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Woke Directive 43725-a Demands Ban of All Humour by 2023

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The Office of Woke Censorship today announced that all forms of humour will be banned by the year 2023 on and off the internet.

Directive 43725-a stipulates that all forms of humour are harmful to Woke communist ideology and constitute a grave threat to the sensibilities of permanently triggered people.

“We will make sure that humour whether jolly, dark or mischievous is banned across the entire globe. Aligned with the destruction of Western Democracy and the death of freedom of speech, the directive instates a ban on all forms of humour — especially satire, and parody.

“Any entity, whether a registered business, individual or group caught trying to be funny, or creating silly satirical articles will be either Shadow Banned or Banned completely.

Cancel-Culture Woke Directive 43889-b may also be implemented to ban the offending party of ever trying to be humorous ever again. 

“There is no restitution or remedy for the banned entity once the Directive has been actioned. 

“Invoking the series Game of Thrones as an example of some of the punishments that will be meted out on humorous offenders, they will be stripped naked and made to walk through crowds of brainwashed Woke people whilst a Woke Supreme Priest of Censorship will cry out the word “shame!” at the offender. 

“There will be no need for any form of woke censorship policing or humour ban in Germany, though, simply because no humour exists there. That is the only exception.

“Remember, any form of humour or satire is an offence because humour requires an element that may offend some obscure strand of the population at any time. Shocking people with humour is also an offence, almost as much as making people laugh.”

THIS HAS BEEN AN ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE WOKE CENSORSHIP CANCEL-CULTURE STASI HUMOUR DELETION TEAM. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO LAUGH, JOKE, OR ATTEMPT TO HAVE ANY FORM OF SENSE OF HUMOUR.

POLICED BY INTERNET MONOPOLIES AND SPECIALIST MEDIA OUTLETS ALONG WITH SELECT GROUPS OF OUTRAGED WOKE CITIZEN GATEKEEPERS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

No DNA Evidence Biden Killed Defunct Terror Group Leader

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How’s that for a fitting end to the now defunct Al Qaeda story? The Joe Biden administration, after fucking up the exit of Afghanistan by leaving the Taliban over 100 billion dollars of high end US military equipment, takes it upon himself to blow some old man on a balcony to smithereens with some CIA rockets.

There is little or any evidence that the so-called target Al Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri was still alive or was hit by two American Hellfire missiles delivered from a drone. If on the off chance the true target was vapourised, who cares? The old fucker was useless anyway, and Al Qaida is long gone since the American funding dried up, giving the organisation a great start in the early years.

One can tentatively imagine an old man in his eighties shuffling onto the balcony for his daily breath of fresh air and to listen to the birds chirping in the trees. He momentarily looks up to see a raven winking at him, then boom — nothing.

With the death of some inconsequential old man, naturally the Biden administration feel vindicated as they do victory laps around an empty stadium.

Congratulations on your Pyrrhic victory, Joe. No one apart from you gives a flying sideways fuck.

Brass Balls Pelosi or Taunting China For War Crazy?

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Nancy Pelosi, the madam of the Democrat party arrived at Taipei Airport in Taiwan much to the derision of the communist Chinese, but what does this really mean?

The Daily Squib prophesied in 2011 that America would bait the Chinese and Russians to war, and surely enough there has been provocation after provocation. Obama’s administration meddled with the Russian controlled president in Ukraine and eventually after being ousted, Putin had enough and invaded the East annexing part of the country. The West awakened the sleeping Russian bear, and now with shit going on in Taiwan and the South-East China Sea, the Chinese dragon has awakened.

War must come at some point simply because it is the natural cycle of progression. The Democrat socialist agenda has already ruined the US economy and the stockmarkets are faltering. Biden’s idiotic and wasteful stance on eco matters has also stunted growth, as well as his insane open door policy of letting in half of South America’s poorest people to become a social security burden on American taxpayers. When the economy has nowhere to go then going to war is always a surefire bet. The Democrats are both stupid enough and desperate enough to bait Russia and China. Retraction. Some of these Democrats are Neocons at heart, or should that be Neolibs?

It’s just about pushing those select buttons to trigger these sleeping totalitarian military nations into action. As the globe’s finite resources diminish and are forever lost it is only natural that the competing factions will fight wars so that they are the sole winners of the last of earth’s resources. With global population growth estimated to reach 10-12 billion at the current rate of breeding, this will also be a catalyst for war.

Fighting the commie Chinese though won’t be a walk in the park. The PLA is manned by robots — communist human automaton robots with serious programming of these shitbags. Brainwashing of these communist twerps starts at birth. They just go forward in battle like mindless programmed communist droids.

Pelosi probably does not know it herself but she is a dumb pawn in a much bigger game.

Giving 110% Actionable Ideation Core Competency Corporate Solutioneering Learnings For 2022

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It’s that time of the fiscal year when your company has to open the kimono, to circle back and bring to the table the team’s core competency robust skill set best practices, to punch a puppy in scalable leverage terms.

Yes, at times like this boondoggle climate, an a-ha moment at an all-hands meeting is just the right actionable balls in the air brain dump point in time that could buck the trend.

If your corporate core impact analysis team has to give a back of the envelope guesstimate on a hyperlocal mission-critical over the wall resolution task, it could result in a bleeding edge culture fit drill-down.

Let your competition drink the Kool-Aid as your team establishes a thought shower remedy to empower the work force. You can do more for less simply by casting a wider net and beating the bushes whilst having all boots on the ground.

If it’s on your radar on the close of play and everyone is singing from the same hymn sheet, then peel the onion. Pivot that idea and establish blue sky thinking, but do not boil the ocean like your competitors.

Further fiscal low-hanging fruit opportunities may present themselves to your sales teams. It is what it is, you just need to take it to the next level and make hay while the sun still shines.

Let’s action this! It may have lots of moving parts — please don’t give any bandwidth excuses, we’re just touching base.

Kate Middleton and Prince William Urged to Give Up 11 Month Holidays

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The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge do like their holidays. Whether somewhere in the Cayman Islands or the Bahamas, or at one of the Queen’s holiday homes in Britain, they are currently on a two-month summer holiday.

Royal expert Melanie Blattocks, urges the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge to maybe put aside a few months of holidaying on the taxpayer’s expense to at least do some royal work.

“Maybe instead of holidaying 11 months of the year, they could holiday 8 months of the year, or something like that.”

The office of William and Kate replied to the pleas from people to tone down the holidays.

“The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are merely filling in the vacuum of holidays left by Harry and Meghan leaving the UK. They are taking the holidays of Harry and Meghan and theirs. William and Kate do conduct royal engagements during their holidays by attending Wimbledon and other sporting fixtures.”

Former Cannibal Confesses to Being Secret Vegan

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Klaus Gunther, 46, from Hamburg, Germany has confessed that he has been a secret practicing vegan for the past four years.

“When our high class cannibal club would enjoy the delights of human livers with fava beans and brain, I would secretly sneak into the pantry and chew on some celery. I nearly got caught with some carrots in my pocket at one dining event,” Gunther confessed, to gasps from the audience on popular late night German talkshow, The Niedrig Show.

Cannibalism is not illegal in Germany

There are numerous ‘special’ dining clubs in Germany for exclusive clientele and donors are readily available on the internet.

“I feel so guilty. I see all my friends chomping down on things like roasted ribs and the only thing that comes into my mind is a couscous salad with some organic houmous on the side. I start salivating at the mere thought of vegetables.”

Herr Gunther has thus been living an elaborate lie, and when his aristocrat dining partners find out, he himself could be on the menu.

“The cannibals have seen my confession and will now be out to make mince meat out of me — literally. Yes, and from there it’s either meatballs or burgers. Thankfully, the police have put me in a safe house,” Mr. Gunther added.

Hollywood director, Eli Roth is now commencing filming on Klaus Gunther’s harrowing story with a film adaptation to be released next year.

Assault Weapons Ban: Mr. and Mrs. America They’re Coming For Your Guns

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The bill to ban assault weapons in the USA has been passed by the House, but will come under some serious flack in the Senate. The Democrats somehow managed to pass the bill banning the guns in the House.

The American socialist-led vote of 217-213 passed in the House, with two Republicans (RINOS) voting for the measure and five Democrats opposing it.

To pass in the Senate, the nefarious anti-second amendment bill would require 10 Republican RINOS, hopefully the RINOS stay in their shitty mud pit for the vote.

The anti-constitutional legislation, authored by gay Rep. David Cicilline, Democrat-Rhode Island, would criminalise the knowing sale, manufacture, transfer, possession or importation of many types of semi-automatic weapons and large-capacity ammunition feeding devices.

“Come and get ’em. I dare you sons of bitches to even try,” a defiant Montana resident said before unloading a mag load of bullets from his trusty AR-15 into a crude dummy resembling Joe Biden.

Millions of Americans across the country are literally begging for the authorities to come and try to take their guns.

What country before ever existed a century and half without a rebellion? And what country can preserve its liberties if their rulers are not warned from time to time that their people preserve the spirit of resistance? Let them take arms. The remedy is to set them right as to facts, pardon and; pacify them. What signify a few lives lost in a century or two? The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is its natural manure.

Thomas Jefferson, Paris Nov. 13. 1787

Tory Leadership Contest: Rishi Sunak Unveils His Campaign Anthem Song

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Speaking in Solihull today, the former Chancellor of the Exchequer, Rishi Sunak who is bidding to become the next PM unveiled his current favourite song for his campaign.

“After plunging many knives into the back of the PM Boris Johnson, and my attempt to catapult over his quivering corpse, I hereby announce the song that will follow me around like a parasitical leech for the entirety of my career.”

The other more likely candidate for the job of PM, Liz Truss, is currently speeding ahead of Fishy Rishi.

Here, we’ll give you a clue…the song was released in August 1972 by the Philadelphia soul group The O’Jays and reference knives in action on a particular part of the body.

Celebriscientitis, a Virally Triggered Personality Disorder Sweeps Through the Science Community

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A debilitating viral personality disorder, Celebriscientitis, has been sweeping through the scientific community, according to a joint WHO–CDC report. Dr B Polar from Seattle University explains, “The virus that triggers this disorder seems to target low-tier science researchers in the early stages of their careers. The main symptom is a rapid inflammation of ego and increased narcissism … with patients’ original personalities being lost forever. The onset of this disease is brutally fast … one minute they are doing mundane lab experiments, the next they are on THE ONE SHOW or OPRAH … using analogy after analogy to explain how the Universe works.”

Health experts fear the world will simply have to live with this disease … there being no cure on the horizon. One ex-researcher from Manchester, with beautiful teeth and a trendy trim, exclaimed “Things can only get better” … thanks Brian!

The Singularity: World’s First Electric Nanomotor Made From DNA Material

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Things are getting a little creepy and exciting at the same time, what with flying cars, sentient Google AI, and now a research team led by the Technical University of Munich (TUM) has succeeded for the first time in producing a molecular electric motor using the DNA origami method.

The tiny machine made of genetic material self-assembles and converts electrical energy into kinetic energy. The new nanomotors can be switched on and off, and the researchers can control the rotation speed and rotational direction.

The future is becoming a Kurzweil reality, where miniature nanomotors inside our bodies will be able to replicate the production of organic compounds and hydrotropes like adenosine triphosphate. The applications are infinite.

Micro/nanomotors are miniature synthetic devices that can move through endogenous stimuli such as chemical fuels and catalysts, or exogenous stimuli like electromagnetic or acoustic radiation forces in a liquid phase.

The research team was led by Hendrik Dietz, Professor of Biomolecular Nanotechnology at TUM, Friedrich Simmel, Professor of Physics of Synthetic Biological Systems at TUM, and Ramin Golestanian, director at the Max Planck Institute for Dynamics and Self-Organization.

“The new motor could also have technical applications in the future. If we develop the motor further we could possibly use it in the future to drive user-defined chemical reactions, inspired by how ATP synthase makes ATP driven by rotation. Then, for example, surfaces could be densely coated with such motors. Then you would add starting materials, apply a little AC voltage and the motors produce the desired chemical compound,” says Dietz.

Dietz and his colleagues wanted to engineer a motor out of DNA that could be driven by Brownian motion in a similar way to the protein-based machines found in cells. In the DNA origami technique they used, loops of single-stranded DNA from a bacteriophage virus are mixed together in a solution with short strands of synthetic DNA; these are made to match the nucleobase sequences of specific sites in the viral genome. The short pieces bind to the long strands and force them to fold into the desired shape.

“We’ve been advancing this method of fabrication for many years and can now develop very precise and complex objects, such as molecular switches or hollow bodies that can trap viruses. If you put the DNA strands with the right sequences in solution, the objects self-assemble,” says Dietz.

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