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The Great Syrian Sarin Whodunnit Mystery Game

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The aim of the game is to guess who did the gassing, was it grandpa Hizbollah in the study, or how about aunty Qaeda in the pantry, maybe grandma Mossad was the culprit in the bathroom, or how about uncle Sam in the kitchen, don’t forget colonel Asshead in the living room?

The role of each player is to look through all the clues, for example it could have been evidence A,  evidence B or maybe evidence C.

The board game comes with a sarin gas canister so all players have to try and keep their wits about them whilst the deadly nerve agent does its work.

Available from all standing toy stores in Syria this Christmas for free.

New Hopping Craze Taking World by Storm

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“When you hop you use up more calories and not only that you can get to places faster. Why walk across a room when one or two hops will do the trick,” professor Arturo Steinwick from Brooklyn university, the person who started the craze revealed.

The idea behind hopping is that it is a great cardiovascular exercise and strengthens the leg muscles for greater overall health.

Michelle Obama was seen hopping across the White House lawn yesterday and has been a great advocate of hopping.

“I’m still working on Barack, he needs to hop more. He’s all too eager to hop into war situations, but we need to get him hopping in the Oval room too,” the First Lady told CNN.

In Paris, London, Tokyo, Los Angeles, Jeddah, people are hopping to work, hopping on buses and hopping to the shops.

“Oxford Street on a Saturday is a colourful event now with thousands of people hopping. If you look at the crowds from above you can see the mass of people going up and down. It’s wonderful to watch,” Arthur Greening, a business owner on the famously crowded shopping street told the BBC.

There are many hopping combinations people can do, hopping on one leg, two legs, sideways, and even backwards. The key thing to remember is you have to swing your arms during the hop and don’t forget to make a big whooping sound with each hop to work your diaphragm.

Mass Immigration Under Labour Spells End of NHS and Schools

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It is quite ironic that the people who came up with Britain’s welfare state were the ones who destroyed it. During thirteen long years of Labour government they opened the doors to anyone who wanted to come into Britain. Naturally the low quality of immigrants that did come put a massive strain on the nation’s welfare state. The NHS suffered the most, with A&E closures, no beds and overworked staff, as well as lack of essential medicines due to the constant abuse of the system. The schools were forced to shut down as they were inundated with an overcapacity problem and not enough funding to keep them going. The Benefits system was so severely abused by mass immigration and the feckless that it was forced to shut down as well.

What would William Beveridge, the father of Britain’s post-war welfare state, or Clement Attlee have said if they could see the state of the system they engineered? 

The overflowing hospitals and fundless schools were testament to an unfettered immigration policy that had created an altogether intolerable situation on the tiny island they used to call Britain and their eventual shut down never came as a surprise. It was simply not feasible that the incessant immigration tidal wave could continue, but the nefarious EU policy of no borders had dealt a vast blow to the homogeneity of the United Kingdom, where its culture had been fractured to the point of no return.

There was no point in going to a university in Britain because there were simply no jobs for graduates anymore. One only had to see the recent graduates stacking shelves in Morrisons or in the unemployment offices to understand the full gravity of the debacle. In addition, the few taxpayers that were left in the bloated socialist wasteland were being fleeced so heavily that there was no point in working anymore or owning a business. What was the point when so much was taken away from them?

When the riots came, there was nowhere to run, people had just had enough. It was an inevitable occurrence, possibly engineered by the Fabians or some dark Whitehall unit, but when you pile people onto people like rats, they eventually start biting. There was no surprise to the mass disenchantment, but a simple release, similar to breathing out.

Britain had been poisoned from the tainted EU and Labour chalice and as the riots of discontent billowed out of the vomitous hell we had had foisted upon us, there was a fleeting glance back to the thirteen years of Labour government that led to the precipitous downfall of what was once Britain.

Ed Miliband: “Why Would Someone Who Stabbed Own Brother in Back Care About Gassed Syrian Children?”

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“I would only accept the motion of going to war if the agenda suited my own political ends and would aid my election in 2015,” Ed Miliband said to a BBC news crew whilst visibly sneering at a picture of dead Syrian children.

Just as Ed Miliband came to power by sticking a blade into his brother’s kidney, so too is his policy of ignoring the plight of the Syrian people being gassed by whoever it was.

“Does it really matter who gassed the Syrian civilians? They were gassed and died en masse. Whether the perpetrators were Assad’s henchmen, American backed Al Qaida operatives or MOSSAD backed rebels is neither here nor there. We need to get in there and finish that slime bag Assad off so we can then move onto Iran,” an Israeli commander told the Knesset yesterday.

With 24 hour rotations of the pictures depicting dead Syrian children doing the rounds on all channels, something has got to give soon, maybe even the black soulless heart of Ed Miliband may see a glimmer of compassion but that is doubtful, you see if there’s nothing in it for Ed, then there’s nothing in it.

EU to Force Every British Motorist to Install Speed Limiters

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Not Satire

“Is nothing sacred to these EU bureaucratic monsters dictating their silly nonsensical laws on us? If anyone gets in between my accelerator pedal and my foot, they better be wearing a cup,” an angry motorist said from East Anglia.

The new EU speed limiter regulations will come into force soon and there is nothing anyone can do about it apart from not vote Labour or Conservative at the next election.

“That’s the only way we will get rid of the draconian EU Big Brother laws that are taking away our freedoms. Next they’ll be putting electrodes up your arse to give you an electric shock if you are caught speeding in the supermarket. How much is enough? Are you the voter going to take any more of this? Wake up from your X Factor slumber and smell the fu**ing coffee,” another angry Brit road user told the BBC, before being taken off air by the pro EU broadcasting company.

It won’t just be boy racers and Top Gear fans who will be affected but everyone. You try overtaking a lorry on the M25 when the EU speed limiter suddenly cuts in.

“What’s Jeremy Clarkson going to do? He’ll go mad. The best thing for him would be to emigrate to Africa. At least there he can speed on the dust roads with impunity,” a BBC insider revealed.

Government minister Nick de Ponce said: “Don’t worry chaps. With all the EU immigrants coming to the UK, one would be hard pushed to go over 20 MPH on our roads anyway. We’re all like rats in a tiny shoe box now.”

Feinstein Could Fight in Syrian Front Line

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“I’m gonna find them and shoot those muthas down with my machine gun. It’s gonna be like shooting fish in a barrel,” Senator Feinstein told Fox news whilst licking her lips.

The senator has been undergoing special armament training and is so eager to get to Syria that she will pay for the trip herself.

Capitol Hill insiders have also heard that Nancy Pelosi and Eric Holder are interested in fighting in Syria too.

“We need more guns and ammo. I can’t wait to feel the smoking empty shell casings piling up under me as I mow those Syrian ass clowns down,” Senator Feinstein said on Sunday.

Obama: “Where’s Colin Powell When You Need Him?”

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“We’re trying to get Colin Powell in but he’s in Hawaii on vacation. You know stick some fake pictures of mobile WMD weapons labs on a map of Syria or something. Shit we need something fast,” a panicking war office orderly revealed to CBS news.

It seems president Obama’s pre-election promises have gone the way of the dodo, especially about ending the perpetual War of Terror, and closing Guantanamo Bay.

US: “Those Surrender Limeys Won’t Join Us in a Cluster Sandwich”

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“Those goddamn surrender limeys would rather sip their butt warm beer than get sucked into all out war with Russia. Instead we gotta side with the frogs who are a real bunch of goddamn lilly livered surrender monkeys and wouldn’t even fight for their own country in World War II. Well I guess they got something to prove now huh,” Tex Mulrone, a staunch steak eating, tobacco munching American said before spitting some yellowy red stuff into a spittoon.

As John Kerry prepares to send the Swift boats into the Mediterranean, President Obama doesn’t realise that what he is doing is being set up for a big fall.

“A few bombs and missiles will not achieve anything apart from waste a lot of U.S. taxpayer money and kill a few more Syrian civilians here or there. By now the Syrian elite and armed forces have prepared for an attack and dug in. The only people who are going to get hit are the suffering Syrian people. And with debt liabilities amounting to over $70 Trillion can the U.S. afford to be sucked into another expensive useless war? The only way to clear Syria out is by boots on the ground, and that’s what the U.S. is going to have to do. They’re using the same strategy they used with Iraq, first bomb, then dump troops into an unwinnable quagmire. Iraq is still a lawless no man’s land right now. The Americans cannot even get out of their limited bases just like in Afghanistan. As for the Russians, they have their people on Syrian ground, if they get hit, then do you think they’re going to sit back and take it?” strategic analyst, Henry Arnold, told CNN.

Obama is not a military man and knows little about strategy or world affairs, he is putting the world into serious danger with his naive policies, and Russia is playing with Obama like a bear plays with a fresh river trout before eating it.

UK Was Ordered by EU to Back Down on Syria War

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Britain is now a third rate nation where everything is dictated by Brussels, therefore David Cameron’s weak posturing over the Syrian attack is a surefire indication that the former British nation is now fully assimilated within the Soviet EU collective.

War

“Resistance is futile to the collective of the EU. Britain’s armies, navy, parliament and judicial system has now been totally assimilated into the EU collective and this is why it was quite hilarious to see the man who sold Britain further down the road into EU slavery posturing wildly as if he had any say in his actions. Cameron is a good actor, and he is well suited to dress rehearsals but he has no say in anything anymore and holds a wilting sword of Brittania up into the dark skies of totalitarian EU dictatorship,” Jim Kirk, a political commentator revealed on BBC’s Newsnight.

If This Was Blair We’d Be at War by Now

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“Well, the main problem was Cammo. He just didn’t convince them well enough. If it was Blair, he would have just gone ahead with it. I mean look at Dr. Kelly, that guy was causing all sorts of shit. Next thing we know, we find him in a wooded area with mysterious puncture marks in his wrists. The other major problem at the moment is Obummer. Well, he’s a big flip flopper and a wimp, therefore he is definitely no cowboy Dubya type with a Cheney round his neck, is he?” a Westminster insider divulged.

Syria is the next stepping stone to get to Iran and the Allies need this one bad. Once they get Syria, then Iran will complete the mission for the next stage.