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“Daddy, why does everyone get angry and start arguing after they spray the sky?”

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There’s nothing to worry about, little Johnny is just curious as to why these things happen. There is no spraying in the skies, and no such thing is happening.

Many people rarely notice these things. Many people do not ever look up at those lines crisscrossing the sky.

Do not question such things, you will be called a “conspiracy theorist”. Oh, how embarrassing and denigrating that is to be called such a thing.

You must carry on with your life, just go watch another reality show that shows no actual reality, designed specifically to remove you completely from reality.

spraying the skyWhat are the chemicals they spray that slowly dissipate and fall onto the surface of the earth? That’s a question you must never ask, all you need to do is breathe in very deeply, and you will be okay.

There is nothing to see here. Little Johnny, you must continue playing in the garden. You are perfectly safe and there is nothing to worry about.

They are not spraying barium, aluminium, radioactive thorium and caesium, copper, titanium, silicon, lithium, cobalt, lead, ethylene dibromide or god knows what …

This Sweepstakes Gaming Platform Casino Click– Play to Win

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How Misgendering Your Pet Could Be Ruining Their Life (and Yours)

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Do you really know your cat? Do you truly understand your dog? Or are you (brace yourself) violently misgendering your pet every single day?

You might think Fluffy doesn’t care if you call her “good girl” or “handsome boy,” but research has shown that microsubconscious distress through misgendering in pets can lead to lasting emotional scars. (Research conducted entirely in my own living room with three nervous guinea pigs, a trans goldfish, a jar of Vaseline and a Ouija board.)

If you’ve ever noticed your cat glaring at you after being called “she,” or your hamster refusing to run on its wheel after you casually referred to it as “buddy,” that’s not bad behaviour. That’s fucking microaggression-led trauma against the toxic-masculine evil fascist patriarchy.

The good news? You can fix it. With patience, respect, and a willingness to explore your pet’s true inner identity, you can become an affirming, gender-conscious guardian.

1. Learn to Read the Signs Your Pet Has Been Trying to Tell You For Months

  • Toy preferences: Does your dog prefer a pink squeaky unicorn over a rugged rope? This could indicate either a flamboyant cis-male identity or an unapologetically femme-presenting nonbinary spirit. Take notes.
  • Reaction to clothing: Put your cat in a bow tie. If they immediately rip it off and sulk in the corner, you may have just invalidated their carefully curated gender expression. Apologise. Verbally. In their chosen pronouns.
  • Litterbox behaviour: If your rabbit digs obsessively in one corner after you call them “he,” you have just committed an act of emotional violence. Immediately punish yourself.

Keep a Pet Gender Journal. Write down every reaction, every growl, every disdainful microaggresive tail flick. This is how you will learn to do better.

2. Ask for Consent Before Using Pronouns

Sit your pet down. Look into their eyes. Say, “Fluffy, what are your pronouns today?”

They may not respond verbally (yet, science is working on that), but watch for signs:

  • A slow blink from a cat = they/them.
  • A happy tail wag = he/him.
  • A blank stare into the abyss = questioning, possibly neo-pronouns such as cir/zir/whisk/zee/zum/zoo.

If you get it wrong, apologise profusely and offer treats.

3. Be Prepared for Change

Gender is a journey, even for pets. Your Pomeranian might be she/her in the morning, they/them by dinnertime, and a proud trans-marsupial by the weekend. Respect it. Celebrate it. Post about it on Instagram with hashtags like #PetGenderEuphoria and #TransPetsAreValid.

4. Healing the Trauma You’ve Already Caused

If you have been misgendering your pet for years, it’s time to atone. Some steps you can take:

  • Write a heartfelt apology letter to your pet, preferably on recycled sustainably sourced hemp paper. Read it aloud in a soothing tone.
  • Book them into Animal Reiki sessions to realign their chakra energy centres after years of pronoun-based microaggressions.
  • Make reparations. Buy that £120 organic, non-binary-friendly chew toy you’ve been avoiding.

5. Never Assume — Always Affirm

The old world of oppressive pet labels is over. No more “good boy.” No more “pretty girl.”

Embrace gender-neutral praise:

  • “Good entity!”
  • “Excellent four-legged creature!”
  • “You’re valid, whiskered soul!”

Your pet will thank you, silently, through micro tail vibrations and subtle karmic aura energy shifts.

Your pet’s gender identity isn’t a joke. It’s a sacred truth, and by honouring it, you aren’t just being kind — you are becoming part of the historic anti misgendering your pet movement.

The future will look back on us and say: “They were the first generation brave enough to ask their poodles for their pronouns.”

So go. Hug your pet. Ask them who they truly are. And if they bite you? That’s just them expressing their authentic self. Respect it.

What is Online Blackjack and How Do the Games Work?

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Are you interested in learning more about online Blackjack? Since it made the jump to digital platforms, the once land-based casino classic has found additional popularity in its online format, mixing traditional gameplay with modern mechanics and features.

This digital version of the traditional card game is available on licensed online casino platforms, allowing you to play against the dealer in an attempt to beat them to 21. Online

Blackjack often includes features commonly found across providers, such as side bets, multi-hand options, and adjustable table limits—designed to enhance engagement and cater to a wide range of player preferences.

In this article, we break down the fundamentals of online Blackjack, helping you understand the game better so you’re more informed the next time you decide to play.

pexels-shvetsa-6664195Basic rules of online Blackjack

The basic rules of online Blackjack follow the same structure as the land-based version. The main difference is that the dealer is the game software, and outcomes are determined by a random number generator (RNG).

Each game begins with you placing a wager. Once the betting window closes, the game starts, and both you and the dealer are dealt two cards. Your cards are both dealt face-up, while the dealer typically has one card face-up and the other face-down.

The value of your hand is calculated by adding the values of the two cards together. The values are:

  • Number cards are worth their face value
  • Face cards (King, Queen, Jack) are worth 10
  • Aces can be counted as either one or 11, depending on which you decide is more
    advantageous for your hand.

After the initial deal, you have a range of options to potentially strengthen your hand, based on your current total and assessing the dealer’s up card. You can choose to:

  • “Hit”: Draw another card
  • “Stand”: Keep your current hand and end your turn
  • “Double down”: double your bet and take only one more card
  • “Split”: If you have two cards of the same value, you can split them into two separate
    hands, but it requires an additional bet.

If at any point your hand exceeds 21, you “go bust” and lose the round. Once you’ve completed your turn, the dealer makes their decisions, often based on pre-set rules they must follow, such as needing to stand on 17.

Once the dealer’s turn ends, payouts are determined by the outcome of the round. If your hand exceeds 21, or the dealer is closer to 21 than you are, you lose. If your hand is closer to 21, or the dealer goes bust, you win. If it’s a tie, your original bet is returned to you.

In the instance, you receive a natural Blackjack with your initial two cards (a card worth 10 points and an Ace), you automatically win the round.

Types of online Blackjack games

There are several variants of Blackjack available online, each with slightly different rules.

Here are some of the common variations you might find.:

  • Classic Blackjack: This is the standard version in which the dealer must stand on 17, and you can double down on any two cards.
  • European Blackjack: In this version, the dealer only receives one card initially. The second card is dealt after you’ve completed your turn.
  • Atlantic City Blackjack: This variation typically uses eight decks of cards and allows for late surrender, re-splitting, and dealer peeking for Blackjack.
  • Live dealer Blackjack: This online game involves a real-life dealer in a physical studio setting. The game is streamed to your device using a high-quality camera and streaming technology.

Each variant may have subtle rule differences, so make sure you understand the fundamentals before playing.

Playing online Blackjack is a great way to try the structured gameplay of the traditional table game, mixed with the faster pace and modern mechanics of digital casinos.

Always ensure you understand the game rules and terms before placing any bets, and only play online Blackjack on licensed and reputable platforms.

Londoners Happily Preparing For Notting Hill Carnival

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Londoners have been eagerly preparing for this year’s wonderful Notting Hill Carnival. Preparations have included much-loved culturally enriching stabbing rituals, machete slashing, guns and maybe a little rape practice here or there.

“They call me Slasher. I like to slash random people at the Notting Hill Carnival. Women, men, kids, pets, whatevah!” one happy reveller revealed.

London Mayor Sadiq Khan praised the wonderful cultural enrichment certain communities have brought to the Capital City since he was instated into power.

“I am proud to say that crime levels have increased by over 670% since I became mayor of London. The Notting Hill Carnival serves as an important cultural festival to celebrate a certain unnamed ethnic group. Urinating and defecating in the streets, public sex acts, gang rape and extreme levels of violence, public displays of drug use as well as that wonderful Grime music pumped out at high decibel levels whilst tourists receive multiple stab wounds and have their belongings stolen. We are turning London into a Third World shithole. Now that I am a Knight of the Realm, I really don’t give a flying monkey’s ass!”

This year’s carnival stands to surpass previous years in levels of cultural enrichment for Londoners.

Trump to Release Epstein Files on Mars or Jupiter

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Donald Trump will release the divisive Epstein files either somewhere on Mars or Jupiter, the White House has announced on Tuesday.

“We’re currently debating which planet to release the files on. Hell, we might just shoot the lot out into space, and it will just keep going and going.”

Trump is currently consulting with NASA to build a rocket large enough to host the Epstein files, which includes lists of important, high ranking individuals who enjoyed themselves on Epstein’s pedo island.

“If you all want to see the files, you’re gonna need to spend billions of dollars on space flight, rockets and stuff, and maybe train to be an astronaut,” Trump said.

Trying to appease his MAGA fan base, Trump is claiming that he is keeping to his word to release the Epstein files.

“We’re releasing the files. What more do you want? The shredded files will be taken into space and released on a planet somewhere. I’m keeping my word to you all, If you want to see them, get a frickin’ rocket ship!” Trump emphatically stated from the Oval room.

Staunch MAGA meathead Dan Bongino has threatened to resign from his grace and favour job given to him by Trump when he won the election.

“Thank you, President Trump for keeping your word. I gots me my sellotape, some cardboard, and glue. I’m making a spaceship right now to go to Jupiter to see those files for myself.”

 

PR Experts: Why Harry and Meghan Trying to Get Back With Royals

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Public relations experts for a top firm have analysed the recent reports that a meeting took place at the ROSL, in St. James, London. The supposedly clandestine meeting took place between the staff of King Charles III and the Sussexes, who were negotiating a possible realignment of relations with the royal family.

Who leaked the details of the meeting to the press is debatable, but it is more than likely that the Sussex team wanted to show off their bid for reconciliation to the global press, thus displaying to the media and their fans that they are still relevant and “royal” despite courting celebrity Hollywood status in the last few years?

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The Sussexes have solidified their image apart from royal circles, and their claim to “fame” existed on dishing the dirt on the Windsors, but lately this tactic for attention has waned, so now they are desperate to garner more ammo, possibly for another Netflix series or another book.

“The Megxit stuff is old-hat now, and they can’t keep rehashing the same old tripe. Harry and Meghan need new material to moan about to the media circus and to bolster their fan network. This is their technique, and they need to be within the royal fold for new material so they can denigrate the royal family as much as possible, resulting in more attention and lucrative media deals for themselves,” a PR insider revealed.

Prince Harry even leaked details of a phone call to King Charles on his 75th birthday, amongst many leaks by both Harry and Meghan Markle to their preferred media sources.

The King was really disappointed with the entire debacle because within hours of the “private” conversation the details were leaked from the Sussex side to favoured media and that really crossed the line in the sand for the Royal Family because so very little of their lives is genuinely private.

Hollywood rumours currently circulating are that another film about the caustic relationship between the estranged Sussexes and the royal family are in the early phases, with Harry and Meghan having a thorough hand in the project. As yet, these are unconfirmed reports.

Should the royal family trust such desperate attempts at reconciliation after years of incessant attacks?

The Ghost of Margaret Thatcher Solves the Illegal Small Boats Problem

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On Tuesday last week, an apparition appeared in the House of Commons. It was the honourable former prime minister Margaret Thatcher. Assembled MPs witnessed the magnificent sight, and listened to her booming voice of reason and wisdom, transfixed. It seems Maggie not only thinks she is still PM, but still has that Iron Lady touch with serious words of wisdom.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

There comes a moment when a government must stand firm — not just in defence of its borders, but in defence of its very right to govern.

That moment is now.

We are witnessing a troubling development across the English Channel. Day after day, small boats set sail from the shores of a friendly nation, France, carrying those who have chosen not to enter our country through legal means, but to challenge the authority of the British state.

Let me be clear: Britain has always been a haven for the truly persecuted, the genuinely displaced. We have opened our arms to those who share our values, respect our laws, and come to contribute — not to undermine.

But what we are now confronting is not a refugee crisis. It is a crisis of will. A crisis of law. And a crisis of sovereignty.

These crossings are not made from war zones, but from a neighbouring country that enjoys peace, prosperity, and the protection of the European Union. Those arriving are not being hunted by tyrants. Many come not in desperation, but in opportunism, lured by the illusion that Britain is weak, soft, and blind to its own borders.

They are mistaken.

A nation that cannot control its borders is not a nation at all. And I shall not preside over the managed decline of British sovereignty.

Prior to becoming prime minister in 1978 I said: “People are really rather afraid that this country might be rather swamped by people with a different culture”. That fear has never left our shores, and is still prevalent today, and I can clearly see it.

That is why my government will act, decisively and without apology.

We shall bolster our maritime defences. The Royal Navy will be given new powers to intercept illegal vessels and escort them back to safe shores in France, firmly, but lawfully. There shall be no more silent drift into chaos.

We shall reform our asylum laws so that claims made in transit from safe nations shall be deemed inadmissible. We will not entertain legal games played by those who have refused protection in France, only to exploit our generosity here. We shall fast-track deportations of illegal entrants with no asylum claim. Cut legal aid and appeals loopholes to prevent “gaming the system” and introduce detention on arrival policies.

We shall suspend any agreement that encourages dependency or inaction from our European neighbours. And if France cannot — or will not — police its own beaches, then we shall have to reconsider the terms of our cooperation. We shall impose customs friction on French goods, withhold payments under any bilateral migration treaties (like the modern Le Touquet Agreement), introduce diplomatic sanctions and funding freezes related to border control failures by the French.

We shall not entertain leering, arrogant, ponce French Presidents like the one currently in office.

It’s a firm “Up Yours! Macron! No! No! No!”

We shall ensure that those who enter illegally do not receive benefits, housing, or legal aid paid for by the hard-working British taxpayer. Our compassion must be tempered with common sense.

And let us speak plainly: this is not a question of race, nor creed. It is a question of the rule of law. The British people are not xenophobic, but they are not fools, either. They know the difference between genuine need and calculated exploitation.

Some may protest. Some will wring their hands from comfortable armchairs. But I did not come into politics to be popular. I came to do what is right.

Britain is not for sale. Our values are not negotiable. And our borders will not be breached with impunity.

Let the world know: Britain remains a proud, sovereign nation. A generous host to the deserving, but never a soft touch for the lawless.

And to those who think they can test the resolve of this island’s people, I say this:

You may cross the sea, but you will not cross this government.

Thank you, I must get back to Denis, he’s had way too much again …

EXCLUSIVE : Daily Squib Holiday Giveaway! 1,000 Air India Tickets

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It’s the holiday season once again. Ever wanted to go to India? We’re giving away 1,000 Air India plane tickets, voted as one of the world’s best airlines by bots on the internet.

Contrary to belief, India Airlines is a very safe airline to fly on, with some very capable staff and well-trained pilots who know that shutting off both the jet fuel pumps to the engines are not advised during take off.

The one-way ticket will not ensure you finish your journey in one piece, however you may enjoy a few minutes of flight before you reach your final destination.

Another bonus is that you will not be required to bring any luggage for the flight, so don’t bother packing anything.

To get your free Air India ticket to oblivion, ahem, to India, please send a self-addressed-envelope with your name, address and next of kin to P.O. Box 3492, Vindaloo Road, Hyderabad, India.

R’s New Apartment

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After a month at Widget Wonders, R is broke. She has spent her meager savings trying to keep up with the rent and utilities, but on $12.50 an hour in the year 2023, it has been nearly impossible. She’s been perusing Apartments.com for a few weeks and sees something doable.

213 Sheridan Street, Rottenton – Charming one-bedroom basement apartment.
Antique claw foot bathtub with indoor plumbing. Working fireplace. Paneling,
wall-to-wall carpet in spacious living room. Pets allowed. Tenant pays all utilities.
$500/month, no credit check.

vintage border 1

On Saturday afternoon, R goes to check the place out. The landlord, a short Indian man
with a confident grin, is waiting for her. From the outside, the place is unimpressive with its peeling white paint and dilapidated porch with loose boards.

“You must be R,” he says in a thick accent. He reaches out to shake her hand, smiling
from ear to ear.

“My name is Mr. Patel of Patel and Patel Management Company. Come, let me
show you around the apartment.”

R hears a siren from about two blocks away.

He leads R down a flight of stairs, past shelves full of tools and gadgets. The walls of the
main room are covered in poopy-brown paneling and the carpet is avocado green. There is indeed a fireplace, but it appears to be the only source of heat.

“This is your living room. Over here,” he says as he leads her through a heavy wooden
door, “is your bedroom.”

The floor and walls in the tiny bedroom are made of concrete with a large, tattered, pink
oval rag-rug in the center. There is just enough room for a twin-sized bed and a bureau.

Next, Mr. 2

Patel shows her the bathroom, where she sees the dirty, white claw foot bathtub and a pedestal sink with a makeshift medicine cabinet over it. What about the kitchen?

On the far end of the living room are a stove and refrigerator with a large sink meant for
washing clothes nearby.

R hears more sirens.

“What are the other tenants like?” R asks.

“Well, we have a few students, an older couple, a mother with her little boy. A little old
lady lived here in this apartment for twenty-two years. She passed away a week ago, right over there by the tool bench.”

R sees a tool bench in the corner, fully stocked with equipment.

“Who uses the tool bench?”

“Oh, the man upstairs likes to come down here and tinker from time to time. He doesn’t
bother anyone.”

Yeesh! But at this point, R has little choice. Soon the rent on her present place will come
due, and she can’t afford another month. Besides, the claw foot bathtub has character.

And who knows? Maybe the tool guy will turn out to be cool and end up being her future husband.

Between the two of them, maybe they will be able to afford to get out of this hell hole.

R and Mr. Patel hear the steps creaking. A tall man ducks his head slightly to avoid the
overhang at the bottom of the stairs and introduces himself. He is bald and pear-shaped, and by his speech pattern and demeanor, he appears to have some sort of learning disability. He is wearing a tattered grey t-shirt with “Stud” across the chest.

“Hi, I’m Johnny,” he says. “I like to come down here and work with the tools. I don’t
bother anybody.”

Double yeesh! Well, R is job-hunting while working at Widget Wonders, so maybe this
will be a temporary thing. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Who said that? Nietzsche?
Kelly Clarkson?

“See, I told you he doesn’t bother anybody,” Mr. Patel forces a big smile. “What do you
think, R? Would you like to live with us?”

R thinks about the way he said “us,” like she would be moving in with some sort of
dysfunctional family. Of course, Mr. Patel doesn’t live here. He probably has a nice place in the suburbs.

“I guess I’ll take it.”

“Congratulations, R, you won’t be sorry. First month’s rent and security deposit will be
due by this coming Friday. You can move in on Saturday.”

Mr. Patel and R leave Johnny to his own devices and climb up the warped steps. He bids
her good-bye and R clutches her Hello Kitty tote bag tight as she walks halfway down the block to her car. A police car whizzes down the street perpendicular to Sheridan. Once in her car, she locks the doors and cries. A scruffy old man dressed as a mime taps on her window.

She pulls away abruptly and sees him doing the stuck-in-a-box thing in her rear-view mirror. That’s what she is. Stuck in a box, in a basement in a town called Rottenton, New Jersey. The honors graduate of Grey Wolf Mountain College’s English Literature program and Sprockets Associate at Widget Wonders doesn’t see a way out anytime soon.

Read more of R’s adventures by Joann Evan:

R Rides the Bus

R Goes to Church

R Gets a Job

R’s Blind Date

R Visits Her Parents

R Goes to a Party

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