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Michelle Obama Uses New Superfood Cockroach Milk in Her Morning Cereal

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Former first lady, Michelle Obama today extolled the virtues of cockroach milk, a new superfood for the health conscious champagne socialist set.

“This is lactose free amino-acid rich goodness all in one. Protein rich and yummy. I pour the cockroach milk over my cereal in the morning and have a few drops with my coffee,” Mrs Obama told Marie Claire magazine.

In October, Michelle Obama will be featured in her own Netflix show to promote healthy eating to Americans.

Said to be the superfood for the Millennial era, many are even harvesting their own Hawaiian Pacific Beetle cockroaches at home, then milking them daily to extract the gooey milk that holds protein crystals.

Hannah Gutter, a democratic party worker from Los Angeles has even named her cockroach brood, consisting of 240 cockroaches which she houses in her tiny apartment she shares with her girlfriend.

“I love my cockroaches, I even name them, like see the one with spot on its back, that’s Spot, and the other one over there mating, that’s Harvey. I hope he got consent.”

Milking time

Extracting the milk from a cockroach can be a tedious business, and it takes Hannah four hours a day, but it’s worth every minute, in her point of view.

“You pick them up one by one, then I rub their crotch area gently slowly picking up the pace. When you hear this clicking agitated excited sound, you know they’re close to popping. That’s when they usually shoot their gooey milky load all over the place, so you have to catch it in a cup. Afterwards some of them get really sleepy, and I put them in a quiet place to sleep it off.”

GDPR: How the EU Managed to Fuck Up the Whole Internet in One Fell Swoop

The EU, is a soviet entity obsessed by regulations. They have regulation departments creating regulations for other regulations departments in a never ending circle of ridiculous regulations like the GDPR.

Toothbrushes in the EU have 230,000 regulations, pillows have 456,000 regulations, and toilet seats have 763,000. Everything has over 50,000 regulations, and they keep coming month after month.

Of course, the Daily Squib understands about users privacy etc…however, there are easier ways about doing things than this.

You cannot sneeze or take a shit in the EU without being bogged down by EU regulations.

This is why it is hell living in a Stasi fuck hole like the EU, an authoritarian piss factory governed by faceless unelected bureaucrats and their penchant for fucking red tape, regulations and huge expense accounts.

The internet used to be a free land of creativity, of opportunity, of sharing and most of all free from restrictive government regulations.

GDPR

Who the fuck are the EU anyway to tell the whole internet and globe what to do? This is a massive overreach on the part of the EU, and the U.S. should tell them to piss off.

Balkanising the internet

Who rules the internet, the EU?

Already, many news organisations across the pond have decided it is easier to block 500 million people than to comply with the EU’s ridiculous nonsense. This is obviously just about power for the EU and nothing else, it is just stating to the world that it has carte blanche to issue communistic diktats to everyone, without reproach.

Priests have even stopped praying in church because of the EU ruling.

Shutting down EU operations however does not protect web companies because the EU law applies to to EU citizens wherever they are in the world, therefore these websites that have shut out EU users within the EU can still be punished by the EU.

GDPR will also impact on internet security according to experts, allowing criminals to get away with fraud and cryptojacking.

£20 million fines

The EU will fine companies £20 million or 4% of their yearly earnings if found breaching GDPR rules. The funny thing is, the EU will take the money from the fines itself. These new regulations are meant to protect the consumer, however the consumer who has been supposedly wronged gets nothing. Nice money maker for the EU…

Newly Unveiled Android Robot Can Make You Billions of Dollars

Manufacturers of the newly unveiled robot called Amazos claim that it can make you billions of dollars in revenue per annum and grow a massive global business empire exponentially.

“All you do is give it a $1000 to start with. That’s it. You can now sit back and watch the magic as the robot’s entrepreneurial skills are put to full effect,” CEO Mulrone Etchington, told members of the audience at a recent talk in Salt Lake City, where the company is based.

Customers should also be aware however that riches don’t come instantaneously. Like any business, Amazos may take some time to build up the business infrastructure, to reinvest, and to expand.

“Our guarantee to you is that the Amazos android will make you into a billionaire in less than six years. Yes, you got that right. And not only that, this beautiful machine does not even need to take a piss, eat food, have sex, get grumpy, sleep or have a day off,” the CEO added.

The Amazos concept was patented in 2015. Mass manufacturing of the product will begin in 2023. There are still no plans to unveil the cost of owning one of these robots.

The intricate AI system leads Amazos to make key business decisions, innovate, invest, market, and is also ruthless with staff. Your robot will have the power to hire and fire human staff at the flick of a finger, as well as liaise with all business partners, distribution staff, managers, offshore accountants, and even deal with the press.

Experts: Big Technological Shift Coming Soon

The globe is on the cusp of a large future technological event that will change everything about how we as humans live on this planet.

This massive shift into a new epoch of technological advancement will be akin to the Industrial era of the 19th Century in Europe.

In essence, the changes that will be incorporated will have vast significant repercussions but will essentially be a huge leap forward.

The technology that will change humanity forever is something that many will be scared by at first.

Much of the biological body is not necessary, and humans have hardly evolved in thousands of years.

We are still adapted to an existence thousands of years in the past. Future technological advances will thus incorporate nano machines within the body.

There will not be any need to eat or breathe as microscopic machines sustain us from the inside.

 

Backing-up your computer hard drive is a necessity, and it is incomprehensible that the human mind cannot be backed-up today. How many great scientific, artistic, literate minds have been lost so far? The future will ensure this never happens again, and we will be able to back-up our minds in full.

Medical science is still in the stone age, even though some are trying to move forward, possibly ahead of their time.

To augment, to enhance, to evolve. This is why brain implantation technology will revolutionise humanity in a huge leap in evolution. To begin first though, scientists will have to map out every dendrite, every neuron, every synapse and axon — a task that is enormous considering the fact that every human brain is different and unique.

Coupled with advancements in robotics, and artificial intelligence, humans will be able to formulate new ways of transport, and a new understanding of our universal standing.

 

Creating sentient beings that will be able to design, adjust and build other sentient beings will be the ultimate step towards a future that will enable earthlings to colonise new worlds across the universe.

This is why science and technology must be funded to the highest levels now, why we must put all of our efforts into making that evolutionary leap forward.

The future need not be a Brave New World, but one of ultimate technological creativity, of limitless possibilities encouraged to the full and not encased in moral boundaries and legal limitations.

Enhancing humans, amalgamating with machinery is the future, and from there all the current problems of humanity can be solved.

Some may say that conquering death through technology is a loss of humanity and soul, this is where they are wrong because everything in this universe has its own vibration, and a reason for existence.

No More Lads Stuff – Prince Harry Doomed As Meghan Declares Feminist Agenda

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Prince Harry, the ultimate royal lad who loves the rugby and general laddery is doomed to a marriage without fun and games as Meghan Markle reveals she is a feminist activist.

There will be no more rugby games, or footie, just indoctrination into the pseudo-Marxist race-baiting agenda by his new mulatto wife, who is a member of BLM and undoubtedly has a very large chip on her shoulder, ready to trigger the race card at any moment.

Colonial artefacts purged from Queen’s palaces

The new member of the royal family, Meghan Markle also wants anything that shows Britain’s colonial past to be scrapped, including the Crown Jewels which have diamonds seized from former colony, India.

“I have been to Balmoral, and the Tower of London where the Queen keeps her Crown jewels. These are remnants of an Imperial colonial time in which Britain stole from countries and gave nothing back. I will make it my mission to change the royal family forever, and will demand they repatriate all of these stolen items to their former homes,” Markle shouted decisively at a courtier today.

The IQ challenged Prince realised the mistake he has made only today, after he was brutally scolded for watching highlights of the FA Cup final on telly. His American bride does not condone any form of laddish behaviour and to see the prince sitting on the sofa with a beer in his hand watching the match rerun infuriated her SJW Marxist feminist sensibilities. Any form of sport, is deemed as masculine and against emasculating feminine sensibilities.

“Everywhere I go in these palaces, all I see are antiquities and jewellery stolen from colonial lands. I am disgusted by it all. Also, there will be no hunting. I understand the royals like to hunt animals. I will put my foot down and disallow them from carrying on with it, and if they don’t stop I will be on the phone to PETA (an American organisation against animal cruelty),” Markle added.

There will thus be no more hijinks and laddery from poor old Prince Harry, who has now been consigned to the mortuary slab of politically correct activist death after marrying the American whose sole agenda is to castrate the royal family, and change them into something they definitely are not.

Goodbye Prince Harry, alas, we knew him well.

How the Royal Family Were Regaled By Minstrel Show and Exotic Gospel Reverend

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To see the looks on the faces of the members of the royal family when Chicago Blues Brothers African American Bishop, Michael Curry went on, and on, and on, and on, and on…was a picture in itself.

“They were visibly shrinking in their seats as this chap proselytised about how this was a victory for race relations and babbled mumbo jumbo about Solomon, Martin Luther King, fire (the spread of Africans into Europe thousands of years ago) and love. It was a total amusing embarrassment to everyone, including black people, as this guy basically took over everything and pushed the race card down peoples’ throats proclaiming some sort of racial success over whitey. This was an Al Sharpton wet dream come true. First off, Meghan is a mulatto, she is not even full black. If she was, Harry would not be seen five hundred yards near her. These idiots think things have changed. It is hundred percent certain that behind safe closed doors they certainly have not, especially when it comes to the royals,” one of the revellers at the after wedding party revealed.

These were all exotic curiosities

The Bishop, would have even made James Brown cringe at his virtue signalling racist display, because all he was doing was saying that blacks had now infiltrated the pure bloods, and that black supremacy was well on the way to becoming a reality.

 

Nothing has changed

What these people do not understand is that humans today, especially the royal family, are essentially the same as people who lived thousands of years ago, with the same foibles and discriminatory outlook. Nothing will ever change humanity, and its general makeup. Nothing.

At least Princess Michael of Kent did not come wearing her little brooch this time, and showed some decorum.

Is Your Lucky Number Up Yet?

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What is it about numbers, they’re so fiddly, either they dictate you’re in the game or out of the game? Numbers come up in everything we do, whether it’s the lottery ticket you bought last night, or that pesky bill that dropped on your welcome mat this morning.

Numbers can dictate whether you get that A grade or just a plain old B in your Chemistry exam, and numbers can dictate whether your favourite football team gets that much needed win.

From the Ancient Sumerians who invented most of the mathematics we use today, or the Ancient Greek mathematicians like Pythagoras, humanity’s understanding of numbers is a constantly evolving quantum ladder of infinite numerical madness.

Lest we forget about the significance of the correlation of words and numbers, with Gemetria, an Assyro-Babylonian-Greek system of alphanumeric code or cipher that assigns numerical value to a word, name, or phrase in the belief that words or phrases with identical numerical values bear some relation to each other. A single word can yield multiple values depending on the system used.

In Hebrew gematria the word chai (alive), is composed of two letters that add up to eighteen. This has made eighteen a “lucky number” among the Jewish people. Gifts of money in multiples of eighteen are very popular.

So, what makes a number particularly favourable?

Again, this is purely subjective and random as well? You may say the number seven is your lucky number. Why? Well in your own personal view it is a number that comes up a lot, and it works for you. There are cultural differences, nuances to favourable and unfavourable numbers.

In Chinese buildings the number four, thirteen, and fourteen are always omitted because they are considered unlucky, especially as the Cantonese word for four sounds like the word for ‘death’.

If you live in London, you know for certain that if you’re waiting for a bus for forty minutes in the freezing rain, you will often get three buses all come at the same time, that’s just ‘sod’s law’ but it does make you think about numbers all the same.

After your third wife and divorce, is number four going to be much of the same? Should you eat that second cream cake or go that extra ten miles on the exercise bike?

Music is dictated by numbers. Check out that George Clinton Parliament groove on P-Funk that comes down on the three. Is there funk after death? Seven Up!

Bach, of course is the king of numbers, as his compositions read like a mathematical maze of supreme universal symmetrical order.

Sean Connery, an avid casino goer always betted on the number seventeen on the roulette table. One can almost picture the scene in the Casino de la Vallee in Saint-Vincent, Italy, in 1963, when Connery won on the number seventeen three times in a row. No doubt, for the best Bond actor, this was 007 melting into a real-life scenario. The odds for him to pull off that win were 1:50653, picking up a cool 17 million lire in winnings.

Everything is about numbers, and if that certain lucky one turns up giving you a win it makes those endorphins rush through your system. In the world of games, casinos, computer games, lotteries, and life, then you will be counting on that certain number for the rest of your life.

In a recent survey conducted by Betway Casino, the UK’s luckiest numbers were revealed, providing insight into which numbers bring people in Britain the most good fortune in their lives.

The survey asked more than 2,000 members of the British public about their numerical superstitions. Results here.

Remember folks, it’s all a numbers game, whatever you’re doing.

betway-lucky-numbers-20180508

Brexit: “Screw Ireland Build 200 Foot High Border Wall”

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The Remainer PM, Theresa May, who could not negotiate her way out of a paper bag, is a lacklustre wet drip with no fucking balls or desire to free Britain from the octopus grip of the EU with a real Brexit as voted by the people.

Mrs. May has again capitulated for the umpteenth time to demands from not only the EU but now Ireland, an EU controlled country now led by an Indian homosexual PM, who prefers picking pansies in his boutique garden to making any sort of common sense negotiations.

Thanks to the Remainer insipid PM, Britain is now tied to the EU for god knows how long with the so-called Customs-Union and Single Market. This means that International trade deals are now postponed indefinitely, and the whole premise of Brexit is non-existent.

You can hear the traitorous Remainers on big bank busting EU pension plans and Brussels handouts laughing joyously as Britain is sold down the river once again, the people trodden on, democracy now a long distant memory.

For these people, these traitors, these vile scum sucking Remainers who willingly wipe their arses on the British flag for money and hatred of their own nation, this is a definite win for them.

What this means is that the ‘will of the people’ means nothing in Britain today. Democracy does not exist in Britain. All those promises before the EU Referendum that the vote would be final, would be legally binding and a true measure of the democratic will of the people — it was all a big fucking lie.

The people have been lied to, dragged through the dirt, their vote usurped, spit on and defiled. The sovereign right for Britain to rule itself, make its own rules, make its own trade deals on its own terms, control its own borders, are all a dream of the past. For thousands of years these islands have always made their own destiny, but today that is all gone, we as an island are now ruled comprehensively by others from foreign lands who are milking us monetarily and do not care one fig about us.

Britain is effectively a beaten country, ruled by traitors, sold off for the lowest price to foreign powers for a pittance.

Remainers spit on the graves of those who died in the two great wars to bring Britain freedom. They scowl at the graves, pull down their trousers and literally shit on the graves of those soldiers who gave their lives for Britain. Remainers are the evil face of pure hatred and greed, their avarice fuelled by unelected members of the EU Commission and their handouts in brown envelopes delivered to these quisling Remainers in dark back alleys.

Lord Haw Haw would be proud today at Remainers and the House of Lords, who betrayed Britain, sold us off to the enemy with no fucking way of getting out.

And all of this happened under the gaze of so-called Brexiteers in Cabinet and parliament. Brexiteers, who were meant to defend democracy, and the will of the people yet did nothing…they were impotent. They postulated of course, we will do this, we will do that, but they had no fucking balls to do anything, too afraid of losing their positions in government or parliament. Not one of them stood up for Britain, there was no sacrificial Charge of the Light Brigade cry as they ran towards the enemy, they just stood by and watched, powerless, creatures with not one single fucking bollock between them, a vomitous menage of losers, braced with yellow piss coloured cowardice.

One must therefore assume the so-called Brexiteers in parliament are in cahoots with the Remainers, that is the only conclusion to come to, and it is a sad detrimental conclusion that ultimately reveals the truth about this whole Brexit farce.

Fuck You

No one should dictate to Britain what it can and cannot do. Britain dictates to others, not the other way round.

Ireland and its demands are thus rendered impotent, because Ireland is a land ruled by the EU, they are a beaten country, a land which has already been conclusively beaten and defeated by Brussels. Fuck you. You are now worthless, you are not Ireland anymore, you are something else, you are lower than dirt, a defeated people with no self worth or national pride.

Build a 200 ft high steel wall across the infected border with Northern Ireland, man it with turrets and electric fences to make a successful Brexit. If it means this, let it be, to free Britain from the EU, without loss of territory — let it be.

It can, and SHOULD be done.

Russell Brand Claim That He Took Meghan Markle ‘Up the Greek’ Met With Outrage

The recent Russell Brand appearance on Loose Women has caused outrage in royal circles as well as the general public.

Speaking freely during the television show Loose Women, Russell Brand revealed that Meghan Markle was part of the cast for the film he was in called ‘Take me up the Greek’.

“Not only was she in the film cast, but I was in her too after the scene in me lil caravanny thingy wingy. That prince ‘arry is a lucky bloke. I took her up the Greek.” the 42-year-old actor stated when asked if it was true he shagged Markle, 36, during an appearance on the ITV show Loose Women Wednesday.

Paradigm Shit

Palace courtiers were not too happy with Russell Brand after the show aired but have kept a stony dignified silence over the whole affair.

There is speculation however that not only is Prince Harry not happy about Brand’s declaration but Prince Philip literally blew off his colostomy bag upon hearing the news.

The Forgetting Sarah Marshall star, who portrayed rocker Aldous Snow in the 2010 flop, went on to imitate someone objecting to Meghan’s and Prince Harry‘s highly-anticipated royal wedding on Saturday.

“Meghan Markle, there we go. ‘If anyone has any reason …’” teased Brand before adding, “Yeah! Russell Brand snogged her in a film, then took her up the Greek afterwards!’ Never mind her bloody dad selling photos!” he said referring to the news that Markle’s dad participated in staged paparazzi photos.

Members of the public were not too happy about Brand’s words either. Some even suggested the Queen condemns Brand to the Tower where he is ‘taken up the Greek’ by a big burly Beefeater, then his head ‘chopped orf’ for posterity’s sake, and unceremoniously displayed on a spike at Traitor’s Gate.

Royal Wedding: Donald Trump Says He Wants to Walk Meghan Down the Aisle

With the sad meanderings of Meghan Markle’s ailing father and family, as well as the announcement today that he will not be presenting his daughter to the prince at the royal wedding on Saturday, the President of the United States, Donald Trump has stepped in.

“I have been following the news and have spoken to the prince and Meghan. It would be an honour for me to walk the soon-to-be princess down the church aisle,” President Trump said from the White House.

Donald Trump, ever the diplomat, has recently been persuading Kim Jong-un to drop his nuclear armaments, that is until that John Bolton idiot stuck his fat nose into everything and fucked it all up. Nevertheless, with all this toing and froing, the president will find the wedding a calm interlude to his otherwise busy schedule.

It is not a certainty that Melania will attend as she herself has recently undergone surgery and is recovering.

White House aides are also considering a surprise visit to Windsor on the wedding day, unannounced.

I don’t like to see beautiful women in distress. Instead, I just grab ’em, grab ’em by the …

Jerry Fleischer, senior White House organiser told CNN: “What better wedding present for the royal couple than the U.S. president landing on the Windsor castle lawn in Marine One.”

As there will be no catering or food at the royal reception, there will not be any need for an extra plate for Donald Trump when he turns up out of the blue.