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Police Did Not Bite the Sacrificial Lamb But What About the Big Bad Wolf?

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Rebekah Brooks offered herself up, and was indeed pushed forward, as a sacrificial lamb to the courts, but they did not bite the offering, hmm, wonder why?

“Because the knives are now out for the big bad wolf, the chief corrupter, the one who knows everything that goes on in his dominion. Everyone knows about the Murdoch wolf, he may resemble a tortoise, but this guy is the main honcho, the devil himself,” a Fleet Street insider revealed today.

No doubt the newly single arch demon of News Corp is probably untouchable, but his bugging escapades with the Royal family will have angered some at the highest levels.

Under pressure, who knows what Coulson and Brooks blabbed, who knows?

Keep Buying Stocks It’s Going Up and Up

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“Stock is real cheap at the moment at shy on 17,000. Keep buying, that’s all you need to do. It’s all pension fund debt anyway, as worthless as a pork sandwich in a synagogue, but of course the Fed don’t want you to know that, shh.”

The analyst then went on to cite the $60 trillion debt America owes, and how that’s good for the stock market.

“Ah, $60 trillion dollars is not that much really, consider the fact that in Zimbabwe you can just about buy a loaf of bread with sixty trillion of whatever their stupid currency is.”

But what about that Quantitative Easing stuff?

“They’re stopping that soon. Why you think the DHS is stocking up on ammo? Anyway, keep buying stocks, no, I am not about to short the market, keep buying those goddamn stocks.”

Is the loss of Iraq anything to do with anything?

“Just take a look at this fear index and I must say, haven’t seen it so high in a long time, but that’s no excuse to not keep buying stocks because when the oil price reaches $800 you’ll all be walking. As for Russia, just check out gas prices in Europe this chilly winter and see who’s got who by the balls.”

Britain’s Obama Chuka Umunna Seen on Twitter

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Whispers from Labour central office revealed some interesting details:

“Let’s face it, he looks like Obama, speaks like him, and when Ed is out, we’ll put him in. It’s a tried and tested solution, and you can bet your bottom dollar that you’ll be seeing a lot more of this guy in the future. He’s guaranteed the black vote, the Asian vote and pretty much everyone else, which is frankly not the case with plug face,” a Labour insider revealed.

No doubt, as soon as Chuka Umunna chucks in his nomination and wins an election purely for being black, there will be the same sort of revelry in the streets, that is until his second term when the people naturally realise what a mess he has made of things.

 

Experts: Why Americans Will Give Up Their Guns

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Every day thousands of people die around the world from firearms, whether they were legally registered or not.

A team of global experts have revealed the dangers of firearms and how they must be removed permanently from the public, especially in the United States where people are still clinging to an outdated constitution, which is not valid any more.

“To prevent any further bloodshed on the streets and schools of America, it is essential that citizens give up their firearms.

“The globalised new world order cannot tolerate private firearms, and it is imperative that they are relieved from the hands of everyday citizens once and for all to ensure total freedom from war.

“The world will be a much safer place without guns, and it is key to the agenda controlled by the United Nations that all sovereign countries who fall under the global UN organisation adapt to the way of peace.

“You must not be alarmed by the confiscation of your weapons, but if you do resist, then there may be no option but to act by securing your weapons in the name of safety”

John Kerry Joins Isis on Iraq Trip

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What was meant to be a diplomatic trip to visit embattled Iraqi president Nouri al-Maliki has turned out to be a disaster for the State Department as US peace envoy John Kerry today joined ISIS after absconding from a photo call during a news conference.

CIA agents on the ground confirmed that Secretary of State John Kerry had gone missing but were not allowed to give any more details.

Lana Tourry, a CNN reporter in Baghdad did however receive pictures that confirm John Kerry is now an active ISIS brigade fighter and has joined in the fight for Baghdad.

“Well, looks like Mr Kerry is now one of them. I must admit though, we love what he did with his toupee. How original.”

There was no comment from Washington on the desertion of office.

Iraq Jihad Wonderland Theme Park Opens This Week

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The theme park concept was created by American company, Pentagon Entertainment Inc. and will feature many attractions for visitors.

“When you fly into Baghdad, the fun starts right there. Your plane can either be hijacked or the wings shot up. You will be greeted by black acrid smoke from burning oil wells and scenes reminiscent of the apocalypse. Horror fans will witness all manner of atrocities, and if you have VIP tickets you can even be part of the action too,” Brad Zweisher, operations director of the Iraq Jihad theme park told CNN.

The Iraq Jihad Wonderland theme park stretches thousands of miles even into neighbouring Syria so theme park revellers will not be pushed for choice of entertainment.

Budd Neuberger, 45, a salesman from Detroit bought one of the first tickets last week and is keen to go to Iraq for a once in a lifetime trip.

“I can’t wait. As soon as we land we’re in the theme park. I’m ready for a ride of a lifetime. I’m not sure what the man said when he mentioned that it was a one way trip, but as long as I have fun, who cares? I got my blind fold ready.”

The first plane load of 350 American theme park enthusiasts leaves on Tuesday and will be accompanied by theme park designers, George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Tony Blair and Donald Rumsfeld on the historic first one way trip.

America Under Attack — From Its Own President?

One thing American voters probably never figured out when they first voted for Barack Hussein Obama was that they themselves would eventually be the target of constant attacks, but let’s face it, you only had to look at the hypnotised faces of the Obama supporters in the crowds to see that those people were not actually in charge of their own minds, let alone their ability to make coherent voting decisions.

Naturally the Daily Squib was always in the know about such things, and the warnings kept coming and coming, but who reads this newspaper? Certainly not some hypnotised low-information American brainwashed zombie.

For America’s enemies, and there are many of those, Obama has been a true blessing, he has done more damage internally than any terror cell could ever wish for. His total disdain for America has been all encompassing, and as the country daily veers towards the precipice, Obama is seen grinning from his parapet, still adored by legions of brainwashed followers who would gladly follow his orders to jump off a cliff without batting an eyelid. Obama’s demagogue status, can be easily compared to Adolf Hitler’s and this is why he was put in power by those who want to fracture the nation and guide it to complete destruction. The American experiment was over a long time ago, and Obama was the final cherry on the cake, okay, a glazed cherry laced with arsenic and snake venom.

As the tuberculosis ridden Mexicans stream over the open borders, this message alone should be enough for the people, but still they do not get it.

Obama may very well be America’s last president, because his executive actions denote a nation that has paid the piper, and as the last ebbing throes of a very sick, fractured nation pulse through the controlled news networks, there will eventually be an explosion when the fooled people finally wake up.

But that is what the fatherless Obama wanted all along, he wanted a reaction, and whatever indignity he foisted on the American brainwashed pulp mass, he did not get anything. Sure, they’re prepared, they have the bullets, and the stockpiles, they have the FEMA camps ready with stacks of plastic coffins. They just need you to make the first move, so they can be justified in their reaction.

The enlightened few, are exactly that. They are not many, but they control with efficient technique the slave taxpayer, and as the debt goes over a threshold there is no turning back for America. Even if all Americans were to give every single cent from their pay checks to the government for the next fifty years, the interest payments for the debt would not be dented.

How Obama will laugh, as he is escorted into his bunker, his family following behind, and he will even play golf down there, sipping his patented Kool Aid whilst protected from what is going on above.

However long it takes, they will eventually emerge from their luxurious stasis, and build their Elysium over the bones and plastic bags of a previous civilisation that was not needed any more.

Obama is laughing at you right now, he always was laughing, you just didn’t know it, until it was too late.

Scots Demand Independence From Watching England Play Football

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Scottish football fans have demanded independence from the indignity of watching England play football on the World Cup stage when they could do a little better, the fans claim.

“I’s nae ‘at we dornt enjoy watchin’ th’ Englain scunners lose aw th’ time, but it’s th’ thooght ‘at if uir team hud qualified we coods hae dain a loat better than them glaikit bampots,” a Scottish fan said in the Uruguay crowd.

Scottish Nationalist leader, Alex Salmond has backed up the Scottish football fan concerns by vowing to increase funding for national teams if the country wins independence in September.

Britons Awaiting Interest Rate Rises With Eager Anticipation

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With credit cards stuffed up to the hilt; people mortgaged up to the eyeballs and salary growth at a minus percentage, Britons are eagerly waiting for interest rates to rise to 3% soon.

“I’m eager to see interest rate rises, because I have seven maxed out credit cards, a large mortgage and my job position has not seen a pay rise in five years. Almost overnight I will have to find an extra £3,800 per month, and will no doubt be seeing the bailiffs soon after. It’s that economic recovery innit?” Bill Noughty, a salesman from Essex told the Mirror.

Because of the amazing ‘economic recovery’ that only a few people in the UK saw, interest rate rises will ensure carnage in most homes which are already pushed beyond the limits of their finances.

Britain has one of the highest levels of consumer debt per capita in Europe and the recent property initiative called Help to Buy has ensured an artificial property boom keeps progressing to its unholy end.

“I have been borrowing and borrowing for the last few years on low interest rates. Banks and credit card companies were literally throwing money at me. When the interest rates suddenly rise I will not be able to pay anything back, but that’s okay, because I don’t have anything anyway and have spent it all. It’s good for the economy,” an unemployed man from Birmingham revealed.

England Fans Embracing Italian Culture by Eating Pizza

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“Eh paisan, it just like mama cook, eh? I’ma gonna eata dis pizza every day to support Italia,” an England fan said grabbing his crotch and stuffing a few slices of pizza into his mouth.

The next Italy match is crucial to England’s World Cup survival therefore the plan is to be as Italian as possible and support the Italians at every point.

“I’m going to my local Italian restaurant every day until the matches start and learning to talk the lingo. Just had a big bowl of spag bol and started wearing a stylish suit,” England football fan, Jimmy Cutter, told the Sun.

Looks like it’s out with the egg and chips and in with the pasta alla Balotelli.

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