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How to Warm Yourself During the Freezing Global Warming

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How to Warm Yourself During the Freezing Global Warming

Well, you’re off to a good start, you’re reading the Daily Squib. As the global warming scientists are still stuck in the ice and the rescue ship is stuck as well, you may be getting second thoughts about that freezing global warming thing.

We don’t like to ring our own bell here at the Squib (right) but we kind of knew it was a global warming scam a while back but that’s just the thing with satire, is it true or false, did it make you think, does it look into the future? If so, then we did our job unlike the regular news which feeds you controlled propaganda day in day out.

Well, as promised, here’s how to warm yourself during the freezing global warming we’re having now.

Warm yourself with the thought that global warming was a big scam to create eco taxes. It was not created by scientists but its creation was conjured up by some society or other to make you feel bad for reproducing, for being human and polluting the world with your existence. Along with carbon taxes, huge increases in eco taxes and of course how could we forget the Al Gore film that made him a stonking $300 million, global warming was an amazing money maker. As for the suckers who fell for it, you fall for everything else so global warming was just another progression. Voting for Obama — twice. Now that’s dumb. You get what you vote for, as the saying goes.

Naturally the earth’s climate does change over millions of years, and there has been some impact from human intervention, but don’t forget, the people who made those factories and plundered the earth are the ones who want to eco tax the populace now saying it is their fault. Taxing people for natural atmospheric changes was the biggest most lucrative scam ever conducted and they pulled it off beautifully.

Knockout Game Comes to Obamacare Hospital

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Knockout Game Comes to Obamacare Hospital

The bankrupt city of Detroit was host to a knockout game deluge that hit the local hospital.

The only remaining doctors and nurses left in the hospital could only watch as a number of people tried to get their Obamacare but were told to pay an enormous deductible charge and some who thought they signed up online were told their insurance was not valid.

“I gotsa gibsme sum Obamacare. I need xray but they said I gotta pay fo dat shiet!” Aranja Johnsons, 43, a sick mother of 12 and Obama voter told MSNBC.

The knockout games committed by young people have been hitting all over the USA and this is the first time they are being played in hospitals.

Count Dracula Arrived This Morning at Victoria Bus Station From Transylvania

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Count Dracula Arrived This Morning at Victoria Bus Station From Transylvania

 

The arduous journey all the way from Transylvania took three days and a positively drained Count arrived at the Central London bus garage this morning gasping for a good drink.

Count Dracula embarked from Bran castle three days ago deep in the dark Romanian countryside, over the centuries he has of course seen many changes and most of all the recent EU border restrictions have seen the blood supplies dwindle in the villages around the castle.

“They all came to the UK. I said to Igor, vat is this place that robs me of my blood supply? No more fresh virgin maids with tender necks to bite into any more. The last few months I have only been feasting on sheep and goats. The blood is rancid and tasteless compared to the human kind,” the Count said stepping off the bus.

Like most bloodsuckers, the Count immediately made his way to Marble Arch and was last seen gorging himself on some baffled American tourists.

Comrade Cameron ‘Onward EU Soldiers’

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Comrade Cameron ‘Onward EU Soldiers’

 

“Comrades, EU citizens, our Soviet Fascist beloved EU masters. I wish to thank you for your strength in vanquishing the previously democratic nation of Britain. We have brought equality to all now. You are all poor, that is except for those in the higher party, but at least you proles are all the same in your misery. We are one entity, we are one soviet unit of equal EU force, and believe you me, the EU is now a force to be reckoned with ever since our total inclusion and assimilation into the supreme Marxist collective.”

At this point all assembled EU sector 4 citizens raised their right hands in salute Comrade Cameron and Brussels Square was covered in joyous song.

“Onward, EU soldiers, marching as to war,
With the communo-fascist stars going on before.
Barroso, the Marxist Master, leads against the foe;
Forward into battle see His banners go!

Onward, EU soldiers, marching as to war,
With the communo-fascist stars going on before.

At the sign of triumph freedom’s host doth flee;
On then, EU soldiers, on to slavery!
Freedom’s foundations quiver at the shout of EU tax slaves;
Comrades lift your voices, loud your prison anthems raise.

Like a mighty army moves the EU fasci rod;
Comrades, we are treading where the unelected technocrats have trod.
We are not divided, all one body we,
One in hope and doctrine, one in slavery.

What the bureaucrats established that I hold for true.
What the technocrats believèd, that I believe too.
Long as earth endureth, men the EU will hold,
Kingdoms, nations, empires, in destruction rolled.

Crowns and thrones will perish, kingdoms will wane,
But the EU Thousand year Reich constant will remain.
Open doors of freedom can never gainst that EU prison prevail;
We have Barroso’s own promise, and that cannot fail.

Onward then, ye people, join our throng,
Blend with ours your voices in the triumph euro song.
Glory, laud and honour unto Up Yours Delors the King,
This through countless ages men and angels sing.”

[EU Directive C-67321] All proles in sectors 4a, 4d, 4c-1, 4f will be granted 23 grams of extra chocolate rations for the month of January for their exemplary dedication to the EU work ethic of working without pay. A special mention goes to Lydia Dipper, 12, from sector 4d who informed EU Stasi officials that her father had committed EU Thoughtcrimes. She will receive an extra 25 grams of chocolate for two months.

Labour Politicians Welcome New Voters at UK Airports

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Labour Politicians Welcome New Voters at UK Airports

“We’re welcoming our votes for the coming 2015 general election. This is how Labour will win. Thank you Tories, if it wasn’t for you we would lose the election but you’ve just sealed your fate by letting them all in,” a jovial Keith Vaz told the BBC.

As well as Labour politicians lined up greeting the new arrivals were of course Unite officials who immediately enrolled the new immigrants into the union.

“Looks like it’s goodbye for the much-loved Tories in 2015. They’ve only got themselves to blame,” Mr Vaz said.

An estimated 12 million Bulgarians and Romanians are set to enter Britain in the coming weeks. That’s more than enough Labour votes to seal the deal.

People Who Follow Religions Blindly Are Happier Say Scientists

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People Who Follow Religions Blindly Are Happier Say Scientists

“Our studies have concluded that people who have an unquestioning belief system have thicker brain tissue than other people who have reasoning and logical abilities. The positive part of this is that if you have thicker brain tissue you are happy in ignorance because you believe in your chosen religions and do not really think of anything else, therefore you are happy because you do not think outside of your conditioning belief system. On the other hand, those who have thinner brain tissue utilise logic, reasoning and analysis which inherently leads to depression because you see the actual picture and not some rose tinted fairy tale myth,” Dr. Lucius Condor, chief scientist on the project revealed.

Their brains were then examined to determine the thickness of parts of the cortex, or outer layer.

The study concluded that realising reality can be initially slightly depressing as opposed to those who are happily drunk in ignorance and superstition.

“We certainly do not want those people who are very happily deluded in their religious belief systems to get depressed by realising the truth. It is better for them to be happy in their religious belief systems because millions of people need these religious control systems to control their behaviour,” Dr. Condor added.

The US team studied 4,000 people aged between 18 and 74. They were asked how important religion or spirituality were to them and how often they attended religious services.

Australian Cricketer to Get New Year Honours From Queen

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Australian fast bowler, Brett Lee is flying into Britain today after being hailed for his bowling skills and service to the world.

“Karmaline”

“I am honoured to be er..honoured by the Queen after my stupendous bowling skills were put to great effect against that lying hacking brown nosing Piers Moron fella. I hear the poms enjoyed the show so much they’re playing the clips on a permanent loop on their tellies,” Lee said from his First Class Qantas seat.

Buckingham palace has confirmed that Australian cricketer Brett Lee will receive an OBE, MBE, KBE and CBE all at the same time for his rib cracking performance.

Experts: Mass EU Immigration Will Get Rid of Benefits System Completely

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Experts: Mass EU Immigration Will Get Rid of Benefits System Completely

The mass immigration by some of the poorest countries in the EU and Third World is a great opportunity to dump the UK’s welfare state.

“Mass immigration is a great excuse to dump the benefits system because it gives an external source or shall we say focus to carry out something some in the government have been keen to do for a long time. It will certainly be good for those who choose to pay tax because it will mean that tax money can be utilised for more useful purposes like affording EU officials their vast expense accounts and not propping up the former British people who need benefits or health care. Either way, we won’t be blamed for the destruction of the welfare system before it was inundated by millions of very poor people from the continent and Third World,” a Whitehall source revealed Tuesday.

Imagine Children of Men and multiply it by a thousand, because that is what the UK will be like in less than two years as the rot really sets in.

The mass EU immigration deluge will be so overwhelming that many will be lost in the maelstrom of unadulterated invasion. This is another method the EU has employed in destroying whole nation states, it is a takeover where there are no shots fired, but all the same, it is part of the plan for total assimilation, and there is nothing the indigenous people can do about it.

“Welcome to the Euro currency Britain, you are one of us now. Hah, and you thought you had a chance against us, no chance,” a laughing faceless unelected EU official said on Monday.

The Daily Squib’s New Year Predictions

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The Daily Squib’s New Year Predictions

As you all know last year was a terrific year with lots of things going on, you know a little bit of this and a little bit of that. It’s the same thing every year, like some people had a good year, some people had a bad year, and some people had a not so good not so bad year.

Next year will be pretty much the same, some people will have a good year, some people will have a bad year and others will have a not so good not so bad year.

How about a universal calendar where we can have a new year every second or after every million cycles or just have one continuous endless year for eternity — infinity?

Yeah, you know dump the un-scientific Gregorian for something that’s you know proper universal, none of this mumbo jumbo clap trap.

Top 10 Lists On the Internet

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Top 10 Lists On the Internet

Naturally, these lists are a great space filler for many sites and seem to garner a lot of user activity. We’re even thinking of just writing lists ourselves. Forget about anything else, write lists, think about some list that no one has ever written about which is of course a virtual impossibility because every conceivable subject has been written as a list somewhere on the internet(s).

1) Top 10 Smartphones to buy right now or forever be left behind in life

2) Top 10 lists that made you yawn for the 6th time that day

3) A top 10 list of movies you never thought about ever watching but somehow manage to by accident

4) Top 10 torture devices that changed the course of history not including the internet

5) Top 10 lists of lists within lists in a big venn diagram infographic list

6) A list of shopping

7) Top 10 news sites that simply write lists all day and all night long all year long

8) The top 10 list of the day featured on reddit or some other similar site getting millions of hits from people bored out of their little minds

9) Top 10 things you wish you had done but never did but may do some time in your life if you ever get the chance

10) Top 10 reasons for not bothering to read a top 10 list all the way down to 10 and you only get up to number 4 before clicking on the next bookmark

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