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Britain to House Entire Continents of Africa, Asia and South America

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Britain to House Entire Continents of Africa, Asia and South America

Because so many billions of people want to come to Britain to live and receive benefits plus use the NHS, the government is planning to build vast skyscraper buildings across the country holding millions of people.

Each skyscraper will hold over 800 million people from Third World countries, and will reach above the clouds in height. The skyscrapers will measure 15 miles wide, and will also have a portion of the building underground to a depth of 1,000 metres.

“We envisage every single space in the UK taken up by these behemoth skyscrapers, housing the people who enter the country illegally. Britain will not have a countryside anymore as every previously protected green space is permanently concreted over. The babbling brooks, rivers, forests and meadows of Britain will be bulldozed and filled with these concrete monstrosities,” one of the planners for the new scheme revealed to a parliamentary committee today.

The entire population of Asia, South America, Africa and Middle East accounts to approximately 7.4 billion people who all want to come to the UK.

The NHS will have to service an extra 7.4 billion people per annum, and the government proposes an increase of funding by 15% however many dispute this as a ridiculously low amount to fund the free health service with such high numbers of immediate population growth on the tiny island of Britain.

The population of Britain is currently 67.3 million, and to accommodate the massive influx of population, all Britons will be taxed 100% of their income, and have all bank deposits and assets seized by the government. Even then, only 12% of the new influx of 7.4 billion people will be able to be catered for regarding benefits, NHS, schooling, and housing.

The government on Wednesday was silent when reporters asked about how the rest of the people arriving in the UK will be funded.

New Militant Apostate Jihadist SNP Leader Humza Yousaf Vows to Break Up UK

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New Militant Apostate Jihadist SNP Leader Humza Yousaf Vows to Break Up UK

There’s a good reason why the bampots in the Scottish National Party (SNP) voted for a deranged militant foaming-at-the-mouth fake Jihadist, Humza Yousaf to head the party.

“Aye, after we let Wee Jimmy Krankie go, we needed someone with some passion to head the SNP and fuck the UK up. We scoured the streets of Glasgow and came up with this jihadist looking gadgie. Our reasoning is, we told him he would get 72 goats in heaven if he breaks up Scotland from the rest of the UK. As soon as we told the dirty bawbag about the virgin goats, he was on the job like no business,” a senior SNP official revealed on Tuesday.

Mr Humza Yousef is so dedicated to breaking the UK up, he attends the Scottish Parliament buildings with a fully functioning suicide vest at all times.

“I don’t like losing arguments me, if you say something I don’t like, I may detonate.”

Haram

Despite giving off a pseudo-jihadist image, Yousaf is in fact viewed as an apostate and traitor by Muslims. In 2023, Yousaf vocally supported same-sex marriage and gender reforms for trans people. He also voted in favour of the Gender Recognition Reform (Scotland) Bill and has also vowed to secure the rights of LGBT community in a written constitution if Scotland gains independence.

There is, however, great fear in the UK that Yousaf could break up our great union.

Imagine a terrible existence of not having immediate access to a Haggis, or a deep-fried Mars bar? Scotch whiskey is no doubt the best in the fucking world, and being glassed in the face by some Begbie character in a dark Scottish pub is the highlight of many. These are some of the small things we would miss from Scotland. We ask you not to go.

Skiing Hollywood Actress Unconsciously Coupled With Man On Piste

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Skiing Hollywood Actress Unconsciously Coupled With Man On Piste

“I was skiing down the slope, or should I say piste, and I was pissed…ahem. Yes, I had just come from my chalet after a serious session of drinkage, plus I just had my delicate brussels sprout steamed, you know what I mean? Well, suddenly out of the blue, bammo! I found myself in a position of compromise — I had unconsciously coupled with an elderly gentleman who frankly should not have been there. This old fart should have been firmly ensconced in front of a TV set in some dingy old people’s home drinking soup, not, I dare say, with a pair of skis on a snowy mountain. Tony Stark was nowhere to be seen as I called out wildly. Nevertheless, after unconsciously coupling with the man at high speed, I consciously uncoupled with the old gent and went on my way. Listen, I’ve got people to see, gloop to cook and expensive garbage to sell on my website, I cannot be seen to be coupling with dirty old men? I thus offer the elderly gent one dollar, and nothing more,” Gwyneth Poultry, Hollywood actress and internet entrepreneur revealed to the court.

The televised court case continues …

Sadiq Khan Planning Pay-Per-Mile Scheme With ULEZ Cameras

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Sadiq Khan Planning Pay-Per-Mile Scheme With ULEZ Cameras

As well as punishing the poor who cannot afford to upgrade their old vehicles, the ULEZ zone being implemented by Little Hitler Mayor Sadiq Khan will soon implement a Pay-Per-Mile scheme for all London drivers.

TFL will rake in millions of pounds per day with the ULEZ scheme, and once the P-P-M scheme comes into use, billions of pounds will be taken from motorists in London.

This is nothing about ‘air quality’ which the evil mayor claims, but is purely a money making operation to fleece Londoners out of more money.

The victims of Sadiq Khan’s ULEZ expansion include a woman facing £650 annual costs to visit her sick relative, nurses and care workers who will not be able to afford to give care, and a tradesman who will be billed over £3000 per year just to do his job.

The elderly victims of the extended ULEZ scheme will become more isolated, as their relatives will not be able to afford to visit them anymore. Many Londoners are disabled, elderly or have conditions which need a carer, these are the people who will be punished most by the ULEZ extension.

Hypocritical Hounslow Council accepted the nefarious ULEZ extension but called for an exemption of the charge for their 400 council vehicles. Bexley, Bromley, Harrow and Hillingdon councils have all vowed to go to the courts to fight this abomination of a road tax scheme.

Sadiq Khan who was voted in twice to be London Mayor is planning the introduction of the Pay-Per-Mile scheme that will track and charge every single vehicle in London by 2024. It will not matter if vehicles are ULEZ compliant, but will charge and track all motorists whether driving all electric or petrol vehicles. Some of the pricing models discussed at TFL meetings is charging certain vehicles as much as £6.50 per mile, on top of £12.50/day ULEZ charges.

Campaigners have been covering ULEZ cameras across London. Some are clipping the wires of the cameras or using bags and boxes to cover the cameras in protest. Using telescopic garden shears to clip the wires is one way to disable the cameras. Other methods are spray-painting the lenses with black permanent paint.

The real crime is that Sadiq Khan was voted into office for the second time. Who were these people who voted for this cockroach? Hold your head in shame if you voted for Sadiq Khan, drop down on your knees and grovel for forgiveness that may never come.

When Gonzo Met Serge Gainsbourg

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When Gonzo Met Serge Gainsbourg

Serge Gainsbourg was a goddamn lunatic. A madman of music, a savant of smut, a maverick of melody. He was a genius, a degenerate, a saint, and a sinner all rolled into one. And for anyone with half a brain and a shred of taste, he was one of the greatest musicians of all time.

I first heard Gainsbourg’s music back in the day, when I was living high on the hog and chasing the American Dream. And let me tell you, it was like nothing I’d ever heard before. The man was a fucking magician, weaving together elements of jazz, funk, rock, and pop into a sound that was entirely his own. He had a voice like a rusty chainsaw, but he could sing like an angel when he wanted to. And his lyrics were pure poetry, even when he was singing about the filthiest things you could imagine.

But what really set Gainsbourg apart was his complete lack of give-a-fuck. He didn’t care what anyone thought of him or his music. He was a true outsider, a rebel without a cause, a punk before punk was even a thing. He pushed the boundaries of what was acceptable, and he did it with style, flair, and a shit-eating grin.

And let’s not forget his legendary love life. The man was a walking, talking sex scandal, bedding some of the most beautiful women in the world and scandalizing polite society in the process. He was a wild man, a libertine, a lothario, and a legend.

But even beyond all the hype and the scandal, Gainsbourg was the real deal. He was a true artist, a master of his craft, and a visionary. He created music that was both beautiful and ugly, pure and profane, sophisticated and raw. He was a poet of the perverse, a bard of the bizarre, a troubadour of the taboo.

And now, years after his death, his music still sounds as fresh, as daring, as utterly fucking insane as it did when he first recorded it. He was a true original, a one-of-a-kind, a force of nature. And if you’re not listening to him right now, you’re missing out on one of the greatest musical experiences of your life.

Serge Gainsbourg. The man, the myth, the fucking legend. Bow down and pay your respects, you poor, sad, unenlightened motherfuckers.

Modern Autotune Pop Singers Soon to be Replaced by AI

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Modern Autotune Pop Singers Soon to be Replaced by AI

The last two decades of non-music by autotune pop singers who all sound exactly the same as each other could soon be replaced by AI singers who will sound exactly the same as a modern talentless autotune pop singer.

Production companies and record companies will now bypass having to pay for some brainless pop singer to sing into an autotune plugin for that same awful robotic sound. AI singing tools will revolutionise the business.

“We will not need pop singers soon. This is a bonus for our business model, as we will not have to pay any royalties to some jumped up little autotune shister who thinks they are famous for whining into a microphone going through an autotune app. All modern songs are template music and sound the same, especially with autotune. The AI will streamline our business model as we can churn out hit songs to dump on the public who have been trained over decades to accept the shit quality of music presented to them,” a music executive for a record company in Los Angeles revealed.

In a climate where every song sounds exactly the same, there is no room for distinguishing one autotune singer from the next, therefore AI is a solution that will bypass paying these useless singers or paying them any royalties. It only makes good business sense, and will cut down production times by more than 70%.

“The untalented autotune people with massive egos walking around as if they have actually achieved something will have a rude awakening when they are completely bypassed by record companies of the future,” Miles Keith, CEO of Universal Records revealed to Music Week magazine.

As for live and video performances, record companies will simply present mime artists hired on a daily basis. This way, they only need to hire models for a few days or weeks, cutting costs even further. Because pop artists and singers of today have no personalities or individual character anyway, no one will even notice the changes.

Dolly Parton’s Breasts Could be Displayed in Nashville Museum

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Dolly Parton’s Breasts Could be Displayed in Nashville Museum

“We all know how everything in America has to be big. If it ain’t big, it ain’t good. Same goes for Dolly Parton’s breasts, they’re big, just like her sweet voice is big. She’s given us permission, when she passes to the Grand Ole Opry in the sky, to donate her wonderful big mammas to our museum so millions of visitors every year can enjoy those beautiful fun bags like many did when she was alive,” Curston Dean McGuinness, owner and curator of the Nashville Museum told Fox News.

Stand by your mams

In fact, the Jolene starlet has had each of her humungous breasts insured for $45 million and the cherry on the top, each nipple has an additional insurance premium of $15 million. The Swiss bank that insures Dolly’s bazongas recently went bust on her bust, but luckily the Fed bailed them out with a special chesty finance deal.

Trip down mammary lane

Buck Thornton, was an acquaintance of Dolly’s in 1967, and remembers her cantaloupes with fondness.

“Dolly, bless her, has such a big heart, I never met a lady who could not only sing like her, but she could hug the whole world with her warm ta-ta’s, bless her. She let me do a Bombay Roll on her backstage just after a show in Texas. I’ll never forget her face as I drained all I had over those dang beauteous jelly-filled babylons of pure country goodness.”

5 Ways to Extend the Life of Your Office Equipment

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5 Ways to Extend the Life of Your Office Equipment

Given how expensive office equipment can be, it only makes sense to try and get the most out of your investment. Here we are going to explore some of the ways you can extend the life of your office equipment. From screen protectors to proper maintenance, these tips will help you save money in the long run and keep your equipment in tip-top shape for longer.

1 – Use Screen Protectors for Your Digital Devices

screen-protector-g0cb09a910_640One of the best ways to prolong the life of your office equipment is by using screen protectors. These handy accessories are designed to shield the screens of your computer monitors, office tablets, and digital workstations from scratches, dings, and other potential damage. You may be used to the idea of screen protectors on phones, but as this website shows, screen protectors are available for screens of all shapes and sizes.

Keeping your screens in pristine condition will help maintain their functionality and prevent costly repairs or replacements down the line. And as a bonus, you can periodically replace your Dell screen protector to keep your device’s screen always looking brand new.

2 – Keep Your Equipment Clean, and Dust-Free

cleaning-g3183b9cef_640Dust and dirt can be your office equipment’s worst enemy, as they can clog up the internal components and cause them to overheat or malfunction. To avoid this, make a habit of regularly cleaning your equipment.

You don’t need to hire an expert to keep your devices clean. Just use compressed air to blow out dust from your computer’s vents and keyboard. It is also a good idea to wipe down your monitor, printer, and other devices with a soft, lint-free cloth. You’ll not only extend the life of your equipment, but also create a healthier work environment for yourself and your colleagues.

3 – Don’t Overload Your Electrical Outlets

We’ve all been there: too many devices, not enough outlets. While it might be tempting to plug everything into a single power strip, doing so can put undue stress on your electrical system and damage your equipment.

Instead, spread your devices across multiple outlets or use a heavy-duty power strip specifically designed for office equipment. This will help protect your devices from power surges and ensure they’re running at optimal efficiency.

4 – Update Your Software and Firmware Regularly

Your office equipment’s software and firmware are just as important as its physical components. Regularly updating your software and firmware will help ensure that your devices are running smoothly, securely, and efficiently. It’s not uncommon for software updates to improve a device’s thermal performance, for example, and heat is one of the factors that slowly kills computer parts over the years.

5 – Perform Regular Maintenance and Inspections

brainstorm-g13fd0e716_640Last but not least, it’s essential to perform regular maintenance and inspections on your office equipment. Just like a car, your devices need a little love and care to keep them running smoothly. This might include replacing worn parts, tightening loose connections, or lubricating moving components.

By staying on top of maintenance and addressing any issues as soon as they arise, you’ll be able to prevent more significant problems down the line and extend the life of your equipment.

Woke Fascist Ideology Bypasses Facts and Implants Lies

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Woke Fascist Ideology Bypasses Facts and Implants Lies

For the dangerous woke fascist ideology, Queen Elizabeth I was a black woman, and women are not women, books and Western literature written by previously celebrated authors should all be desecrated and rearranged to accommodate a fascist censorious agenda ashamed of their inferior cultural status in history.

Western civilisation and its technological prowess over other cultures in the past is blamed for its cultural imperialism, but is it fair to blame advanced cultures over subaltern ones? Just because the West innovated vast technological and scientific leaps whilst places like Sub-Saharan Africa never did, should that be a crime? It just is what it is.

Wokism cannot create anything new, as an evil fascist ideology it can only take known facts, films, songs, books and censor them. In this respect, Wokism is anti-art, and an anti-creative destructive form of censorship, cancelling anything in its path it deems as superior or against its hyper-sensitive politically correct directives.

Virtue signalling wokists claim to be ‘inclusive’ when in fact wokism is a highly divisive and racist ideology denigrating which ever race is not in vogue at any given moment, these fascist controlling hateful dictators believe freedom of expression should be punished. Being woke is an inherently offensive totalitarian ideology that deletes, cancels entire swathes of literature or people from all existence simply for the crime of existing.

This insidious and flagitious ideology of the woke divides and destroys all culture, art and society to the point that eventually civil war and massive civil unrest is inevitable. There is a distinct reasoning to demoralising and destabilising entire nations from within by using the Woke ideology, as a nation’s enemy implants this nefarious poison into the very fabric of any internal national identity.

You are made to hate the very own fabric of your national identity, the colour of your skin, your language, your literature, your culture and even your sex. This is why 5-year-old boys and girls are being encouraged to mutilate their bodies forever, this is why the biological scientific facts, the universal logic of being male and female, yin and yang, is under attack.

If every logical fact and every scientific fact, and every piece of known literature is attacked and destroyed by the totalitarian woke ideology with implanted lies, half-truths and nonsense — the entire fabric of Western civilisation and democracy will disappear.

As in every totalitarian political system like fascism or communism, repetition is utilised by the woke controllers to completely blanket the masses with woke propaganda at every point of their lives. Repeat any lie enough times, and it eventually becomes the truth. This is how the woke operate, and they will not stop because they have infiltrated the highest echelons of control in every sector now.

Only a few dare to speak up about this, and the Daily Squib is proud to be one of the very few, as much as we are punished. Unless what little freedom we have left is reinstated soon, we will lose everything and once it’s gone — it’s gone forever.

Bank of England Condemns Britain to More Recession With Rate Rise

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Bank of England Condemns Britain to More Recession With Rate Rise

The insane policies of the Bank of England raising interest rates by a quarter of a percentage point to 4.25% will not only fuel more inflation but condemn Britain’s economy to the shit bucket of history.

The Bank falsely claimed the outlook for the economy was slightly improved with an increase in the economy of 0.00000001%, and it was no longer predicting a technical recession, where the economy shrinks for two consecutive quarters, but everyone knows that’s a load of codswallop.

“I just lost my home, my business and everything I own thanks to these insane rate rises and that punishing Jeremy Hunt spring budget. Thank you. I am now off to Waterloo Bridge. Goodbye and fuck you!” a man revealed just after the news of the interest rate rise hit.

By pushing up interest rates, more banks will go under as liquidity disappears and borrowing costs increase, as well as people desperately try to take their money out of the banks. Before the real storm hits, many are urged to take their money out of mainstream banks otherwise when the bail-ins occur, people will be standing around with a fat useless ‘I owe you’ form that will never be fulfilled. Don’t forget to have a fucking umbrella handy when the bankers start jumping out of their tower blocks.

Threadneedle Street were today celebrating with another champagne fuelled party honouring another economic botch job that will kill business and murder the economy for decades.

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