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Iranian Spy Omid Scobie On Mission to Destroy Royal Family

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Iranian Spy Omid Scobie On Mission to Destroy Royal Family

Meghan Markle’s attack dog, and Iranian spy Omid Scobie is on a clandestine overt mission to completely destroy the British royal family with tittle-tattle.

It is no news that the Iranian regime views the UK as Satan 0.2 after the USA as Satan 0.1. Meghan Markle also views the UK in the same way and has vowed never to set foot on the land ever again.

“I receive my orders through a carrier pigeon sent from Montecito, California via Tehran. Yes, it can take months for a single message, but such are the vagaries of being an Iranian spy living in the UK undercover,” Scobie revealed by accident yesterday to the BBC.

If all things go well for the Iranian spy, the Windsors will be inundated with disinformation, fake news and all sorts of nasty rumours to rattle the Palace courtiers and King for months and decades going on.

“It’s like having a constant barrage of slime being slung at you by a nasty gibbering vindictive monkey on a constant basis. What a fucking cunt this Omid is,” a courtier revealed anonymously.

Who is Omid Scobie? No one really knows who the plastic–surgeoned vindictive fictile freak really is? According to his Wikipedia page, he lives in Wales with his dog, but that’s about it. Whatever the consequences of his violent verbal slanderous attacks on the royal family, this slimy parasite needs a visit from James Bond.

Women Should be Allowed to Masturbate on Beaches if they Want

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Women Should be Allowed to Masturbate on Beaches if they Want

The horrific level of policing in America is a terrible blight on women who innocently want to masturbate on beaches. If women want to have orgasms, they should be allowed to do so without arrest. Shouldn’t the police in Georgia be pursuing real criminals instead of innocent women simply gratifying a natural human need? Women should be allowed to masturbate wherever they fucking well want to.

“Women having orgasms is a beautiful thing, and I wish more would do it in public. This world would be a better place if women showed off their orgasm powers more. I mean, it’s a beautiful thing when they get all flushed and start those little noises,” someone in favour of women masturbating in public revealed.

Christina Revels-Glick, who was 34 at the time, was approached by cops after families reported her salacious behaviour on Tybee Island beach on July 1, 2021.

Bodycam footage from the officers who arrested her was released this week, showing her breaking down as she was handcuffed and marched away from the sand.

Christina explained that she just slipped in her vibrator to have a quick orgasm because she felt like it.

As for the prudes who reported Christina for having a little fun, those people are the reason this world is in the sorry state it is.

We want to praise Christina Revels-Glick for her bravery in pursuing freedom to orgasm and if she is ever in London, England she can find sanctuary in our orgasmic offices where anything goes. Here’s to human freedom and the right for women to be allowed to masturbate in public.

Scientists to Engineer Birth of Trans Babies

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Scientists to Engineer Birth of Trans Babies

With so many people who think they can change universal biology fact with thought, the scientists in a Chinese laboratory are engineering transexual babies for trendy parents who are willing to pay. The birth of trans babies will be the norm in a decade and will fuel a multi-billion industry.

Professor Xiu Idaiyut from Shanghai University of Medicine is heading the medical team of researchers and scientists to engineer the first transgender babies.

“Men have an X and Y chromosome and women have two X chromosomes, but what we are engineering is a baby who is either male or female but is born with the characteristics of the opposite sex. For example, a baby born as a female with two X chromosomes and all the female genitalia and bone structure will be born with a huge prosthetic penis and a large handlebar moustache which we will put on the baby inside the womb. The foetus will be pumped full of testosterone so when it is born it will have a voice that Barry White would shudder at. When the girl is born, to please the trendy parents, we will register the baby as a boy.

“Consequently, if the parents want their baby to be female, the male baby will be pumped with large volumes of oestrogen in the womb so it grows breasts that would make Dolly Parton blush. As soon as the male baby pops out of the mother, we put a blonde wig on the male baby and call it a girl. We immediately cover up the penis with a pink wrap and give it to the mentally ill parents.”

Waiting list for birth of trans babies

The cost of the procedure is $500,000 per baby, and already there is a waiting list of five years for the trans baby surgery. Interest for the procedure is mainly from the USA.

“Our clients are mostly from California, New York, and funnily enough Portland, Oregon. They are willing to pay top dollar for a freshly served trans baby,” the program’s spokesman revealed.

Christmas is Coming Sooner For Some

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Christmas is Coming Sooner For Some

Yay! It’s going to be Christmas soon, what a wonderful time of the year what with all that food and the gifts for everyone. The thing is, for some, Christmas is nearly every day. Yep, we’re talking about those ‘young people’ again, as we cannot mention the specific continent they are linked to or the colour of their skin. They are only known as ‘young people’ on news reports, where the hundreds of thousands of daily news reports by seasoned journalists record their wonderful actions.

It’s Christmas, Everything is free! Yay!!!!

For example: California state law holds that stealing merchandise worth $950 or less is just a misdemeanour, which means that law enforcement probably won’t bother to investigate, and if they do, prosecutors will let it go.

Who needs to work for a living when you can literally walk into any store you want and take as much stuff as you want and simply walk out of the store untouched?

This is how it is in places like California, Chicago, Atlanta and now many cities in the UK where shoplifting has become normalised to such a level that it is not even reported any more by the mainstream networks.

Christmas can really come every day, and for many this is truly a wonderful time to be alive.

Fill your sacks and trolleys and walk out of that store without paying a single penny. For other people though, not of the ‘young people’ persuasion, sorry, but you have to pay. Tough luck. Merry fucking Christmas.

Beyond Satire: “Man Threatening to Kill Himself With Gun is Shot Dead by Police”

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Beyond Satire: “Man Threatening to Kill Himself With Gun is Shot Dead by Police”

Another beyond satire moment. Poor bastard got his wish, one way or another. A man has died after armed police shot him at his home in Dagenham.

The Metropolitan Police said officers were called to an address in Weston Green shortly before 8pm on Thursday by a man who said he planned to take his own life. The man, believed to be aged 40, also told police he had loaded firearms.

Police contacted a specialist negotiator and continued efforts to engage with the man before shots were fired by officers just before 9pm.

Despite the efforts of rescue services at the scene, the man was pronounced dead at 9.30pm. End of beyond satire moment.

Autumn Statement: Is it too Late For Tories?

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Autumn Statement: Is it too Late For Tories?

For many voters their minds have already been made up, however the Chancellor’s Autumn Statement and budget may sway those who only think of short term things regarding monetary bribes by the Tories. Yes, there has been some recent movement away from socialism for the Tories, but one can only think it is a little too late and not a sizeable move away from their core socialist values.

Huge Stealth Tax Increases

To give with one hand yet take away with another is a tried and true technique successive governments have employed, and this time the Chancellor did not disappoint. The UK according to the OBR still has the highest tax burden since 1948.

Dividend income is attacked in two ways, first through the extra 1.25% charge on dividends (left over from the Health and Social Care Levy – otherwise withdrawn), and second by cutting the tax-free dividend allowance from £2,000 to £1,000 in April 2023 and £500 in April 2024.

The freezing of income tax personal allowances until April 2028, and the reduction of the additional rate threshold from £150K to £125,140 means a lot of clients will be paying more income tax!

The government will also reap huge revenue from the hated Inheritance Tax. HMRC’s latest update show that £4.6bn was collected through the first seven months of the 2023/24 financial year (April to October). This is a 12% increase on the £4.1bn collected in the first seven months of 2022.

Council tax increases are also going to rise at an exponential level to make up for the shortfall from central government funding as well as the huge increase in immigration.

The immense level of tax taken from cash cow road users will also not be alleviated in any way. Every time you fill up your car/van/lorry, 85% of that money goes straight to the government in fuel duty.

Electioneering

Bribing the fickle electorate by lowering taxation momentarily is the deal here, and is all part of the electioneering process. The coming May 2024 General Election will be another exercise in false promises and temporary tax decreases to placate the low-information voters. The Tories, led by the unelected Rishi Sunak and unelected Jeremy Hunt, will no doubt turn the tables on the suckered voters if they win again.

Interest Rates Will Not Drop

The key observation to take from this is that Net Zero is one of the main causes of high inflation. This is why taxes will have to stay high along with interest rates simply because of the Net Zero program, which will impoverish and eviscerate many businesses and the general population within the economy.

Government borrowing is also at an all-time high level, and the Tory government have spent and spent almost as much as Labour spent during their awful tenure.

Same Old Lies

Pulling the wool over people’s eyes is always the case coming up to any election, and giving people false hope that things will change for the better is another tool for the Tories to use against the people.

As in all election cycles the lies will come thick from all sides, and whoever wins is inconsequential because the entire system is run by the same people behind the scenes irrespective of what ever political party is in charge at any given time.

With ONS figures showing legal net migration of 745,000 in December 2022, and 645,000 in June 2023 primarily from India/Nigeria under the Tories which will put immense strain on all public services and cause the NHS to buckle, taking back UK’s borders seems to be a joke that seals the fate of the Tories. The sizes of two cities like Birmingham given the okay to enter the UK.

10 Advantages of Hiring Mercenaries in Military Operations

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10 Advantages of Hiring Mercenaries in Military Operations

Say you want to overthrow a small African nation for profit and mining resources for your wealthy clients, well this is where hiring mercenaries can become useful. Mark Thatcher knows about that stuff. Coup d’états can be complicated affairs where many factions can be involved, therefore if you want to take over with ease and covert effectiveness, it pays to bring in seasoned mercenaries for those military operations.

Mercenaries have had a colourful history throughout the centuries. King Henry II hired foreign mercenaries to quash a domestic rebellion in the 12th century. The Italian ‘condottieri’ famously served various papal states in wars throughout the late Middle Ages. King George III hired German “Hessian” mercenaries to fight against the rebels in the American Revolution. Blackwater served the United States in its Iraq invasion. The Wagner Group has served in places like Africa, Syria and Ukraine only to have their leader dispatched by Putin when he became too big for his own shoes.

mercenaries

10 Advantages of Hiring Mercenaries in Military Operations

1. Cost-effectiveness: Mercenaries can be a more financially viable option compared to maintaining standing national armies, as they are typically hired for specific missions, saving costs on long-term military infrastructure

2. Specialized Skills and Expertise: Mercenaries often possess specialized military skills and experience that can be tailored to meet specific conflict situations, offering a high level of expertise in various combat scenarios.

3. Flexibility and Adaptability: They can swiftly adapt to changing situations and needs, being more flexible in their approach compared to traditional military forces, which may have rigid structures and protocols.

4. Reduced Political Ramifications: Mercenaries operating in foreign conflicts might be less politically sensitive, as they may not have allegiance to the conflicting parties, potentially reducing diplomatic repercussions.

5. Capability for Unpopular Tasks: Due to their detachment from local affiliations, mercenaries might be more willing to undertake controversial or unpopular missions that regular troops might be hesitant to carry out.

6. Quick Deployment: Mercenaries can be deployed rapidly, since they are not subject to the same bureaucratic processes and regulations that national armies often face.

7. Supplementary Support: They can supplement existing military forces during times of crisis or shortages, providing additional manpower and resources when needed.

8. Neutral Arbitration: Mercenaries, being detached from local politics and affiliations, might serve as neutral arbiters in conflicts, potentially aiding in peacekeeping and resolution efforts.

9. Training and Capacity Building: Some mercenary groups offer training programs to local forces, assisting in building and enhancing the capabilities of indigenous armies, as seen in instances like DynCorp training the Croatian military.

10. Operational Autonomy: Mercenaries often operate with a degree of autonomy, allowing for swift decision-making and agility in tactical situations without being bound by the bureaucracy or chain of command of regular military structures.

Mercenary Jobs | Private Security Jobs

BLACK FRIDAY DAILY SQUIB SALE!

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BLACK FRIDAY DAILY SQUIB SALE!

Yes consumers, it’s that Black Friday comin’ up again. Black Friday, Yellow Tuesday, Green Saturday and White Sunday, whatever the day or the fuckin’ colour, Black Friday is the one people really need. Now here’s the deal, the Daily Squib book, something that has information in it that will either make you laugh or cry is now only £9.99 or £9.95 reduced from £17.95. Like kick me in the gonads and ruffle my hair, can you hear the gasps of sheer delight as those Xmas present ideas flutter through your oversubscribed consumerist brain? It is a unique gift, sure it is, and it has all the hallmarks of making someone feel special when they receive a hard physical copy of the book to hold and smell in your shaky hand. Smelling a newly printed book is great too, the Daily Squib book, if it were a ‘scratch ‘n’ sniff’ would not smell like shit as many would presume it to do but possibly have the nasal palate of a sardine champagne infused fart expelled from the anus of an outstanding citizen at great speed. But please don’t let that whet your appetite further than it already has meandered violently, the book just wanted to exist in physical form, and it took a lot of engineering to do so, even in a terrible gale of cancel culture shenanigans and all that Stasi baloney. Like, just the sheer guts of the publisher, Curtis Press to publish the Daily Squib Anthology took balls of steel. Subsequently, as a publisher, Curtis Press come highly recommended simply because of their dedication to quality, uniqueness, gung-ho daring attitude and non-wokeness. You gotta hand it to the team, but listen, if you have miraculously read up to this precipitous point, congratulate yourself for your fortitude and sheer time-wasting yawn inducing positivity. Yes, you want this unique ancient modern satirical book either for your own bookshelf or as a gift to someone who really inspires you to commit Hara Kiri.

UPDATE 2025: THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY IS NOW DOWN TO ONLY A FEW REMAINING COPIES IN PRINT. YOU CAN PURCHASE ONE OF THE LAST SIGNED COPIES HERE.

From Penny Slots to High Stakes: Navigating Slot Site Betting Ranges

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From Penny Slots to High Stakes: Navigating Slot Site Betting Ranges

The world of online slots offers a vast spectrum of betting options, catering to every type of gambler – from those who prefer the cautious approach of penny slots to high rollers seeking high-stakes action. Navigating through these betting ranges is crucial for an enjoyable and responsible online gaming experience.

This article explores the diverse betting ranges available in online slots and how platforms like Hideous Slots can guide players in making choices that suit their individual preferences and budget.

Penny Slots: A Gateway for Beginners and Budget Players

Penny slots are the cornerstone of budget-friendly gambling. These slots allow bets as low
as one penny per line, making them an ideal starting point for beginners or those looking to enjoy extended playtime without risking significant amounts of money. Despite the low
stakes, penny slots can still offer substantial payouts and bonus features, making them a
popular choice among a wide range of players.

Mid-Range Slots: Balancing Risk and Reward

For players looking for a middle ground, mid-range slots offer a perfect balance between risk and potential rewards. These slots typically have higher minimum bets than penny slots, but are still accessible to players with modest budgets. They often come with more sophisticated features and higher payout percentages, providing a more engaging experience for players looking to up the ante without venturing into high-stake territory.

High-Stakes Slots: The Thrill of Big Bets

High-stakes slots are designed for players who are comfortable risking large amounts of money for the chance of equally large wins. These slots often have higher minimum and
maximum bet limits and are frequented by high rollers. While the risks are greater, these
games often come with the allure of massive jackpots and premium gaming experiences.

Progressive Jackpot Slots: Betting for the Big Win

Progressive jackpot slots deserve a special mention as they offer a unique betting
experience. While these slots can often be played for a range of stakes, the chance to win
life-changing jackpots adds an extra layer of excitement. The jackpot increases with every
bet made, leading to potential payouts in the millions.

Understanding Slot Volatility and Its Impact on Bets

Slot volatility is a critical factor to consider when navigating betting ranges. Low volatility
slots typically offer smaller, more frequent wins, suitable for lower betting ranges. In contrast, high volatility slots, often preferred by high-stake players, offer larger but less frequent payouts.

Strategies for Choosing the Right Betting Range

Choosing the right betting range in online slots is essential for a tailored gaming experience. Players should consider their budget, gaming objectives, and risk tolerance.

Setting a budget before playing can help in selecting slot games that align with financial limits, preventing overspending. For those seeking excitement, higher-stake slots might be appealing, while players focused on leisure may prefer lower stakes for extended playtime.

Variety of Themes Within Different Betting Ranges

Online slots offer a plethora of themes and styles across various betting ranges. Penny slots
often feature fun and light-hearted themes, while higher-stake slots might have more
sophisticated, immersive themes. This variety ensures that regardless of the betting range,
players can enjoy a diverse gaming experience that aligns with their interests and
preferences.

Impact of Betting Ranges on Gameplay Mechanics

The betting range can also impact the gameplay mechanics. For instance, some high-stake
slots may unlock additional bonus features or offer improved odds with higher bets.
Understanding how bet size affects gameplay can guide players in choosing slots that not
only fit their budget but also their desire for specific game features and mechanics.

The Role of Betting Ranges in Jackpot Slots

In jackpot slots, the relationship between betting range and the chance of hitting the jackpot can vary. Some progressive jackpot slots require a maximum bet for a chance at the jackpot, while others offer a proportional chance regardless of the bet size. Players interested in jackpot slots should understand these nuances to choose games that match their betting preferences.

The Advantages of Flexible Betting Options

Slots with flexible betting options cater to a wider audience, allowing players to adjust their
bet size based on their current situation. This flexibility is particularly advantageous for
players who wish to start with small bets and gradually increase their stake as they become
more comfortable with the game.

Hideous Slots: Guiding Players Through Betting Options

Hideous Slots provides valuable assistance in navigating the myriad of betting options in
online slots. With comprehensive reviews and insights into various slots, including
information on minimum and maximum bets, jackpot conditions, and bonus features,
Hideous Slots helps players make informed decisions. Their guidance is particularly
beneficial for players seeking to explore slots within specific betting ranges while ensuring an enjoyable and responsible gaming experience.

The diverse betting ranges available in online slots cater to players with different budgets,
risk appetites, and gaming styles. From penny slots to high-stake games, the variety ensures that every player can find something to enjoy. Understanding the impact of betting ranges on gameplay and jackpots is crucial for a satisfying experience. Resources like Hideous Slots are invaluable in this regard, offering expert guidance and recommendations to navigate the exciting world of online slots across various betting spectrums.

Fishy Rishi During Covid Pandemic: “Just Let People Die!”

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Fishy Rishi During Covid Pandemic: “Just Let People Die!”

Who knew it, Fishy Rishi is definitely not a people person, as the Covid Enquiry has revealed that he urged the government to “just let people die”. While Sunak was the Chancellor of Boris’ government, that was pretty much his sentiment, and many voters will now take those words to the polling office when the General Election comes.

The then PM, Boris Johnson’s chief adviser until November 2020, Dominic Cummings, told the October 25 Covid enquiry: “Rishi thinks just let people die and that’s OK.”

Naturally, Number 10 have refused to acknowledge if Rishi Sunak said such a thing.

At least when the next pandemic comes along, we will know what to expect.

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