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Comical Starmer Reassures Labour Party After Election Drubbing

Paul Revere
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Comical Starmer Reassures Labour Party After Election Drubbing

Comical Starmer: “Yesterday, we slaughtered them, and we will continue to slaughter them!”

Shock and Awe

In light of the Reform Party infidel dogs winning former Labour council seats, Comical Starmer said, “We made them drink poison last night, and my soldiers and my great forces gave the Reform Party a lesson which will not be forgotten by history. Truly.”

At one point, Comical Starmer held up an old shoe and said, “We will welcome them with bullets and shoes.”

Pointing at a screen showing the latest election results, Comical Starmer said defiantly, “I can say, and I am responsible for what I am saying, that they have started to commit suicide under the walls of Barnsley. We will encourage them to commit more suicides quickly.”

“They are hiding in the dirts. I am most certain. The Farage infidel dog is scratching around in caves.”

LOCAL ELECTION RESULTS: “Comrades, everything is okay. Nothing has changed!”

Paul Revere
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3
LOCAL ELECTION RESULTS: “Comrades, everything is okay. Nothing has changed!”

Comrades, there has been democratic action in the country. According to polls, our supreme Labour Party has lost over 1,800 councillors across the People’s Republic of Soviet Britain. This means nothing to me. Democracy is something that Labour vows to completely eradicate. The local election results are meaningless. I am still the supreme comrade to the British Soviet people. You cannot get rid of me!!!!

THERE IS NO STARMERGEDDON

We will root out the partisans and their leader Nigel Farage.

No Overall Control is our friend.

I refuse to stand down until I complete my mission of transitioning the country from socialism to full communism. Time is also running out to reverse Brexit. My bosses in Brussels are furious with me, and frankly, they are a very scary bunch.

These local election results mean nothing. I am Comrade Starmer, your supreme Soviet leader. You cannot unseat me. You cannot remove me. I will fight till the end. I am the gift that keeps giving — to the Reform Party!

VOTE LABOUR: “Comrades, today I am ordering you to vote for Labour”

Paul Revere
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VOTE LABOUR: “Comrades, today I am ordering you to vote for Labour”

Comrades, we are still in a socialist system where the last remnants of democracy are being chipped away as we transition from socialism into full communism. In this respect, that means that in the current system there are still local elections, which will be phased out soon thankfully by the Labour Party. The People’s Republic of Soviet Britain will not be robbed by democracy and elections, remnants of Britain’s horrific colonial past.

The Goal of Socialism is Communism. – Vladimir Lenin

Today is polling day, and I am ordering all citizens to vote for Labour. If you do not vote for Labour, when the communist revolution occurs, we will have your name and address, and by that time we will have built more gulags in Stasi Britain.

This is not a threat; it’s an order that if you do not vote for your Labour commissar representative, when we transition into communism, we will hunt you down and liquidate you, who will be deemed a “far-right” enemy of the state.

Our Labour Stasi agents and spies are watching and monitoring all citizens at all times. We even have eyes and ears in polling stations, and if you tick the wrong box, you just signed your own liquidation order.

I am currently in my bunker at a secret location due to the Mandelson/Epstein episode, which I unsuccessfully tried to cover up. My circle of trust anticipates an internal bid for my position as supreme leader by various treacherous factions within the party. Their manoeuvres will not be tolerated, and they will all be rooted out and sent to gulags up north where they will be worked to death.

VOTE LABOUR OR DIE! IT IS SIMPLE!

PRSB URGENT COMMUNIQUE

JENNY SALTBURRATHER, 14, OF KINNOCK AVENUE, CHINGFORD, LONDON HAS BEEN AWARDED THREE BUCKETS OF SEWAGE-LADEN FRESH WATER, WHICH CONSTITUTES TWO MONTHS’ RATIONS FOR A FAMILY OF FOUR. SHE WAS ALSO AWARDED THREE BOXES OF QUADRUPLE-USED TOILET PAPER AND TWO ROTTEN TURNIPS. SHE REPORTED HER MOTHER, FATHER, SIX BROTHERS, EIGHT SISTERS, THREE AUNTS, ONE UNCLE AND HER ENTIRE CLASS AT SCHOOL FOR CALLING COMRADE STARMER A “LYING COMMIE CUNT WHO DESERVES NO VOTE!” AND SOME OF THEM EVEN SPAT ON THE FLOOR WHEN HIS NAME WAS MENTIONED. THEY WERE ALL ARRESTED IN THE EARLY HOURS OF THIS MORNING AND TRANSFERRED TO THEIR LOCAL NET ZERO JUICE PROCESSING CENTRE WHERE THEY WERE PROCESSED INTO NET ZERO JUICE – THAT COOL REFRESHING DRINK – ONLY 14 SOVIET PENCE PER PINT. HMMM, SO REFRESHING AND NUTRITIOUS.

 

 

We’re Giving Away 1,000 FREE Tickets on an EXCLUSIVE Hantavirus Cruise

Paul Revere
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We’re Giving Away 1,000 FREE Tickets on an EXCLUSIVE Hantavirus Cruise

If you love rats, you’re going to love this exclusive cruise on a rat-infested ship departing from Southampton port and journeying all the way to the Galapagos Islands. You read that right. Ever wondered what it’s like to enjoy a cruise on a luxury liner where the hygiene standards are so low that rats defecate over your food whilst you eat? The Hantavirus Cruise will blow your fucking gallbladder and shred your kidneys with its delights. Ever wondered what it’s like to piss out of your arse? With no gastric tract left, and your internal organs all failing at once, you just might.

The ship’s motto, proudly displayed for this exclusive cruise, will be:
“One Cruise. Ten Thousand Fucking Rats.”

Deck & Entertainment Highlights

“Rat Droppings Bingo”

Passengers receive cards with rodent-pellet patterns. Real-time rat activity across the ship is projected on giant screens. First person to yell “Hanta!” after a confirmed fresh dropping wins a free drink (served in a suspiciously damp paper cup).

Rat Urine Soaked Shuffleboard

Classic shuffleboard, but the pucks glide through strategically placed puddles of authentic rodent essence. Bonus points if your puck lands in a fresh wet spot. Winners get their photo taken with the ship’s “Rodent Ambassador”.

Midnight Rat Scavenger Hunt

Teams hunt for the biggest, boldest rats in the ship’s kitchens. Bonus items include a fresh urine trail, perfectly formed droppings, and a rat that looks like it’s judging you. Grand prize: an upgraded cabin (with visible gnaw marks).

“Aerosol Appreciation Hour”

Held in the poorly ventilated lower decks where the disadvantaged Filipino staff dwell. Staff enthusiastically sweep old nesting material while guests breathe deeply and share “my first hantavirus symptoms” stories. Complimentary vomit buckets are provided.

Fecal Face Painting

Using all-natural, ethically sourced organic rodent droppings mixed with glitter and essential oils. The more artistic the rat-poop portrait on your face, the louder the applause.

The Great Cabin Contamination Contest

Guests compete to see whose cabin accumulates the most wildlife activity by the end of the cruise. Judges (wearing hazmat suits) score based on the number of rats, urine puddles, suppurating boils on the skin, and nesting quality. The winner gets their cabin name engraved on a commemorative plague before being thrown overboard.

Rat Tail Cocktail Mixing Class

Learn to make signature drinks like: The Hanta Margarita (extra salt rim + mystery wet slightly crunchy garnish)

Droppings Old Fashioned Piss Spritz (sparkling, with a special kick)

“Don’t Clean the Cabin” Challenge

A week-long competition where the person whose cabin looks (and smells) the most lived-in by rodents wins a free visit to the Titanic wreck in an experimental, makeshift submarine constructed from carbon fibre-reinforced plastic controlled with a PlayStation controller. Housekeeping is strictly forbidden.

Evening Entertainment

Rodent Roulette

Live rats released onto a spinning wheel with numbered slots. Where the rat pees or poops determines which table gets complimentary appetisers… as well as severe gastroenteritis.

Sunset “Breath of Fresh Hanta” Yoga

On the top deck at dusk. Inhale deeply as the breeze carries fine particles from the lower decks. Bonus poses include “Downward Dropping Rat” and “Warrior of Aerosolised Rat Urine.”

Disembarkation Souvenir Station

Take home your very own sealed vial of cruise-collected droppings or a framed photo of the exact rat that visited your pillow.

To win free tickets on the Hantavirus Cruise, send a self-addressed envelope to DS Hantavirus Cruise Comp. P.O. Box 3843, LONDON, W4D 1TB, with a photo of your favourite politician…ahem…we meant rat.

Man Buys 15 Tumble Dryers For His One Bedroom Home

Paul Revere
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0
Man Buys 15 Tumble Dryers For His One Bedroom Home

A Finchley man, 43, has purchased 15 tumble dryers for his one-bed home, it has been reported. After Net Zero lunatic Red Ed Miliband banned the sale of all tumble dryers in the UK because of their supposed “energy consumption”, the totalitarian ruling did not go down well with many in the population.

“Some cunt tells me I can’t buy this or that. Well, fuck you, I believe in fucking democracy and not fucking Stasi Communism like Labour. That’s why I bought 15 fucking tumble dryers for my one-bed house,” Ringo Finchester told a random media outlet.

Mr Finchester plans to set up the tumble dryers in a single room and run them all at the same time 24 hours a day, as it is his “right to do”, and Ed Miliband cannot do anything about it.

If you need your clothes dried in a hurry, you now know where to go.

Labour Running Out of Things to F*ck Up in the Country

Paul Revere
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0
Labour Running Out of Things to F*ck Up in the Country

They’ve completely fucked up the economy, completely fucked up all businesses, fucked up all the schools, fucked up the energy sector, fucked up the army, navy and air force, fucked up all the trade deals, fucked up the special relationship with America, fucked up illegal and legal immigration, fucked up pensions, taxes, farmers, landlords, private schools, hospitals, etc., etc., and now Labour are about to get fucked up in the local elections…spread wide for the biggest fucking any political party has ever experienced in all of political history…reamed, fucked so hard they’ll be walking funny for the next decade or two.

 

Woman Happy to Get Microchip Implanted into Her Brain

Paul Revere
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Woman Happy to Get Microchip Implanted into Her Brain

As experimental new technology goes, microchip implants directly into the human brain are high up on the list for precaution, but for some, there is only blind acceptance. This woman in the video, obviously a person who loves the camera, is going to have a chip put into her brain so that she can pay the rent, she says. What an awful reason to have one’s brain chipped — so you can pay the fucking rent? This is extremely ominous and sinister, but it’s a snapshot of where we are all going to be eventually forced to go.

No chip, no rent, no place to stay. No chip, no food; go hungry. No chip, no job, no money. No chip, no nothing.

In the future, behaviour modification will become standard as well as tracking and monitoring every thought. You will have advertisements blasted into your frontal cortex whether you like it or not. You will be part of the Hive Mind. The internet has already conditioned your brain for assimilation. You will not know who you are anymore.

Soon to come to all parts of society. Enjoy!

The Terrifying Rise of the Communist Green Gulag Party

Paul Revere
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2
The Terrifying Rise of the Communist Green Gulag Party

Run by a self-hating homosexual communist Jew, the Green Party is on the rise amongst the socialist Hackney trendies (dumb cunts who do not understand what they’re voting for). Polanski is an avowed Marxist communist who has infiltrated the green eco-agenda, just as Ed Miliband has done the same. Despite being Jewish, Polanski delights in making cowardly anti-Semitic comments against Jews, as every daily outrage is committed against Britain’s fear-laden Jewish community, who are attacked constantly in Labour’s Broken Britain.

As is natural with a faction or political entity that has been taken over and defiled by extremist radical hardline totalitarian communists and Marxists, the ‘green’ movement wants anyone with conservative, centrist or right-thinking politics (anyone who is not far-left) to be totally eradicated from society. This would probably involve Green Stasi units, shooting squads, mass graves, gulags and the introduction of mass re-education indoctrination camps. It would be similar to Labour but maybe a few more notches to the left.

Just Another Horrific Day in London

Paul Revere
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3
Just Another Horrific Day in London

The sullen streets of London an interspersed chaotic mess where no one indicates; half the vehicles are not insured, and no one says thank you for letting them through a junction. It is a violent city where people go from zero to 1,000 in anger in less than a millisecond. A place where the potholes are so numerous that you feel you are on a country road in Afghanistan. Huge road bumps at every five feet are guaranteed to crumble even the strongest and most capable vehicle suspension. Twenty-mile-per-hour zones are now everywhere, but you would be lucky to reach 5 mph on some congested roads. Everywhere you go a camera fines you hundreds of pounds; you cannot park anywhere; you cannot stop anywhere; you cannot even enter certain residential streets now because they are designated as ‘Low Traffic Neighbourhoods’ LTNs with little or no signage, but you will receive multiple large fines for the pleasure. No one speaks English anywhere, and fucking arrogant anti-social cunts go around with their phone speakers blaring out shit music at high volume. Gangs, thugs, and rapists roam the streets, and the ‘care-in-the-community’ homes embedded in residential streets add to the violence and drug-fuelled madness. The shoplifting is fun to watch as people simply walk into shops with large bags, empty the shelves, then leave with security guards not allowed to touch them. The melting pot of London is a ticking time bomb waiting to go off at any time, as the various religious factions, races and political allegiances intersect daily, not in harmony, but in constant conflict. Most of London has seen vast swathes of ‘white flight’, and now there are entrenched enclaves of communities who treat this once great city as a Third World shithole.

Today a Muslim man stabbed two Jewish people randomly in Golders Green. It’s okay. It’s just another fucking day in London and in Labour’s Broken Britain.

After 250 Years Broken Britain’s King Visits the Former British Colony

Paul Revere
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0
After 250 Years Broken Britain’s King Visits the Former British Colony

Let’s face it, Britain is now a broken, corrupt, divided, bankrupt nation run by far-left Marxists and with over half the population on welfare. The once great nation that pioneered most of humanity’s inventions, a global language, and systems of governance is now a putrid toilet full of shit, not only born and bred in the country but also imported by the millions. As the Afghan goat herders luxuriate in 5-star hotels, the bankrupt kingdom can only watch in utter dismay at what has befallen this fucked-up cunt of a country. Charles III visits the former British colony where things actually get done, whilst back in Blighty, nothing works anymore, everything is too expensive, the taxes are too high, the bureaucracy and red tape are off the fucking scale, and everyone’s on strike again.

Huzzah!

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