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Fun Times at Disney World For All the Family

Hermann Gocart
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Fun Times at Disney World For All the Family

Hey, everyone loves Disney World, right? It’s a magical place where visitors to the fun filled theme park can lose themselves and truly have a marvellous time.

This family friendly resort will bring a smile to the most miserable bastard, and will entertain the entire family.

Magic Kingdom

With tonnes of rides and restaurants, you will be hard-pressed to see and experience everything at Magical Kingdom.

‘Young people’, don’t forget to have massive brawls and riots when you visit to add to the general ambience of the place.

It seems the happy atmosphere at Disney World brings out the delightful cultural character of ‘young people’ everywhere.

“I loved visiting Disney World so much I left with two black eyes and a shattered jaw bone,” one visitor revealed from their hospital bed.

Mad Vlad and the Hunger For More Territory

Hermann Gocart
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Mad Vlad and the Hunger For More Territory

According to Mad Vlad Vladimir Putin, there are no borders to Russia, and his greed for more territory is just getting started.

“You think Vlad is going to stop after annexing three quarters of Ukraine? If it means forcibly enlisting Russia’s babushkas to man the tanks he will do it. Putin is now enlisting from Russia’s many prisons. He wants the entire Ukraine, and he will do it by any means possible,” a Ukrainian man revealed outside his destroyed home.

Russian supermarkets are still brimming with goods despite the so-called Western sanctions which only drove further East. The EU is still supporting Russian oil and gas exports, with Greece keeping the Russian ship lanes going. As for Vichy Macron, he daily courts Putin despite the terrible atrocities committed by the Russians in Ukraine. There is method in his madness, he knows Putin will not stop in the Donbas and when the Russian army reaches Paris, he wants France to be spared of destruction.

As for the speculation that Putin is going to drop off soon, well, there is no proof of that, and even people with illnesses or diseases can survive for decades despite what others may say.

“In Russia, we can still get anything we want from China or other countries in Asia. We are now more self-sufficient and do not rely on anyone else. Fuck McDonalds and all the others. If we want to eat shit, we eat Russian shit,” a Moscow resident remarked.

Dover: Dad Are We There Yet?

Hermann Gocart
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Dover: Dad Are We There Yet?

It’s the summer hols…yay! You’ve packed everything into the car including the wife and two kids, keyed in the route to the ferry in Dover, checked the tyres, filled up the petrol tank and are ready for the 45-minute journey to Dover to catch the ferry on time. The destination of course is the glorious nation of France, where the croissants flow like rivers and the essence of garlic permeates your entire sensory frequency range.

There is one slight snag. Some wanker in Calais wants to play vindictive games with you just because Britain is not in the EU. Not all Frenchies are vindictive cunts, but there are a decent amount who have emerged from the slime since Brexit.

Little Johnny and Tamara are expecting an exciting start to their summer holidays. Instead, we are greeted with a 30-mile traffic jam, and that’s not including the mess in Dover. According to the radio there is a 15,000 car backlog in Dover and the trucks are backed up even further.

Nine hours later, spitting blood, sweating and fucking angry, the wife is in tears, the kids are shouting and crying and still Dover is not in sight.

All of this because Britain voted to leave the soviet undemocratic collectivist EU state in 2016. Brexit punishments have been coming thick and fast ever since attempting to leave the authoritarian soviet state.

Who is in the wrong here? The vindictive wankers who actively create obstacles for British people who want to go on holiday in the continent, or the fucking idiotic sheeple who have to travel abroad to Europe even though they know the journey will be a miserable unduly expensive nightmare?

Daddy, are we there yet? Freedom certainly does come at some cost it seems.

Leadership Contest: Trust in Truss or Fishy Rishi?

Hermann Gocart
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Leadership Contest: Trust in Truss or Fishy Rishi?

As far as leaders of the government go, the choice in the Tory leadership contest is rather insipid. Can we trust in Truss, who was a remainer? Although she has shown promise as Foreign secretary, she could still be a remainer Trojan horse, much like Theresa May was. Look at the utter mess created by Theresa May who first promised to uphold Brexit then went on to nearly destroy the EU Referendum result.

What about Fishy Rishi or two pints of lard Greasy Rishi? Sunak is essentially an establishment automaton who takes orders from his globalist masters. He is a pen-pushing technocrat with about as much personality as a piece of damp lettuce.

All in all, it is not looking good, but out of these two candidates, who do not have an ounce of what Boris once had, Truss looks like the best candidate. She will probably still lose because some are behind Sunak as he is a total ‘yes man’ to his controllers. No one wants a PM who has their own mind, look at what happened to Boris when the herd stampeded his individualistic style of leadership. Our choice is Truss over Fishy Rishi.

Greta’s Beloved EU Companies Now Buying Up Oil Stocks

Hermann Gocart
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Greta’s Beloved EU Companies Now Buying Up Oil Stocks

EU managers of environmental, social and governance funds are starting to shift a larger portion of their assets to oil and gas producers.

Greta Thunberg was seen pulling her hair out at the mere thought of such obscenities being committed by companies within the “green” EU soviet state.

European-based ESG equity funds have been increasing their investments in energy companies, including Shell Plc, Repsol SA, Aker BP ASA and Neste Oyj, according to analysts at Bank of America Corp. About 6% of the funds invested in Shell this year, compared with none in 2021.

After hearing of the news, Greta was immediately on the phone to von der Leyen demanding the EU president halts this anti-eco outrage.

The Robeco QI Emerging Conservative Equities fund, which adheres to Article 8 of the EU’s Sustainable Finance Disclosure Regulation, holds shares of carbon-intensive companies China Petroleum & Chemical Corp. (Sinopec) and PetroChina Co.

Remember, whatever European or other Western nations ‘supposedly’ do or don’t do to curb carbon emissions is futile when you have countries like China and India pumping out millions of tonnes of poisonous material into the earth’s atmosphere every single day, every hour, every minute.

Doh! Scientists Finally Realise Antidepressants Are Useless

Hermann Gocart
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Doh! Scientists Finally Realise Antidepressants Are Useless

Most people with an inkling of knowledge know that taking antidepressant pills do not change reality or life. To live in any society is in itself an act of pain, the act of survival and existence has its cyclical ups and downs, these are normal human emotions reacting to events in our lives and environment.

“You can’t take a pill to cure your shit life. These pharmaceutical companies have been making trillions on peddling these so-called happy pills that solve nothing apart from the bulging bank accounts and salaries of the big pharma companies,” a man with reasonable levels of logic revealed.

The only way to cure a shit life is to actually work and excel in something to increase your standing plus your mental wellbeing. Taking pills because of your circumstances is retroactive and reinforces your terrible situation. To get out of your malady takes intense willpower, ingenuity and strength. There is no pill for that.

Pain is a part of life, fucking deal with it. Stop taking pills peddled to you by legalised drug dealers masquerading as doctors.

Hiding from real human emotions or life by taking pills is a form of lobotomy that stunts true emotion and feeling.

You want to feel fucking alive again? Jump out of a plane from 16,000 feet – with a parachute, of course. That is better than any damn pill.

Heatwave: Essex Woman Who Singed Her Buttocks Hospitalised

Hermann Gocart
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Heatwave: Essex Woman Who Singed Her Buttocks Hospitalised

An Essex woman was in hospital today where she will lie face down for the next three months after singing her buttocks when she sat on a metal park bench during Britain’s hottest heatwave, the Daily Mail exclusive reports.

Marie Gomper, 23, from Basildon, Essex, thought she would enjoy the hottest day ever recorded in Britain by chilling in the park.

“I thot a would top up me fake tan a bit. They ‘ave metal benches in our local park and I was wearing a short dress fo’ da lads, innit. I ‘ad me fish ‘n’ chips put me bum on the seat. Fuckin’ ‘ell bruv! It was like stickin’ me arse cheeks into a vindaloo curry on a Friday night. Me mate, Lizzy then called the ambulance as I couldn’t walk. It took four hours for them to turn up! Me singed butt cheeks was in bleedin’ agony, innit!”

Doctors at Basildon General Hospital revealed that Ms Gomper received third degree burns on both of her buttocks and urge people not to sit on metal park benches during any 45 degree heatwave.

Meanwhile, Basildon council officials did not return calls when asked about the buttock burning park benches.

Man Fried Alive On Hottest Day Ever in Britain

Hermann Gocart
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Man Fried Alive On Hottest Day Ever in Britain

One of the worst casualties to hit on the hottest day ever recorded in Britain at 45 degrees Celsius, a man was fried alive whilst standing on a metal manhole cover in Piccadilly Circus at midday.

Shocked passers-by who saw the live frying session were said to be receiving counselling, in the shade.

“I had a large ice cream in my hand and was about to eat it when I heard this sizzling sound. You know, like bacon in a frying pan. He was standing on a grate or something and the heat must have been very high. I was going to have a fry up later, but sort of put off it now,” Annie Rasher, 22, from Hull revealed in the Evening Standard.

Another bystander recalled the incident: “He was decked out with some serious oil over his body. Guess he thought he would show off his pecs as he was shirtless. When I heard the frying sound, and smelled burning, I looked around to see the poor blighter frying like a saveloy sausage in me local chippy. ‘Scuse me mate, a bit of bile came up.”

The ashes of the man were taken to St Thomas’ hospital, where police forensics experts will try to identify the unfortunate man.

Harry Preaches to Empty Seats at UN General Assembly

Hermann Gocart
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Harry Preaches to Empty Seats at UN General Assembly

Exiled woke drone Harry was flown to New York yesterday in a gas guzzling private jet to preach about the vagaries of climate change, and how everyone should lower their carbon footprint. With the usual script prepared by his controller, the former working royal also castigated America and Americans for not doing enough on gun control, and disinformation. According to Harry, he would like to abolish the First Amendment because the right to freedom of speech is “bonkers”.

The prince, who has never worked a day in his life or read a book despite attending Eton, was in top form as the few UN delegates present amongst the rows of empty seats all yawned in unison.

Speaking to rows of empty chairs in the main UN assembly hall, Harry revealed that America’s Second Amendment should also be cancelled and when his wife Meghan becomes President of the United States next week, she will make damn sure Americans do not have the right to defend themselves or their families anymore. Americans were also chastised for using cars and planes to travel.

“Can everyone hear me at the back there?” Harry shouted authoritatively down the mic.

A cleaning lady, picking up a piece of paper from the floor, nodded her head waving at Harry before turning her back once again to resume her duties.

While Biden Slept Iran Finished Building a Nuclear Bomb

Hermann Gocart
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While Biden Slept Iran Finished Building a Nuclear Bomb

Thank you Joe Biden, while you have been asleep Iran has completed  building their nuclear arsenal so they can decimate and erase Israel.

The Iranian plutonium enrichment programme is now capable of creating functional nuclear missiles, and suitcase bombs. Who is to say the Iranians will overtly attack their targets. Suitcase bombs can be smuggled into any country and detonated in any city.

Want to make New York city into an inhabitable radioactive wasteland and drop the stock market to zero? No one will know who did it, and Russia or China could be blamed. Vice versa, a suitcase nuke detonates outside the Kremlin making Red Square into a glass crater. Who gets the blame for that one?

Alternatively, the Persians in all their ancient wisdom and desire for self preservation, simply sell off their suitcase nukes to the highest bidder. The possibilities are endless, and it’s all thanks to Obama and Biden enabling the Iranians to do this.

Does Joe Biden shuffle in his dreams as well?

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