Beyond Satire VII

LONDON - England - Welcome to our next episode of Beyond Satire. We have carefully curated a coterie of news articles for your brief amusement.

beyond satire

Once again, we find ourselves within the realm of news stories deemed as Beyond Satire. Please scroll further down to see the latest curated episode.

Moment furious horse riders say they were left ‘terrified’ after van driver beeped at them as he drove by on narrow country lane

Equestrian

This Beyond Satire article was actually presented as a valid news article on the Daily Mail. How desperate for stories can any news organisation be to post such mundane, useless dreck as this one? It’s almost akin to writing a headline about an old granny dropping her keys before opening the front door. Unfortunately, this is the level of news worthiness that is available these days, which undermines journalism to the point of ludicrous ridicule.

A horse rider has accused a driver of beeping his horn when he saw them riding on a narrow country lane.

Katherine Cooksley, 27, was out on her horse Garnet, who is eight years old, with her riding partner Leigh Morris who was riding 18-year-old horse Rohan.

The driver was called a ‘fucking idiot’ as he drove past after beeping his horn at them outside Reading on Saturday afternoon.

 

Influencer Who Sold Her Farts For $50,000 Per Week Retires After Heart Attack Scare

Cute Woman Farting With Blank Balloon Out From Her Bottom VectorFirst of all, who are the sick fucks paying for this woman’s farts? Secondly, this is so Beyond Satire, it positively stinks! Stephanie Matto, 31, blew away people on social media when she recently announced that she makes more than $50,000 a week selling her farts.

But after making $200,000 in sales, the influencer has announced her retirement when she passed one too many and got the wind knocked out of her, Jam Press reported.

Matto was rushed to a hospital with chest pains she feared were symptoms of a heart attack, according to the outlet.

After undergoing a battery of tests, including blood work and an EKG, Matto was told that her pain was the result of her steady diet of gas-inducing beans and eggs.

 

Best Country for Expats: Taiwan

CHINESE ARMY PLA
Chinese PLA troops preparing to attack

According to this poll reported by the Express, Taiwan is the best country for British expats to live. What they do not mention at all in the article is how the tiny island of Taiwan is overshadowed by China, who have set their sites on invading very soon. Quality of life may be pretty good on the overcrowded island of Taiwan, but when the Chinese army comes blustering through your golf course shooting everyone in sight, you will curse yourself for ever reading and believing this misleading article.

 

Ivy League Swim Meet Has Surprises: Penn Swimmer Transitioning to a Girl Gets Beat by Yale Swimmer Transitioning to a Guy

pregnant manEveryone is forced these days to support trans people and issues, however a university swimming competition seems to have delved into the world of satire beyondness with their overzealous inclusive progressivity. Let’s get this right, er…a male swimmer transitioning to be a girl was beaten during the swimming competition by a female swimmer transitioning to be a man.

Transgender University of Pennsylvania swimmer Lia Thomas was crushed twice in a women’s swim meet by another transgender competitor who is transitioning from female to male – first in the 100-yard freestyle, where she placed fifth, and then again in the 400-yard freestyle relay.

 

We leave this episode of Beyond Satire with a truly harrowing Christmas tale that exemplifies the times we are living in right now. Poor Santa…

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