Unfit Britons to Lose NHS Care

LONDON - England - Comrade Brown, who as our unelected superhuman super-fit Commander in Chief, brought forth more orders for his five year vision of change plan today.

Rottweiler Attacks Down for December

SCUNTHORPE - England - Statistics for the month of December suggest an easing off of Rottweiler attacks on the Chav populations in England and Wales.

Christmas Cancelled Next Year

NORTH POLE - Antarctica - One of Santa's elves has lost the names and addresses of all the children in the whole wide world. The data was held on a disc and was lost somewhere over Greenland.