Let’s see, it’s that time of year again when you get penalised for minor traffic infractions, denting other vehicles and smashing your car through someone’s hedge row all resulting in a massive insurance premium hike. Don’t bother yourself with such twaddle, simply follow some of these tips and you won’t ever have to pay for motor insurance again in your life.

1) Have your vehicle registered in either the EU or anywhere else outside the UK. You won’t need car insurance or be liable for any penalty points ever again.

2) Drive a stolen car. Naturally, we do not condone such actions but no insurance will be needed for this, although if you’re caught by one of the millions of traffic cams around you could be in the shit.

3) If you have a car, sell it immediately. You will never have to pay for car insurance again, no more road tax, MOT, insane fuel prices or rip off repair costs. As of yet walking or taking public transport does not need a licence, but things could change any day as the hard up government and greedy corporations seek even more ways of fleecing the public.

4) Get a scrap piece of paper, draw a few pretty pictures on it, then scribble the words ‘car insurance’ on the top. Voila, you now are insured. You can add as many years of motor insurance as you wish. If you’re stopped by the rozzers simply hand over the document, and don’t forget to smile.

5) Become a member of the royal family, high ranking member of parliament, secret service, celebrity chef, BBC hierarchy or anyone else deemed important. You will never have to pay for anything ever again, let alone poxy car insurance.

Ian Hargreaves, a deeply religious man from Temple Hedge in Hertfordshire has simultaneously joined every known religion.

His daily ritual routine takes up his whole day and he still manages to keep up his job as an office furniture sales man.

“I wake up at 4am every day and conduct the morning prayers in over 4,265 religions. By 2pm I am ready for the next set of rituals and graces. That takes an additional eight hours and then the evening prayers start. I absolutely love it.”

The list of religions and sects is too long to list here but amongst some of them are: Christianity, Waldensian, Moravian, Lutheran, Calvinism, Anabaptist, Nonconformism, Quaker, Baptist, Methodism, Pentecostal, Bábism, Azali, Greek Orthodox, Serbian Orthodox, Russian Orthodox, Romanian Orthodox, Bulgarian Orthodox, Bektashi, Armenian Orthodox, Coptic Orthodox, Ethiopian Orthodox, Syriac Orthodox, St. Thomas Christians, Chishti, Mevlevi, Mujaddediyah, Naqshbandi, Jahriyya, Khufiyya, Nimatullahi, Tariqah, Quadiriyyah, Sufi Order International, Sufism Reoriented, Suhrawardiyya, Tijani, Universal Sufism, Dances of Universal Peace, Assyrian Church of the East, Maronites, Chaldean, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Christian Science, Christian Universalism, Seventh-day Adventist Church, Latter Day Saint movement, Nontrinitarianism, Swedenborgianism, Unification Church, Unitarianism, Unitarian Universalists, Rastafarianism, Arianism, Ebionites, Marcionism, Valentinism, Cerdonians, Colorbasians, Simonians,  Bogomils, Cathars, Yazidism, Persian Gnosticism, Mandaeanism, Manichaeism, Bagnolians, Syrian-Egyptic Gnosticism, Bagnolians, Syrian-Egyptic Gnosticism, Sethians, Basilidians, Valentinians, Bardesanite, Neo-Gnostic Groups, Ecclesia Gnostica, Islam, Kalam, Ash’ari, Maturidi, Murji’ah, Mu’tazili, Kharijite, Ibadi, Azraqi, Haruriyya, Sufri, Shia Islam, Ismailism, Mustaali, Nizari, Jafari, Twelvers, Akhbari, Shaykhi, Usuli, Alawites, Alevi, Zaidiyyah, Sufism, Bektashi, Chishti, Mevlevi, Mujaddediyah, Naqshbandi, Jahriyya, Khufiyya, Nimatullahi, Tariqah, Quadiriyyah, Sufi Order International, Sufism Reoriented, Suhrawardiyya, Tijan, Sunni Islam, Hanafi, Barelvi, Deobandi, Gedimu, Yihewani, Xidaotang, Hanbali, Maliki, Shafi’i, Ahl-e Hadith or Salafi, Quraniyoon, Quranism, Ahle Quran, Tolu-e-Islam, United Submitters International, Nation of Islam, Moorish Science Temple of America, Moorish Orthodox Church of America, 5 percenters, Ahmadiyya, Ahmadiyya Muslim Community, Lahore Ahmadiyya Movement, Ahl-e Haqq or Yarsan, Al-Fatiha Foundation, Canadian Muslim Union, Ittifaq al-Muslimin, Jamaat al Muslimeen, Jadid, Liberal Muslims, Muslim Canadian Congress, Mahdavia, Gohar Shahi, Messiah Foundation International, International Spiritual Movement Anjuman Serfaroshan-e-Islam, Wahabi, Zikri, Rabbinic Judaism, Orthodox Judaism, Haredi Judaism, Hasidic Judaism, Modern Orthodox Judaism, Conservative Judaism, Masorti, Conservadox Judaism, Union for Traditional Judaism, Reform Judaism, Progressive Judaism, Liberal Judaism, Karaite Judaism, Samaritanism, Falasha , Modern Non-Rabbinic Judaism, Alternative Judaism, Humanistic Judaism, Jewish Renewal, Reconstructionist Judaism, Essenes, Pharisees , Sadducees, Zealots, Sicarii, Ebionites, Elkasites, Nazarenes, Sabbateans, Frankists, Black Hebrew Israelites, Rastafari movement, Mandaeans, Sabians, Mandaean Nasaraean Sabeans, Sabians of Harran, Shabakism, Ayyavazhi, Bhakti movement, Kabir Panth, Ravidassia Religion, Sant Mat, Buddhism, Nikaya schools, Theravada, Sri Lankan Amarapura Nikaya, Sri Lankan Siam Nikaya, Sri Lankan Ramañña Nikaya, Bangladeshi Sangharaj Nikaya, Bangladeshi Mahasthabir Nikaya, Burmese Thudhamma Nikaya, Vipassana tradition of Mahasi Sayadaw and disciples, Burmese Shwekyin Nikaya, Burmese Dvaya Nikaya, Thai Maha Nikaya, Dhammakaya Movement, Thai Thammayut Nikaya, Thai Forest Tradition, Tradition of Ajahn Chah, Mahayana, Humanistic Buddhism, Madhyamaka, Prāsangika, Svatantrika, Sanlun, Sanron, Jonangpa, Nichiren, Nichiren Shū, Nichiren Shōshū, Nipponzan Myōhōji, Soka Gakkai, Pure Land, Jodo Shu, Jodo Shinshu, Tathagatagarbha, Daśabhūmikā , Huayan school, Hwaeom, Kegon, Tiantai, Tendai, Cheontae, Yogācāra, Cittamatra in Tibet, Wei-Shi , Hossō, Zen, Caodong, Sōtō, Keizan line, Jakuen line, Giin line, Linji, Rinzai, Ōbaku, Fuke Zen, Won Buddhism, Kwan Um School of Zen, Sanbo Kyodan, Vajrayana, Shingon Buddhism, Bön, Gelukpa, Kagyupa, Dagpo Kagyu, Karma Kagyu, Barom Kagyu, Drukpa Kagyu, Shangpa Kagyu, Nyingmapa, Sakyapa Jonangpa, Aum Shinrikyo, Diamond Way, Friends of the Western Buddhist Order, New Kadampa Tradition, Share International, True Buddha School, Vipassana movement, Osho, Din-i-Ilahi, Swaminarayan, Shrauta, Lingayatism, Shaivism, Shaktism, Tantrism, Ananda Marga, Smartism, Vaishnavism, Gaudiya Vaishnavism, ISKCON, Arya Samaj, Brahmo Samaj, Ramakrishna Mission, Satya Dharma, Satsang of Thakur Anukulchandra, Matua Mahasangha, Nyaya, Purva mimamsa, Samkhya, Vaisheshika, Vedanta, Advaita Vedanta, Integral Yoga, Vishishtadvaita, Dvaita Vedanta, Ashtanga Yoga, Bhakti Yoga, Raja yoga, Karma yoga, Jnana yoga, Kundalini yoga, Hatha yoga, Siddha Yoga, Surat Shabd Yoga, Tantric Yoga, Sahaja Yoga, Jainism, Digambara Bisapanthi, Digambar Terapanth, Kanji Panth, Taran Panth, Shvetambara, Murtipujaka, Sthanakvasi, Svetambar, Terapanth, Meivazhi, Meivazhi, Sikhi, Amritdhari, Khalsa, Nihang, Namdhari, Ravidasi, Sahajdhari Sikh, Bábism, Bahá’í Faith. Mandaeism, Manichaeism, Mazdakism, Mithraism, Yazdânism, Alevi , Yarsani, Yazidi, Zoroastrianism Zurvanism, Confucianism, New Confucianism, Shinto, Taoism, Caodaism, Chondogyo, Falun Gong, Hòa Hảo, I-Kuan Tao, Jeung San Do, Mohism, Oomoto, Seicho-No-Ie, Tenrikyo, Squibism, Squib School of Oriental Horse Manuris, Squibbus Asstanga Tantra Mantra Thong Ecclesia, Jedi.