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Exiled Prince Andrew to Go Live With Harry and Meghan in 16 Bathroom California Mansion

Jack Horder
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Exiled Prince Andrew to Go Live With Harry and Meghan in 16 Bathroom California Mansion

Thrown to the dogs by his own mother, brother and niece, a befuddled Prince Andrew really was lost, until a chink of light broke through the winter darkness.

January, is always a fucker of a month, however for Andrew it has been an absolute motherfucker of a month. His military medals have been taken away, his HRH rescinded, and he is now known as a pariah to everyone in Britain.

On Thursday night, Andrew received a phone call from Montecito, California. Harry and Meghan have already made up a room for Andrew in their 16 bathroom mansion in Montecito.

“They could call it the ‘exile mansion’ or something like that. I am sure the now exiled Prince Andrew was delighted at the offer of sanctuary from the royal family that kicked him out so unceremoniously. The only problem with the plan is the small thing about prison. Andrew will be on American soil, and there will be no long extradition battle if he was still in Blighty. He could always escape to Mexico or somewhere in South America though, you know do an Escobar,” royal commentator, Keith Melons, revealed in the Sun.

Netflix executives have been scrambling at the news and are anticipating a huge ratings bonanza when Andrew turns up at the Montecito mansion, where filming for the Harry and Meghan series will take a new turn.

If all that does not work out, there’s always room in some shack on the Falkland Isles. It’s a place close to the heart of the fallen war hero who flew helicopters for his country, that has now abandoned him.

Gerald Hopkins, 57, a farmer from Goose Green, Falklands, said the wayward prince is always welcome.

“Aye, he’s [Andrew] always welcome here on the Falkland Isles. We don’t have many young fillies here but plenty of sheep. Don’t knock it until you try it, matey.”

Admiral Markets: The Importance of Maintaining a Branding Edge with Users

Jack Horder
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Admiral Markets: The Importance of Maintaining a Branding Edge with Users

Iconic brands like Coca-Cola keep advertising to consumers despite their near-universal name recognition. The idea is to keep the product or service, so fresh in users’ minds that it will be their first thought when they need such services.

Similarly, Admiral Markets has undertaken a rebrand despite having a solid couple of years. Admirals is the new name with a fresh logo to go along with it. Usually, service providers rebrand when things aren’t going too good. This proactive step is a fascinating step and invites proper exploration of what Admirals is all about.

What is Admirals?

The era of digital trading has vastly enhanced the presence of brokerage providers. Admirals have been around for much longer, having made its debut in 2001. It grew steadily into a leading broker operating in dozens of countries. Accordingly, Admirals has a solid reputation with regulatory approval from several counties, including the UK’s Financial

Conduct Authority…

pexels-nataliya-vaitkevich-6120182Automation and trading digitization has vastly improved user capabilities on these platforms. Trading is seamless and convenient from their living rooms. The era of smartphones has unleashed the capabilities of millions of small traders who can now participate in the market meaningfully.

Cryptocurrencies have also added new enthusiasm to brokers like Admirals. These assets have payment efficiency and the variety to maintain trader enthusiasm year-round. Bitcoin and similar assets gradually gain a seat on the high table and ordinary usage with utilities like payment gateways.

Admirals has a competitive edge because it adds robust add-on tools, research, and education to automated trading. The two decades of operation provide an excellent experience for its team in augmenting user experience.

2020 was a fascinating year for the financial industry. The broader economy shrunk because of Coronavirus disruptions. That said, the upheaval in the markets brought greater volatility and more trader activity. Besides, millions began actively trading because they would otherwise be sitting at home doing nothing.

Therefore, Admirals realized remarkable growth in 2020. The 2021 numbers may be along those lines because the years were pretty similar.

rebranding-6672112_1280

Why the Rebrand?

Admirals recently celebrated its 20th year anniversary. The management team, led by Chairman Sergei Bogatenkov, reiterated that Admirals would retain and enhance its client-oriented approach.

Service providers rebrand for various reasons. Admirals aims to introduce more investor priorities. Accordingly, Admirals will no longer work only as a Contract of Differences (CFD) and Forex broker but also have more ambitious broader goals. The website aesthetics are a pretty direct indicator of the expanded focus.

In this modern era of tech advancements, evolution rather than revolution will be the recurring theme.

Therefore, Admirals will aim to deliver integrated solutions to its users. The solutions apply to managing, investing, and spending assets. Traders want powerful yet simple tools to toggle the different aspects of fast markets. Therefore, the goal is to create a one-stop shop that can achieve this utility purpose for users.

Admirals will be helpful to several types of users. It can even serve as a personal finance management tool when not trading. The array of products is necessary for tech-savvy users in this third decade of the 21st century.

Fintech is a collective term for financial technology applications that are transforming modern finance. Admirals is launching into this mix and hopes to leverage its brand and competitive solutions to stand out from the rest. The existing presence in dozens of countries provides room for disrupting the Fintech industry globally.

Rebranding does not signify a complete departure from previous services. Rather, it indicates an expanded focus beyond just trading.

Admirals intend to add several asset groups to accommodate the interests of a diverse range of users.

Adapting For Continuity

Admirals is moving with the times. The rebranding indicates an expanded focus on client care. Specific aspects like the introduction of assets and functionality upgrades contribute to the overall experience. Users have an integrated tool to manage their accounts and participate in the market. It will be fascinating to track how the broader Fintech market evolves in the next few years.

Man Who Received Pig Heart Transplant Suddenly Starts Exhibiting Pig Like Mannerisms

Jack Horder
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Man Who Received Pig Heart Transplant Suddenly Starts Exhibiting Pig Like Mannerisms

Peter Porque, 59, is doing well three days after the experimental seven-hour procedure in Baltimore, doctors say.

The gruelling operation was deemed a success, however doctors have noticed a few side effects of the procedure that they are studying eagerly.

“When he woke up, the first thing he said was ‘oink!’ and then he started sniffing the nurse’s arm pit,” Dr Jake Bacon, revealed to local news outlets.

Doctors at the University of Maryland Medical Center were granted a special dispensation by the US medical regulator to carry out the procedure, on the basis that Mr Porque – who has terminal heart disease – would otherwise have died.

The fascinating medical episode will certainly go down in history, especially as Mr Porque was served the usual hospital slop for lunch.

“He ate that slop up like it was the tastiest gourmet meal in the world. He was not hamming it up either, it all seemed very genuine. Most people barely get past the potatoes. He then asked for his next meal to be served in a bucket,” one of the nurse’s attending revealed.

Doctors studying their subject have also found that Mr Porque no longer walks upright but scoots around the floor on all fours oinking, farting and sniffing everything in sight.

The positive factor to take away from this story is that Mr Porque will live a long and healthy life, just as long as he does not get kidnapped by a farmer or something like that.

How To Trade Bitcoin in 5 Simple Steps – A Beginner’s Guide.

Jack Horder
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0
How To Trade Bitcoin in 5 Simple Steps – A Beginner’s Guide.

Today, to trade Bitcoin is not as hard or inaccessible as it was in the past. Where are the best places to buy and sell Bitcoin? What is Bitcoin? Why Bitcoin is the future of crypto? Where will the price of Bitcoin go in the year 2022? How you can profit from Bitcoin rises and falls by trading.

What is Bitcoin?

bitcoin-2028512_1280Bitcoin is a digital currency. But instead of coins, it is the unique cybercurrency that is mined by millions of computers that run complex algorithms.

The algorithms are then run by miners, or individuals or businesses that run special programs to solve increasingly more complex mathematical problems. The more complicated the maths is, the higher the Bitcoin reward is.

The computers that work to solve these problems are all over the world, and there are many that run special programs, so it is unlikely that one country will dominate Bitcoin’s mining.

Bitcoin is a decentralized digital currency that enables peer-to-peer online payments without a central authority. The payments are powered by a peer-to-peer network, and are accepted as payment for goods and services.

Bitcoin uses a public ledger system in which Bitcoin ‘miners’ use complex algorithms to solve mathematical problems, and thereby receive newly created Bitcoin as a reward.

How Much is Bitcoin Currently Worth?

Bitcoin is now worth $43,000, and has dropped from its all-time high of $67,000 in 2021. Speculators are talking of the price reaching over $120,000 by the end of 2022, however as always this might or might not happen. As the price of Bitcoin is relatively low now, maybe this is a good time to acquire some Bitcoin, especially before it rises to unattainable levels.

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What Is Bitcoin Trading?

Crypto trading is not for the faint-hearted simply because of the volatility involved, however with a little education and practice, you can make some serious profits. As much as the price can spike up, it can suddenly spike down and, depending on your position, cause you to lose money. If you are leveraged at 500:1 you can make vast profits, however you have to always safeguard a prospective losing position with a stop loss.

In order to buy or sell Bitcoin, you need a broker. They are the middlemen between you and your Bitcoin. The brokers allow you to enter in your payment information and to set up an order to buy or sell Bitcoin.

5 Easy Steps to Bitcoin Trading Success

  1. First set up an account with a trusted broker like Bitcoin Prime.
  2. Fill in the necessary information to start trading.
  3. Fund your account depending on the deposit amounts required to trade.
  4. Learn and explore the trading platform. The more you know, the better you will trade.
  5. Always trade with a strategy and never with ‘scared money’. Always only trade with approximately 1-10% of your deposit.

Crypto Trading Strategies

stock-market-6287711_640You don’t just trade any blip on the charts, you have to have patience, discipline and most importantly a strategy. Consistent traders who win, take out the emotion of trading and only utilise technique. One must also remember that the market is fluid, it can change at any moment due to news or other correlated market movements.

Educate yourself on price action, as well as Japanese candlesticks, resistance and support levels. You must be able to see if a chart is in an upward trend, downward trend or going sideways, utilising long-term charts then moving to shorter timeframes.

Over time, indicators can be useful, and you must choose the ones that work for you specifically. Overloading your chart with indicators is counterproductive, all you need is a few, maybe a moving average, RSI (Relative Strength Index) or MACD (Moving average convergence divergence). Always pay attention to the volume data as well as rising volume usually signals a big move forthcoming.

First try out your strategies on a practice account before putting real money down, and once you are making consistent profits, think about putting real money trades down. What you will generally find is that real money trades psychologically are way more potent than trading on a practice account. Timing is definitely key, and this is where patience comes in to the equation. Rushing in to a trade without a strategy or plan is tantamount to gambling.

Who Should Consider Bitcoin Investing?

Although Bitcoin is touted as the cryptocurrency of the future and should be considered alongside other cryptocurrencies like Ethereum, Bitcoin is used more and more for day to day purchases. The launch of Amazon gift cards accepted by Bitcoin could prove to be a watershed moment in its history. You can now buy crypto like Bitcoin on PayPal making it even more accessible to everyone.

The future of cryptocurrency is undeniably bright. That said, Bitcoin and other Cryptocurrencies are the future and for better or worse, it is here to stay. Even as most governments struggle to regulate them, this is one of the only true, free market cryptocurrencies on the planet, which makes it incredibly attractive to certain people.

Beyond Satire VII

Jack Horder
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Beyond Satire VII

Once again, we find ourselves within the realm of news stories deemed as Beyond Satire. Please scroll further down to see the latest curated episode.

Moment furious horse riders say they were left ‘terrified’ after van driver beeped at them as he drove by on narrow country lane

Equestrian

This Beyond Satire article was actually presented as a valid news article on the Daily Mail. How desperate for stories can any news organisation be to post such mundane, useless dreck as this one? It’s almost akin to writing a headline about an old granny dropping her keys before opening the front door. Unfortunately, this is the level of news worthiness that is available these days, which undermines journalism to the point of ludicrous ridicule.

A horse rider has accused a driver of beeping his horn when he saw them riding on a narrow country lane.

Katherine Cooksley, 27, was out on her horse Garnet, who is eight years old, with her riding partner Leigh Morris who was riding 18-year-old horse Rohan.

The driver was called a ‘fucking idiot’ as he drove past after beeping his horn at them outside Reading on Saturday afternoon.

 

Influencer Who Sold Her Farts For $50,000 Per Week Retires After Heart Attack Scare

Cute Woman Farting With Blank Balloon Out From Her Bottom VectorFirst of all, who are the sick fucks paying for this woman’s farts? Secondly, this is so Beyond Satire, it positively stinks! Stephanie Matto, 31, blew away people on social media when she recently announced that she makes more than $50,000 a week selling her farts.

But after making $200,000 in sales, the influencer has announced her retirement when she passed one too many and got the wind knocked out of her, Jam Press reported.

Matto was rushed to a hospital with chest pains she feared were symptoms of a heart attack, according to the outlet.

After undergoing a battery of tests, including blood work and an EKG, Matto was told that her pain was the result of her steady diet of gas-inducing beans and eggs.

 

Best Country for Expats: Taiwan

CHINESE ARMY PLA
Chinese PLA troops preparing to attack

According to this poll reported by the Express, Taiwan is the best country for British expats to live. What they do not mention at all in the article is how the tiny island of Taiwan is overshadowed by China, who have set their sites on invading very soon. Quality of life may be pretty good on the overcrowded island of Taiwan, but when the Chinese army comes blustering through your golf course shooting everyone in sight, you will curse yourself for ever reading and believing this misleading article.

 

Ivy League Swim Meet Has Surprises: Penn Swimmer Transitioning to a Girl Gets Beat by Yale Swimmer Transitioning to a Guy

pregnant manEveryone is forced these days to support trans people and issues, however a university swimming competition seems to have delved into the world of satire beyondness with their overzealous inclusive progressivity. Let’s get this right, er…a male swimmer transitioning to be a girl was beaten during the swimming competition by a female swimmer transitioning to be a man.

Transgender University of Pennsylvania swimmer Lia Thomas was crushed twice in a women’s swim meet by another transgender competitor who is transitioning from female to male – first in the 100-yard freestyle, where she placed fifth, and then again in the 400-yard freestyle relay.

 

We leave this episode of Beyond Satire with a truly harrowing Christmas tale that exemplifies the times we are living in right now. Poor Santa…

Be sure to check out more Beyond Satire episodes here

After Tony Blair Knighthood Queen to Posthumously Knight Pol Pot

Jack Horder
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0
After Tony Blair Knighthood Queen to Posthumously Knight Pol Pot

Compared to Tony Blair, Pol Pot was quite a decent fellow, and will thus recieve a knighthood posthumously by the Queen on Wednesday.

Speaking from Buckingham Palace, royal historian, Lord Jenkem Menzies was adamant that the Queen was not going bonkers in her old age.

The Killing Fields

“The death toll in Cambodia under Khmer Rouge leader Pol Pot was most likely between 1.2 million and 2.8 million — or between 13 percent and 30 percent of the country’s population at the time. The death toll attributed to Tony Blair in Iraq/Afghanistan/Syria/Yemen/Libya since 2003 is staggering. In Iraq alone, an estimated 2.4 million deaths are attributed to Blair, however this is not factoring Syria or Afghanistan where over 1.7 million deaths are attributed. Obviously, Tony Blair’s project had the advantage of modern weaponry, whereas Pol Pot was limited somewhat in mass killing methods.”

There has been some resistance to the knighting of Tony Blair, however Pol Pot gives some perspective to the level of death and chaos that was created as justification for a knighthood.

 

 

It’s Okay to Vandalise and Destroy Historical Statues if They Annoy You

Jack Horder
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0
It’s Okay to Vandalise and Destroy Historical Statues if They Annoy You

Statues, historical buildings, artefacts, museum pieces, priceless remnants, these can all be destroyed legally in the UK simply because of anyone’s perception of their historical moral value according to the person’s political or belief system. The judgement that the vandals who desecrated and destroyed a statue of a historical figure from the past should be let off without a single charge means that not only are some judges in the UK severely deranged, but the legal system is skewed, as well as politically motivated.

The Taliban and ISIS acted in the same way when they destroyed priceless statues and artefacts from thousands of years ago. The vile scum who desecrated the statue of Edward Colston are only acting in the same manner as the Taliban and ISIS. The effete judge in the court case and politicized jury who let these fuckwit vandals off obviously cannot see the resemblance.

Britain must free its legal system completely from the clutches of the EU as well as the woke virtue signalling untermensch.

Boris Bangs Opposition Totty in Chambers

Jack Horder
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Boris Bangs Opposition Totty in Chambers

Good on Boris, he’s moved on from the controlling fiend Carrie already. This time, a brief flirtation with the Opposition in Parliament with Ms Rayner who was dangling her long legs over the Commons benches with provocative yearning during PMQs.

During the PMQs version of Blind Date, as blushes were served on each side of the bench, many were expecting to hear the voice of Cilla Black urging Angela to make her decision sharpish.

There’s something deeply grimy and down to earth when the posh fuck the lower classes, it’s a naughty but nice indulgence, almost a forbidden Lady Chatterley delight, especially because the congregation is frowned upon by both sides of the political bench with such historical vehemence.

One can distantly imagine, with squinted eyes, Boris harrumping away to the delighted squeals of Rayner as her common as shite accent yelps potty mouthed affirmations with every Borisian thrust. The grand finale ending with the triumphant exit of Fascinus’ elite Republican guards, sprayed fortuitously over Rayner’s eagerly accepting face and flaming Marxist hair. Britain’s class system however remains intact as after the sordid deed comes to fruition there is only a deep silence.

Nothing has changed, and it probably never will.

 

 

Jews Step In: Why It’s Over For J.K. Rowling

Jack Horder
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Jews Step In: Why It’s Over For J.K. Rowling

This is a very dangerous subject, and we cannot say much here, however when the Jews step in to a subject and perceive it as anti-Semitic, then the game is over for that person, however famous they are. Unfortunately, Rowling has now brought upon the wrath of celebrity Jews like the much revered Jon Stewart, who labels himself as a comedian. Why Jon Stewart did not say anything 11 years ago when the film Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone was released is possibly because there was no witch hunt for Rowling then. Things have obviously changed, as the poor author has now been hounded out of her own projects, and treated like a pariah simply for having her own opinion about the transgender topic. These days, having an opinion about anything that is contrary to the given echo chamber agenda is a truly dangerous business.

Jews may only make 15.2 million of the global population, but their voice and influence resonates with a particular strength that cannot be ignored. J.K. Rowling is possibly the Goyim who bit off more than she can chew, and will now be put back in her place. Would Larry David be bothered by this shit? Probably not, it takes a lot more than a few fucking goblins to bother Larry, maybe a semen covered blanket at a laundrette attended by a busty gezinta who is gagging for it would pique his interest levels, but Goblins? Nah!

The question is now, what will happen to the Harry Potter movies since the author has been pilloried on so many levels? Which other group will be wheeled out to label her work or words as offensive? The saddest part of this whole affair is that Rowling works with past cultures/lore in Medieval periods mixed with other modern periods, but many Americans do not really understand history because they have little understanding of other periods. What is the root of the word ‘jeweller’? No one would dare ask that question. The Jews had a terrible time in Middle Ages Europe, in fact one could extend the terrible times right up to ww2, and it was only post-war that things got better for the Jewish diaspora in Europe and the rest of the world. Are we even allowed to discuss these things anymore? There are so many questions that need to be answered, but we dare not ask them. Why not cancel everything now? Cancel everything before anyone is remotely offended by anything. However, is not being offended part of the human condition? Can we not be offended and leave things as they are because offense is a form of feeling, a form of narrative? Some literary forms revel on offense and push it at every opportunity. This is not allowed today, because offense is now a root to cancellation, as dear old J.K. Rowling is finding out for herself. One could presume the Harry Potter author did not actively try to be offensive, but was caught on the wrong foot, but her opinion is her opinion therefore it should be respected, but freedom of expression and opinion is not respected these days, therefore she has been cancelled.

What does Watto have to say about all of this?

China Virus: Sri Lanka Out of Money, Turkey Inflation Nightmare, Pakistan Bankrupt

Jack Horder
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0
China Virus: Sri Lanka Out of Money, Turkey Inflation Nightmare, Pakistan Bankrupt

We can be sure that China is watching with their hands clasped, smiling eagerly as another developing nation’s economy falls to the China Virus Covid-19.

“There is no money left,” is the desperate call from a Covid ravaged nation which is now on the verge of complete bankruptcy. With little or no tourism due to Covid, Sri Lanka’s coffers are now dry, and inflation is way over 12%. To make things worse, Sri Lanka owes China $5 billion in debt, even adding $1 billion debt last year. How will Sri Lanka repay $7.3 billion in foreign loans within the next few months, as well as a $500 million debt payment in January? President Gotabaya Rajapaksa is a man who is watching his country fall well below the poverty line with a predator nation, China, waiting to strike.

Meanwhile, Turkey’s 115% inflationary nightmare continues. The latest set back is the vast increase in energy costs, which hit every part of the faltering economy. The country’s coal-fired electricity system is under fire as coal prices rocket, thus being passed on to a 125% increase in electricity costs. President Erdogan seems to be blind to the economic danger the country is in, as the country is running out of foreign reserve currency and will soon not be able to intervene in the global Forex market. Turkey depends on imports of energy like gas and coal, therefore this will heavily impact on the economy and general households. Erdogan has ordered that interest rates are reduced despite hyperinflationary levels in the Lira currency, as opposed to increasing interest rates to bolster inflation.

World Bank figures show the debt burden of more than 70 low-income nations have increased by a record 12% to $860bn (£630bn) in 2020. The Covid avalanche of debt will continue for some time and many developing and third world nations will default within the next year, much to the pleasure of China, which has orchestrated much of this economical Covid-related malaise.

The China Virus, Covid was the first salvo in the war against the globe. The second wave was a planned global inflationary economic attack where many nations, including Western developed ones, would suffer. Scarcity of raw materials, and disrupted supply lines, would cause major bottlenecks within the globalised distribution system.

News from Pakistan’s former chief of Pakistan’s tax agency, Shabbar Zaidi reveals a telling story on the state of the country’s economy — it is already bankrupt.

In China, they have been preparing for this global economic destruction by hoarding wheat and maize. China has been hoarding over half of the globe’s grain reserves since last year. The CCP even urged their citizens in 2021 to start hoarding food reserves of their own in preparation of what was to come. Not only have the massive grain imports ramped up global prices, but they have caused shortages and famine in many other nations who do not have the buying power of China. According to data from the U.S. Department of Agriculture, China is projected to have 60 percent of the world’s rice reserves, 69 percent of maize, and 51 percent of wheat by the first half of the 2022 crop year.

As the US Fed starts to taper the quantitive easing program, there will be less liquidity in the markets. Wall Street will drop, and to compound this, hyperinflation will increase, interest rates will increase to unprecedented levels causing a negative ripple effect in the US economy. From 2013, it was estimated that the US had unrealised debt liabilities of $70 trillion. We are now in the year 2022, and it can be assumed the debt liabilities are over $200 trillion.

Global nations are now seeing Chinese attacks, not only through viral strains, but economically, and the year 2022 will see many global nations falter either to bankruptcy or viral death, or both. The CCP can only congratulate themselves on a fortuitous outcome to the China Virus that has meted extreme pain and misery on other nations, whilst they as a nation have only profited and gained from each move.

China is exercising the Great Leap Forward on a Global Level which aims to starve the rest of the globe.

“If You Can’t Hear the Drums of War You Must Be Deaf”

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