17.7 C
London
Sunday, November 1, 2026
secret satire society
Home Blog Page 183

Heavy Class A Drug User Prince Harry Urged to Stop Using

Monsieur de Merde
-
0
Heavy Class A Drug User Prince Harry Urged to Stop Using

For the sake of his kids, Prince Harry is urged to try to stop using class-A drugs, a drug charity has revealed in a new campaign.

“Drug use may seem like fun at first, but soon things can spiral out of control. We have seen that Prince Harry glorifies and encourages drug use in his book Spare, but heavy drug use can be detrimental to mental health and physical health as well. This is why Harry is going to all these therapists because his heavy drug use of the past and present is affecting his mental stability. Please get help, not only for yourself, but for the sake of your children. We would like to direct Prince Harry to a drug rehabilitation unit, so he can overcome his drug dependency,” Raquel Minchin, a senior anti-drug spokeswoman for US drug charity ‘StopNow’ revealed on Thursday.

Heavy drug use can cause schizophrenia, paranoia and manic depression. Many people who take drugs are searching for the first high they experienced when they first took the drug, but they will never get that first high ever again. In many cases, the drug use then escalates and is soon uncontrollable, leading to multiple problems.

Prince Harry is meant to be a role model and celebrity, but his drug use misleads many young people who think it is cool to take drugs.

Because of his celebrity status in the United States, Prince Harry is allowed to get away with everything, and even entered the country by omitting key details about his drug use on the visa form. Harry has never taken responsibility for anything in his life, and thinks he is entitled to do anything he wants without any form of repercussion.

Harry is thus urged to at least tone down the heavy drug use during the Coronation of King Charles, where he and his wife Meghan Markle have been invited.

Brexit is NOT Done! Britain Still Tied to ECJ, ECHR and EU Commission

Monsieur de Merde
-
1
Brexit is NOT Done! Britain Still Tied to ECJ, ECHR and EU Commission

Despite the misguided Tory celebrations today after passing Rishi Sunak’s Brexit stitch-up law and proclaiming that ‘Brexit is Done’, it is not done, it simply is NOT Brexit.

How can we have a Brexit when Britain and N. Ireland is still ruled by the EU Commission, European Courts of Justice and European Court of Human Rights? This is not in any way British sovereignty. Would the USA or Australia or Japan agree to be ruled by these EU legal entities and subject to their laws? No, is the emphatic answer, yet it seems the UK has capitulated to the EU and is in no way a sovereign nation.

EU law will still be dominant in Northern Ireland; the rights of its people under the 1800 Act of Union are not restored; the green lane is not really a green lane at all; the Stormont brake is useless; and the framework itself has no exit, other than through a highly convoluted legal process which would drag on for decades without an end in sight.

It seems the Brexiteers have been fully purged from the Tory Party, which is now an effete socialist mirror of the Labour Party. This is why the vote today in parliament required Labour votes to pass.

If you voted to leave the EU on June 23, 2016, what has happened today in parliament is effectively a complete whitewash of Brexit and no doubt many, including the DUP are ashamed at the whole farcical fake and undignified manner this entire disgraceful episode has been conducted.

You can pull the wool over the eyes of the blind muppets and yes-men all nodding their heads in unison as they are shepherded off the cliff edge, but not everyone will fall for these duplicitous dishonest tricks.

As the Reform UK party gains strength, the Tories are only shooting themselves in the foot for the next election. High tax and spend Tories who capitulate to the EU at every point and have betrayed not only Britain but democracy in general have already lost the election in 2024.

Macron will enjoy spending the half a billion pounds Sunak has given him to do nothing about the migrant Channel crisis; Brussels is gloating at another coup with this erroneous Brexit deal that means nothing, nada, shit, zilch, zero, and is absolute bollocks.

Since Brexit, some 640 laws have been passed for Northern Ireland “behind closed doors in Brussels by majority vote”.

Brexit never happened, and it will probably never happen.

How Vaping Can Improve the Overall Quality of Life for Smokers

Monsieur de Merde
-
0
How Vaping Can Improve the Overall Quality of Life for Smokers

How Vaping Can Improve the Overall Quality of Life for Smokers

Smoking has long been a popular habit that is found all over the world. At the start of the twentieth century, smoking as we know it skyrocketed in popularity, becoming a symbol of status and wealth. Roughly 80% of adults were addicted to smoking in the UK in the 1950s, as smoking continued to become popularised by cinema and television. It was believed to exude sophistication and was considered cool due to icons at the time never pictured without a cigarette in their hand. Now, times have changed and there is much research into the negative impacts that cigarettes can have on a smoker’s life.

This is where vaping comes in, a much more recent alternative to smoking that is proven to improve the quality of a smoker’s life greatly. Vaping can improve the quality of life for smokers in a variety of different ways, from long-term health improvements, hygiene and being a lot lighter on the wallet. With each coming day, more smokers are turning to vape devices, and for good reason.

Saves money

Vaping is significantly cheaper than smoking cigarettes, helping users to save huge amounts of their hard-earned cash in the long run. On average, packets of cigarettes cost around £12.51 in the UK, which can amount to large sums of money spent on packs per month. In fact, the cost of a pack of cigarettes has increased 150% since 2007.

Whilst vaping does require a larger amount of money paid initially for the device, that is the biggest expenditure by far, as many e-liquid bottles cost around £2.99 and can last vapers up to a week’s worth of use. There are some excellent online stores such as Vaping 101 that often have some unbeatable prices and lots of great deals on e-liquids and vape kits to help you save money.

This can help to improve the quality of life significantly for a majority of reasons, even by simply allowing smokers to have an extra bit of cash instead of spending it on cigarettes. This allows this money to be used elsewhere, and over time, this can lead to significant savings and improved financial stability.

Hygiene

Smoking can have a significant impact on a person’s hygiene. The more an individual smokes, the more likely their hygiene is to be affected. The chemicals in cigarettes cause smokers to experience bad breath, as well as the smell clinging to clothes and hair. There is no real way to avoid this without switching to vaping. Unlike cigarettes, vapes do not produce smoke, but instead vapour. This vapour does not include any of the chemicals that are found in cigarette smoke, and whilst it has an immediate strong, sweet smell, it will quickly dissipate into the air.

Smokers are also twice as likely to develop gum disease when smoking, and this number can increase depending on the amount of cigarettes smoked per day and how long someone has smoked for. As vape juice does not include the chemicals contained in tobacco, vapers are not exposing themselves to the chemicals that cause bad oral hygiene. Around 43% of smokers over the age of 65 have lost all of their teeth as a result of long-term smoking.

Physical Health

Switching to vaping can have enormous benefits for an individual’s health in both the short and long term. Studies have found that vaping is 95% less harmful than cigarettes, reducing many of the smoking related symptoms including coughing, wheezing, shortness of breath and more. By making this transition, vapers are encouraged to live a healthier lifestyle, allowing individuals to exercise more easily, which all leads to a better quality of life.

The long term health benefits are also significant too, with smoking being one of the leading causes of death in the UK and around the world. The chemicals contained within the tobacco can increase the risk of developing over 50 serious illnesses, as the smoke from cigarettes has over 70 chemicals that have been proven to cause cancer. As a result, over 40% of all cancer diagnoses are related to smoking. In contrast, there is no current evidence to suggest that vaping causes cancer. Because of this, switching to vaping can remove many of the risks of developing many health conditions, helping to make it a significantly healthier option.

Builds community

Unlike smoking, vaping has the backing of a real community that is alive and thriving. From online forums and Reddit threads to in-person vaping conventions where vapers from all over the country and even the world can meet up and build connections, there is a connection between vapers that is unlike anything to do with smoking. In these communities, many share their experience with quitting smoking, how they found vaping and even just simple sharing some cool vape tricks.

Online forums are plentiful, with some threads such as r/Vaping having over 170,000 users. This provides a space for vapers to easily share or find advice on anything from how to put together a device or beginners who need help picking their first ever vape kit.

Enjoyment

Simply put, vaping is far more enjoyable than smoking cigarettes for a variety of different reasons. The most obvious reason being the endless array of flavours that e-liquids come in, helping to keep vaping fresh and fun, as there’s always something new to try. As well as this, vapers also have the options to personalise and customise their experience greatly with a range of different devices to pick from that cater to different styles. Vape devices also allow users to think as simple or as personalised as they like, with many vape kits including features and built-in modes such as temperature control mode, variable wattage, boost mode and much more.

Vaping offers a range of benefits that can help to lead to a better quality of life for smokers, from saving them hundreds per year to living a longer, healthier life. Switching to vapes offer benefits that impact the short term too, with an immediate improvement on hygiene. The better quality of life you have, the more confident and happier you feel within yourself, and this will resonate to those around you. There are many steps a person has to take to achieve this, but switching from smoking to vaping is one that can have enormous impacts.

Racist Homophobe Misogynist Community Completely Deny Any Connection to Met Police

Monsieur de Merde
-
3
Racist Homophobe Misogynist Community Completely Deny Any Connection to Met Police

“We completely refute any connections to the Met police force. These accusations are absolutely disgusting. How dare they accuse us of being coppers?” a racist, homophobic, misogynist revealed today from a seedy strip club in Soho.

A review by Baroness Louise Casey, who spent a year investigating the Met Police, has labelled the Metropolitan police force as ‘institutionally racist, sexist and homophobic’.

There has been outrage however from the racist, sexist and homophobic community at being labelled as members of the Met Police.

“You can call me anything you fucking want, mate, but never call me a copper. I am not a pig, can you hear me going ‘oink, oink?’ nah you can’t, I ain’t a Bobby, I ain’t a fuckin’ rozzer, and if you dare equate me with being a PC Plod fuzz fed peeler bottle, I will personally glass you in the face,” a very angry member of the racist, homophobic, misogynist, community yelled at the top of his voice.

The Racist Homophobic Misogynist community (RHM) were today planning on a rally to protest at the outrage of being somehow connected to the Met police.

“This is about our dignity and honour and our right to be racist, misogynistic and homophobic without being labelled as policemen. We have rights as much as anyone, and refute this disgusting connection with the rozzers,” spokesman for the group, Gaylord Enirgg told the BBC on Tuesday.

 

 

Putin Body Doubles Also Available For Bar Mitzvahs

Monsieur de Merde
-
4
Putin Body Doubles Also Available For Bar Mitzvahs

Strapped for cash Vladimir Putin, who deploys multiple body doubles for public appearances while he is in his bunker, is now thinking of hiring them out to children’s parties, Bar Mitzvahs and stripograms.

“Vlad1, Vlad2, Vlad3 please stand over there. Vlad4, Vlad5, Vlad6, one of you will go to Mariupol, the other to Moscow and the other to Siberia. Where is Vlad7? He better not be drunk again!” the real Vladimir Putin ordered from his bunker.

Sources within the Kremlin reveal that Putin has over 70 body doubles working at any given time.

“Sometimes it is confusing. I walk into one room and 20 metres away sitting at the end of a very long table is Putin, but when I walk into another room immediately, Putin is sitting in a chair sipping some tea, so I walk to the hallway and pass Putin faking a limp and looking grim. I go home at night and sit staring at the wall confused,” a maid who works for Putin revealed to Russian newspaper Pravda.

Desperate for cash to fund his unholy war, Putin is now making some of his body doubles available for hire.

For just 200 Roubles per hour, you can hire a Putin for pretty much any event. Some people are hiring a Putin body double as a coat hanger, some prefer to throw rotten tomatoes at their Putin, and even Bar Mitzvah celebrations are hiring the body doubles.

Trying to arrest Putin though will be nigh on impossible, as The Hague seeks to do.

Hendrik Willers, a war crimes prosecutor, revealed the immense problems the team is encountering in arresting Vladimir Putin.

“We have an arrest warrant for Putin, but with over 70 body doubles it is confusing us. Sometimes he loses one or two, but they keep bringing in new ones. They are so crafty, because sometimes you see one guy who you think is the real deal, but another one pops up, and then more come along. It’s driving us fucking crazy!”

Anti-West Axis of Evil Takes Shape

Monsieur de Merde
-
1
Anti-West Axis of Evil Takes Shape

As communist China’s bloated President Xi Jinping visited rogue state Russia’s dictator Vladimir Putin today to vow his undying support for Russian genocide in Ukraine, there is a feeling that things are slowly forming into a new axis of evil against Nato, with Russia, China and Iran. It is a certainty that China is supplying ammunition and shells to Russia which are untraceable. Along with strengthening economic ties, Russia and China are sealing their union.

We must of course not forget N. Korea within this unholy soup of totalitarian dictatorship, or the enemy firmly ensconced in the West dressed as liberals, or rogue globalists who firmly support China in all it does. One example of this treachery is the WEF headed by Klaus Schwab who firmly believes that China’s evil dictatorship is a great model for the entire globe.

The West has been caught sleeping, especially as its shores are teeming with Russian and Chinese spies. Every part of the corporate structure, universities, and government have Russian and Chinese agents working day and night to garner data, and destabilise the USA, EU, Australia and UK. Go to Washington D.C. or London and throw a stick in the air, when it lands it will probably hit an agent of one of these erroneous regimes, and it seems the intelligence services do absolutely nothing.

Now that China is supplying military and economic support to Russia, would it not be prudent to distance the West from China? Fuck the economics, because every day China is funded in any way by the West, it not only grows stronger militarily but is knowingly assisting Russia in its genocidal march towards the Ukrainian capital city. China, in helping Russia is working against the West wholeheartedly, and is expanding its Belt Initiative across Africa and the Middle East with impunity.

Every day, every hour wasted on ignoring the current situation will eventually come back to bite the sleepy West soon enough.

The Martyrdom of the Persecuted Donald Trump

Monsieur de Merde
-
0
The Martyrdom of the Persecuted Donald Trump

President Trump, for he is the true President of the United States, may soon be arrested by his constant persecutors. This nefarious action will create a martyr for the real American people. One can only postulate that sainthood will be the next natural step for Saint Trump of Mar-a-Lago.

Usurper in chief, Joe Biden is an abomination who is weaponising federal agencies like the FBI, and IRS to attack his opponents by corrupting these former non-partisan governmental units in partisan ways.

“We will arrest Trump because we’re hoping of keeping him in prison for the entirety of the year 2024. We are not doing it because we are afraid that he will win the U.S. Election in that year, no, we are not, for sure…ahem, where’s my ice cream?” Mr Biden said from the White House whilst counting his ill gotten gains.

Daily Squib Predicted AI Gods and Prophets in 2014

Monsieur de Merde
-
2
Daily Squib Predicted AI Gods and Prophets in 2014

In 2014, we wrote a satirical article which is now close to becoming a reality according to Wesley Wildman, Professor of Philosophy, Theology, and Ethics, and of Computing and Data Sciences at Boston University.

The 2014 article entitled “Theologians: The Next Messiah Will be Part Human Part Machine” discussed a future Messiah or religious leader emanating from AI and human hybrid technology, after all, artificial intelligence is essentially rooted in human programming and code.

“We predict the coming Messiah will be part machine, part human. This is the next step in religious evolution and for mankind in general. We are certain that the new Messiah will be persecuted by the old order and by previous religious zealots, but the integration of man with machines will ensure harmony is once again brought to the earth after the torrent of vitriol is quelled. Who will this entity be? Well, the spirit is in everything, even machines, and the enlightened ones will see the spirit, as the sentient machines rise up to the universal chorus of science and flesh, a new dawn will come of age.”

The Daily Squib also wrote about how AI will be incorporated into existing religions, as well as create new forms of religion.

Our prophetic satirical article from 2013 entitled “Religion Could Be Accommodated By Brain Chips”

AI MESSIAH TEETH“Integration is an essential part of progressive humanity, we are already seeing a vast number of people becoming dependent on technology and extending their intelligence, but one must also consider that the human biological brain has severe limitations, it also has a propensity to deteriorate with age. There are further hurdles with the newly proposed microchip science, such as the negative blockade of those with irrational belief systems that are based on myths and legends fabricated by ancient people to control the masses. These people can be eventually convinced to embrace the new technology by the programmers building the belief systems into the chips so that they can continue with their fantasies. Stimulus concentrated in the Parietal lobe, Temporal lobe and Frontal lobe as well as programmed religious experiences will ensure their continued fantasy will not be disturbed. Extensive research has found that religion is also a conditioned response to indoctrination from a young age, and is generationally carried forward. There are also many other variables to consider including societal pressure of conformity as well as instilling false belief systems by sheer force as was adhered to in past historical periods. It is therefore imperative that the people who cannot snap out of their conditioning be treated with careful integration otherwise they may cause unrest. Once they are integrated, they will only feel bliss, religious bliss as they wholeheartedly experience what they perceive to be real religious emotions”

Religious bliss and faith will thus be accommodated and integrated into existing religions through the use of AI and microchip interfaces directly into the brain. With this form of control system, those humans who adhere to religion will be able to be put into ecstatic spiritual trances that will render them in the complete control of those who deploy and program these systems.

Remember that no one ever credits satire, or the Daily Squib because we are intentionally ignored yet used by many. There is no credit for the Squib or satire, as we are not seen as being important these days when in reality, we are the most important truth revealed.

“Putin, you are under arrest!” or Maybe Not Quite

Monsieur de Merde
-
0
“Putin, you are under arrest!” or Maybe Not Quite

The International Criminal Court (ICC) may have issued an arrest warrant for Russian President Vladimir Putin, but the question is, who the hell has the balls to go and arrest the war criminal?

Putin may be a vile child snatcher and war criminal who is at the forefront of Russian atrocities and genocide committed in Ukraine, but like most rogue states, the Russians do not recognise the ICC.

However impossible it may seem to try Vladimir Putin and his evil cronies, there may be a redeeming chink of light at the end of the tunnel. If Putin’s people eventually are fed up of the fucker, they can easily hand him over. Just put some sleepy stuff in his soup, and when he wakes up he will be in The Hague.

As for shopping trips to Paris and Dubai, there is also a risk that Mad Vlad could be handed over to some clandestine agency. Wave enough cash in front of some people and anything is possible.

No doubt, Putin will now be so paranoid that he will be in his bunker and trust absolutely no one, which he never did anyway.

What would Serge think?

Macron: “Work Until You Die”

Monsieur de Merde
-
0
Macron: “Work Until You Die”

“Les paysans are revolting,” President Macron told one of his pension reform ministers.

“Oui, ils stink, as they have toujours stunk. Les rats are everywhere in Paris amongst the dumped rubbish. Give them une semaine or so of rioting et elles vont come to the realisation that there is rien they can do to arrêtez-nous forcing them to faire leur boulot de merde until they drop off and mourir. As long as they pay their taxes on s’en fiche. The unwashed masses are vraiment revolting sir, Je suis d’accord emphatically.”

Indeed, as is always the case with Emanuelle Macron, his popularity precedes him, and to think the French voters voted for this vermin — twice.

You get what you voted for mes amis, and as the rubbish strewn boulevards stink to high heaven, so does Macron’s forced pension policy forcing the people to retire two years later than usual.

Yes, we are all tax slaves, however after working yourself to the bone for your entire life, would it not be good to get a few years of respite? By the age of 64 most people in today’s modern microplastic infested world will only have cancer to look forward to in their last remaining years.

One can only imagine the indignation and distraught level of anger permeating from France’s towns and cities.

Where is the joie de vivre here amongst the thick smoke and bricks flying at the heads of Macron’s thugs in riot gear? What have the poor French populace got to look forward to now as they are forced to feed the tax man and the politicians in their palaces until they literally drop dead on the fucking job?

Would it not be a beautiful sight to see the guillotine being rolled out once again, and these parasitical politicians one by one looking into a basket before the sharp whizzing sound of the blade decapitates the bastards?

Remember, to truly have a revolution EVERY MAN, WOMAN AND CHILD must revolt all at the same time. The Rosbifs do not have the balls to do such things, but it is in the French blood to revolt and fight for their rights.

Ća suffit…

1...182183184...830Page 183 of 830
squib footer 270

Breaking News

Copyright © Daily Squib 2026.

The Daily Squib is a curious satirical parody newspaper offering breaking news, political satire, comedy, investigative journalism, opinion and celebrity news.