17.7 C
London
Sunday, January 18, 2026
secret satire society
Home Blog Page 380

#MeToo Movement Condemns Sexism in Animal Kingdom

0

As much as the #MeToo mob has condemned every form of sexual behaviour by human males as rape, it has now turned its eye onto the animal kingdom and wants to change things there as well.

“It is not enough power for us that we can make an allegation after thirty or forty years and ruin a man’s life from some unsubstantiated made-up statement that can never be legally proven, because we know, women never lie, and men are all rapists to be condemned to live the rest of their sorry lives as social pariahs and lepers,” former ‘comedienne’, Amy Schumer, told MSNBC on Friday.

“#MeToo women do not only detest human males and their toxic masculinity, we also hate the animal kingdom’s males. Did you know that those cute fish y’all love called dolphins display disgusting male sexist behaviour? It’s disgusting and we have to stop it. I was speaking to a oceanologist and she told me that it is common practice for young male dolphins to work as a team to separate single female dolphins from their group, take her to a secluded area, and take turns mating with her.”

#MeToo activists are now planning to police the waters of the Pacific ocean by patrolling schools of dolphins and if they see that kind of behaviour, will immediately intervene to push the males away and some even advocate a form of punishment towards male dolphins.

It’s not just male dolphins that have received the wrath of #MeToo activists, the Bonobo Chimpanzee male displays deeply disturbing sexist traits that have made activists very angry.

“We heard that these male Bonobo chimps, they have orgies, this is where they pick any female in the group excluding the alpha female and have sex with them. The female chimps are all submissive and cannot say no, they just fall in line and enjoy the fun. This is one of the most disgusting forms of sexism we have ever heard of. We want to conduct an expedition to the Congo next year where we will intervene and stop this practice if we ever witness it.”

However, during the conversation, no one seemed to mention that the male Praying Mantis, shortly after mating with the female, is summarily eaten to provide nutrition for the gestating fertilised eggs or the Latrodectus mactans, i.e. Black Widow female spider usually cannibalises her male mate after he fertilises her eggs.

Cheerful Theresa May Dances Over the Graves of Britons She Has Betrayed

0

How jolly of Theresa May to come out onto the Conservative conference stage dancing like a whacked out robotic scarecrow on PCP?

Theresa May’s jolly attitude despite her treacherous actions of betrayal of the voters who voted in the EU referendum belie a duplicitous Judas kiss to the electorate.

Anti-democratic betrayal

Oh Mrs. May is probably a very pleasant woman to meet in person, but after the smiles, she callously dances on the graves of democratic voters, as well as the graves of those who fought in both world wars to secure Britain’s freedom. All those soldiers and civilians died for nothing if Britain is to be kept prisoner indefinitely to a foreign led Soviet totalitarian entity called the EU.

Theresa May’s plan is to keep the UK in the EU Customs Union, and to capitulate to Brussels the ability to forge trade deals with other worldwide nations. Her plan, is to thus surrender everything to the EU, and leave the country in a state of slavery to the European Union, where our democracy, our sovereignty and borders will all be under their ownership and not ours.

Clap all you want at Theresa May you mindless drones. This is the final death knell of a once great nation, which has been rendered useless, unable to make its own laws, unable to govern itself, unable to make its own trade deals, and ultimately a Vichy government where democracy is now null and void.

No shame for the wicked

Shame on you all that support Theresa May’s capitulation to Brussels and her BRINO. Shame on you all that stand by and do nothing, whilst the carpet is effectively swiped from under us.

Boris could have done something, but he didn’t. Jacob Rees-Mogg, stood by, and did nothing. The others grumbled, but did nothing. Shame on you all, pathetic wordsmiths, but words are nothing without action.

Vote with your feet

The only thing left now is for voters to vote with their feet. If nothing is done about removing Theresa May and her Remainer cohorts in the Cabinet/Treasury/Whitehall/BoE then voters will never vote Conservative again.

You can phone the MPs up or write them nice letters telling them that they have lost your vote, indefinitely.

If you voted for a Brexit, then you have been betrayed, so now is the time for grassroots action. Never vote Conservative ever again.

The same goes for Labour Brexiteers who voted in the EU Referendum, to leave. Numbering in the millions, your democracy has been trampled on by Labour. Let them know that they have lost your vote.

17.5 MILLION PEOPLE – NEVER VOTE CONSERVATIVE OR LABOUR EVER AGAIN

Conservative Members of Parliament in the House of Commons.

Labour – Current MPs

Contact – Brandon Lewis – Chairman of Conservative Party

Contact – Jeremy Corbyn – Leader of the Labour Party

How VR Casinos Will Change Online Gaming

0

You’ve probably ended up here because VR casinos and online gaming are two of the most discussed topics in the entertainment industry at the moment. And so they should be since they are now combining to take gambling to a whole new level with VR gaming.

Immersive gaming that features virtual reality is the thing that will make the gambling industry even more appealing for newer generations, like the Millennials that don’t consider the traditional casino entertainment to be sufficiently interactive and get their thrills from much more technically evolved games like League of Legends and World of Warcraft.

The technology and immersivity that only a VR casino could bring would take things further by making things a lot more social. This is because a user could have a virtual presence and be able to meet and interact with other VR gamers online. This way they could participate in multi-player tournaments and make it even more realistic.

At this moment in time there is just one VR casino, but more and better ones are sure to follow as the industry fully develops and the technology becomes cheaper and we learn more know-how.

VR CAS1

So, what can we expect from VR casinos in the future?

  • Super HD, 3D casino game rooms
  • the best online games recreated in a more realistic manner
  • 3D live tables games, where a player can pick his seat, interact with the dealer, engage with other players and feel like he really is in a real casino
  • the ability to convey body language and gestures and to see those of other players
    more realistic sounds
  • in-game chats.

VR CAS2

Once the technology becomes cheaper the only thing that will be left to figure out is how to play casino VR poker and how to hook up the hardware to do it efficiently. Things should be quite easy the more things evolve in the industry. You should be able to just plug in, enter the casino and start playing with no problem.

With gambling becoming more realistic there are tons of benefits and just one downside. While an online gambling addiction is quite reduced in online casinos, it might become a little more addictive with VR technology to make it more fun.

This is why you should always remember to have fun, don’t do it just for the winnings, and play responsibly.

Triggered Millennials Terrified By Clapping

0

Universities across Britain and the United States are banning any sort of clapping during conferences because it triggers millennials and creates a state of fear.

To approve of a speaker, the Millennials have adopted a silent version of showing their approval which involves them waving their hands in the air.

“Millennials are in a constant state of fear and anguish, therefore the sound of clapping is now banned in our campus. We have had many students who attempted suicide when previously during a parade on banning yawning, some students accidentally clapped to show their appreciation that someone had stopped yawning. The clapping caused many to cower on the floor and cover their ears and one student even tried to jump out of the window,” campus head, Neil Zozovitch, at Edinburgh University told the BBC.

The timid millennials are now fearful of pretty any stimuli whether auditory, olfactory, tactile, or gustation.

Permanently offended by all stimuli

“One student was offended and would not go out for weeks after a traumatic event in a cinema, he heard the sound of popping corn in the popcorn machine. This highly traumatic event caused the student to have post-traumatic stress disorder, and was confined to a Safe Space for over six weeks before they finally emerged,” Zozovitch added.

To have students that are continually offended by everything they see, hear, touch or taste is quite a challenge for university faculty staff.

“English literature is a challenge, because millennials are offended by every piece of literature written. Classics like Suetonius are a serious no, no, because reading about what the Roman emperors got up to causes mass trauma. Everything they read is either racist, or sexist, or offends their puerile sensibilities. We even tried giving them Mr. Men books, but they found those highly offensive, sexist, racist and full of gross generalisations that they just could not abide by.”

Some universities have now found a wonderful solution to the problem of permanently offended millennial students.

“In the morning when they wake up, we give them a blindfold, and ear plugs. They also wear heavy duty gloves so that they are not offended by anything they touch. For breakfast, a tube is inserted in their arm where a drip slowly feeds them necessary vitamins for survival as well as glucose. The students are now very happy, and they can sit in their Safe Space for hours without any trauma.”

Now listen to this you sad pathetic whiny thin-skinned soy drinking losers…

FULL VOLUME

 

Boris Johnson the Human — Theresa May the Robot

0

Much vilified, not only by members of his own party, but by the opposition, Boris Johnson is something of a phenomenon that many cannot understand. Here at the Squib, we understand what is like to be eccentric, to be loud, yet thoughtful, and to be vastly misunderstood.

Watching the endearing speech by Mr. Johnson at the Conservative conference, reporting the facts, we see someone who is profoundly human, and who deeply cares for the nation’s well being, especially when it comes to getting shat on by the EU.

The news at the moment is that Theresa May has agreed to a complete capitulation of EU regulations regarding the Northern Ireland question, keeping Britain in the Customs Union thus curbing any aspirations of being able to forge any trade deals after her version of non-Brexit is completed.

The climbdown by May is fully expected, as she and her Remainer friends never wanted a Brexit in the first place.

The notion that the 17.5 million people who voted for Brexit on June 23, 2016 in a valid democratic vote is also sadly false, because the people who voted have been severely betrayed by the treachery of Theresa May and her ilk.

Thus, to hear someone like Boris Johnson, tell it how it is, is truly refreshing, and hopefully, there shall be some impetus within the party to oust May, before any more damage is done, not only to the party but to the country.

In no uncertain terms, Boris Johnson is a key factor in gaining a clean Brexit, as well as other real Brexiteers who are holding fast under an uncertain storm. There is now a delineation between those false Brexiteers who back May’s non-Brexit Chequers capitulation, and the real Brexiteers who see through the lies and treachery.

Theresa May will one day answer to history’s axe, as she will be remembered as the one who sold off Britain’s sovereignty for a pittance to foreign powers intent on hurting these Isles, or maybe she will be forgotten completely, as the real holders of Britain’s destiny took over and helped the nation back on its feet after many years of EU imprisonment.

 

When Freedom Fights Back – Tim Berners Lee

0

The internet we are using today was initially created by DARPA, ARPANET adopted TCP/IP on January 1, 1983. It was not until 1990 when Tim Berners-Lee, a computer scientist created the World Wide Web.

Unfortunately, the WWW has taken a turn for the worst in recent years as it has been effectively taken over by a few monopoly conglomerates, creating an authoritarian echo chamber only dealing with their view of the world and political beliefs.

Effectively, the internet went through three stages to get to the dystopian nightmare we are in now, where users’ privacy has been severely violated, and an authoritarian totalitarian structure covers everything with its noxious cloud of censorship.

3 Stages 

  1. The beginning of the World Wide Web was a beautiful moment in human history. This was a time when all information irrespective of political affiliation, religion, gender and class was slapped on to the internet. All thought and free speech was thoroughly respected, and anyone could put anything they wanted onto the internet without it being taken down. The internet was thus the New Frontier, and although it had a slight Wild West feel to it, it was free.
  2. The next stage was a consolidation period. Large industries like the music industry were losing a lot of revenue through file sharing. Many industries and companies were watching the internet trying to find a way to harness its power, and to milk it for everything it had. This stage of the internet saw the rise of certain companies who were heavily backed by governmental intelligence agencies. Although most information was moving freely, there were signs that this would end shortly and these companies would take over with their regulations.
  3. The third and last stage. The EU and its many totalitarian diktats has now become the de-facto regulatory body of the internet along with communist Chinese influence. Freedom of expression irrespective of political belief is near death as massive censorship purges fall across social media sites targeting users and companies who do not hold socialist Marxist values. Users of internet platforms are robbed of their privacy, and their data sold off, or given to clandestine agencies for data farming. Only a few monopoly companies now dominate the internet effectively creating an echo chamber where only their pseudo-Marxist propaganda is allowed. Millions of voices are deleted from the internet, as these unregulated bodies take it upon themselves to create their own skewed dystopian internet nightmare that even George Orwell would have balked at.

Suffice to say, this is not the vision that many internet users envisioned to happen to the internet, alas it has, and it is certainly not the vision that Time Berners-Lee had either.

Not until 2018, did Mr. Berners-Lee emerge from teaching at MIT, to counter this massive imbalance that exists today on the World Wide Web. His proposal is to circumnavigate the mass governmental, conglomerate soup of authoritarian control, non-privacy, and censorship to wrest back some semblance of a place where people can exchange thoughts in a free manner once again.

Inrupt, his company, is working on an open-source project called Solid.

Solid changes the current model where users have to hand over personal data to digital giants in exchange for perceived value. As we’ve all discovered, this hasn’t been in our best interests. Solid is how we evolve the web in order to restore balance — by giving every one of us complete control over data, personal or not, in a revolutionary way.

The internet today has been hijacked, broken and smeared with the excreta of totalitarianism, internet users, shamefully robbed and used like data cattle within digital prison farms.

Thanks to the visionary genius of Sir Tim Berners-Lee, there is still a glimmer of hope for those who value freedom of speech, freedom of art, freedom of thought and freedom to create without the FEAR of persecution.

Exploring the Wonderful Eastern European Music Imports to the UK

0

Since 1997 when Labour won the General Election, and Tony Blair decided to let in over 40 million Eastern European migrants into the UK, things have changed a lot in Britain, not only culturally but musically.

If you are unfortunate enough to live in London, most of the language you will hear today is Eastern European. So much so, that many British children are now nearly fluent in most languages from the Balkan countries and Eastern Europe. It is quite normal now for little Johnny, to come home and swear at you in Romanian or Polish, leaving you baffled and slightly concerned.

As the High Street has also changed with many Eastern European shops selling their delicious wares of Ogórki kiszone, Pacha (Head cheese, pig’s heads, primarily the ears, legs, genitals and tongue), pickled fruit, and deep fried milt (Romanian dish called Lapti, consists of the sperm of carp, deep fried in batter), so have the British culinary tastes.

Not only are most Eastern Europeans, very nice people if you get to know them, they also do have a rather violent streak and little or no sense of humour.

It is the taste in music of the everyday Eastern European which does leave a rather bad piquancy to the auditory palate, because wherever you go in London, you will hear their music blaring out, either from their souped up EU registered vehicles, which are immune to any British traffic laws, and are usually uninsured, but the high decibel Balkan Slav rap music can be truly offensive to the ear blaring out from their rented homes and brothels.

 

This sort of noise pollution is a mere symptom of mass unfettered migration, and if you do tell the man/woman gently to turn it down a decibel or two, you are likely to be stabbed violently in the liver.

The Eastern Europeans, are however a jolly lot when they get together in the evenings. Where, at one time, it used to be the British tradition to sit in front of the telly on a cold winter’s night watching a show or two before beddy-byes, the Eastern Europeans, usually a double dozen to their room get out the vodka, or whatever tipple they can find, and turn up the music to maximum volume. If you live next door to one of these abodes, be prepared for a very long night as they rarely go to sleep until the early morning, then its off to work for them selling the Big Issue. They are truly a jolly lot, but alas have no thought for their British neighbours.

It’s bad enough with the Russians, but add in a mix of EU Eastern migrants and there really is a heady cocktail of awful music being blasted everywhere. Britain, has truly changed over the years, and these changes seem to be permanent.

Bill Clinton Could Take Role of Supreme Court Justice

0

After the Brett Kavanaugh debacle at Capitol Hill, former president, Bill Clinton has put himself forward as Supreme Court judge.

Speaking at an impromptu senate meeting on Saturday, Mr Clinton vowed to do the right thing to save the Supreme Court and Senate from even more embarrassment.

“I, unlike that other fellow, do not have any skeletons in my closet. I respect women fully, and have been married to my wife for many, many, many, years without any problems. My character regarding any sort of philandering is flawless and I feel I am the right fit for the job in the Supreme Court.”

During the meeting, an attractive 18-year-old female intern dropped some papers onto Bill Clinton’s desk he had requested earlier.

As she bent over the desk, Clinton’s eyes wandered onto her blouse area, and he went visibly rhubarb coloured, licking his lips with appreciation.

One feminist bystander at the meeting was diplomatic when commenting about the display.

“I was intrigued to see Bill Clinton looking at that young woman. He drooled over the table top as she dropped the papers down leaning over the desk as he looked into her blouse. He even sniffed her hair as it dropped down across her shoulders and passed her a little piece of paper, winking at the same time. Even though I am a feminist, I am permissive of Bill’s behaviour because he is a Democrat.”

Now that the Republican judge, Kavanaugh has effectively been neutered, his life torn apart, and his career blackballed, the Democrats are doing everything they can to install one of their own as Supreme Court Justice.

Outside the meeting on Capitol Hill, many Democrat supporters assembled at the news Bill Clinton was putting himself forward as Supreme Justice. Many held placards and sang songs of praise for Clinton and his squeaky clean record.

“I’m a survivor! Once about forty years ago, a man asked me out on a date. I still think of that day with absolute disgust. This is how Republican men treat women. They are all trash, and I am so glad Kavanaugh is now eating the dirt he truly deserves. Bill Clinton is so much better than him. He has never done anything bad to women. Hillary is the best too. Yay! Doesn’t socialism rock?” Juanita Broadick, one of the Democrats assembled, told local news reporters at the scene.

In Praise of Senator Lindsey Graham

0

Here in the UK, we don’t know much about American senators but we are intrigued nonetheless by a certain chap called Lindsey Graham.

What a guy! Amongst the circus politics America finds itself embroiled in these days, senator Graham stole the show and then some during the recent Kavanaugh hearings in the Supreme Court senate fiasco.


This is the sort of old world real politics we like to see, a retired former air force colonel who became a South Carolina senator, known as a moderate Republican, however during his speech yesterday he denounced his democrat ‘friends’ for the disgraceful behaviour they have exhibited, and for making American politics look like a despicable sham.

 

Despicable

“After watching the Kavanaugh show, all I can say is that the American political system is at the lowest level anyone has ever witnessed. How many million dollars of U.S. taxpayer money was spent bringing this disgusting putrefying piece of stupidity to these senate hearings? I am truly astounded that this was actually brought to any sort of hearing. Discussing teen yearbooks, and accusations made over thirty years in the past from obvious political plants,” a man who has lost hope in U.S. politics revealed.

Senator Lindsey Graham, or could it be Jimmy Cagney, gave a good dose of payback that was truly refreshing to watch. He actually personified the disgust many of us felt when watching the hearing. Shameful, and below any metre ever met, it brought up not only bile but anger at how corrupt the system truly is.

Dems Make Grown Man Kavanaugh Cry In Front of Millions of People

0

Watching Judge Kavanaugh blub like a little baby in front of millions of people must be very satisfying for the American socialists who put him in this position.

“It was very gratifying to see Judge Kavanaugh die a death by a thousand cuts and have his whole family dragged through the slaughterhouse of the Senate Judiciary Committee. I am proud to be a socialist democrat who has condemned a man to death and judged him without trial or evidence,” democrat senator, Johnson Yiarbouk revealed during a 15 minute recess.

Debating about words like ‘barf’ and ‘barp’ uttered 36 years ago in a diary, amongst ridiculous accusations that the man is a gang rapist just because some political plant was told to say it.

Allegations held for seven weeks then suddenly released is a sure sign of dirty political agendas being set.

To see this farce play out with little or no dignity for the senate, one can only think that American politics is totally broken and at a point of no return.

The circus continues, with anonymous letters being presented as evidence, a national disgrace ensues, and another example that the democrat party is really scraping the barrel.

“Did you drink beer at college?” one democrat senator asks.

“Yes, I drank beer,” Kavanaugh replies.

“Are you a gang rapist?” another senator asks.

“No!” Kavanaugh replies.

“But you participated in gang rape orgies and devil worship with Beelzebubba that Tuesday, 36 years ago,” the democrat states without even laughing.

Outside the hearing, a former democrat voter said: “This farce just makes people hate the democrats even further. I’m going to vote for Trump in 2020.”