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Stormin’ Corbyn Hails New UK Soviet Era

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Naturally we predicted Corbyn would win the leadership contest months ago, snarf, snarf, but it wasn’t as if there was any competition for the role.

Prime Minister’s Questions will be the most entertaining skirmish festival of buffoonery this side of Boris Johnson’s Mayoral photo ops, and gallery seats will be changing hands for more than a few quid.

Trotsky, Stalin, Lenin, Brown, all rolled into one with Jeremy Corbyn, no watered down piss with Jerry, a Fabian unleashed onto the Etonions like a deranged rottweiler from some sink estate intent on chomping down on some foie gras fed meat.

Let the games begin.

How to Compliment a Feminist

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All right, we’re going to get a lot of third-wave Marxist feminism coming our way because these are the orders from up on high so as a man you’ll just have to deal with it.

Here’s a few tips.

Never compliment a feminist, never open the door for her, in fact slam doors into them, and most of all never smile at a feminist, just ignore them as if they do not exist.

If they ask for you to stand up on a train and give up your seat, just ignore them.

Feminists hate you because you are male, they want you dead, they want to kill you even if you have not been born yet or they want you put into concentration camps as proposed by the feminist, Julie Bindel.

If a feminist opens her mouth and speaks, simply ignore everything she says, then walk away. Do not make any facial expressions, keep it as blank as a feminist’s date diary.

Never react to a feminist, because they want a reaction. Just walk away and ignore. If they shout out after you, keep walking.

Groups of men should turn their backs on known feminists, especially ones in the public eye. Celebrity feminists still want to be photographed and looked at for being beautiful, but if all male photographers simply turned their backs on them and photographed a non-feminist female celebrity, things may eventually change. All celebrity photographers who are male and not sympathetic to feminism should adhere to this rule.

If by some freak incident you find out the girl you’re dating is a feminist, dump her immediately. It does not matter how good looking she is, just dump her and move on to a non-feminist woman unless you want a rape charge hanging over you for the rest of your life. Do not enable feminists at all costs. Ignore them. The same goes for marriage, if your wife suddenly announces she is a feminist because of some shit she just read in a gossip mag, divorce her immediately.

Feminists want ‘equality’ (supremacy), so what does this mean when it comes to physical violence, after all they are still women? The first thing to do if a feminist punches you in the face hard is to brush it off and walk away, because their brand of equality is a one way hypocritical street, just do the honourable thing and walk.

If you meet a male-feminist, treat them like a female feminist except if they use violence against you, don’t hold back.

Never click on pro-feminist literature on the internet, because that means they get views and they feel ’empowered’. Do not enable them in any way, ignore. You may think that this article in itself is counteracting that advice by acknowledging feminists, but this is advice to men who wish to counteract feminism therefore it is perfectly justified.

Not all women are feminists, so there is still hope.

 

Apple: Latest iPad Smaller Than Stamp

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The company says the iPad Micro is as powerful as many laptop and desktop computers.

The device comes with a whopping 18 mm touchpad screen.

To cement its appeal to professionals, Apple is selling it alongside a magnifying glass and tooth pick stylus.

The move is an attempt to reverse declining iPad sales.

“Come back Steve Jobs, please, you have to do something!” an Apple aficianado exclaimed after accidentally swallowing his new iPad micro.

Experts: “By Taking Refugees ISIS Wins”

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“The refugee crisis is a great victory for ISIS because the West is willingly taking refugees and aiding its cleansing of the land it claims as its own. There are further treats for the Islamic State with the massive movement of Muslims to predominantly Christian lands, this is called the Hijrah where the message of Islam is spread far and wide. Hundreds of thousands of Muslims are now taking over Europe little by little, and all it takes is a few families, who within a few generations will multiply countless times. Europe’s resources will thus be depleted further. By the year 2030, most of Europe will be Islamic and the Caliphate will have no trouble in moving further West, travelling from North Africa and the Middle East.

Boots on the Ground

“Instead of fighting ISIS head on, the West has capitulated to the Islamic State by letting it flourish. When the West should have immediately attacked Syria and re-introduced troops into Iraq, they instead opted for the limited air strike method of long range warfare where nothing is a certainty. The media is instructed to tell the public that a well known terrorist has been killed by drone, but there is little or no proof of these claims. In fact, the evidence is so lacking and the intelligence on the ground is so unreliable that even the drone operators have no idea if the target they hit is an actual target. How could they when all they see are dots on the ground from 30,000 feet?

“Conquering Europe has never been easier, because the EU leaders are welcoming their own demise.”

Goodfellas Betting On a Trump Win

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Trump Card

“Hey, Carmine, you heard the Don, he says he wants to run fo’ president?”

“Yeah, sho, I hoird dat. Our outfit in Nevada is countin’ on it. When the Don becomes prez, we’re good to go, he ain’t gonna forget about the Borgota…especially after all those favours, won’t be no shake downs, either.”

“The Don’s a stand-up guy, a real big earner, but this shit with the presidency, it’s gonna make us legit with no heat.”

“First year we gotta lay low, then it’s gonna be a knock over. Free money, the goombas and zips will be skimming from here to New Joirsey.”

“Thas right. A fix fo’ sho!”

Syria War: Please Donate to United Nations

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Syria War Appeal

Europeans do not need to house refugees in their homes, you can actually do better by donating as much as you can to the United Nations agencies on the ground in the Middle East.

Daily Squib readers are urged to not encourage people smugglers and dangerous journeys where people fleeing the war zone die or cause massive upheaval to their destinations. Countries who are accepting refugees should do so from the refugee camps within Syria and should do everything in their power to discourage the ruthless human traffickers who are profiting off the misery and desperation from a fractured Middle East caused by very poor foreign policy decisions.

By donating in a responsible manner, assistance can be given on the ground, therefore refugees will not feel the need to conduct perilous journeys or pay human traffickers.

To this end, we advise our readers to specifically donate to the UNHCR, World Food Programme and UNICEF.

The United Nations is in dire need of funds and relies on private donors, with little or no assistance from governments.

A shortage of funds is hampering humanitarian and development assistance efforts to meet the needs of 3.9 million refugees who have fled the conflict in Syria, as well as more than 20 million people in affected local communities hosting them in neighbouring countries.

http://donate.unhcr.org/international/syria

https://www1.wfp.org/emergencies/syria-emergency

https://donate.unicef.org.uk/thankyoufordonating/monthly/1/donate/details

 

 

Change.org Petition Changes Nothing Again

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Yes, the world is a cruel inhospitable place filled with some nasty shit here or there, but try explaining that to a change.org petitioner or a continuously outraged twitterer with a cause.

“The world is so unfair, boo hoo. Cry me a river on twitter and change.org. Equality, equality, equality….!” a Change.org blabberer babbled whilst crying into their soiled handkerchief.

Change.org cannot and will never change anything in the world, simply because petitions on the internet are pretty much useless and events will continue to happen which will always be construed as bad by change.org whether they petition or not.

If you really want change, first accept that there can never be change and that Change.org is a profitable enterprise not only selling users data to companies and political parties but utilising its platform as an advertising vehicle. Change that…not likely.

 

Fourth Chinese Chemical Explosion Blackens Zhejiang Sky

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This time the explosion is spewing out tonnes of toxic noxious fumes across the city of Zhejiang province.

We will be cataloguing the explosions as they come, we’re currently at number four, as this is the third this month, and the first one was last month. We will probably stop reporting the explosions when the count gets to twenty.

Currently, the most spectacular Chinese chemical explosion was the one in Tianjin, which was even visible from space. Explosion watchers are still waiting for something that tops that one.

 

Surprise, Surprise Greece Consorting With Enemy

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After giving the European Union the run-around for months over repayment of its 350 Billion euro debt, and attempting to blackmail the EU with threats of turning to Russia, it is no surprise that Greece really is under Russia’s arm.

Greece is now meddling with the United States as it is allowing Russian transport planes to use its airspace to fly weapons and food to Syria’s Assad regime.

Looks like nothing has changed much since the Tsipras fiasco ended in Greece.

What Can Help the Russian President with His Image Abroad?

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I am short.

I only say this because I’d like President Putin to understand that I am offering this insight with the best possible intentions in mind. We, the height-challenged persons, need to watch out for each other. And, although for the past several years Mr. Putin has been the perfect incarnation of virility and power—shirtless photos, tiny submarine submersions, and well-photographed exercise routine speak for themselves—the three strategies I am about to offer will boost his popularity in the West while solving important world problems along the way.

My first suggestion has to do with the contraband food Mr. Putin’s henchmen have been destroying. When they drive a bulldozer over dairy, they render useless a substance that helps other people survive. Take cheese, for example. Why not let it sit out on a hot parking lot for a week or two after confiscating it? Then Russia could ship it to ISIS as the donation to the group’s efforts to obliterate the West. Think of how many innocent lives could be saved when ISIS fighters fall ill with food poisoning? Especially since, when it comes to poisonings, Mr. Putin’s record counts no equals. The number of brownie points he’d accumulate with this action would definitely make up for the Crimea debacle.

Capitalizing on his superb shooting skills is another opportunity President Putin is wasting. We all remember how, without batting an eye, he tranquillized that Siberian Tiger. We also remember Cecil, the lion that’s now more famous than Aslan. Since Mr. Putin is obviously just as big a fan of the wild life as he is of dispensing with people who cross him, why not focus his attention on those big game hunters. Take them down, one by one. Kind of like he’s done with Anna Politkovskaya, Alexander Litvinenko, and Alexander Perepilichnyy. The conservationists will sing him praises while booking holidays in Crimea.

Finally, Mr. Putin’s KGB background could be very useful in helping America put an end to what’s become a very long and tedious joke. I am speaking, of course, of Donald Trump. Why not dig something up on him–something that would disgust even those Americans who accidentally ingested a ‘love-Trump’ potion instead of Viagra? If President Putin takes him down, he’ll most likely drive Trump out of business and can then buy his real estate at rock bottom prices. All that Olympic construction in Sochi must have been tiring so why not appropriate properties in New York, Las Vegas, and Mumbai with much less effort? Associating your name with a struggling peninsula is one thing—putting it on a few tall buildings is completely another.

A short person’s dream, don’t you agree, Mr. President?

Don’t forget to buy a copy of Who is Mr. Plutin?