New China Directive: All Americans to Get Anal Swabs

SAN FRANCISCO - USA - Chinese President Xi Jinping has ordered his subordinate, Joe Biden to force all American citizens to get anal swabs.

It’s not only U.S. Diplomats in China who are forced to get anal swabs, but now the CCP (Chinese Communist Party) is ordering Joe Biden to adopt the same Chinese system of Covid testing in America.

“I got a call from my boss Xi Jinping, today, and he said all Americans need anal swab tests done, you know, in their asses. I immediately called Dr. Fauci and told him to get swabbing. Zapata zamalala ding dong, errrrrausma, lepetoma, trauma!” Biden then started to mumble incoherent words, shaking erratically, his eyes rolled high in their sockets, as an Amazon cameraman was seen wheeling Biden away hurriedly from the White House studio set in Culver City, Los Angeles.

According to the new Chinese directive, all Americans will be forced to undergo the anal probe test.

Special drive-in anal swab test centres will require participants to park their cars, unwind their windows, and stick their naked butt holes out the car window to be anally swabbed.

“This is mandatory for all Americans. The Biden administration will be sending out letters to all Americans, so they can have their asses shafted with an anal probe,” a smiling Dr. Fauci revealed on CNN.

Former president, Barack Hussein Obama, and his wife Michael were also broadcast on the Democrat Party propaganda site CNN, where they urged all citizens to bare their buttocks and spread their cheeks to save America from the viral pandemic.

On Friday, there was a meltdown on the switchboards as many mainly homosexual men phoned the anal swab line demanding they were first in the queue to get probed.

Alex Goatse, 64, from San Francisco was desperate to get his anal rogering and phoned the line numerous times only to get an engaged tone.

“This is ridiculous, I’m a taxpayer, I pay my taxes! I demand to get my Chinese anal swab!”

As of Saturday, the whole anal swab program has been thrown into abject chaos from the sheer demand by many Americans. The government has appealed for calm, assuring that every American will get the anal swabbing they deserve, reamed by China, and with Joe Biden’s blessings.