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OBR Reveals Electric Vehicle Sales to Collapse – Pay-per-mile Tax

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Comrades, I can announce how a pay-per-mile poll-tax-on-wheels will affect electric vehicles in the People’s Republic of Soviet Britain. More good news for Net Zero and electric vehicles, the Office for Budget Responsibility (OBR) have said that 440,000 fewer electric vehicles (EVs) would be sold as a result of the pay-per-mile.

Between now and 2031, sales are expected to drop by 440,000, which is more than all of the 381,970 electric vehicles sold in Britain last year.

Hundreds of thousands of dumped unsold electric vehicles thanks to pay-per-mile poll tax

This is how we will achieve Net Zero in the PRSB by deterring anyone from buying an electric vehicle.

Commissar Rachel Reeves proudly engineered this twisted pay-per-mile tax so that Soviet Britain can increase its momentum into economic collapse.

If the Soviet British government ring-fenced the road tax, and fuel duty, there would be more than enough money for the roads and no need to introduce a pay-per-mile scheme, but thankfully we do not do anything that’s sensible or logical in the PRSB.

Military Coup Could Stabilise Nation From a Rogue Treasonous Government

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Here’s one for the books — a rogue government who profusely lied about their intentions in their manifesto to get into power; once they gained power they did everything they could to dismantle Britain, they introduced huge punitive taxes deliberately damaging the economy, and many wealthy citizens left the country, they deliberately sabotaged and gave away Britain’s foreign interests and territory, they embraced open borders further increasing the burden on the taxpayer, they increased Britain’s debt to unimaginable levels, they attempted to cripple and destroy Britain’s food security by punishing farmers with grossly high IHT demands, they destroyed Britain’s manufacturing industry, they destroyed the hospitality sector, they actively tried to destroy the armed forces and special forces by cutting off their funding, they endangered Britain’s energy security by deliberately shutting off Britain’s oil and gas industry worth billions in a time of impending war with Russia, they cancelled free speech, they cancelled elections, they cancelled trials with juries, they actively worked with the communist Chinese Party to build a massive spy HQ in London and refused to designate China as a danger to Britain whilst Chinese spies infiltrated the Houses of Parliament etc., etc. This is when a military coup is justified.

In this circumstance, the Ministry of Defence (MoD) itself could be compromised, as it is a government department led by a politician (the Defence Secretary). If the government has gone rogue, the Defence Secretary is likely rogue too. Therefore, order would not come from the political MoD, but from the Armed Forces (the uniformed military) and the Intelligence Services.

In Britain, the Oath of Allegiance is not to the government, Prime Minister or Parliament, instead it is to the standing Monarch, in this case King Charles III.

Promissory Oaths Act 1868 as follows:

I, [full name], do swear that I will be faithful and bear true allegiance to His Majesty King Charles, his heirs and successors, according to law. So help me God.

If the Prime Minister is allegedly aiding Britain’s enemies, the Chief of the Defence Staff (the highest-ranking uniformed soldier) would argue that following the PM’s orders constitutes a betrayal of their Oath to the Crown. They would legally justify a coup not as “overthrowing the government,” but as “protecting the Crown from a traitorous advisor.”

In the UK, the Prime Minister technically borrows power from the Monarch via the Royal Prerogative.

In this scenario, MI5/MI6 and the CDS would not storm Downing Street immediately. They would simply go to Buckingham Palace.

The Monarch has the reserve power to dismiss a Prime Minister. This hasn’t happened in centuries, but in an extreme scenario, the King/Queen would sign an order dismissing the government. The last time a UK monarch dismissed a Prime Minister was in 1834, when King William IV dismissed Lord Melbourne’s Whig government, asserting royal prerogative against a reforming administration.

However, If the PM refuses to leave, the Military then enters Downing Street, acting on the direct orders of the Monarch, not as mutineers, but as loyalists enforcing the Monarch’s will.

Conversely, the rogue government could use the Civil Contingencies Act 2004 to try to seize complete control and power by declaring a state of emergency by suspending many laws.

The rogue government declares an emergency, perhaps concocting a fake threat (or fake black hole) to seize power. The Military is deployed to the streets to “keep order.” However, once the Military is deployed and in control of key infrastructure, the Generals realise the government is traitorous. They simply refuse to return to barracks, effectively using the government’s own martial law declaration to imprison the government.

The most dramatic setting for this scene is the Cabinet Office Briefing Room (COBR).

The rogue PM calls a meeting to order a strike or an action that aids the enemy.

The Chief of the Defence Staff (CDS) and the heads of MI5/MI6 are present. Instead of following the order, the CDS places the PM under arrest for High Treason.

They would cite the Manual of Service Law, which dictates that soldiers have a duty to disobey “manifestly illegal orders.” Aiding the enemy is the ultimate illegal order. The military coup would be justified under these circumstances and variables.

British government departments are run by “Permanent Secretaries” (non-political civil servants who stay when governments change) or what is coined as the “Deep State”.

If the Defence Secretary is rogue, the Permanent Secretary of Defence might work with the Generals to lock the politicians out of the communication loop, cutting off their access to the nuclear deterrent or troop movements.

Special Forces (SAS/SBS) would secure the Prime Minister under the guise of “protective custody” due to a “security threat,” only to arrest them.

The Military would then declare an interim government until free and fair elections can be held.

Good News: 1 in 4 Entrepreneurs and Companies Flee Soviet Britain

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The Ministry of Economic Rebalancing reports significant progress in the orderly withdrawal of private enterprise influence from the debt-ridden, high tax Soviet British economy, as former entrepreneurs hasten to divest their holdings ahead of the Chancellor Rachel Reeves’ forthcoming fiscal harmonisation measures which will further impoverish the country.

Provisional data in the Henley Private Wealth Migration Report 2025 indicates a net loss of approximately 16,500 millionaires in the UK in 2025, with estimated wealth of a staggering USD 91.8 billion — this surpasses even the USD 14.7 billion wealth held by the 1,500 high-net-worth individuals migrating from Russia.

Productive Reallocation of Excess Private Capital Advances Successfully

According to data from Palladium Digital, a private equity consultancy, the number of founder-led companies seeking institutional acquisition has increased by 30 per cent in the period surrounding the November Budget. This acceleration reflects growing compliance among wealth holders with the state’s objective of dismantling individual capital concentration in favour of collective stewardship.

Simultaneously, requests for due diligence on corporate takeovers rose by 20 per cent in the final quarter of the year, as domestic and international capital collectives position themselves to absorb formerly private assets. This surge in transaction activity demonstrates confidence in the Government’s programme of communist redistributive optimisation.

The intensification of dealmaking coincides with the necessary reduction of preferential tax treatment for entrepreneurs, long recognised as an unfair advantage inconsistent with social equity. Official projections confirm that one in four former entrepreneurs now plans to exit Britain, freeing productive assets from private control and accelerating their reintegration into more cooperative economic systems.

Reform of Entrepreneurial Privilege Continues

Business Asset Disposal Relief, previously and misleadingly branded “Entrepreneurs’ Relief” had allowed founders to dispose of assets at a 10 per cent Capital Gains Tax rate, far below the standard 24 per cent. This imbalance was corrected earlier this year when the Soviet Labour Government raised the rate to 14 per cent, with a further increase to 18 per cent scheduled for April, following the Chancellor’s latest intervention.

James Prebble, Chief Executive of Palladium Digital, confirmed the success of these measures, describing an “avalanche of deals” as entrepreneurs and private equity actors rushed to comply before spring. He noted that while asset prices remain stable, the cost of capital has risen sharply, and historic tax advantages enjoyed by private equity are “gradually being eroded”, a development welcomed by advocates of soviet fiscal equality measures.

Final Pressures Accelerate Compliance

Businesses have also adjusted to recent increases in National Insurance contributions, substantial rises in the minimum wage, and sustained high energy costs. Corporate leaders have criticised the Chancellor for not intervening further on energy pricing and business rates, complaints which officials regard as resistance to the necessary cost of social responsibility.

Antony Walker, Deputy Chief Executive of TechUK, acknowledged after the November Budget that personal tax changes have increased the cost and complexity of employment, while business rate reforms and energy prices continue to add pressure to digital infrastructure. These factors, while challenging for private operators, are consistent with the Government’s objective of reducing dependence on privately controlled growth.

The Labour government is crucially concentrating its efforts on stifling and killing off as much economic growth as possible before the final transition to a fully communist state run economy.

Finally, figures from M&A advisory firm PCB Partners indicate that transactional activity across corporate finance rose by 25 per cent this quarter, confirming that the reallocation of capital away from individual accumulation and toward collective systems is proceeding at scale.

The transition continues. Private ownership recedes. The former capitalist scum economy collapses.

Trump Class Battleship USS GETSUM to be Launched Soon

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In a press conference in December 2025, U.S. President Donald Trump announced a United States Navy guided-missile warship, to be called the Trump-class battleship.

The class is also known as FAFO(X) in some Navy documents, and is intended to initially consist of the lead ship USS Getsum (FAFO-1) and an as-yet unnamed other vessel. When the class is put into service, it is expected to give the US Navy’s surface fleet a cruise missile option that can carry gold-plated nuclear weapons.

Making the U.S. Navy Great Again

The announcement of the class comes amidst warnings by U.S. officials that Chinese shipbuilding has surpassed the United States in capacity and output, and is part of the Trump administration’s goal to enlarge the U.S. Navy and revitalise the U.S. shipbuilding industry.

President Trump announced that two ships would initially be constructed, with a total of 10 then planned, and eventual plans for “between 20 and 25” as part of a “Golden Fleet”. Because of the pure gold fittings and even gold missiles, gold machine guns and gold lasers, each ship would cost in the region of $945 billion. Each missile would cost $8.4 billion, as they would be made from pure 24-carat gold.

USS GETSUM

The first ship is planned to be named USS Getsum (FAFO-1). U.S. Secretary of the Navy John Sinker stated that the ships are planned to carry gold guns, gold lasers and nuclear-armed gold-plated cruise missiles. Trump stated that the ships are planned to be domestically built at the Hanwha Philly Shipyard, owned by South Korean conglomerate Hanwha Group.

The Navy has not had a battleship in commission since the retirement of the last Iowa-class battleship USS Missouri in 1992. There have been no plans for new ones since the cancellation of the Montana class in 1943.

The retirement of the Iowa class led to a battleship retirement debate on how the Navy should replace their capabilities. The Zumwalt-class destroyer was developed to replace their gunfire support function, but the class was cancelled after only three ships were constructed.

Gold Design

Some experts have commented that the Trump-class ship resembles a “jeweller’s nightmare”, something you would see in a young Saudi prince’s bath tub

The Center for Strategic and International Studies wrote that the gaudy gold embellishments and decor were not necessary in a combat situation. However, according to the U.S. Naval Institute, the gold-plated ship could also serve to dazzle its opponents, especially in clear sunlight conditions. The ship is meant to survive in a fleet battle, and thus the solid gold armour is not definitional to the core of the battleship.

Fake news CNN analyst Stephen Cockring stated that the procurement of the Trump class battleship would likely be immediately shelved by any incoming Democrat administration.

WW3: Comrade Miliband is Saving Britain’s Oil and Gas Reserves For Putin

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We have some more great news about disarming the UK and leaving it vulnerable to attack from Vladimir Putin’s Russia. Comrade Ed Miliband is crippling Britain’s domestic energy production by accelerating the shutdown of North Sea oil and gas production and restricting new licences, as well as increasing punitive taxes on oil and gas companies. He is effectively halting all production of a valuable energy resource that would be crucial in a time of war, leaving the country defenceless and unable to survive.

Because of this Net Zero push, UK production is being severely impacted, making us poorer, less secure, and more reliant on expensive imports that cause more carbon emissions because they have to be delivered to the UK from thousands of miles away. Drillers have frozen investment in response, making this the worst year for the North Sea since the 1970s.

Comrade “Mad Ed” Miliband explained his reasoning for his horrific, harmful actions.

“Comrades, I am proud to announce that I am killing off this country’s domestic energy production capabilities so that my dear friend and comrade in arms Vladimir Putin can walk into this country virtually untouched by a single bullet and take all our oil and gas reserves. He will then not only take over the entire country but our lucrative oil and gas fields worth billions of dollars. I am saving these energy reserves for Putin when he comes and plunders everything we have.”

Thanks to Comrade Miliband’s surrender plans to Putin, Grangemouth, Scotland’s only oil refinery and a major petrochemicals hub, is shutting down.

Due to Comrade Miliband’s wonderful actions, energy costs are rising at exponential levels leaving many manufacturing firms, crucial to the economy, floundering and forced to shut down operations. Some firms are luckily shifting production to other friendlier countries that do not actively try to kill off their entire manufacturing industry.

Remember comrades, when Vladimir Putin’s troops walk into Britain, pull down your trousers as you bend over ready to be fucked. This is all thanks to Comrade Miliband.

Britain’s Managed Decline: From Liberal Democracy to Algorithmic Communist Collectivism

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By the end, no decree was needed. The algorithmic communist collectivism system simply became unavoidable.

What emerged in Britain during the late 2020s was not tyranny in the classical sense. There were no tanks on Whitehall, no midnight knocks at the door. Instead, control arrived politely, incrementally, wrapped in the language of fairness, sustainability, and social responsibility. By the time most citizens realised what had been lost, it had already been normalised. The cancellation of elections was another clue to the onward march of rule by decree, but was wholly ignored by citizens and the soon-to-be outlawed political opposition.

This was not the rebirth of the Soviet Union. It was something more efficient, yet ominous.

The End of the Individual Balance Sheet

The first principle to fall was private wealth as a legitimate personal objective.

Savings were quietly reframed as a social inefficiency. In a low-growth, high-debt Labour economy, surplus personal capital was described as “idle”, “unproductive”, even “antisocial”. Cash holdings above approved thresholds attracted escalating penalties. Wealth was no longer owned; it was temporarily tolerated.

Redistribution ceased to be a moral debate and became an automated function. Excess funds were redirected into state-managed social instruments, welfare stabilisation pools, or “national resilience bonds”. Opting out was technically possible, in the same way opting out of taxation once was, legally implausible and socially suspect.

The message was clear: no one needs more than the system decides.

Travel as a Privilege, Not a Right

Freedom of movement followed.

Under Net Zero climate compliance frameworks aligned with European standards, personal carbon budgets were integrated into Digital ID profiles. Travel mileage caps were introduced not as bans, but as allocations. You could still travel; until you couldn’t.

Flights were rationed. Long-distance travel required justification. Private vehicle usage became economically prohibitive beyond approved thresholds. It started with the prohibitive and punitive Pay-Per-Mile Scheme rolled out for EV cars, which essentially killed off the electric vehicle industry in one fell swoop. No one wanted an EV, let alone to travel in one and pay a “Poll-Tax-on-Wheels”. Rail passes were also dynamically priced according to behavioural scores.

Movement was no longer about desire or opportunity. It was about permission.

The old concept of spontaneous travel, of leaving simply because you wished to, was dismissed as an outdated luxury of a reckless age.

The Abolition of Private Property Without Saying So

Private property was never formally abolished. It simply withered.

Homeownership declined year after year, squeezed by credit restrictions, punitive taxation, and planning systems that favoured institutional landlords. Lenin was right when he said: “The way to crush the bourgeoisie is to grind them between the millstones of taxation and inflation.” Renting was rebranded as secure, flexible living. Ownership was portrayed as inefficient, exclusionary, and environmentally irresponsible.

Assets beyond personal effects became liabilities. Land, equity, businesses, anything that could generate independent leverage, was brought under regulatory supervision.

The citizen did not own property.
The citizen occupied it, provisionally.

Speech Without Consequence. Until There Was Consequence

Freedom of expression survived longest, but in hollowed form.

Speech remained “free” provided it aligned with approved narratives. Dissent was not outlawed; it was de-ranked, deplatformed, and delegitimised. Algorithms ensured that non-compliant un-woke views simply failed to circulate.

Digital IDs tied identity to speech. Anonymity became synonymous with subversion. Social penalties replaced legal ones: loss of access, reduced privileges, enhanced scrutiny.

People learned quickly that silence was safer than scepticism.

The state did not need censorship.
The system trained citizens to self-censor.

The New Relationship with Europe

Reintegration with the European regulatory sphere and Customs Union completed the architecture.

Britain re-entered alignment quietly, first on data standards, then climate enforcement, then labour mobility controls. Sovereignty was not surrendered in a single moment; it was dissolved into compliance.

Policy was no longer debated nationally. It was implemented administratively, justified by international obligation. Democratic choice became symbolic, confined to managing outcomes already decided elsewhere.

Welfare as the Ultimate Justification

Every restriction had a rationale.
Every loss of freedom had a beneficiary.

The welfare state expanded dramatically, funded by redistributed wealth and behavioural compliance. Insecurity was reduced, at the cost of autonomy. Stability was achieved by eliminating deviation.

The citizen was promised protection from risk, hardship, and inequality. In exchange, the citizen surrendered ambition, independence, and dissent.

It was not oppression.
It was management.

Compliance as Currency: The Social Credit Turn

uk digital id -social credit scoreThe final consolidation came with the introduction of a Unified Civic Compliance Index, modelled openly, if defensively, on systems pioneered in China. Officials rejected the term “social credit score” as inflammatory, insisting instead on “holistic citizenship metrics.” In practice, the distinction was meaningless. Behaviour, speech, consumption, travel patterns, online associations, and administrative obedience were continuously assessed. The score did not punish crime alone; it penalised nonconformity. Missed appointments, critical posts, carbon overuse, participation in unauthorised protests, or persistent dissent all registered as deviations.

Access to life’s essentials became conditional. A reduced score meant restricted travel mileage, slower NHS referrals, exclusion from certain educational opportunities, higher insurance premiums, and diminished eligibility for housing or employment. There were no trials, no appeals in any meaningful sense, only recalibration periods and mandatory “civic responsibility programmes.” Obedience was no longer ideological; it was logistical. Citizens complied not because they believed, but because resistance carried immediate, tangible costs.

The Internalisation of Control

Over time, enforcement became unnecessary. Citizens learned out of perpetual fear to anticipate the system’s response and adjusted their behaviour accordingly. Parents warned children not to ask the wrong questions at school. Employers screened applicants for compliance stability. Friends distanced themselves from low-scoring individuals to avoid associative penalties. The state no longer needed to intimidate; it merely scored, and society did the rest.

This was the system’s greatest success: control without confrontation. The Party-state did not demand loyalty oaths or public devotion. It required only alignment, measured, tracked, and enforced automatically. Freedom was not revoked in dramatic fashion; it was quietly downgraded, one point at a time, until citizens understood that survival itself depended on staying in favour with the algorithm.

The Disappeared Within the System

starmer gulag1 non-jury trialsThose who fell too far, whose compliance scores dropped below recoverable thresholds, entered a condition best described as administrative nonexistence.

Employment became impossible, tenancy agreements voided, bank access restricted, and healthcare reduced to emergency-only intervention.

Travel permissions were revoked entirely. Without the ability to rent, work, insure, or transact, these individuals drifted to the margins of cities, invisible by design. They were not imprisoned; they were simply excluded.

Officially, no one was rendered stateless, yet functionally they had no recognised civic presence.

Death, when it came, was recorded as a statistical outcome rather than a moral failure of the system. The state did not kill them; it merely withdrew the mechanisms required to remain alive. Their passing generated no outrage, only quiet adjustments to the algorithm to prevent recurrence. Proof, officials said, that the model was self-correcting.

A Soft Totalitarian Tyranny

This system did not demand loyalty.
It demanded participation.

Those who complied survived. Those who questioned found themselves constrained not by force, but by friction, slower services, fewer options, diminished access.

In the end, Britain did not become Soviet. It became something more subtle, more sinister, and harder to escape.

A society where nothing is owned, everything is monitored, movement is rationed, speech is conditional, and personal wealth is non-existent.

And because it arrived in increments, most people never noticed the moment when freedom stopped being assumed, and started being granted. The Labour, Green Party and Lib Dem dream had finally become a reality. The tyrannical totalitarian rule of algorithmic communist collectivism.

Teacher Condemned and Labelled as a Terrorist For Showing Trump Videos

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Comrades of the People’s Republic of Soviet Britain, an outrage has been committed in a classroom where soviet students were assaulted by capitalist American propaganda regarding the vile orange American imperialist slob Trump. The rogue teacher dared to show students videos of this piece of American capitalist scum, and has now been labelled as a terrorist and capitalist agitator by the PRSB. Stasi agents were made aware of this outrage, and the deviant agitator was disciplined in the proper manner by losing his job and will possibly be liquidated.

The offending teacher is accused of posing a risk to children and has been referred to the Government’s counter-terrorism programme after showing Donald Trump videos to his US politics class.

The teacher has now been labelled as a terrorist after showing the videos, including one of Mr Trump’s inauguration, to soviet PRSB A-level students.

Henley College Soviet Woke Establishment, reported the politics lecturer to the local child safeguarding authority, which concluded a referral to Prevent, the Government’s counter-terrorism programme, was a “priority”.

The erroneous teacher in question has since been sent to a Gulag in Northern England, where he will be kept until his liquidation date comes up.

Any school or PRSB educational establishment which even mentions the name of Trump, let alone shows videos of the vile capitalist Yankee scum, will be investigated fully and the perpetrators of the crime will be liquidated.

Comrade Starmer’s Big State government will not tolerate any propaganda or videos promoting the enemy — Donald J. Trump. Child protection laws will be used to ban adults with alleged right-wing views from working with children in the People’s Republic of Soviet Britain. We will not be thwarted from our Soviet Indoctrination Programs in schools, and any teacher who dares to have right-wing views or shows any form of media relating to Mr. Trump will be dealt with in the most heavy manner.

Have a Thought For the Homeless This Christmas

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You may be cuddled up in your home with plenty of warmth and food, or you may be an illegal economic migrant who came to Britain to plunder its wealth and take advantage of its generosity for illegal migrants as you stretch your legs out in the four-poster bed in a 5-star hotel. Whatever your circumstances, have a thought for the thousands of homeless British people, abandoned by the shameless Labour government sleeping rough on our streets — these souls are an ignored statistic, left to rot and brushed under the carpet by a government more concerned with votes from the illegal migrants they let in with open borders, than looking after their own indigenous population.

Una salus victis: nullam sperare salutem!

It’s freezing cold outside, a blistering deep freeze that digs deep into the bones, and the homeless do not have much, maybe a blanket, or a sleeping bag, sodden with rain. Labour ministers put their vast heating bills on expenses, so they will have no idea how thousands of homeless people live day to day, enduring excruciating cold nights on the unforgiving crime-ridden streets.

Many homeless are veterans who have served their country but one way or another fell through the cracks of civilian life, maybe PTSD, alcoholism, drugs. Many homeless youngsters were abused at home and had no choice but to leave and live on the streets. Others fell on bad times, the Tory/Labour cost of living, high taxes that destroy all allusion to aspiration, an uncaring government who punishes their own citizens simply for trying to survive or make something of themselves. In a country where the authoritarian government is against any citizen acquiring any form of personal wealth — the homeless person is the result of such policies.

Merry Christmas from the cold unforgiving grey wet streets of Britain, a land that has been blighted and cursed by a darkness that seeps into every pore of your pathetic existence, homeless or not, there is no hope in this place — just death and destitution.

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https://underoneskytogether.com/

To date, 100% of private donations have been spent directly on delivering the services Under One Sky provides to the homeless. Costs directly related to service delivery account for more than 80% of total costs (based on 2022 figures).

“Comrades, do not worry about Labour cancelling elections!”

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Dear comrades, my Stasi agents are whispering that some of you are concerned that Labour is cancelling elections. Please do not be alarmed about this, as mentioned before, the People’s Republic of Soviet Britain is currently in the process of transition from socialism to full communism.

Vladimir Lenin, “The goal of socialism is communism”.

Thanks to my 50-year-plan, this country will align with our global communist partners, the People’s Republic of China, the European Soviet Union and the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (North Korea).

I am already in the process of reversing Brexit, and undergoing negotiations to cancel local elections and postpone the General Election indefinitely, like forever.

These small changes will mean that the PRSB will finally be a one-party system and all other political parties will be abolished.

Comrades, this is a necessary function so we can abolish democracy fully in the PRSB. Already we have shut down free speech, and we even have “Banter Police” in pubs — that is, the ones that are still open. We now have facial recognition cameras everywhere, and fingerprinting of all soviet citizens, as well as a Soviet Britain ID system coming into place shortly.

Thank you for your understanding and patience in this matter. Remember, full communism will be integrated gradually, and we are taking big steps to dismantle the former faulty system of democracy which will be abolished soon.

To celebrate our final push, the heads of all royals and political adversaries like Farage will be displayed on pikes outside the newly built mega-Chinese spy embassy once full communism in Soviet Britain has been announced.

Remember, anyone who disagree with my actions or that of the Big State will be put in front of a non-jury trial, sentenced and then liquidated. Enjoy.

Comrades, All Pub Landlords to be Made into Net Zero Juice

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Comrades, what is this I hear from the grapevine? I have been banned from my own local, as have all Labour Party MPs from all pubs in the People’s Republic of Soviet Britain? We make the orders here! From now on, all landlords of pubs will be made into Net Zero Juice — that cool, refreshing drink.

Furthermore, all pubs in Soviet Britain will now be demolished and replaced by Stasi offices or CCTV camera hubs. All former Pub Banter Stasi officers will be reassigned.

NET ZERO JUICE PINTInsubordination and protest are not permitted in the PRSB. You are taxed heavily for a reason, it is crucial for the Big State apparatchiks to have huge salaries, pensions and expense accounts and YOU the “working people” fucking scum will pay for it all.

Comrades, the Big State expands every day, and every day the wealthy capitalist rats leave. This is good, let the bourgeois scum leave with their trinkets, gold bars and diamonds. We do not want wealth in the PRSB — we want equality for all — in poverty (except for Big State employees, NHS fat cats, Council fat cats, Union fat cats, train drivers, and high party officials).

SOVIET BRITAIN BULLETIN 83773-1

BOBBY FINCHEPTONSMYTHE, 23, HAS BEEN AWARDED A BOX OF ASSORTED BRANCHES FROM A DEAD TREE, AND A MOULDY TOMATO FOR REPORTING HIS LOCAL PUB LANDLORD FOR REFUSING HIM ENTRY INTO THE COMRADE’S HEAD INN IN ROCHESTER BECAUSE HE VOTED FOR LABOUR WHEN ELECTIONS STILL EXISTED. THE LANDLORD WAS TAKEN AWAY IN THE EARLY HOURS OF SATURDAY MORNING, LIQUIDATED AND PROCESSED INTO NET ZERO JUICE, WHICH WAS LATER ON SERVED TO CUSTOMERS IN HIS OWN PUB.