eyes rolled high in their sockets, as an Amazon cameraman was seen wheeling Biden away hurriedly from the White House studio set in Culver City, Los Angeles.

According to the new Chinese directive, all Americans will be forced to undergo the anal probe test.

Special drive-in anal swab test centres will require participants to park their cars, unwind their windows, and stick their naked butt holes out the car window to be anally swabbed.

“This is mandatory for all Americans. The Biden administration will be sending out letters to all Americans, so they can have their asses shafted with an anal probe,” a smiling Dr. Fauci revealed on CNN.

Former president, Barack Hussein Obama, and his wife Michael were also broadcast on the Democrat Party propaganda site CNN, where they urged all citizens to bare their buttocks and spread their cheeks to save America from the viral pandemic.

On Friday, there was a meltdown on the switchboards as many mainly homosexual men phoned the anal swab line demanding they were first in the queue to get probed.

Alex Goatse, 64, from San Francisco was desperate to get his anal rogering and phoned the line numerous times only to get an engaged tone.

“This is ridiculous, I’m a taxpayer, I pay my taxes! I demand to get my Chinese anal swab!”

As of Saturday, the whole anal swab program has been thrown into abject chaos from the sheer demand by many Americans. The government has appealed for calm, assuring that every American will get the anal swabbing they deserve, reamed by China, and with Joe Biden’s blessings.

Mysterious Man May Know Where Lady Gaga’s Stolen Dogs Are

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Lady Gaga’s dog walker was shot and her two French bulldogs, Koji and Gustav, were stolen Wednesday night in Hollywood, a source close to the singer revealed.

The source said the celebrity “is offering half-a-million dollars to anyone who has her two dogs, no questions asked.”

There are many theories going around about who stole the dogs that belong to the celebrity.

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) said a man was shot during a robbery before 10 p.m. outside Lady Gaga’s residence and was transported to the hospital in stable condition.

The male suspect, who looked Chinese, took the two bulldogs from the victim, used a semi-automatic handgun and fled the scene in a white sedan, according to police.

One source has allegedly come forward though, and is keeping his identity a mystery due to the nature of the crime.

“I know who took the dogs. I was walking through China Town the other day and accidentally took a wrong turn. In the alleyway were these two little bulldogs that looked suspiciously like the ones Gaga lost.

“It was dark, but I could see these Chinese cooks come out of the backdoor of a Chinese restaurant illegally open. The dogs were in cages, and the Chinese took them into the kitchen. I then heard chopping sounds after a little yelping.”

The Chinese eat dog meat all the time, and believe dog meat has special medicinal properties. There is even a dog eating festival held every year in Yulin, Guangxi Province, China where dogs are brutally skinned alive then cooked.

The man then went into the Chinese restaurant to confront the cooks but instead ordered some Chop Suey, because he said it smelled so good.

“After I finished my meal, I crunched down on something hard. It was part of a dog’s collar, it was partially readable I could only make out the letters G-U-S-T.”

After projectile vomiting over the table, the man was thrown out of the restaurant by four angry Chinese waiters, who kept saying what a waste of good food. The waiters then scraped up the vomit to put it in the Won Ton soup for other customers.

Lady Gaga’s entourage were not replying to questions about the alleged incident.

The investigation is ongoing.

Seven Ways to Spend Your Brexit 50p Coin

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Everyone loves Brexit, except those who don’t. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime event, and the government have released three million silver Brexit 50p coins to celebrate – hurrah!

While some observers are saying the coins could be worth hundreds, if not thousands of pounds in the sun-lit uplands of a Brexit future, many of us just want to get on with it and spend the damn money now. For those of us who simply can’t wait to get the coin out of our pockets, here are seven ways you could spend it:

Make Union Jack face masks

union jackWhile buying a patriotic face mask might be just out of your 50p price range, you can always get creative. Simply cut out a piece of cloth big enough to cover your face and nose from an actual UK flag, or even some Union Jack underpants. Then, cut out four holes (two from each side of the cloth) and thread through some elastic, before tying it at each end.

The true cost of this will probably be much less than 50p, so why not make a dozen and give one to your fellow Brexiteers? You’ll be killing two birds with one stone: simultaneously showing your patriotism while preventing the spread of the deadliest virus in a century. Winner!

Purchase a Scotch egg

gove scotch eggsCabinet minister Michael Gove hit the headlines in December by suggesting that a scotch egg was a ‘substantial meal’ that could be served by pubs during lockdown – and who are we to argue?

Show your support for the Scotch egg cause: not only is it a Great British snack, but its hefty frame provides you with enough calories for several hours of energy spent championing your country.

Most supermarkets seem to have a pack of two for £1, so if it’s just the one you’re after then simply cut the pack in half before you go through the checkout – they won’t mind. Then enjoy the sweet, succulent taste of er…egg and breadcrumbs. Bliss.

Stick it all on black

The good times are coming back to the UK, and what better way to celebrate the country’s balance sheet being ‘in the black’ than by sticking the whole 50p on black in online roulette? It might not be the best roulette strategy, but look at the positives if you’re successful:

  • You’ve won at something
  • You had £1 more than you had before Brexit
  • You can now buy 100 penny sweets to celebrate
  • You can post the 100 sweets on social media as proof of how great your life is
  • You acquire many new sweet-loving followers

Of course, you could always lose, but let’s cross that bridge when we come to it.

 

Put a song on a jukebox

We’ve all missed the atmosphere of the good old-fashioned British pub during the pandemic. The taste of a pint, a joke with the landlord and the sound of that often-overlooked aspect of a pub – the jukebox.

Throw in your 50p and stick on a tune to celebrate. How about This is England by The Clash or God Save the Queen by the Sex Pistols? Both songs showcase our country’s treasure chest of musical talent.

If you can’t find the right song, or the jukebox doesn’t accept your new-fangled Brexit coin, then simply turn round and strike up a chorus of the national anthem among the regulars. Nothing better than a sing-along – and it’ll be free!

Buy 25 tea bags

One of the UK’s everlasting symbol, the humble cup of tea should be central to the nation’s future. To that end, you should make sure that you always have a nice little stock of tea bags in your cupboard. If 100 tea bags cost around two quid, then that gives us 25 of the beauties in exchange for our shiny coin.

However, it’s no good buying the things if you don’t know the correct British way to make a cuppa. ALWAYS tea bag in first, then water, milk and sugar in that order. Any other way is unpatriotic. Don’t be that person!

/browntramp360x350_699141386.jpgGive it to a homeless person

Charity begins at home, and what better way to do that than by giving your 50p to a person on the street. Not only will you be doing a good deed, but the coin’s future value might be enough to get them off the streets eventually!
Also, remember to say Happy Brexit to them when you pass them the coin – otherwise it’s bad luck. And tell them to cross their fingers and hope for the best. It works for the government so why not for us?

Throw it at a Remoaner

Now, while we would never advocate violence, maybe throwing the coin off a Remoaner’s arm might get them to shut up for a moment? If they’re not moaning about Brexit altering the economic landscape forever, they’re wittering on about something to do with the Irish peace process. Boring. Who wants peace and prosperity anyway?

Give them a quick pelt with the coin to remind them of what’s really important. That’s right: blue passports and something to do with sovereignty.

Remember When the Earth Was So Fresh and New

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You may think you are healthy, you eat all the right foods, organic, macrobiotic whatever, but your body is still infested with microplastic particles. There’s nothing you can do about it, it’s in the vegetables, the fish, the fruit and water you ingest.

You are now, if male, practically infertile as all the bisphenol A and additives, pesticides, hormones and genetically modified food has wreaked havoc on your constitution. Seventies man had 50% more virility than you do today, as you sip your soy latte, know for sure that one squirt from a 1970s man could impregnate 30 women with no effort, but your measly sperm count is so pathetic it is little or no use to anything or anyone.

Remember when the earth was once a fresh, unpolluted paradise, where the air you breathed was clear, and the food you ate was naturally full of vitamins? When the rivers ran unpolluted, and the trees swayed heavy with fruit, and Mankind was in its infancy, simply roaming the Savannahs, and fields exploring this magnificent planet.

The earth now is a waning hinterland, its precious soils ploughed out, its resources mined to extinction, the animals know it, and the plants know it. The atmosphere today is toxic and full of heavy metals especially in regions like China. Mankind itself is an experiment that moved too quickly, to their detriment and naturally to the detriment of this planet, which was once an abundant paradise.

Caught in the middle of this unholy debacle is nature, and the biological balance that is granted by all life. When nature is subverted, it is desecrated, and once it’s gone — it’s gone forever. You cannot digitally replicate nature completely as synthetic compounds are not the same value in the chain of natural biological existence which has evolved naturally over millions of years.

We are in the last throes of Mankind, which started with great freshness, magnificent civilizations and fertile virile strength. The twilight of Mankind, now, nothing more than a diseased infected corpse where man and woman have lost their virility; where chemicals result in biological butchery, men become women, women become men, yet men cannot be men any more, and women cannot be women.

Humanity is now a browbeaten beast, there was a rise, then a middle bit, and now the arrow falls, it is a spent cartridge, a limp phallus with nowhere to go but into the blackness of space. Where the symbol of humanity before was of fearsome priapic rise, today it is of flaccid putrification, a demise not brought on by any exterior source or event, but by itself, upon its self.

When the earth is finally free of this cumbersome virus, it will let off a sigh of abject, eternal relief.

Magnificent Meghan Markle Gets Ready For Pregnancy in Home Gym

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Every man will get sweaty after they see the wonderful sight of Meghan Markle getting ready in her home gym for her pregnancy in seven months time.

She performs a perfect split on the floor, then proceeds to do 10 press-ups with little or no effort. Harry is a lucky guy to have such a supple wife.

Dressed in a figure hugging leotard Meghan displays her figure for the cameras with ease, as the Hello magazine featurette will also go to pay for a small portion of the running costs of the massive Montecito estate.

Meghan then bends over abruptly and lets off a little fanny fart, it squeaks of tightness down there, and the cameraman flinches as he sniffs a hint of burrito and refried beans.

Showing off her svelte figure even in the throes of pregnancy, Meghan is a photographer’s delight, and exudes a certain energy that cannot be replicated by others.

“Here’s one for the Queen!” Meghan yells as she lifts a weight but finds it too heavy dropping the bulky object on her toe.

“Yow!” oh dear, it’s off to the changing rooms with you young lady. You need to nurse that sore toe, which one you ask, well you decide?

End of Lockdown is the Refuelling Time For Virus

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The Covid-19 virus and its many mutations detest lockdowns, simply because a lockdown reduces its ability to spread, not that we have ever had a proper lockdown in the UK. When these laissez-faire lockdowns end however is the time when the virus sighs in relief, because humans are its oxygen, its sustenance, and once they start their mass footfall again, it is only a matter of time before the virus gets to eat once more.

End of Lockdown Feeding Frenzy

The virus prefers big meals with multiple humans massing together, and it particularly loves the end of lockdowns because that’s when stupid humans think everything is back to normal again.

After a lockdown, there is a frenzy of human movement, simply because many have been locked down for a certain amount of time. This frenzy of human activity is the catalyst that the virus waits for to refuel on humans, and from there the steady spread of the virus continues until the next lockdown.

There is always a steady build up of infected humans after a lockdown ends, and the result is not immediate, it will take approximately two to three months after a lockdown ends for the next resultant wave to encroach upon the human population. For example, in September 2020, schools were once again opened, thus leading up to the next wave in December. The footfall presented by schools opening is a necessary function for the virus to spread, because children are the best asymptomatic carriers of the virus. Through crowded classrooms, children go home, they use public transport, and they go to the shops, or wherever, they infect their parents, their grandparents and any other adult in the vicinity. The Covid19 virus and its multiple mutations need the young to spread their pathogen to the old and vulnerable, so they can be infected and die.

deaths covid19 schools opening
UK Daily Deaths attributed to COVID-19, 2020-2021

The Covid-19 is a very efficient virus that has evolved to spread unseen utilising superspreaders in the young to transfer without any visible symptoms to the old and infirm. In fact one could say this is a very Darwinian virus, where the weak die and the strong survive, although there are genetic nuances that can affect even the visibly fit, therefore it is not a clear-cut defining theory.

Vaccinating people against one strain of virus is moot, simply because of all the other strains, and mutations that keep developing. Add into the mix, international travel, and ports of entry from the Continent, and the virus will continue its infection rate regardless of vaccination.

In terms of prepping, when you hear the bugle for lockdown end, and everyone flows into the streets again, they will be the ones getting infected, but it will be the preppers time to restock and plan ahead for the next wave of mass infection.

Over time, and multiple waves of infection, the government may realise what some already know, however this is very doubtful. As for the masses, they are mainly a lost cause, brainwashed to such a consumerist extent they have no control over themselves. It is best for them to be left to their delusional indoctrination as any attempt to educate most of them would fall on deaf ears.

For most, now is the time to rejoice and party, for the few, now is the time to prepare for the next wave.

Mitch McConnell and Nikki Haley Talk About Their Treachery Betraying America

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After throwing President Trump under a bus during the Capitol Hill fiasco led by violent ANTIFA/BLM FBI agent provocateurs, Senate Minority Leader RINO, Mitch McConnell, and Nikki Haley firmly plead allegiance to their own treachery and betrayal of the American people.

“I labelled all Americans as terrorists, all citizens as terrorist insurrectionists on January 6th. I am a fat maggot traitor who deserves nothing better than to be put in the stockades, or maybe shipped to Gitmo where I would be put on a diet. I plead guilty to letting down the U.S. Constitution, betraying every covenant of the United States, and of committing High Treason by not acknowledging massive electoral fraud,” McConnell squealed from his pulpit as two U.S. Marines appeared escorting the fraudulent Senator away.

As for Senators. Richard Burr (R-NC), Susan Collins (R-Maine), Bill Cassidy (R-LA), Mitt Romney (R-UT), Ben Sasse (R-NE), Lisa Murkowski (R-AK), and Pat Toomey (R-PA), they were all led out of the Senate by a troop of Marines where their fate will be determined at a later date. Hopefully they will be detained and waterboarded daily at an undisclosed rendition location somewhere in Pakistan or Afghanistan indefinitely.

Nikki Haley, another treacherous traitor begged to be seen at Trump’s Mar-a-Lago mansion earlier in the week, but was denied by Trump, she was however emphatic that her betrayal was necessary.

“I betrayed the President, I betrayed the American people and sided with treasonous scum like Mitch McConnell. I am sorry, however I can say this to all of you, yes, I am a RINO, and a traitor to America, but look at the details, I was merely looking out for my globalist friends and their intentions to destroy U.S. hegemony in favour of the rising star of the International community — China. With this, I am also betraying my Punjabi Sikh Indian roots by siding with the Chinese communists.”

Haley was immediately escorted away crying her eyes out by two burly U.S. Marine female soldiers. Thankfully, she will never be seen again in the USA, let alone U.S. House of Representatives.

 

Here We Go Again: First Bird Flu H5N8 to Human Transmissions in Russia

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If it was not bad enough dealing with a COVID-19 pandemic, and a resurgence of Ebola in Guinea, now it turns out the first ever human transmission of bird flu H5N8 virus has occurred in Russia.

The World Health Organisation (WHO) stated the bird flu H5N8 virus can cause death or severe illness among humans. Something else to look forward to, especially as there are so many Russians coming in and out of the UK on a constant basis.

Anna Popova, Russia’s public-health chief, said in televised comments on Saturday.

“It is not transmitted from person to person. But only time will tell how soon future mutations will allow it to overcome this barrier,” she said. The discovery of this strain now “gives us all, the whole world, time to prepare for possible mutations and the possibility to react in a timely way and develop test systems and vaccines.”

Something to look forward to in the future, especially when you’re tucking into your chicken dinner in another COVID-19 lockdown.

Meghan Markle Demands English County of Sussex is Moved to California

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The Duchess of Sussex, Meghan Markle has made a remarkable request to the Queen that has caused shockwaves through royal circles.

Too far away

Markle is now demanding that the Queen moves the whole county of Sussex to Montecito, California because she thinks Sussex is too far away from her new home in America.

Sussex has an illustrious history, created in the 5th Century, the county used to be its own Kingdom once, populated mostly by the Germanic Saxons.

Moving 1,460 square miles of Sussex to Montecito, California, USA, would be quite a logistical nightmare, however if Meghan has ordered it, what she wants is what she gets.

Our poor sovereign, Her Royal Highness, Queen Elizabeth II has capitulated to pretty much every demand that Meghan Markle, and the idiot have demanded, but this Sussex removal and relocation is simply the last straw.

Cobbled Streets in Rye
Beautiful old half timbered Tudor style houses on a cobbled street in Rye, East Sussex

On Thursday, the palace at Windsor received a communiqué from Meghan Markle demanding the relocation of the County of Sussex to America. In the bristling letter of demand, Markle proposed that dynamite separates Sussex from the British Isles, and a flotilla of 5,000 barges tied to the shoreline pull the Sussex land mass across the Atlantic Ocean.

The towing of Sussex across the Atlantic Ocean would take approximately six months, and eventually reach Californian waters in eight months time.

There was no mention of the people of Sussex in Markle’s demand, but it seems she does not give two figs about them anyway, so it is assumed they will all simply drown during the crossing.

It is not known how red the Queen’s cheeks became in hue, or how much steam came out of her ears when the Meghan Markle demand was read, but one servant who was present said something about beetroots later on.

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