“I had to stab Boris in the back because otherwise I would not have had a chance to become prime minister and take over from him. I am actually proud of the way I, Fishy Rishi stabbed my so-called friend in the back. Also, I am very proud of how I have improved the Tory Party by increasing illegal immigration, increasing poverty by increasing interest rates and taxes. If we don’t win the next election I will slap more oil into my greasy hair, I mean we have done so much to bring misery to voters, it’s a foregone conclusion that I will win the election, so I can continue to not only kill the Tory Party but this horrible anti-Indian country as well. They call me Fishy Rishi possibly because I smell of rotten fish and am a dodgy character making millions on the financial scene from insider knowledge in the government, allegedly.
“On the subject of Boris Johnson, what’s he doing now? He’s probably impregnating some slapper somewhere and writing for the Daily Mail in his pathetic column. I did the right thing and had to stab Boris in the back, I mean he cheated and attended those parties with me, which I egged him on to do. I then got the pictures published. Call me Fishy Rishi to my greasy face, though, and I might just sweat some oil into your fucking eyes, you white bastards.
“Of course, I never mention things like the massacre of 420 British men, women and children civilians by Indians at the Siege of Cawnpore in 1857. It was known as the Bibighar massacre, but thankfully the stupid British forgot that one. I’m playing these fools like a real Fishy Rishi. Haha! *Puts more oil in his hair* Yes, I use Indian cooking oil otherwise known as Ghee. It is great for that real slick Fishy Rishi look. I am a slick operator, and no one can catch me.
“What Brexit? Haha! You fucking idiotic jingoistic so-called patriotic Brits? I am ruining the Brexit that never was, and when I win the election, no one will ever mention that word again. Our plan is to rejoin the EU within a year of being elected, even though I was never elected in the first place as PM, and am basically a shoo-in. The peasants of this country are even worse than the ones back home. I am dedicated to making the lives of poor people even worse, and this is why I’m actually backing Sadiq Khan’s ULEZ scheme because we want to introduce a pay-per-mile scheme after I am elected. Cross-party politics is okay when it comes to ripping off the British people. India has gone to the moon, where has tin pot Britain gone to? Fucking scum.”