“You see that stealth bomber over there on the deck, well that ain’t no ordinary kinda stealth bomber, it’s an Obamacare stealth bomber and it’s gonna bring some Obamacare to them Syrian people through indiscriminate bombs and missiles,” a U.S. Navy officer on the USS Obamacare, revealed today.
Obama worshippers across America were seen wildly waving their banners and flags in the air on Wednesday as they cheered on their leader blindly and without question.
“Ima tell you I’m so happy for the Syrian people as those bombs hit Ima gon be at home wit ma popcorn and an Obama sign waving it at the TV. God Bless America and Obama!” Julie Sweethorn, a Missouri mother of fourteen on welfare told CBS.
“Things moved on good for us. We got an African president, we dunno if he’s American though, but still he’s black,” Kleavon Johnsons, a community youth worker from Chicago told CNN yesterday.
Martin Luther King, had a dream, he inspired a revolution with some Americans during the civil rights movement in the 1960s that quashed the state’s overt racist agenda, however all that he did has been lost in time as the black people of America are now covertly being subdued and their own actions and culture are not helping things either.
Senior analyst at Washington D.C’s Population Matrix think tank reveals some very telling truths: “What MLK did was to flick a switch from overt racism to covert racism. We now have quotas to put black people in jobs and universities whether they are qualified or not. Some say Obama is himself part of the affirmative action project, but he is part white, so there are other variables working with that one, I suspect if he was fully black he would never have got a look in. Most African Americans today are either in prison or living in ghettos, the ones that do escape through affirmative action are the chosen few. The celebrated thugs, the hoodies, the EBT card holders, the rappers and their hoes, the crack, the low slung pants, the prisons, the liquor stores, the flash mob robberies, the incessant violence, the ebonics, and social unrest are all entrenched in poverty of class and mind. American cities have been flooded with fatherless kids all milling around, bored out of their uneducated minds leaving destitution and carnage in their wake. Why do you think there is white flight when a neighbourhood becomes black? The answer is in the fact that Martin Luther King’s dream never happened and by the looks of it will never happen.”
Since 2001, 8,000 American soldiers have lost their lives in the Iraq and Afghanistan wars. In the same time period, over 190,000 African Americans have lost their lives on the streets of America usually with black on black shootings and gang related violence. This is tribal warfare, pure and simple.
One would have thought that president Obama would have been a champion of the African American people. Instead his tenure has seen more racial unrest, more African American poverty, more Obama sanctioned abortions and more overt hatred.
“Why doesn’t he just go back to his bijoux restaurant cafe and get his fat slobbering tongue over one of his two minute meals? Why does that annoying blubber tongued rich c*nt have to bother us with his useless advice to poor people? Has he ever been poor? You smarmy shister, go back to Hoxton,” a man from Walthamstow told the BBC, before being kicked off air.
The condescending nature of Jamie Oliver, with his multi-million pound franchise restaurant business has angered so much of Britain’s population that many are planning on using his likeness as a Bonfire night Guy, but there could be a better form of revenge. Stop buying his expensive supermarket products. Consign him to the dustbin of mediocre TV chefs by not eating his overpriced junk food, don’t buy his books.
“I wish the f*cker would drop dead. How about he tries to live on a pittance like the rest of the country benefit cheque to benefit cheque in front of a 50″ 3D TV. We don’t have the time to source ingredients from delicatessens and Hampstead specialist food shops, we’re too busy watching the X Factor eating ready-made processed shit. Stick it up your jacksie you ox tongued jelly faced faux cockney arsehole,” one woman said before stuffing her face with a ready made spag bol costing £2.10 from Tesco.
Isn’t it quite ironic that every aisle in every supermarket is stuffed to the rafters with Jamie Oliver products and ready meals with his fat face staring at you from the tins. Stop buying his crass money making junk then you stupid f*cking lemmings and lets see this impudent runt off to the poor house. Stop buying his stuff. Stop buying his stuff. Just stop it will you. STOP BUYING HIS STUFF!
Useful idiots like Jamie Oliver are simply mind controlled mirrors of how the elite perceives the untermenschen and unwashed masses. We are nearing the time when the curtain will be fully drawn back. As for the useful idiots, they will be treated with the same contempt as the masses, because they are just being used. What is a chef anyway? He is simply a cook, a slave in a kitchen to his masters.
During Miley Cyrus’s rather boring performance, the audience seemed to be falling asleep, that is until a giant cockroach fell from the rafters above landing straight onto her outstretched tongue.
Will Smith who was in the audience with his kids recalled the event: “I was bored out of my mind sitting there watching Miley simulating sex and fellating a rubber thumb, when out of the light rig a giant roach came down. I immediately got into Scientology mode to analyse this curious happening. She had her tongue out and was flicking it like a lizard, when the roach plopped on her tongue. Then what she did was truly unbelievable. She crunched that thing like a taco, the mic picked it all up as she ate it up chewing a little as the juices flowed down her chin. Then she smiled and burped. That’s all I remember. I’m gonna need some serious auditing after seeing that. Phew! As for my kids, I’m gonna send them straight to Sea Org for this to get over what they saw. I’m angry. Real angry.”
Miley Cyrus’s dad, Billy Bob Jim Cyrus who was in the audience said: “She broke my achy breaky heart with that performance. Back in Hicksville where we come from, we’re always taught to share. She shoulda saved some for her pa. She ain’t learned a single lesson I taught her.”
The rest of the VMA awards were uneventful, and included acts like G4326, R-Statz, L8967, X-6548334 and 1D.
“Within the sphere of global politics, there are invisible lines which if crossed, are triggers for war. Syria is such a zone as it is heavily backed by Russia as is Iran. Global dominance by the United States and its allies crossing that line would mean the world’s power structure would alter favourably for the West against Russia and China. Already, the West has taken Libya, Egypt, Turkey, Tunisia and Iraq, as well as parts of Afghanistan. Once they take Syria and Iran, Russia will be on the back foot and its strategic global influence will be castrated. A weakened Russia would make it redundant in global brinksmanship and reduce its influence in foreign policy, as well as economically. The exponential increase in the world’s population naturally results in global resources and energy being reduced daily. These are not infinite, and once used up are gone forever, therefore it is inevitable that there will be a final clash to capture the whole world’s resources by one single faction. If this means completely eradicating the other faction, then it will be have to be done, quickly and efficiently. There should not be any mercy or political solutions, as mercy will mean there are survivors who have to be fed and clothed,” professor in geopolitics at the University of Maastricht, revealed at a recent news conference in the Dutch city.
Sooner or later someone had to make the first move.
“I can’t be bothered by all the Daily Mail and Sun reporters after a piccie. I’m off!” someone overheard the Loch Ness monster bubbling as it swam off at great speed.
This year’s silly season began early with pictures of washed up monster carcasses on a beach, a big cat in someone’s garden, a Great White shark in Hastings and a few pictures of Big Foot taken from about 2 miles away.
Next year’s silly season will include even more silliness as papers desperate to fill those pages excavate even more nonsense.
Every week we get three or four announcements about how well the eurozone economy is doing, but one only has to look at some very alarming indicators to realise the truth is otherwise.
We of course have our trusty Greek friends who are playing the long game, and their goal is to exit the eurozone with a very big bang holding two fingers up at the technocrats in Frankfurt. One has to first analyse the Mediterranean sensibilities of the Greeks, and of course you will see there has been a veritably large vendetta going on with Germany ever since World War II.
The Italians are in a very sorry state economically and their bursting welfare bills are sucking the life out of their embattled nation. When businessmen are moving whole factories out of the country, you can foresee a terrible frothy whirlpool storm brewing in the Tiber as their bottom heavy burdenous state sucks down the pyramid.
Spain is a dead bull’s carcass which has had its cojones lopped off by Brussels. With over 27% unemployment, they are stranded in a desert of bones waiting patiently for someone or something to crush their skeletal numbskulls and finish the job.
France is a socialist tax nightmare where all business and production has been stifled to the point of no return. The socialists have killed the French economy and it is now barely a shell not even fit for the guillotine.
As the dominoes fall, this will be the EU’s Glasnost, this will be the EU’s Berlin wall falling, and you can be fully prepared to make some sizeable returns by shorting the euro from this point of 1.33 mark. It’s a long way down and it will splutter making horrible noises as it chokes on its own poison.
This unwinding EU rubber band will bring down the banks, so if you have money in those, take it out immediately. Please do not forget what happened in Cyprus. They can take your money at whim after they exhaust every other avenue. When the banking elite want their money, you are there to give it to them and there is nothing you can do about it if you are caught unprepared in the deadly maelstrom.
“She has all the curves in the right place and the necessary parts, and the good thing is she don’t talk back. Say I want to watch the game on TV or go to the pub. Not a bloody whiny word. Not only that she’s cheap to run and does not go through your credit cards buying expensive useless junk or demands anything of you. The best part of it all is, she does not try and change you, and appreciates you even if you’re a chillaxing couch potato with no job. You don’t need to pretend to like her friends. Give her a cookbook and she’ll memorise every dish to cook perfect meals, whilst you relax. She’s going to make a lot of men happy,” Kumiko Akira-San one of the engineers on the project revealed.
The modern day Geisha girl does however amuse her keeper with witty anecdotes and amazing blow jobs.
“I got my 3D printer on Monday, printed my 3D girlfriend on Tuesday, by Wednesday I had already kicked out my real girlfriend — she was no match for this one,” a happy customer told Japanese Tech News.
Anyone can download a template design from the My 3D Girlfriend site which includes numerous realistic designs available and be up and running in a day or so. The remote control comes as standard if you buy the kit.
Women’s groups around the globe were outraged at the premise and have vowed to 3D print the perfect man. Fortunately for them, the Daily Squib male staff were on hand to give a perfect template.
“These scientists like to think they know everything and they have theories about things that are not in the Holy book, but I have a question for them they cannot answer. Who created them? God created everything including the stars and the sea, and he did that all in seven days,” Minister for the Kentucky Reform Church told Fox News.
Reverend Arnold Winkum, from the Petersboro Baptist church conclusively debunks science and evolution: “In the Bible it says that Noah put all the animals in two by two. You know like even insects, mosquitoes and crocodiles, elephants, tigers, polar bears and skunks, that was hell of a feat back in the day. Hell, they wouldn’t be able to get half the animals in a boat these days. And lest we forget Jesus, that dude walked on water and could turn water into wine. Scientists can’t fly or cure lepers by simply touching them. C’mon this is ridiculous. I had one scientist tell me the earth was millions of years old. How I laughed, how can the earth be millions of years old if God created it 4,000 years ago in seven days? It’s all in the Bible, maybe they should read it some time.”
“Here is a nowhere man with no policies, no charisma and a set of Dalek eyes that complement his squeaky nasal voice. He does not command any authority and is half the man his brother is. If it were David Miliband up there, then there would be some cause for concern for the Tories, but Ed is just flailing around in the dark,” Ron McMasters a Westminster commentator told this week’s Channel 4 Dispatches.
Another Westminster insider commented: “As champagne socialists go, poor old Ed Miliband is not one. Perhaps we should call him Moribund, as he subscribes to the school of Michael Foot, except he’s barely a toe even there.”
Let us therefore praise Ed Miliband for taking Labour back to the stone age with his ridiculous Marxist undertones and even more ridiculous vocal delivery.
Voters certainly will not want that thing bleating at them every other day for four years. However much people detest the Tories, they will most probably opt for the lesser of two evils.
