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Gordon Brown Comes to the Rescue With Idea to Fix Britain’s Budget Black Hole

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Gordon Brown Comes to the Rescue With Idea to Fix Britain’s Budget Black Hole

Speaking at his home in Scotland, former British PM, Gordon Brown has once again offered his sage advice to the government who are at the moment trying desperately to fill in an economic deficit of over sixty billion pounds.

“Aye, it’s Gordo here. I’ve come to save you’se raving lunatic Tories from yer own fuckin’ mess. I’ve got a brilliant solution to your problem with the economy. Tek a listen to this ya Tory bastards. (Drum roll sound) Why not sell off a few bits of the UK’s vast gold reserves? As the price of gold bullion is so high in 2022 we would solve Britain’s economic problem in a fooking jiffy.”

Someone then lent forward and told Mr Brown that Britain does not have any gold reserves left anymore.

“Why ever not?”

Preparing For War: China Thanks Western Nations For Funding Military

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Preparing For War: China Thanks Western Nations For Funding Military

Supreme Chinese communist leader, Xi Jinping today thanked the West for not only funding its rise to military power but for the military secrets easily stolen to advance its weapons capabilities.

“Comrades, today I want to thank all the Western countries who have helped China build up its military, so we can eventually attack and destroy you. It is thanks to your populations who buy our cheaply made, easily breakable goods that the People’s Liberation Army will liberate you from life and take all your land. It is thanks to the lax Western intelligence services and lax visa rules that our agents have been able to steal all your military secrets without even a sniff of outrage. It is with particular thanks to the agents and traitors within your own nations like BLM, ANTIFA, Metoo, that we could destabilise your own societies by using useful idiots to do the job. The greedy Western corporations who used our communist slave labour to produce products to sell to your populations also enriched our coffers. Special thanks must go to Bezos and our own henchman Zuckerberg, who can also speak good Mandarin. The American Democrat Party led by that flapping useless corrupt idiot, who does as we tell him, or we release more info about him and his son’s corrupt business dealings with our agents. Yes, he calls himself The Big Guy, we call him a useful treacherous idiot. Thank you. Next time I am in Delaware I will bring you a nice Chinese toaster which will break down after three days. I must also mention the wonderful European Union who have helped us all the way with their support. As fellow communists and Maoists, the EU has been instrumental in China’s growth, and we have supported the growth of their burgeoning soviet bloc as well. It is only a shame that China will also destroy Europe but, hey, don’t take this personal. It’s just business. As for Hollywood, where would all your silly superhero movies be without Chinese funding? Thanks to the blockbuster success of numerous Chinese funded Hollywood films, our military has even been able to refurnish and modernise our entire navy. When we invade Taiwan, we have ordered Biden to take it slow, to at least make it look like he is not under our complete control. From there, it will be hit-and-miss, but certainly our armies and people will soon be occupying your cities. Look at it this way, there are 2.6 billion Chinese people, and we are running out of space, plus we have polluted our land irreparably. This is why we will rebuild China once again, but over the skeletons of you and your children. Long live China, the great communist global power — all thanks to you.”

Copout27: Don’t Ever Mention China Pollution

Ray Sisse
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Copout27: Don’t Ever Mention China Pollution

You never get a brainwashed Marxist eco zealot from Just Stop Oil daring to ask China to stop building 100 coal-fired powers stations a day, do you? Instead, these miscreant little Hitlers and Marxists want to blockade the tiny island of Britain, which in pollution terms is not even a squeaky fart compared to the amount of stuff China throws into the atmosphere. Welcome to Copout27, another load of fucking bollocks that will involve nothing much — apart from talking, more talking and promising things that will never be implemented.

The assorted fat cat United Nations officials and premieres from assorted nations all pat each other on the back before they retire to their luxurious hotel suites and order up a few young gazelles to exploit.

Corruption, treachery, dishonour and most of all lies are on the menu, as the empty promises flow through the halls of inequity supposed to ‘save humanity’.

“I cannot wait till the next Copout meeting next year when we will talk about the same shit, eat the same gourmet food and then go back home in our private jets while nothing changes,” one American delegate revealed.

Rinse and repeat ad infinitum.

How to Make Appropriate Requests for Technical Support

Ray Sisse
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How to Make Appropriate Requests for Technical Support

In the past, each of us has been forced to deal with a technological issue that needed us to seek assistance from a third party. The case could be with your printer, computer, or mobile phone. When it is time to get technical help, this article will explain a few pointers on things to do when requesting technical support.

Be More Specific

Ensure your message covers: What exactly is the issue you are facing?” When did this start? What were you doing when it started? These are just a few questions that you have to send to the person requesting my technical support. You have to tell them what is genuinely not functioning correctly. Once customer support receives the answers to these questions, it will guide them in helping you. If you are seeking technical support for something other than a computer, you will need to change the questions, so they are appropriate for the message you want to pass.

Ensure to provide model numbers in your inquiry to the technical support team

If you are seeking technical support for something like a computer, printer, or anothertechnical support 2 device, providing the model number of that device can be of great assistance to the support staff. If you include this information, they might not even feel the need to inquire about the technical details of the machine. You can also make more money from blackjack during this process. They can look up the model number and find all that information and details about the device. This is also helpful to use when looking for technical support on Google or any of the other search engines. You might be able to seek assistance or advice from people who are familiar with the technology you are using and who has possibly dealt with this problem in the past.

Don’t Be Afraid to Put Your Thoughts into Writing

Submit your question on a question-and-answer website or a support forum. You should not be afraid to write a good paragraph or two explaining precisely what is wrong. The customer support will read it, and they will be in a much better position to offer you support. This is because they will be aware of what is happening.

Screenshots and videos should be included

You should try to include screenshots or photographs with your requests whenever it is possible to do so. If the issue is sequential, you might even try uploading a video so that people can watch it and understand what’s happening. People are always helped by seeing things because it eliminates the need to form their mental image of the situation. If you cannot take a screenshot of the screen, use a camera to take a photo of what is displayed. Irrespective of the quality, at least share a visual for those attempting to provide you with technical support.

The most important takeaway is the importance of details. If you understand this concept, you will do well with submitting improved requests for technical assistance. This will result in you receiving the answers you require timelier. After all, everyone wants the issue resolved as soon as possible!

If you put these suggestions into practice, you will get a solution faster than a mere request. However, one more thing: if you have access to phone help, you should use it! Phone assistance allows you to explain anything in real time while utilizing the full potential of your voice. You also have the opportunity to implement solution while you are having the call. Therefore, if you have the opportunity to do so, kindly do so!

Global Population Crisis Hit With 8 Billion

Ray Sisse
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Global Population Crisis Hit With 8 Billion

Imagine the beautiful meadows of Medieval Britain, the gentle flowing brooks and wildflowers blowing in the warm summer breeze.

The entire European population in 1100 was 65 million. In Britain alone, there were only 3 million people throughout the entire island in the year 1300.

Fast-forward today to the year 2022, and the global population is set to hit 8 billion humans. Overpopulation, the nightmare of overcrowding, and the complete decimation of finite resources has left the earth an overcrowded cesspit of contaminated rubbish.

Not only does over breeding cause misery, pollution, terrorism, war and perdition, it causes irreparable damage to the environment.

City pollution.

Rats in a stinking barrel, shoulder to shoulder, there is no room to breathe, there is no room to fucking do anything. The cities full to the brim, traffic fumes hang over everything and plastic rubbish infiltrating every zone, every facet, every part of life.

Microplastics in fish, in food and even in the wombs of women, is this the way of the future?

Drink up your chemicals, your Bisphenol A, ingest your microplastics in a world of defecation.

Meanwhile, imagine the purity of the water and air previous humans enjoyed before the deluge. The planet may never see, taste, or feel that ever again.

Nancy Pelosi Could be Mummified and Interred in Democrat Museum

Ray Sisse
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Nancy Pelosi Could be Mummified and Interred in Democrat Museum

The Democrat museum in Washington D.C. could be home to a permanent exhibit of Speaker of the United States House of Representatives, Nancy Pelosi it has been announced.

Set to be retired after the Democrats lose the Midterm elections, Pelosi will be mummified and preserved for generations to come.

“I’d pay a dollar to see that,” Joe Kaminski, 34, an air conditioner technician from Ruidoso Downs, New Mexico told MSNBC.

Professor Jane Thelmose from Boston University revealed why the mummifying process will be particularly easy with Nancy Pelosi.

“She is essentially mummified already. Just from her look, we can tell that her facial tissue is completely dead, but somehow the dehydrated skin is still present over her bones. This is possibly due to some sort of embalming technique used on Pelosi during her tenure as Speaker of the House.”

Questions have however arisen about Pelosi’s brain, will that be removed?

“We gave Pelosi an X-ray yesterday in preparation for the final mummification. No brain was found,” a spokesman for the museum added.

Pelosi will be displayed at the Museum of Democrats after the US Midterm elections 2022. Admission $1. Opening Hours: 07.00 – 18.00 Weekdays. 07.00 – 22.00 Weekends. No pets allowed.

Desperate Democrats Put Slice of Baloney as Top Choice for 2024 White House Run Against Trump

Ray Sisse
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Desperate Democrats Put Slice of Baloney as Top Choice for 2024 White House Run Against Trump

A piece of baloney is the top choice among Democrats for a 2024 White House run, new polling shows.

Exclusive polling for CNN by the Washington-based Democrat Institute of likely Democratic voters found 64 percent say the party should opt for a piece of baloney candidate at the next presidential election in two years.

And the piece of baloney, selected from an Italian trattoria in California, came first in a list of potential runners with 27 percent from the 525 Democrats in the poll of 1,500 likely voters.

A piece of lettuce was second with 25 percent.

In joint third with 20 percent was an eggplant.

An old grizzled piece of sliced turkey, trailed behind on eight percent.

Arnie Arbunkle, 48, from San Francisco revealed why he wants baloney to run in 2024.

“We gotta piece of baloney in charge now, what’s up with getting another piece of baloney in 2024? Makes no difference. Baloney is fuckin’ great man, a little mayo, some lettuce, and a tomato. All you need is a piece of fuckin’ bread! Badda bing!”

Matt Hancock Found With Huge Amounts of Midazolam in Jungle

Ray Sisse
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Matt Hancock Found With Huge Amounts of Midazolam in Jungle

Matt Hancock could find himself embroiled in a row with his I’m A Celebrity campmates after being found with a large cache of the sedative Midazolam during his isolation period ahead of entering the jungle.

The Daily Squib can reveal the former Health Secretary, 44, was primed and ready ‘to carry out another covid’ on the campmates.

ITV bosses were left reeling at the erroneous discovery.

Mr Hancock, who lost the Tory whip last week when it was announced he was joining the cast of the show, also has access to his laptop.

Do Not Resuscitate

“It seems Hancock’s plan was simple. Sedate the other contestants. Claim they had a virus, then up the dose, snuffing the fuckers out. Boom! Take the prize money,” an ITV worker revealed.

Earlier on today, Matt Hancock was filmed eating an entire bowl of crunchy crocodile anuses with a big silly grin on his face.

The Massive Movie Graveyard Rides Again

Ray Sisse
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The Massive Movie Graveyard Rides Again

All the President’s Men (1972)

A pair of Washington Post journalists solve a burglary at the Watergate Hotel, whilst the US system illegally annihilates Cambodia, Vietnam and Laos and murders domestic civil rights leaders in broad daylight. In the sequel, the local journos report on a cat stuck in the tree during the LA Riots.

Clockwork Orange (1971)

A sadistic rapist murderer volunteers to have the government try a new technique on him, which renders him harmless. Civil liberties campaigners eventually succeed in showing that this is the wrong thing to do because everything goes in cycles – just like clockwork oranges famously do and stuff.
Warning: Contains disturbing scenes of mindless political argument.

The Day of the Triffids (1962)

See “Signs”.

Dead Poets Society (1989)

Robin Williams educates a group of schoolchildren that life is transient and that no matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world. Consequently they fail their SATS quite badly and one of them commits suicide.
Based on the ‘50s B-movie horror, “Beware the Supply Teacher!”

Dirty Dancing (1987)

Patrick Swayze explores the boundaries of teacher-student relationships in this happy-go-lucky musical remake of Lolita.
Contains nudity. And idiocy.

Escape to Victory (1981)

Glorious high jinx as captured Allied soldiers challenge their Nazi guards to a football match, and their inspired play ignites a town in Vichy France to revolution. The sequel attempted to present highlights from a league system set in Belsen, Stalingrad and Auschwitz, which was to prove less successful at the box office.

For Your Eyes Only (1981)

A British Secret Service agent drops a man in a wheelchair down a chimney because he apparently “wanted to take over the world”. The rest of the film depicts the agent red faced in front of a Select Committee wondering where it all went wrong.
This James Bond film provided inspiration for the Hutton Enquiry.

The House of Flying Daggers (2004)

In a brothel, a Soldier meets a Blind Whore. The Soldier is secretly working for the government and Blind Whore is secretly working for terrorists. Blind Whore escapes from the government with the Soldier. The Soldier tries to have sex with Blind Whore but she gets him going and then leaves him hanging. The Blind Whore leads the Soldier to the terrorists and reveals she is actually not blind, just a Whore. The Soldier and the Boyfriend fight over the Whore and they all kill each other with knives and/or swords.
Japanese Romance.

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989)

Narcissistic lecturer ogles his students, skips his office hour, and takes more indefinite research leave.
Careers information film from the ‘80s.

Paranormal Activity (2009)

A man moves in with his loving girlfriend, who swiftly becomes under control of an evil demon that wants to destroy her soul, kill her boyfriend and arrange all his CDs in alphabetical order. In the terrifying sequel they get married, buy a house and have fucking children.

The Passion of the Christ (2004) 

In desperation after being taken prisoner, Mel Gibson escapes by dislocating his shoulder and seeks the help of a string of multiracial partners to bring down the Romans in this light-hearted but brutal buddy film.
Adaptation of the popular children’s novel.

Pearl Harbor (2001)

Following a Japanese attack on Hawaii, America militarises its economy and proactively establishes a global empire. Although the Japanese are prepared to surrender, the film ends with the US vaporising Hiroshima and Nagasaki to demonstrate its resolve to the Soviet Union, an ostensible ally.
NB. Review based on original script which underwent some minor adjustments before screening.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)

A lone pirate falls in with a gang of creepy and skeletal Keira Knightleys who are afflicted by a curse that means they can’t eat properly.

Raging Bull

Inspirational success story of a man who begins his career boxing for money but winds up as MC at his own comedy club.

Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

Courageous lecturer on another bout of study leave nearly gets an ex-girlfriend killed in his quest to find a weapon for the US government. He could destroy the weapon but he decides to allow the Nazis to keep it. The Nazis accidentally get themselves killed when they use the weapon and the swashbuckling lecturer celebrates by groping his ex before trying to hump a Nazi in the sequel.

Silence of the Lambs (1990)

The FBI is having trouble finding a bog-eyed cross-dresser who has kidnapped dozens of people and who has built a massive well in his living room, so they send Jodi Foster to decode a series of misleading riddles from a Psychopathic Cannibal. Jodi eventually kills the serial killer by accident, whilst the Psychopathic Cannibal escapes by eating some of the FBI. The film concludes with the Psychopathic Cannibal joking with the Feds about eating an old woman whilst they celebrate a job well done. Thriller which spawned the classic comedy character, Hannibal Lecter.

Scum (1979)

In a remarkable travesty of justice numerous early twentysomethings are sent to what was supposed to be a childrens’ prison.
NB. This film prompted the Home Secretary to release any Borstal inmate who could show he had a suit, a mortgage and a subscription to the Readers Digest.

Signs (1998)

Ruthless, hyper-technological aliens again invade Earth, unaware that they melt to death on contact with sea water.

War of the Worlds (1954)

Ruthless, hyper-technological alien machines invade Earth, unaware that they are fatally allergic to germs.

War of the Worlds (2005)

Ruthless hyper-technological aliens invade Earth, forgetting that they are fatally allergic to germs.

Twitter Swamp Leftists Derailing Musk With N Words

Ray Sisse
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Twitter Swamp Leftists Derailing Musk With N Words

According to sources, there are only about 300 Marxist activists creating 80% of the N word deluge on Twitter.

Yoel Roth, head of safety and integrity at Twitter revealed that many of the hateful tweets were coming from a small number of accounts. He said: “To give you a sense of scale: More than 50,000 Tweets repeatedly using a particular slur came from just 300 accounts.”

This activist campaign is there to unsettle skittish advertisers who obviously do not want the word for ‘black’ in Latin, which seems to cause a big stir amongst a certain populace being used. The word is simply a description of a colour but is deemed derogatory.

Marxists utilise the exact same techniques as Islamist extremist groups like the Taliban and ISIS to stop free speech and censor human thought. Their goal is ultimate control over your every thought process.

“This action is an assault on Musk, they want to kill free speech by flooding Twitter with free speech. Their point of course is to fight against the Latin word for black. Because of the word being deemed as derogatory over the years, it is now being used by the Marxist agitators as a battle ram to ensure heavy censorship and cancel culture is prevalent and dominates on the platform. Any decent person would not use a word deemed derogatory to demean an entire group of people in polite society, although in context to debate and artistically there is an argument, but the Marxist activists do not care if their anti-free speech tirade hurts the very people that are described by that certain Latin word,” an observer revealed.

Prior to the Midterm elections in the US, there is also serious concern from the Democrats after thousands of Twitter staff were fired by Musk. The Musk action may affect Twitter’s political pure leftist bias because the Republicans cannot be completely silenced/cancelled as was witnessed before the 2020 elections on the platform.

Elon Musk must simply hold the line and purge the network of the Marxist agitators. Social discourse is messy, chaotic and if one wants to express true progress then we need to have all voices allowed in the mix. Unfortunately the Marxists do not want free debate and the right to free expression, therefore the agitators and Bolshevik elements should be purged because of their terroristic actions to derail Musk’s new project.

If people think Twitter or any platform should be a sanitised safe space, go and live in a black box with a hood over your head, put on some noise cancelling headphones and be fed by a tube for the rest of your safe miserable fucking life.

If the advertisers cannot comprehend that healthy inclusive human discourse is a normal part of human progression they need to change their models.

Stasis or continuity?

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