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Missing Plane: Time to Plan Your Summer Holidays

 

 

Now is the time to plan your summer holiday flights, but please don’t worry that your plane can disappear off the face of the earth without a trace.

Try to put that thought to the the back of your mind that a 777 airliner can be suddenly swallowed up by an unknown source, and become a missing plane statistic in a few seconds.

“I’ve booked my summer hols in the knowledge that our plane can disappear off the face of the earth without so much as a blip on a radar screen or a piece of debris. I can’t wait to enjoy the beaches, the restaurants and of course the 5 star hotel accommodations when the plane I’m in disappears,” Jedward Mulroons, from Belfast told ITV news.

Bossy Bitch Wants the Word ‘Bossy’ Banned

A ‘chauvinist pig’ has complained that a bossy bitch wants to ban the word ‘bossy’ from the English language.

“You can’t ban words from the English language for your politically correct feminazi agenda? What’s next from these socialist feminazis?” the man said before being taken away in an unmarked grey van.

Experts: Why Noah Now?

 

“The Christian story of Noah was purloined from the ancient Sumerians 2500 years before the Christian Bible was conceived by multiple writers. Evidence of this can be found in the eleventh tablet of the epic of Gilgamesh. Therefore as in all modern religions, these stories were simply amalgamated from Sumerian, Babylonian, Egyptian and Pagan knowledge into constructed tales for the masses as a form of control and unity in a time of turmoil during the final days of the Roman Empire. Without the constructed religions we have today, there would not be so much division in humanity throughout modern history, and to conquer the masses there must be division, so the herd can be controlled from all sides.

“One must look at Noah as a simple analogy, it just means that the herd must be culled once in awhile. As we are nearing such a time again, our true rulers will finally reveal themselves, and those who survive the cull will enter into a controlled scientific dictatorship from which they will not have any conscience of their past. History will have to be erased henceforth and populations carefully engineered so that the mess of human over population never occurs again as set forth in the Guidestones.

“Throughout history, the so-called churches have been infiltrated by those who profess their allegiance to the true light, and as high office is one element of this control, so will it be written that the set-up has been long awaited. Over the centuries, the masses have ignorantly worshipped their religions blindly and received guidance from their priests, if only they knew who was at the top of the pyramid, their ignorance would be awakened..ah, but even then they would not dare to believe with their open eyes.

“This is why the analogy of Noah is so pertinent in this time and people who go and see the Hollywoodized depiction, may one day understand what is to happen, alas it will be too late for them, as they will succumb to the ancient prophecy that was written thousands of years before the event. Those who are enlightened by the all seeing light will know what to do.

“In essence, one must reach across the universe for the truth about all knowledge, understanding and complete freedom. Those who are caught up in their limited world view, their constructed religions, and their minuscule lives will perish, for it is their greed, their abhorrence to truth, their blind devotion to fiction and their material love that will be their own undoing.

“The true Noah is a myth, a mirage, but there are varying arks and seed vaults today. They are ready now, and all necessary preparations have been made in other matters.”

Feinstein Spying On Herself

 

“I was spying on myself, and I ordered the CIA to get me filed under Dangerous.  They even sent me reports on how I was behaving, what my favourite pizza topping is as well as a comprehensive tape of all my phone calls,” the senator told reporters outside the U.S. House of Representatives.

President of Kenya, Barraco Barner, was not surprised that Dianne Feinstein was spied on by herself, and even requested someone spies on him too.

“Hey I’m the head honcho, if we’re gonna spy on everyone, why should I be left out? I’m glad I’m part of the spying shit that’s going on.”

American Police Cars Sure Have Come a Long Way Since the Twenties

One must ask the question, what are they so afraid of that they are now doing regular police patrols in armoured vehicles fit for battlefields? The truth lies in actions, little niggling things like bulk ammunition purchases, mass surveillance and the constant anti gun rhetoric being pushed down every American’s throat on a daily basis.

The Obama administration may be delving into Stasi territory with their policy of constant surveillance of the population, but putting armoured American police cars on the streets is a sign that these controllers are fearful of their own people.

“We know people are armed, and when we criminalise people for having a gun, we’re going to come and take them from you. In our eyes you will be a terrorist, and even if you spout your amendment constitution bullshit, we’re going to tell you that it has been scrapped, the United States has no need for such libertarian edicts and false laws any more, those days are gone. We see you jay walking son, we’ll just put a few dum dums in the back of your head, see if you can jay walk after that,” Saginaw county police commander, Jerry Krueger, told Fox News.

BBC Puts Asian Comedians in Own Studio

If you go into Studio A today you will see a bunch of British Asian comedians on stage pandering to their racial stereotypes to a brown skinned Asian audience.

If you go into Studio B today you will see a bunch of left wing white English, Irish, Scottish comedians on stage postulating about very limited regional subjects to a white audience.

As for Studio C, D, and E, they all hold segregated comedians from different racial backgrounds too.

Now here at the Squib, we believe in Global International satire, comedy and opinion which has no borders, pigeon holes, or apartheid, more than can be said for the BBC.

 

President of the England Davidro Caberone Has 18 GCSEs

The president of the England Davidro Caberone met up with the other president of England, Barraco Barner today to discuss their GCSEs.

“I’ve got loads of GCSEs that’s why I’m really clevah, innit,” the president said.

Davidro Caberone is so well educated in fact that he likes to show off his GCSE qualifications at every turn.

“I got one in drama, social equalities studies, knitting and even one in lasagne cooking. To say I is clevah is an understatement. As for Barraco Barner, he’s got a GCSE in care studies, and he got an A+ for bull studies, as in the stuff that gets ejected from a bull’s arse, you know the steaming kind.”

Slavery Reparations Could Be Paid to African Royals Who Sold Slaves to Whites

“If it wasn’t for those guys selling us into the Atlantic slave trade, we wouldn’t have our own country right now. This is why we want those Africans who sold their own people, to get the slavery reparations,” the Jamaican foreign minister told an assembled group of reporters.

Slavery has existed for thousands of years and is not singularly the plight of Africans.

Throughout history, many races were slaves.

American Parents Now Counter Suing Their Kids

It seems American society has many pitfalls one of which is the constant threat of litigation.

“To live in a society where you can be sued for pretty much anything, is unbearable to think about for most citizens in Europe and Britain. No wonder 84% of the population of the U.S are under the influence of mind numbing prescription drugs. You gotta be drugged up to the hilt just to get by in this deadly viper’s soup of litigation hell where the lawyers are the only winners,” Lewis Carmaccio, a social commentator for a Texas radio station told his audience.

With a spate of sue happy teenagers taking their American parents to court for infractions such as not getting the latest iPhone or PS4, some parents are fighting back with counter suits.

“My 13-year-old daughter Megan is suing me for $250,000 because I told her to do her homework and when she refused told her that she was not going to the beach on Saturday with her friends. My wife and I are however counter suing for $2.50 because that’s all she can afford. Naturally, she is winning because we gotta pay all the legal fees,” exasperated dad, Dupio Menendez, a retired airline pilot told CNN.

Grandparents across the country are also now suing their offspring and grandchildren because it’s the right thing to do.

Britain Could Seize Kensington and Chelsea if Russia Does Not Leave Ukraine

Foreign Secretary William Hague has threatened Russia with sanctions that could really upset them.

“Britain will have no option but to take back Kensington and Chelsea from Russia. This would have a devastating effect on the Russian mafia and economy, therefore I am urging Putin to do the right thing and leave Ukrainian territory right now,” Hague told the BBC.

Currently, Kensington and Chelsea is a Russian enclave in London that has a large wall around the area, and is guarded by well trained Russian mercenaries. It is not clear how the British government can repatriate the area without the use of tanks.

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