17.7 C
London
Wednesday, July 15, 2026
secret satire society
Home Blog Page 392

Brits Had a ‘No Deal’ Clean Brexit in 1940

0

Yep, it was called the Battle of Britain, and it left Hitler’s Luftwaffe with an almighty bloody nose, and it was a Clean No Deal Brexit.

When it comes to the crunch Brits will fight to save Britain from an EU that has shown extreme disrespect, gloated over any misfortune we have had, stolen our fish, and bullied this country for too long whilst making it pay through the nose for the indignity.

Are you just going to sit there and take it? No!

We need a clean Brexit, a clean slate, a clean tabletop to rebuild this country after years of subservience to an EU that clearly detests us, they use us like a cash cow, they veto everything we propose, and they dictate to us over our own laws.

Supermarine Spitfire PR XI PL965
Supermarine Spitfire PR XI PL965

Remember those brave men and women who struggled against the incessant bombing, the doodlebugs, the fires, the Stukas and Messerschmitts. Do not dishonour their memory like Mrs Theresa ‘Petain’ May, who wants to create a Vichy government for her masters in Brussels.

We need our fighting spirit back, and we need our freedom totally free so we can bring back sovereignty to our parliament once again, to forge our own trade deals, and to make our own laws free from the diktats and totalitarian orders from the EU.

We must join with our true allies, America and Australia, and the Commonwealth countries once again, not only in trade but in true partnership. We must also bring manufacturing to these shores once again, and get the Made in Britain stamp back in service.

Supermarine Spitfire Mk.V

We do not owe Brussels anything, and this is why paying £39 billion is the biggest failure anyone can propose. They can stick it!

Yes, things will be slightly hard at first, but coming out of a prison is not easy. We have been in darkness for too long, in slavery to masters that are unelected bureaucrats, out of touch, pampered with vast limitless expense accounts who do not care for our nation or our people.

It is time to embrace freedom once again, and if this means fighting for it, so be it.

Macron: “Let Them Eat Cake”

0

You have to hand it to the French, when an indignity such as a massive Macron fuel tax rise is foisted on them — they act, they riot, they actually do something about it.

Here in the UK, no such thing is done. Whatever indignity is thrown on the masses with massive tax rises, they simply grumble about it a bit, then put on another cup of tea. If the French had to deal with the amount of tax rises we British have to deal with, there would be nothing left by now but rubble.

French President, Emmanuel Macron, has simply scoffed at the protests and remains safely ensconced in his palace.

“Qu’ils mangent de la brioche,” the president exclaims from his boudoir, to accentuate the point about how out of touch he is with the peasants.

The struggling Gilets Jaunes peasants, especially in expensive Paris, are living in literal poverty anyway, so to increase taxes on fuel to such a level not only hurts their means of transport, but increases the prices of daily goods to be transported to the shops, thus pushing prices up on everything as a result.

How will Macron get out of this mess he has made?

To capitulate to the protesters will obviously be a sign of extreme weakness, so no doubt Macron will continue with the riots and simply beat the opposition into submission, eventually. Either that or a resignation is in order.

Online Advertising Dominates UK Gambling Market

0

Last year, gambling operators in the UK spent just under 1.8 bn euros on marketing, with nearly half of the amount covering internet-based advertising and a mere 15% buying TV commercials. The trend is obvious: marketing expenditure is skyrocketing. In fact, according to a report by strategic consultancy Regulus Partners titled Gambling Advertising and Marketing Spend, it rose by 56% from 2014 to 2017.

Today, there are numerous online gambling providers operating in the UK. For more information on the most popular ones, check out the fastest payout online casinos. Online promotion of such operators uses direct, social media and affiliate marketing methods. The former includes banners and paid search. Other advertising channels are television, sponsorship, and offline channels, such as print media and billboards.

The Breakdown

Online marketing accounts for 80% of the total gambling marketing expenditure, with direct methods amounting to almost half (48%) of it. While direct internet marketing doubled over the three-year period, social media advertising more than tripled – rising from £42m in 2014 to £149m three years later. Affiliate marketing, which includes tipsters, websites and publications that generate new business for a commission, was the slowest, climbing from £282m to £301m, which is 20% of the overall marketing spend.

ace-bet-business-262333

As a lion’s share of marketing budgets is now spent online, television advertising is lagging behind, despite the growth from £155m to £234m. The amounts spent on sponsorship were still relatively moderate despite their doubling: advertising on football shirts, horse racing, and other events totaled £60m in 2017.

It is important to note that as detailed marketing cost breakdown is commercially confidential, it is impossible to obtain definitive figures. The consultancy used audited accounts of the largest listed operators, as well as figures for offshore and private companies. The estimates, therefore, are sufficiently credible. Most importantly, they demonstrate the relative scope of online marketing.

ace-cards-casino-279009
The Consequences

The mentioned figures raise serious ethical issues. The Gambling Commission has recently reported that as much as 59% of children aged 11-16 have been exposed to the ads on social networks. For television commercials, the proportion is even greater – 66%.
According to Marc Etches, CEO of GambleAware, a leading UK charity, children following gambling operators on social media are three times more likely to spend money on gambling. “Compared to other potentially harmful activities, the rate of gambling in the past week among young people is higher than the rates of drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes and taking illegal drugs”.

This data points to the urgent need to perceive gambling as a threat to children and a public health issue. Social networks and websites must recognize their moral obligation to protect the youngest and the most susceptible ones. It is thus imperative to increase public awareness of the potential dangers posed by the activity.

Theresa May to Release Book on ‘How to Bargain’

0

Shameful PM Theresa May is to release a book giving tips on how to bargain, Number 10 Downing Street has revealed.

“If the price of the apple is 35 pence, this is when I give the shopkeeper £2.60,” a quote from one of the lessons shows.

There are also tips on how to haggle.

“Say if I wanted to buy an antique model of a donkey made in China in 2012 to put on my mantle piece for sale at a local market. The man may say to me “That’ll be £40,000 please!” and I will answer “Here you go!” and hand over the money. Plus you have to show always that you’re really excited and fixated on the thing you want to buy, so the seller can raise the price as much as he wants.”

One section of Theresa May’s 3 page manual even advises people on how to negotiate with the EU.

“They come into the room and say that they want this, this and that. I then capitulate to everything they ask without a word. After all they are my master, and I am a mere servant. Also, before leaving the room of any EU official, you must bow down and touch the ground with your nose, then back out the door facing them. Don’t forget to leave £39 billion behind before you leave, or your masters will become very angry.

“One must always make sure when bargaining that you let it be known that you will not walk away even if the deal is so bad that the person you are bargaining with is literally laughing in your face. It is better to be a shameful coward with no backbone or guts than to cause any trouble by actually standing up for yourself or actually bargaining,” Mrs May notes on page 2.

The book called “The Art of the Bargain” will not be serialised in the Daily Telegraph this Sunday but will be found in every bargain bucket across the country by Tuesday.

Hillary Clinton is Correct About European Mass Immigration

0

Apparently Hillary Clinton has finally awoken to the same conclusion the Daily Squib came to in 2011, albeit in a satirical article.

Europe needs a tougher approach on immigration in order to curb the growing threat of right-wing populists, Hillary Clinton said, calling on EU leaders to show their electorates that they can no longer “provide refuge and support.”

“I think Europe needs to get a handle on migration because that is what lit the flame,” Clinton said in an interview with the Guardian published Thursday.

Reading a quote from the 2011 Daily Squib article entitled “How Long Before the EU Concentration Camp Chimneys Start Churning Smoke Again?” confirms Clinton’s diagnosis in 2018. We saw the warning signs, before anyone else did.

Even in the UK, there are increasing reports of racially charged assaults and outbursts by seemingly ‘normal white people’, but these are mere symptoms of the Hegelian dialectic where the problem of increased immigration was allowed and encouraged to happen by successive governments for a very good reason — to create discord, disharmony, hatred and fear amongst the indigenous populations.

An immigration open door policy was allowed to occur so as to create a problem of overcrowding in urban areas; destruction of indigenous culture, valuable resources being used up, intolerance and racism to flourish.

“First you create the problem, then you wait for the people to cry out, then you move in with a solution that enslaves the people even further than they already are,” Gunther Mauser, a German politician told Die Welt newspaper.

We would go as far as saying that the engineered migration problem is not only part of the Coudenhove-Kalergi plan, but also a ploy to bring out Europe’s ultimate inherent racism.

The socialists of Europe are just as racist as the other side, however they veil their racism better. Socialists need someone to point their finger at, so they can rally the troops during elections, it gives them vigour and impetus. We witnessed this recently during the American midterm elections, where the American socialists and communists effectively censored and dehumanised their opposition and won many seats in Congress from the Republicans. Anyone who cares about their own home, security or family is demonised and labelled a “racist” or a “populist” by the socialists.

As always, to manipulate the electorate, socialists are masters, and from history, we also saw the same technique from the National Socialists, a very legitimate branch of socialism.

Merkel to Have Sense of Humour Injected Into Her Brain

0

German Chancellor Angela Merkel is to undergo a state of the art procedure to have some form of personality and humour injected directly into her brain, Reuters has reported.

The medical treatment is the latest trend amongst Germans, who sadly are devoid of any form of humour and live their lives mainly in a technical manner.

Professor Arnold Weinglauss, who has performed the procedure numerous times, will officiate the process, which will take three hours of surgery time.

“The procedure is rather complex, and one slip can induce a deeper state of catatonic depression which is the normal state of the Chancellor. We will infuse the ventral striatum within the temporal lobe area, and invigorate the region by injecting a dimorphic mixture of nanobots specifically designed to stimulate the humour centres.”

Chancellor Merkel, like most Germans is unfortunately afflicted with an extremely morose sensibility, however after the operation she may be able to smile slightly or even say a joke.

“It will take some time with such a serious case as Frau Merkel, however we may see some effects in less than two months. Instead of that milk curdling gaze, she may laugh a little. This may take her by surprise, however, and a counsellor will monitor her behaviour. We have had cases where the patient has been so surprised to crack a joke that they fell into utter depression afterwards because of their confusion. We are not however expecting Merkel to suddenly take the podium and act like a stand-up comedian, even with our technological prowess, that is a near impossibility with such a serious case as the Chancellor.”

Merkel will undergo the humour injection operation in January.

Jeremy Corbyn May Be Only Way to Leave EU Properly

0

Theresa May’s Brexit In Name Only is a sure chance that many voters will now turn to Jeremy Corbyn and his party.

The shame of Theresa May to even call her pathetic plan a Brexit is an insult to every leave voter who voted in 2016 to leave the EU.

“She’s just signing a document which states that we stay in the EU indefinitely. There’s no get out clause either. In plain English it’s not a Brexit but a shameful capitulation to the EU. That’s why I’m voting for Corbyn next election and you should too. No one will trust the Tories ever again because they have been completely duplicitous and dishonest with their core voters. Never again, thanks to Theresa May will any of us vote Tory again. Better to vote for Labour and Jeremy Corbyn,” a former Conservative voter revealed today.

Thousands of former Conservative voters, and Lib Dems are now opting for Jeremy Corbyn’s Labour party. Along with the youth vote, the extra numbers will get Corbyn into Number 10, Downing Street and Theresa May out.

“It’s now the only way to get rid of her. Jeremy Corbyn is the only way, because the Tories can’t do it, despite her blatantly taunting Brexiteers with her lies. I’m not a socialist or a communist like Corbyn but I will vote for him, as he is the only eurosceptic left who can actually do something,” another former Tory voter revealed.

Thanks to Theresa May's Brexit Betrayal Will You Now Vote For Jeremy Corbyn?

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...

Jeremy Corbyn’s main reason for leaving the EU will be to bolster a firm communist state in Britain without the interference of the EU, and its ideals.

“Corbyn sees the EU as a meddling money sucker. It would be better to leave the EU completely so that Britain could keep its money to spend on socialist issues, the NHS, welfare, and education. Also, Corbyn will need tonnes of money for the many nationalisations he has planned. This will take a lot of capital, especially the rail networks, nationalising utilities, and building millions of new council houses across the UK,” Labour’s chief spokesman, Mike Oxlong, told the New Statesman.

No one will vote conservative for another thirty to forty years after this debacle, and quite rightly so. Britain will thus be resigned to its fate as a pseudo-communist island replete with comrades in arms marching up and down Red Trafalgar Square.

It says a lot that many Brexiteers will move towards Jeremy Corbyn, who is the antithesis of everything they believe in, however there is an old saying, an enemy of my enemy is my friend. Corbyn is now the friend, and Theresa May the enemy.

Viva La Revolucion!

Book Review: Tomorrow’s World by Guy Portman

0

There’s something about the future that scares the shit out of people a lot, maybe it’s simply the thought of the unknown that affects us with such fear. What possible delights await us in the technological future when we are already living in a world full of burgeoning robotic tech, AI, VR, and sex robots?

Forward to 2071, and you find that people have not changed much, they still have the same old foibles as we do, except with holovision. One assumes reading through the pages that this is some sort of contraption that transmits moving hologram visuals in your room, so that means the age of the television has been left in the dust, along with radio and telegrams.

By 2075 we have the introduction of teledildonics, and this is not describing a floppy thingie protruding from Mark Zuckerberg’s forehead but a contraption that can excite a future date, with a bit of mutual masturbation, why not?

It’s all very Black Mirror but without the enclosed claustrophobic stories, these glimpses into the future are more diary like, snippets of scenarios. Let us say an Adrian Mole of 2097.

Quite astutely, the author sees the future rise of China, and we can be assured this will certainly become a reality with the Chinese Armada skirmishing with the Royal Navy across the high seas, or conducting bombing runs on Bognor Regis every other Tuesday.

In 2079, John Lewis is still in Oxford Street. This came as a great fucking relief, because one can’t imagine that particular London shopping district without John Lewis. Let us hope that Hamleys is still around too, albeit selling hoverboards for the kiddies.

In turn, this is a great piece of literature whizzing from one place to another, and giving the reader little insights into the possible future, some comedic, some obviously horrific in a satirical sense.

Not sure if the Singularity happens at all in the duration of time in the book, but the worst part seems to be the realisation that Celebrity Big Brother still exists in 2094. Isn’t all out nuclear devastation from Russia and China preferable to CBB still being around in the future? One can only imagine.

People still play cricket in 2100, and probably still munch on cucumber sandwiches during the breaks in play. This was refreshing to read like a good cuppa.

Anti-ageing treatments on the NHS are obligatory by 2128? Surely that will bankrupt the already aching NHS 2.0? Well, the government ministers do debate the question, and thankfully come to their answer.

Things get very interesting by 2157, especially amongst some of the Plutocrats, who are rather keen on the Ancient Egyptian civilisation.

In 2060 mohawk-haired government advisers stalk the halls of Number 10 Downing Street, by that time, Tarzan Heseltine is a bag of bones deep in the ground somewhere, no doubt cursing someone who has outdone him in the hair department.

This book will certainly have you turning the pages to see what happens next, isn’t that the job of a good novelist? Guy Portman no doubt seems to have fulfilled the desired effect on the reader, as you really have to turn the next page to see what wonders await, a compendium of technological prowess amongst the backdrop of human stupidity.

The miniscule details, the jumping in from one language to another, and the mixing of ancient with modern adds duality to an intelligent meal of a read. Well worth the purchase. Plonk it into your collection, and you will not be disappointed by this satirical tome from an indulgent innovative author. http://guyportman.com/

Purchase your copy now:

Kobo UK
Barnes & Noble

 

Experts: Brexit Thwarted By Deranged Dictator PM, Parliament Bureaucracy and Corrupt EU

0

All the people wanted when they voted for Brexit was to get out of the EU, and its institutions.

Alas, since the EU referendum Brexit has become more of a distant mirage, and unattainable dream simply because of the establishment  putting obstacles in the way of leaving the EU, and the EU putting obstacles in the way as well.

Any decision now regarding Brexit is meticulously broken down and voted out, and the sad thing is, if it comes to the ideal Brexit, i.e. a Clean Brexit, that too will be voted down by the Remoaners.

Against Brexit is the PM, the majority of the Remoaner Cabinet, handpicked by Remoaner PM Theresa May, the Treasury headed by Remoaner Lord Haw Haw Hammond, the Bank of England governor, Mark Carney, a Canadian, and 95% of the House of Lords, as well as most of the so-called Conservative party hierarchy. Other groups outside of parliament are the Soros Open Society, who fund people like Gina Miller to thwart Brexit in the High Court at any possible time, and other business people who are all on the EU gravy train and are fighting for their expense accounts. The media is now mostly anti-Brexit, with even the Daily Mail siding with Remoaners and Brussels, this is possibly due to the exit of Paul Dacre, and the instatement of Remoaner Editor Geordie Greig. The BBC, which received £5 million just before the EU referendum from the EU is naturally pro-EU, and the CBI where Theresa May spoke the other day on the benefits of her BRINO deal is completely pro-EU as it receives millions in EU money every year. As for the civil service, they are all completely pro-EU, and they control everything from behind the scenes, a la Olly Robbins.

Suffice to say, the likelihood of a Brexit occurring anytime soon is about zero, and the far flung future is no better, the promises will drag on and on for years to come until everyone is so bored of it all they just elect to stay in the EU. Ultimately, this is the plan the EU and controllers in government hope for. They want people to be so jaded by the whole bureaucratic affair that they say fuck it, and leave Britain in the EU.

The whole sordid Brexit affair is extremely tiresome and sickening, because it brings to light that there is little or no democracy in Britain left. We are ultimately chained now to a corrupt system of government, and the EU’s totalitarian pseudo-communist diktats permanently and there is nothing anyone can do about it.

Will the UK Ever Leave the EU?

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...

Amazing Black Friday Deals That You Cannot Miss

0

Black Friday is an amazing time to get those deals that you have been awaiting as a rabid consumer all year round. It’s also a great chance to buy up those Christmas presents that will wow your family members and friends.

The key to finding Black Friday deals is to search online, and also attend the shops where the deals happen. If you are happy to spend four days queuing for a cut price toaster that was made in China and is just a piece of flimsy metal that will break in four weeks, then that is up to you.

Our plan this year was to list as many amazing deals as we could find for our readers so you too can be first in queue and snap these amazing offers up before the rest of the suckers do.

5 Black Friday Deals That You Must Have

1 -Britlax Toaster – £7.99 from Murreys – This amazing toaster toasts your toast in less than 20 minutes, and is guaranteed to break only after 3 weeks of usage. It also burns toast to a crisp if you move the notch above 0.

2 – Xuenho Toaster – £4.99 from Tulleys – This toaster is amazing. It can toast four pieces of toast in under one minute, but you should disable your smoke alarm before using it as the flames can reach the ceiling. All in all a good toaster, but please do not put your face over it while it is in operation. Guaranteed to explode after one weeks usage. No money back or replacement guaranteed.

3 – Burnio Toaster – £12.99 from Sullies – This toaster, as the name suggests burns everything to a crisp within a five metre radius. It’s definitely top of the range Chinese engineering and will reduce your kitchen to a smoking wreck just in time for Christmas. Why not throw in the turkey for some fast cooking?

4 – LingWao Toaster – £2.99 – If you pick one of these up at a Black Friday sale, you will be the lucky owner of a magical piece of equipment. It’s cheap and dangerous. Our toaster which was sent for testing had some wires hanging out the back. When we plugged the appliance in to the mains, the whole area became live with electricity and fried our office pet. Luckily little Jimmy the Sausage dog survived the ordeal but sort of looks like a seared hot dog now.

5 – JinWong Toaster – £24.99 from Argo – This is top of the range mate. It’s like hitting the fucking jackpot four times over and still having a prize foisted on to you. I mean this toaster talks to you, it’s a new smart toaster, which analyses how many toast you want in the morning then it tells you when they are done, in Chinese. It’s a great way in learning a language while you toast. The only drawback is that the toaster is so efficient that it basically disintegrates the toast to nothing. We tried putting it on the lowest setting but still no luck.

KAjwhriuw024hvjbed2SORH