17.7 C
Wednesday, April 24, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldWhat's It Like to Drive in the Streets of London Today

What’s It Like to Drive in the Streets of London Today

LONDON - England - Driving in the capital city is getting worse, and no one is really doing anything about it. Here are some tips on getting by whilst swimming in the maelstrom spaghetti soup of crap that makes up London's streets.

One must have patience, in fact bring a tablet computer or better still portable dvd player, or even if they’re still around, a good book, something very thick will do.

Be prepared to have your hand on the horn constantly as they do in the Continent. You will find that since London became the capital of the EU and Third World, everyone from Calais to Bucharest to Bangalore is here now, and the way they drive, you’ll need nerves of bloody steel and reactions of a pray mantis to survive a few minutes on the narrow horse and cart streets of London.

Of course, the massive influx of EU mainland road users does not require them to know the British Highway Code, au contraire, there are no rules of the road any more, therefore be on your guard because signalling to turn is alien to them, as is any form of speed limit or courtesy.

It pays to have a vehicle registered somewhere in the continent as they are not touched by the laws of the UK, therefore if one of these buggers rear ends you and drives off laughing, good luck with your insurance payment.

Navigating the streets now is more akin to rush hour in Hyderabad but at least we don’t have cows to contend with, apart from the one probably sitting next to you screaming bloody murder.

Coupled with all the pot holes, crazed Essex white van men, obliviously suicidal cyclists, insane cab drivers, reckless old biddies, drunk arseholes and coppers on a chase, you’ll be f*cking lucky to get home to your beans on toast alive, so maybe it’s time to think about ditching the car.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
- Advertisment -





The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

Translate »