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Joy as Biden Approval Rating Finally Rises

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Democrats have been celebrating as Joe Biden’s approval rating has finally risen by 0.003112% to 28% amongst Americans.

No one of course mentioned the disapproval rating in far-left socialist media outlets, which has increased to 72% from 65% in August.

“This is a positive shift in Biden’s tenure. The stock market is falling daily, sometimes by over 2,000 points per day, and huge increases in food inflation are hurting ordinary American families. CPI is soaring by over 8%, food inflation is over 13.5%, core consumer prices up by 6.5% and real average earnings down by over 2.8%. Job losses are increasing daily, and the Big Tech companies who engineered Biden’s elections have seen their stock prices decimated, losing trillions of dollars,” Nelson Bruhah, CNN anchor, hailed.

“One thing Joe has not lost though is his ability to sniff. He still loves smelling and snuggling up to unsuspecting victims like young children and Senator’s wives,” a White House aide revealed on MSNBC.

Here’s to the 2024 ticket…

Anti-monarchists and Republicans Should Be Allowed to Protest Freely

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Although in bad taste due to the recent death of the Queen, in the interests of free speech and the right to protest, anti-monarchists and Republicans should be afforded the right to put forward their message without punishment.

A 22-year-old woman was arrested after holding up an anti-monarchy placard in Edinburgh on Sunday and was subsequently charged ‘in connection with a breach of the pace’.

The sign, which read ‘Fuck Imperialism, Abolish Monarchy’, could be seen amongst the crowd who had turned out to hear King Charles be formally proclaimed monarch.

This sort of heavy-handed action should never be carried out on anyone who is simply displaying their opinion about any given subject.

As long as events are peaceful with no violence, there is no need for policing when it comes to expressing the right to protest.

If it Was Not Posted On Social Networks Did it Actually Ever Happen?

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Many people are irreversibly connected to their smart devices, whether it is their smart phones on the go or their Alexa listening devices at home, never before have humans been so connected to technology.

You may have 30 million followers, and 10 million subscribers, but does that mean you are a better human being than someone who has five or ten real friends in the physical world?

Of course, inherently technology is not a bad thing, however with this level of overall control, will there ever be a way back?

social networksSubsequently, all of this recording of all human activity feeds into the question of privacy and the need for some humans to only measure the worth of anything by the amount of hits, or replies they get when posting their latest life’s event on the digital meat grinder social networks.

“If I do not post my latest achievement or thought on the internet, then it might as well have not happened,” a heavy social network user revealed.

People have now been completely reprogrammed to seek constant validation from others. Their entire self-worth is thus a victim of ‘likes’ from strangers on the digital platforms designed specifically to exploit humans as if they are mere rats in a laboratory experiment.

shackled to tech“Before the internet, there was little or no noise from a structure that taps into the collective human mind. If you are old enough to remember the quieter, slower pace of life before the internet, you will know that one was afforded not only peace, some modicum of privacy as well as time to consider concepts intricately without external noise. Consider the music that was created before the internet, the albums were complete focused works, the creative milestones achieved by those artists will never be achieved ever again in human history because they did not have the insisting noise of the internet raining crap on them every day and every night. Within the creative field, purity of thought has now been forever lost. In essence, every point of human thought has been subverted, and limited to a point of destruction,” one man revealed.

Go off grid then, if you hate the digital mind prison so much, is the usual retort. Yes, of course one can go and live away from it all, but that would mean a life that essentially does not exist and which cannot function within any system of today or the future. To purchase things, to use banking, finance, bills, tax, vote, everything is now digital. You just can’t get away from it, even if you try.

New “Trans-Hulk: High School Janitor” Series Hits Screens in December

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If anyone has ever had the misfortune to watch a few minutes of She-Hulk Attorney at Law will confess, to have your eyeballs shaved with a rusty razor blade and your mouth force-fed fresh lava from a newly erupted volcano would be preferable.

We had The Hulk, She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, now the creators of this terrible mess have come up with Trans-Hulk: High School Janitor.

The new Marvel character is a janitor at a Los Angeles High School where ‘they’ conducts ‘their’ daily duties like changing light bulbs and mopping floors.

“I am thrilled by this news about Trans-Hulk. Thank you, Marvel, for being so inclusive. I actually watched the pilot episode where Trans-Hulk pushes an entire wet mop up the ass of a transphobic High School senior taunting ‘them’ while ‘they’ were mopping the gym floor,” Marvel super fan, Arty Quint, 18, from Los Angeles, revealed at a recent Comic Con meeting.

Producer, Janine Butcher, revealed to Hollywood Week that the series will bring trans issues to more children, and that is her ultimate goal.

“I used to be a man myself, but now I am a full woman. I had my male genitals completely removed so that I could be a woman. If anyone says I ain’t a woman I will beat the living shit outta you. Raaaaaawr! We want more naive, innocent kiddies to mutilate their bodies after being persuaded by people like me.”

Trans-Hulk: High School Janitor will hold its world premiere at El Capitan Theatre in Los Angeles on December 15, 2022. The series will debut on Disney+ on December 18, 2022, and will consist of nine episodes, concluding on February 13 2023.

King Charles III Orders All Leaky Fountain Pens to Be Decapitated

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“It’s those blasted leaky fountain pens!” The newly appointed King Charles III ranted as another ink blot splatted across his immaculately presented white shirt.

“Camilla, look at this bloody thing! I hereby decree as King of this realm that all fountain pens are taken to the Tower of London and summarily decapitated!” Charlie shouted, shaking with indignant anger.

Charles Ink Rage

WHSmiths worker, Nibby Blots, 25, from Kingston Upon Hull, emphatically agreed with the king’s sentiments.

“We have to sell these things with a smile on our face. Customers keep returning them, and they don’t have a smile on their face…(dealing with new customer) Would you like a 20p plastic bag, sir?”

Blot on the Landscape

Camilla, always the battle horse, dealt with the blotty nightmare with ease.

“Look, I signed the book. One has to position the pen at a certain angle to allow the ink to flow freely and write with ease without blotting.”

All is otherwise well in the Kingdom.

Facebook to Unjustly Delete Daily Squib Account

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We have just been informed, with no recourse or reason, Facebook will delete our account by September 27.

We have tried numerous times to contact the staff of Facebook to get some information, and to show we are a legitimate satirical news website, but countless times there has not been any reply. There is no one to phone, and emails sent are from NOREPLY addresses.

Treated like criminals for simply writing proper satire, we are now also blocked from accessing our account or posting.

The Daily Squib was on Facebook for 12 years.

We would sincerely like to extend our apologies to our followers on that account. If you would please bookmark the Daily Squib https://www.dailysquib.co.uk you can check out our daily articles, and all the others from past history.

The timing to coincide with the Daily Squib’s publication of its Anthology on October 1 is curiously suspicious, but it showcases another injustice where real Juvenalian satire is punished within a climate that is clearly becoming more Orwellian by the day.

In light of the news received today, you can support the Squib and true satire by buying our book. It would make a great Xmas stocking filler, or alternatively leave it in the bathroom in case you ever run out of TP.

Therefore, thank you for cancelling the Daily Squib off your platform, Facebook. To the faceless people behind your exploitative intelligence gathering tool…your Facebook name puts forward a misleading impression that it has a face — in reality it has none.

UPDATE – 30 September

For some reason, our account is still up, and we are now even allowed to post articles on there. This may change at any moment, as we have not received any more threatening emails from FB.

Ongoing…

King Charlie Has to Clean Out Bloated Royal Family Say Experts

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The newly appointed King Charles III indeed has quite an arduous task ahead of him, say royal experts.

Historian, Angus Lamps, revealed the daunting changes the new king will have to make.

“During his speech to the nation, the new king revealed some of his plans after his accession. Despite the horrors meted upon the Windsors by his uncouth son Harry and his domineering wife, the king masked his true feelings instead by love bombing the erroneous couple. He however, sealed their fate by mentioning Harry’s new life abroad. That effectively relayed the message that there was no way back for Harry or his harridan wife.

“The subsequent walkabout with William and Kate was ordered by the king, and was more of a gesture to showcase Christian forgiveness. This virtuous display of faith by the royals of course masks their true feelings but is a show of their allegiance to the Anglican Church. Furthermore, as a final twist, psychologically speaking it was designed to show what Harry was missing. He will now go back to his bland vulgar life in America and see how there is a vast drop in the quality and character of many of the people there, especially the shallow, plastic, fake people Meghan is accustomed to.

“Regret will naturally fester in Harry’s tortured mind. As he has now effectively exiled himself to a life of banality and horrid celebrity talkshows, but as King Charles previously promised, the Royal family will be summarily cleaned out of fluff, including Harry’s kids pumped out by that cunning power mad thing he was duped into marrying. Harry will also regret all that poisonous advice to ignore the Queen on his recent visits, as once she was truly taken ill, it was too late. When he did finally get to Balmoral, the Queen had already passed. Meghan Markle tried with all her might to go with Harry, possibly with a Netflix camera crew or listening device in tow but was thankfully denied by Charles himself.

“The culling will not just relate to Harry and his kids but to other minor royals, including the disgraced Duke of York whose exploits with the Epstein character sealed his own downfall.”

 

Path Towards A Sustainable Earth

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Climate Change is today becoming a real threat to the earth’s existence and all its habitants. This process is gradually changing the dynamics of the world negatively and forcing everything, plants and animals alike, to adapt to this change or die. The negative impacts of climate change the world is currently facing result from the negligence and selfishness of humans towards self-development at the expense of the planet’s future. Greenhouse gas emissions over the years have completely damaged a large proportion of our ozone layer, leaving places like the Attic and Antarctica, which hold over 70% of the world’s fresh water in ice, unprotected from the hot ultraviolet rays of the sun.

To safeguard the planet’s future, companies like https://www.greenly.earth/en-gb are developing solutions by which manufacturing industries and countries can account for the amount of carbon and greenhouse gas emitted over a particular period. Here are some things you should know about carbon accounting/auditing:

Carbon Accounting/Auditing

to-protect-gb2ed73767_1280Carbon auditing is a procedure used in measuring and calculating the quantity of carbon monoxide emitted by a company or country over a period. It is used to create carbon-based commodities and develop guidelines for a more carbon-free society. Carbon accounting, called greenhouse gas accounting, is also used to create laws to reduce carbon emissions and climate change impacts. When compiling carbon accounts, activities taken into consideration are deforestation, fertilizer usage, consumption of fossil fuels by automobiles and power stations, meat consumption, and the growth of renewable energy in the energy sector. These factors are used in calculating the world’s path towards a sustainable future. With currently available carbon accounting data, the world is expected to be carbon-free by 2050.

With the continuous and rapid development in science and technology, the world is on course to achieving a carbon-free society. We hope that the negative impact of climate change doesn’t catch up with us before reaching this feat. To help contribute to a carbon-free society, ensure you patronize environmentally friendly products and services, as this is the best way to protect the future of our dear planet. Visit Greenly.earth for more information.

Nasty Woke Publications Celebrate Death of the Queen

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The New York Times, The Atlantic and New Yorker magazine were some of the publications where black woke columnists said they would enjoy ‘dancing on the Queen’s grave’ as well as blaming her for ‘colonialism’ throughout the centuries just hours after the monarch’s death.

If it were not for colonialism, these smirking jackals would not hold cushy jobs writing their template Marxist nonsense day in day out for so-called ‘enlightened’ virtue signalling white New Yorkers to self flagellate themselves whilst sipping their socialist champagne.

Screenshot 2022-09-10 at 11.49.59

There would not be any form of governmental systems in place, railways, roads or state structure. There would not be any schools or hospitals or any form of economy or manufacturing. There would not be any telecommunications, satellite, GPS or cell phones.

The Western clothes, and language these woke racist morons have adopted are all thanks to colonialism, and one could even say they are appropriating Western culture by adopting these things. In fact, why are they still living in the West if they hate everything about it in the first place?

Just as celebrities like Beyonce lighten their skin with specialist treatment and dye their hair blonde, it is a fact that many black women are appropriating the style and culture of European women. The woke go crazy when anyone else adopts a different cultural style, but for them the rules do not seem to apply.

No one dares address these issues, as these vile comments from woke supposed ‘human beings’ like Tirhakah Love, Maya Jasanoff, Uju Anya, Ebony Elizabeth Thomas, and Jemele Hill are celebrated by the socialist cultural Marxist enablers in these torrid putrefying magazines and newspapers.

On light of the awful comments from these parasites, sure they can spew their words of racist hatred towards others, but this is only because of freedom of speech they can do this. If anyone dares call these gloating pieces of detritus out, they would call for the other party to thus be cancelled and censored, such is their hypocritical cowardly duplicitous wretched character. Wokism is thus a form of racism, and should be labelled as such, especially when not all blacks are racist and not all whites are either.

Perhaps when these people die, despite their horrid comments to the Queen of Britain, they would be treated with some form of dignity, something they as despicable forlorn cowardly creatures could not even afford the British Queen as a human being.

Nothing will ever change until we all treat each other like human beings. What these people have clearly shown is that racism can come from some on the black side as much as from some on the white.

Confused Conspiracy Theorists Don’t Understand Why Queen Did Not Shapeshift Into Lizard When She Died

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Conspiracy theorists across the world were today checking their manuals and re-reading their conspiracy literature in a state of anguish. According to their theories, Queen Elizabeth II was a shape-shifting lizard who enjoyed consuming human flesh and not a frail old 96-year-old lady.

“I don’t get it. According to my theories, the Queen should have reverted back to her original shape as a reptilian lizard when she died. Instead, she remained in her human form as a sweet old lady,” David Bike, a prominent conspiracy theorist, revealed on his website.

Another conspiracy theorist, Arbunckle Teufel from Texas was adamant that the Queen was involved in a ceremonial ritual to transfer her soul into a young virgin maiden’s body at the exact moment of her passing.

“Listen to me. High priestesses from the Black Order assembled at the Queen’s bedside as she was on the way out. From there, they brought in a young virgin girl reared from birth for this very role. She willingly gave her body as a physical vessel for the Queen, who has used up her old body to the point of exhaustion and old age. After a series of intricate incantations, the transfer process took place upon the last breath of the Queen and the freshly deceased young girl wakes up.”

In other conspiracy news: The earth is still flat, The moon is hollow, and dimwit rapper Jay Z is part of the Illuminati.

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